What About Divorce?

I’ve been an engineer for nearly 60 years.  Engineering is full of questions.  We learn very early that it’s extremely important to ask the question properly.  If you don’t ask the right question, your answer won’t be useful no matter how hard you work on finding the answer.  So let’s ask “What about divorce?” precisely.

We’ve all been at Christian weddings and we know how it goes.  The pastor says:

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God

We know that God sees everything; this is a reminder that God is particularly concerned with marriages between His people.  Not only that, Jesus promised:

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.  Matthew 18:20

The pastor has invoked the name of God, so Jesus not only sees, He is there.  The pastor goes on:

to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.

This isn’t caffeine-free, low-carb, diet matrimony like lost people do; this is the Real Deal, this is Holy Matrimony which was instituted by God Almighty, maker of Heaven and Earth, and is set apart to God.

Consider the vows:

I, groom, take the, bride, to be my lawful wedded wife, from this day forward, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and to cherish, and forsaking all others, to cleave to thee only, so long as we both shall live.

The bride makes a similar vow.  I’ve never heard any weasel words in Christian vows.  I’ve never heard “so long as I’m happy” or “until I get tired of you” or anything so mealy-mouthed.  These are unconditional vows.

Let’s get a back to our question.  The Oxford English Dictionary defines “divorce” as “The legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.”  Jesus said,

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:6

Given that God joins husband and wife in Christian marriage, where is there a competent body that can dissolve the marriage?  There isn’t one.  Once saved in the eyes of God, always saved (John 10:29).  Once married in the eyes of God, always married.

The question isn’t divorce, the question is, “If a couple has joined themselves into a one-flesh unit by vowing lifelong fidelity to God and to each other, can anyone or anything make it OK for either party to become physically involved with a third party while the original spouse still lives?

Part of the problem is that the English language doesn’t have a word that captures the sense of the Hebrew word berith which the Bible uses to describe marriage vows.  “Covenant” is the best we have, but “covenant” suggests that we can break the covenant if the other party breaks it first.  No English word matches the unilateral Hebrew word berith.  Vine’s dictionary says berith came from a word that means “cut” or “divide;” it’s a promise by one person, not by two people.

It is the rendering of a Hebrew word meaning a “covenant” or agreement (from a verb signifying “to cut or divide,” in allusion to a sacrificial custom in connection with “covenant-making,” e.g., Gen. 15:10, “divided” Jer. 34:18-19).  In contradistinction to the English word “covenant” (lit., “a coming together”), which signifies a mutual undertaking between two parties or more, each binding himself to fulfill obligations, it does not in itself contain the idea of joint obligation, it mostly signifies an obligation undertaken by a single person.  …  God enjoined upon Abraham the rite of circumcision, but His promise to Abraham, here called a “covenant,” was not conditional upon the observance of circumcision, though a penalty attached to its nonobservance.  [emphasis added]  Vine’s Dictionary

There are three points about berith.  First, the party who made the promise would be cut in pieces if he didn’t keep the berith.  Second, the berith was not based on what the other party did.  In Genesis 15, Abraham accepted God’s offer of a berith and cut up his animals to provide blood to sanctify the promise.  God walked between the pieces; that bound God to fulfill the berith even if Abraham disobeyed God.  It’s the husband’s berith; he’s bound by his berith whatever she does.  As Abraham, the weaker party, gave up his animals to provide the blood to seal his berith with God, the woman, as the weaker party, gives up her innocence to provide the blood to seal her berith with her husband.

Kids used to say, “Cross my heart and hope to die,” which meant we’d rather die than break our promise.  Kids may be closer to the mind of God than adults are (Mk. 10:15, Luke 18:17).

A berith binds the man; it doesn’t bind the woman.  What binds her?  First, adultery was punished by death.  Second, a woman was stoned to death if she couldn’t prove she’d been a virgin on her wedding night:

But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.  Deuteronomy 22:20-21

Third, the New Testament clarifies the woman’s obligations if she accepts her husband’s marriage berith:

Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.  Romans 7:1-3

Once a woman accepts and seals a man’s berith, she’s his until he dies and he’s hers until she dies, no matter what.  God told Hosea to bring back his wife Gomer who abandoned his home, slept with other men, and ended up being sold into slavery.  God’s marriage berith lasts until death no matter what.

Malachi said God witnesses each berith; God is a participant in a Christian’s marriage berith:

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.  Malachi 2:13-16

Malachi told the people that God was no longer interested in their offerings.  When they asked why, he explained that they’d “dealt treacherously” with the “wife of thy covenant.”  Preachers say “in the sight of God.”  God is witness to the vows and God is party to the vows, its “holy matrimony.”  When you marry, you promise not only to each other, you promise to God, cross your heart and hope to die.  God says its sin when people violate vows made to Him:

When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.  Deuteronomy 23:21  see also Ecc. 5:4

God founds every Christian marriage on a solemn, holy berith that binds the man to the woman; the woman’s vows bind her to her husband until either party dies.  God is a party to Christian wedding vows; its sin to violate a vow made to God.  No matter what men may say, getting involved with someone else while your spouse lives is adultery according to Christian marriage vows.  Adultery is a serious sin:

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.  I Corinthians 6:9-10

The Bible says that sexual purity is so important to God that neither habitual adulterers nor fornicators will enter heaven.  A woman who was at one time married in the eyes of God may not marry anyone else while her husband lives because two people who are committing adultery together cannot be married to each other:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  I Corinthians 7:10-11

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.  I Corinthians 7:39

People may divorce according to the laws of man, but no man has authority to dissolve holy matrimony.

What Does God Say About Divorce and Remarriage?

I Timothy 3:2, 3:12, and Titus 1:6 say that deacons, bishops, and pastors must be the “husband of one wife.”  Many interpret these passages to mean that a Christian who has been divorced may not be a pastor or deacon.  So many American Christians divorce that many churches find it difficult to find men who are eligible to serve as deacons.  Some say that given the need for leaders, churches should appoint divorced men to these offices; others disagree, saying that many ministries are open to divorced Christians.

It can be hard for Christians to take marriage seriously because of the influences of modern culture.  The common American view of divorce as no big deal is nearly universal in newspapers and on TV.  It’s hard to believe that Henry Ford, founder of Ford Motor Co. fired divorced men, saying, “If you can’t keep your promises to your wife, you can’t keep your promises to the company.”  As Jack Benny put it, “My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce.  Murder, yes, but divorce, never.”

It was Big News when Henry Ford II, grandson of Henry Ford, divorced his wife in 1980.  That made it OK.  When I worked as a contractor to Ford 20 years later, it was hard to find a non-divorced employee.

American culture also ignores God’s commands that a man and woman should not come together physically unless they’re married to each other.  There is so much physical play between men and women on TV and in other media that it is easy to forget that God commands that men and women have sex only within marriage:

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4

The Bible discusses two sexual sins: “fornication” and “adultery.”  “Fornication” is sex between people who are not married to anyone; this is called “whoredom” if it involves payment for sexual services.  “Adultery” is sex between people who are not married to each other but at least one is married to someone else.  Fornication is a sin against the fornicator’s body (I Cor. 6:18); an adulterer sins not only against his or her own body but also against the absent spouse.

If a married person has sex with someone other than his or her spouse, they’re committing the sin of adultery.  When people discuss divorce, the real question is whether it’s possible for a married person to end the marriage and marry someone else without committing adultery.

Is there anything a married man or woman can do to dissolve, to do away with, get out of, or annul God’s marriage covenant so that either party may have sex with someone else while the original spouse is still alive without God calling it adultery?

Suppose a couple decides that they don’t want to be married any more.  If God permits His marriage covenants to be dissolved short of death, which is what people mean by “divorce,” then they may end the marriage and marry someone else.  If, on the other hand, God’s marriage covenants cannot be dissolved short of death, that is, if God does not let people get out of their marriage vows, then people who divorce and marry again are adulterers who live in a state of continual sin.  This can’t be good:

Except the LORD build the house, they labor in vain that build it:  Psalm 127:1a

When a Christian wants to marry, he talks to a pastor.  When he wants divorce, he talks to a lawyer.  What more do we need to know?

It doesn’t matter what men believe, of course, Christians should do whatever God requires of His church and of His people, no matter how difficult it may seem.

The Question is Remarriage, not Divorce

Christians make a mistake in focusing their discussion on divorce; the real issue is remarriage after a couple separates.  The Bible allows for situations where a wife might leave her husband:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  I Corinthians 7:10-11

A man or woman may have to initiate a divorce, that is, dissolve the marriage as far as the laws of man are concerned, to get police protection from violence or to avoid being linked to financial fraud committed by the spouse.  Having dissolved the marriage in the eyes of man, is the divorced person free to marry in the eyes of God?  The Bible says that vows made to God cannot be dissolved:

When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.  Deuteronomy 23:21

What could be simpler?  Christians include God as a party to their marriage vows.  There is no provision anywhere in Scripture for anyone to end a vow made to God, “it would be sin.”

When Paul said, “not I but the Lord,” he was not saying that what he wrote was any more inspired than his other writings, he was pointing out that Jesus had taught a principle which Paul was clarifying.  Jesus had taught that remarriage is not merely forbidden, it is impossible for a divorced person to remarry:

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.  And if a woman shall put away[1] her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.  Mark 10:11-12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.  Luke 16:18

By definition, two people who are married to each other in the eyes of God cannot commit adultery with each other.  Similarly, people whom Jesus declares to be committing adultery cannot be married in the eyes of God regardless of what man’s laws may say.  A divorced person may persuade a pastor to conduct a ceremony beginning, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered in the sight of God to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony,” but Jesus said that the couple would be living in sinful adultery instead of in holy matrimony.

Some claim an exception in the case of an unsaved spouse who wants to depart.

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?  I Corinthians 7:12-16

When Paul wrote, “I, not the Lord,” he wasn’t giving his own opinion, he meant that Jesus had not addressed this question during His ministry on earth and that the Holy Spirit gave these commands through Paul instead of through Jesus.  The Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write these words so that Christians would know to handle mixed marriages differently from the procedure described in Ezra 9-10 and added “I, not the Lord,” so that people would know that this inspired command went beyond what Jesus had commanded in the gospels.  This shows that Paul had the authority to clarify and/or amplify Jesus’ teaching on divorce.

Some hold that “not under bondage” means that the Christian may marry again, but this view is contradicted by Paul’s concern for the soul of the unsaved spouse and by the context.  I Cor. 7 identifies two groups who are permitted to marry, virgins, i.e., women who have never been married (I Cor. 7:28), and widows, that is, women whose husbands have died (I Cor. 7:8-9).  I Cor 7:8-9 also includes “the unmarried” which some believe could include divorced persons.  This is so only if God recognizes divorces conducted according to the laws of man; churches do not offer divorce ceremonies because ending a marriage is authorized in the Bible.

Romans 7:1-3 declares that a woman who marries another while her husband lives is an adulteress and is therefore not married to the 2^nd man regardless of the laws of man.  There is no mention of any possibility that any sort of divorce could mean that she would not be called an adulteress, making this prohibition of remarriage while the first spouse lives universal and absolute.  Not allowing for divorce in this passage confirms the universality of the many “committeth adultery” passages found elsewhere.

Romans 7:4-7 clarifies Jesus’ command “ye must be born again” by showing that we have to die to sin or to the law or to our former lives to be reborn in marriage to Christ.  This confirms that in the eyes of God, a marriage ends only at death.  There is no Biblical permission for someone to marry someone else while an earlier spouse lives; the Bible defines such as “marriage” as adultery and states consequences for adultery:

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.  I Corinthians 6:9-10

Various arguments for and against divorce are examined below.

The Meaning of “Divorce”

“Divorce” is defined as 1) A judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, esp. one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations.  2) Any formal separation of husband and wife according to established custom.  3) Breaking the marriage contract between oneself and one's spouse.  Only married couples are able to divorce.  When an engaged couple decides not to marry, we don’t say they “divorced,” we say that they “broke up” or “broke the engagement” or “called it off.”

Some Bible versions use “divorce” incorrectly which causes confusion among Christians:

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.  Matthew 1:18-19 KJV

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about.  His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.  Because her husband Joseph was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.  Matthew 1:18-19 NIV

Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way.  When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit; and her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.  Matthew 1:18-19 RSV

Deciding not to marry when you aren’t married and getting divorced when you are married are very different, yet both the NIV and RSV wrongly use the word “divorce” for Joseph deciding not to marry Mary.

A couple is not married in the eyes of God until the groom takes his bride to wife.  Matthew 1:18-21 says that Joseph found that Mary was with child “before they came together.”  They were betrothed but were not yet married.  If Joseph had “put her away” as he was minded to do, this would not have been a divorce because they were not married.  Matthew 1:24-25 indicates that although they lived together as man and wife, they did not complete their marriage covenant until after Jesus was born.  This passage cannot be used to justify divorce; no divorce would have occurred if Joseph had put Mary away, that is, ended the engagement without marrying her.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “divorce” has had the same meaning since at least 1377.  William Shakespeare used it in 1613, two years after the KVJ was published.  The KJV translators knew the word, but they were careful not to use it in this case where it did not apply.

The RSV and NIV translators were less skilled, or perhaps less careful, than the KJV translators.

Everything God said matters, it’s important to get His words right.  Divorces are causing the church as much anguish and confusion as the versions issue.  Christians are no better at staying married than lost people.  When lost people see that we can’t handle this life, why should they care what we say about the life to come?  Our divorce rate wrecks our testimony and dishonors Christ.

Divorce also harms society.  God intended that children be raised by a mother and a father; He expresses concern for “the fatherless” more than 30 times in the Bible.  Until the 1960’s, most fatherlessness was caused by death.  Fatherlessness now comes from divorce or when women become pregnant outside marriage.  Our churches and our society are founded on families; when families become weak, churches and governments fall.  We see our society falling apart as juvenile delinquency, child abuse, spouse abuse, and other social sorrows increase.  Men wax “worse and worse” (II Tim 3:13) when raised without fathers.

People say, “Joseph was going to divorce Mary when he thought she’d fornicated, divorce must be OK if your spouse doesn’t keep the marriage covenant.”  Joseph and Mary weren’t married; it would be impossible for them to divorce.  People use Joseph to justify divorce because of a translation error, this clearly matters to God.

The World’s View of Divorce

Men’s laws on marriage and divorce are clear, but differ from place to place.  All 50 American states recognize “no fault divorce” under which either party may dissolve a marriage for any reason, or even for no reason.  No American state permits anyone to be married to more than one person at a time.

Irish law says that once made, a marriage commitment cannot be ended other than by death.  In Islamic nations, a husband may divorce his wife by saying “I divorce thee” three times, but a wife may never initiate a divorce.  This is similar to the Mosaic Law where a man could divorce his wife but she could not divorce him.

Christian Views of Divorce

Few Christians are as permissive as American divorce law.  There are two main views among Christians:

No divorce, no remarriage.  This view says that the marriage covenant is unbreakable while both parties are alive.  The traditional marriage vows, “till death us do part,” were based on this conviction.

Divorce is permitted if either party commits adultery.  If a married person has sex with someone else, the injured spouse is permitted, but not required, to dissolve the marriage and marry again.  This is sometimes called the “exception clause” view as discussed below.

There are variations within these views.  Some hold that divorcing before a person was saved does not count because all things are become new (II Cor. 5:17) and because an unsaved person cannot be married in the eyes of God because an unsaved person cannot vow before God.  Some feel that if a Christian is married to a non-Christian and the non-Christian asks for a divorce, the Christian is free to divorce and remarry (I Cor. 7:12-15).

Many object to believing that God does not permit divorce because so many church members have gone through the legal proceedings of divorce and remarriage based on the laws set down by secular governments.  If all these church members are committing adultery with their new spouses, churches are in a sad state indeed.  Rather than addressing the issue, many church leaders simply accept divorce.

The Fruit of Divorce

Christianity is a thinking faith, we’re required to know what we believe and be able to tell why we believe it (Colossians 4:6).  Specifically, we’re supposed to test whatever we’re told by other Christians:

Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.  I John 4:1

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?  Matthew 7:16

Given the many different views of divorce and the subtleties of the arguments, it can be difficult to know the truth.  Looking at the fruits, that is, the results of divorce helps us understand God’s view of divorce.

The Holy Spirit indwells Christians.  As we become conformed to the image of Christ, we’re supposed to put off the works of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit should be visible in our lives:

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.  Galatians 5:19-23

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.  Colossians 3:8

Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, all evil speakings, as newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:  I Peter 2:1-2

Malachi 2:14-16 says that God disregarded offerings from His people because of divorce and that He hates divorce, therefore, divorce is a sin.  Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to love[2] their wives as Christ loves the church; 5:33 commands wives to reverence[3] their husbands.  A wife knows her husband’s faults; the only way she can reverence him from her heart is to impute to him the same righteousness that God gave her when He saved her from her sins through the blood of Christ.

Christ treats Christians as a “glorious church, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (Ephesians 5:33).  Having forgiven our sins, He treats us as if we were perfect.  A man knows his wife’s faults; the only way he can treat her as a glorious wife without spot or wrinkle is to impute to her the same righteousness God gave him when saving him from his sins.  Husbands and wives are to give each other a picture of God’s saving grace.  Extending God’s grace to each other shows the fruit of the spirit in both their lives.

Adam did nothing to earn Eve; she was an undeserved gift from God to Adam.  A man does not deserve his wife’s submission or her reverence; these are God’s gifts to him.  Similarly, a wife isn’t worthy of her husband treating her as perfect or giving his life to nourish and cherish her; these are God’s gifts to her.

Marriage, like salvation, is an undeserved gift of God.  Salvation operates by grace from God to man; marriage operates by grace between husband and wife; marriage is based on the fruit of the spirit.

Divorce comes because at least one party won’t extend grace to the other.  A person who won’t give grace sows to the flesh by ignoring God’s commands; sowing to the flesh reaps corruption (Gal. 6:8).

When a marriage breaks up, both parties are usually upset.  Divorce generally shows the fruits of the flesh: bitterness, despair, anger, wrath, malice, damage to children,[4] doubt, confusion; it cannot be God’s will.  Damage to children is a particularly good reason to doubt the validity of divorce.  One of God’s main purposes in having men and women join into one is so that He can find “godly seed.”

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.  Malachi 2:13-16

At the time this passage was written, Jewish law did not permit a wife to initiate a divorce.  It was not possible for women to divorce their husbands, so this passage only addresses the sins of husbands who divorced their wives, thereby thwarting God’s reason for making husband and wife into one flesh and damaging the children who made up God’s heritage (Psalm 127:3).  Christians who argue that this passage permits divorce in case of adultery forget that under Jewish law, divorce could be initiated only by husbands and not by wives.

Christians are commanded to do all that we do to glorify God (I Cor 10:31) which suggests another way to try the spirits.  Whatever we do either glorifies Jesus Christ or glorifies Satan.  Either the Lord is God or Baal is God (I Kings 18:21).  Either we walk in light or we walk in darkness (I Thes 5:4-5).  All that we do is either of the flesh of or the spirit (John 3:6).  There are only two paths, God’s and Satan’s, not three.  There is no middle ground (I Kings 18:21).

In deciding where you stand on divorce, ask who’s glorified by divorce.  Divorce breaks a solemn vow made before a Holy God who is party to the vow.  This shows the lost that the vows of Christian who are ambassadors for Christ (II Cor. 5:20) are meaningless, so why should trust Christ’s promises of eternal life?  God established marriage; marriage vows are obligations to God as well as to the spouse.  The Bible is critical of those who break vows:

When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.  Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.  Ecclesiastes 5:4-5

When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.  Deuteronomy 23:21

But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD.  Jonah 2:9 see also Job 22:27, Ps. 2:25, 50:14, 66:13-14, 116:14,18, Pro 7:14-15

Breaking a vow which establishes a covenant by which God makes two people one (Matt 19:6, Mark 10:8) cannot glorify God.  Any act that does not glorify God glorifies Satan.

Can Divorce Be Forgiven?

God hates divorce.  Divorce is a sin[5] that glorifies Satan and undermines our testimony by showing lost people that Christians are just like everybody else.  Some who argue that Christians may remarry ask, “Can’t the sin of divorce be forgiven?”  This is a bogus argument; forgiveness for the sin of divorce has nothing to do with whether a divorced person may marry someone else without committing adultery.

If God doesn’t permit divorce, someone who divorces and marries again commits adultery against the original spouse regardless of how strongly we may believe that the marriage was dissolved.  The fact that God forgives the sin of divorce does not make it right to live in a state of ongoing adultery with someone else.

It doesn’t matter what men think, the Word of God should settle the divorce issue for Christians.  Before looking specifically at divorce, we need to remember how to find answers in the Bible.

Rightfully Dividing the Word of Truth

I Peter 4:7-9 tells us the proper attitude for Christians – being sober, watching unto prayer, having fervent charity, and being hospitable.  We cannot follow public opinion; we’re to prayerfully follow what God tells us in the Bible.  Christians are charged to study the Word of God which includes “rightly dividing” it.

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.  II Timothy 2:15

We must rightly divide the Word of God.  Moses’ law does not bind Christians; passages that explain how to conduct animal sacrifices or how to observe the Sabbath do not affect our lives.  Although they help us understand the mind of God, passages that command Jews don’t affect us.

Christians generally believe that the 39 books of the Old Testament were written to Jews whereas the 27 books of the New Testament, especially Jesus’ words that are often printed in red, are for Christians.  Jesus’ words are important; we must “consent to” His words:

These things teach and exhort.  If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness; he is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings, perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.  I Timothy 6:2b-5

Jesus’ words are “wholesome words,” we are required to “consent,” that is, agree with, follow, and obey Jesus’ words that apply to us.

If ye love me, keep my commandments.  John 14:15

We must also consent to His doctrines.  The problem lies in dividing His words.  For example, Jesus corrected the Pharisees’ understanding of the law:

And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath: therefore the Son of man is Lord also of the sabbath.  Mark 2:28

Christians should know what Jesus said about the Sabbath, but the Apostle Paul released Christians from resting on any particular day (Romans 14:5, Colossians 2:16).  Moses’ rules for observing the Sabbath do not affect Christians; Moses’ law does not bind us (Romans 6:14, 7:4-6).

John the Baptist preached only to Jews.  Jesus sent His disciples only to Jews (Matt. 10:5-7).  John the Baptist and Jesus acted so much like Old Testament prophets that Herod, who murdered John, thought that Jesus was John come back from the dead (Matt. 14:2).[6]  The Jews thought that Jesus was John the Baptist, Elijah, or some other prophet (Mark 8:28).  Peter recognized that Jesus was the Christ (Mark 8:29), but Jesus’ disciples expected Him to become King of the Jews as promised in the Old Testament.  Mark 8:29 tells how Peter argued with Jesus when Jesus told His disciples that He would die.

Contemporary thinking about Jesus shows how well Jesus’ ministry seemed to extend the Old Testament (Mat 23:37).  Jesus dealt with gentiles, but they came to Him (Matt. 8:5-10), He did not go to them.  He healed the Canaanite woman’s daughter after saying that He was sent only to Jews and calling her a dog (Matt. 15:22-29) in contrast to His summoning and healing an infirm woman who was Jewish (Luke 13:11-16).  The gospels mostly extend the Old Testament; very little of Jesus’ words or ministry are directed to gentiles.

Some believe that the church started in Acts 2 and that everything before that was directed to “the lost sheep of the house of Israel” (Matt 10:6, 15:24).  Some say the church began earlier (John 20:21-22), but the church couldn’t start before His death (Heb. 12:24).  The law was completely fulfilled when the temple veil was rent (Matt. 27:51).  God’s revelations after the resurrection are directed to Christians, but only right dividing of the Word of Truth shows which of Jesus’ words are directed to Christians and which are directed to Jews.

As explained below, some of Jesus’ clarifications of Moses’ law have led some Christians to believe that Jesus permitted divorce when a spouse committed adultery in spite of Jesus’ teaching against divorce:

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:6

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Mark 10:9

God’s Words which were plainly written to Christians forbid divorce for men and say that a woman who leaves her husband may not marry again while he lives:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  I Corinthians 7:10-11

The Woman at the Well

Some who desire to permit remarriage after a couple breaks up refer to the woman at the well:

The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.  John 4:17-18

By using the word “husband,” Jesus confirmed that she had in fact been married to each of these men.  Given that she had had so many husbands, some argue that it must be OK to divorce and remarry.

There are problems with this.  First, the Bible does not say what happened to her husbands.  Given the lack of modern medicine, widowhood was common (Ruth 1:3-5, Matthew 22:25-27, Mark 12:20-22, Luke 20:29-32).  If her husbands died in succession, her marrying again does not support remarriage while the original spouse is still alive.  Second, although Jesus told her “all that ever I did” (John 4:39) and pointed out that she was living in concubinage[7] as opposed to marriage, He did not charge her with divorce.  Third, He did not say whether she lived in adultery or in fornication.  Jesus later clarified His approach to adulterers:

And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.  John 8:11b

Jesus did not condemn the woman taken in adultery, but He told her not to have sex outside marriage any more.  The Bible does not say that He condemned the woman at the well for divorce in addition to fornication, but we do know that in God’s eyes, there is a significant difference between a couple being married and not being married.  Abraham’s situation emphasizes the difference between being married and not being married – his sons by Ketura, whom he married, are named, but the children of his other concubines were simply sent away (Genesis 25:1-6).

Abraham, Polygamy, and Marriage

Abraham was married to both Sarai and Hagar at the same time (Genesis 16:1-3).  Anyone who believes that God gave the Bible “for our learning” (Romans 15:4) would learn that polygamy doesn’t work well for men.  Hagar despised Sarai such that Abraham let Sarai drive Hagar out into the wilderness (Gen. 16:6).  A command from an angel restored peace (Gen. 16:9), but the truce failed when Sarah bore Isaac (Gen. 21:9-13).

Jacob’s four wives competed for his attention (Gen 30:14-16).  Most of his children knew that their father didn’t love their mother (Gen. 29:30-35); jealousies led them to sell their brother Joseph into slavery to their father’s sorrow (Gen.37:25-35).  Hanna and Penina provoked each other so that Hannah did not eat (I Sam. 1:1-7).  What sort of home life did Abraham, Jacob, and Elkanah have when their wives were fighting?

Solomon gave vivid testimony that polygamy did not work well for the husband:

Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.  Ecclesiastes 7:27-28

Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, he considered them all one by one, yet his soul was empty.  Polygamy did not work well for him.  God established strict conditions for taking another wife:

If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.  Exodus 21:10[8]

If a man takes another wife, he can’t give the first wife the same attention as before.  The Bible doesn’t forbid polygamy directly, but no man can fulfill God’s conditions; it’s effectively forbidden.  A man who takes more than one wife ignores the fact that God told us what people did in the past and how it worked out for them to teach us what to do and what not to do (John 13:15, I Cor. 10:5-6, Jude 1:7).

In addition to teaching us about polygamy, Abraham’s life sheds light on concubinage.  A “concubine” is a woman who lives with a man without marrying him.  When Jesus told the woman “he that thou hast is not thy husband,” (John 4:18) He called her a concubine.  Abraham’s 3^rd marriage shows what marriage means to God:

Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah. And she bare him Zimran, and Jokshan, and Medan, and Midian, and Ishbak, and Shuah. And Jokshan begat Sheba, and Dedan. And the sons of Dedan were Asshurim, and Letushim, and Leummim. And the sons of Midian; Ephah, and Epher, and Hanoch, and Abidah, and Eldaah.  All these were the children of Keturah.  And Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac.  But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.  Genesis 25:1-6

Chronicles 1:32 speaks of “Keturah, Abraham’s concubine;” Abraham fornicated with her before marrying her.  The Bible doesn’t say whether Abraham took concubines while Sarah or Hagar lived.  If either Sarah or Hagar were alive when he took women who weren’t his wives, he committed adultery as well as fornication.

Gen. 25:6 speaks of “concubines.”  Besides Keturah, Abraham had children by least two other women whom he never married.  Many fallen young ladies wail, “How could a nice Christian guy do this to me?”  Abraham was a friend of God (James 2:23), but he took women without marrying them.  David was a man after God’s own heart, he took women without marrying them (II Sam 5:13), so did Solomon his son.  Girls think the man will marry her if she has his baby; Abraham’s other concubines had babies but he didn’t marry them.  Genesis 29:30-35 tells how Leah thought that giving Jacob sons would make him love her, but it didn’t.

What’s important for our understanding of divorce and marriage is that God recognized Keturah’s children because Abraham married her; the other concubines and their children aren’t even named.  God cares about concubines, of course, but He doesn’t recognize concubinage, He recognizes and honors marriage.  This offers hope to people who have sex before marriage – God recognized Abraham’s marriage to Keturah even though he and she had at least fornicated and may have committed adultery before marrying.

God promised to bless Abraham’s seed, but that didn’t include just any babies Abraham fathered, it meant babies born to women whom he had married.  In Gen. 21:13 and 18, God promised to make a nation of Ishmael “because he is thy seed,[9]” but God didn’t name the sons of the concubines as part of Abraham’s family even though they were biologically sons of Abraham just like Ishmael, Isaac, and Keturah’s sons.  The difference is that Abraham married their mothers; he didn’t marry the other sons’ mothers.[10]

The Bible doesn’t say how marriage was sealed in Abraham’s time.  Whatever the ceremony was, Abraham did it with Sarah, Hagar, and Keturah; he didn’t do it with the others.  God’s distinction between being married and not being married gives background for “putting away” strange wives as described in Ezra.

Ezra and Divorce

Chapters 9 and 10 of Ezra tell that some of the men of Israel who returned from Babylon had taken up with women who were not descendants of Abraham.  When Ezra realized this, he and his fellow rulers urged the men to put away[11] their “strange wives[12]” even though some of them had had children (Ezra 10:44).  This account is sometimes used to argue that Christians may divorce and remarry.

There are three problems with using this passage to justify remarriage.  First, the Bible doesn’t say that any of these men married again.  To say that this example of putting away women whom they shouldn’t have married in the first place permits Christians to divorce and remarry reasons from silence.

Second, God wrote down the distinction between married and not married in the case of Abraham’s sons.  Men of Israel were forbidden to marry “strange women.”  God did not consider these couples to be married at all; they were living in concubinage.  These couples were not married; this account does not address divorce, it addresses turning away from fornication which is why “put away” is used instead of “divorce.”

Third, God’s commands to Israel were unlike His commands to Christians.  Ezra’s people had just returned from Babylon.  Prophets from Isaiah to Malachi had made it clear that the reason for their captivity was disobeying God’s commands.  God had told all of His people not to intermarry with other peoples:[13]

When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou; And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.  Deuteronomy 7:1-3

The priests and Levites mentioned in Ezra 9:1 were under even stricter marriage restrictions given in Leviticus 12:1-14.  Ezra and the other leaders realized that starting their new life back in the Promised Land in disobedience to God did not bode well, so the men put away their “strange wives.”  This situation has no bearing on marriages between Christians and non-Christians, however, because the New Testament covers that.

Divorce from Unbelievers

Christians are told not to marry non-Christians; Jesus criticized the church of Pergamos for accepting the teaching of Balaam and permitting Christians to marry non-Christians (Revelation 2:14).

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?  II Corinthians 6:14-15

“Unequal yoke” includes both marriage and business partnership.  We can work for unsaved people and we can hire them, but Christians ought not to be business partners or marriage partners with non-Christians.  Does Ezra 9-10 mean that a Christian who is married to a non-Christian should divorce the non-Christian?  No, that situation is covered in God’s commands to Christians:

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?  I Corinthians 7:12-16

The Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write these words so that Christians would know to handle mixed marriages differently from the procedure described in Ezra 9-10 and added “I, not the Lord,” so that people would know that this inspired command went beyond what Jesus had commanded in the gospels.

A Christian who is married to a non-Christian is forbidden to initiate divorce.  The word translated “bondage,” (Strongs 1402) means to be a slave or servant to another.  It is used in “Paul, a servant of God,” (Titus 1:1) and in “bound by the law” (Romans 7:1-3); it is not generally used to describe marriage.  “Not under bondage” means that, being “called to peace,” the Christian should not battle to preserve the marriage and should let the unbeliever depart in peace.  Once the unbeliever departs, the Christian is no longer bound by the obligations of marriage.  If an unbelieving husband departs, his Christian wife is no longer bound to call him “Lord” or submit to him.  If an unbelieving wife departs, her Christian husband is no longer bound to lead her by serving her or to love her as Christ loves the church

Some say that “not under bondage” means that the Christian may marry again, but this is contradicted by:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  I Corinthians 7:10-11

Just before saying that we are “called to peace” and that a believer is “not bound” if an unbelieving spouse chooses to leave a marriage, Paul wrote that a woman who was no longer with her husband could not remarry regardless of the reason for separating.  A later passage forbids a woman to marry while her husband lived:

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.  I Corinthians 7:39 see also Romans 7:1-3

God’s absolute prohibition of remarriage while the first spouse lives also applies to men:

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.  And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.  Mark 10:11-12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.  Luke 16:18

The Greek translated “put away” (Strongs 630) has a broader meaning than “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, and set at liberty from an obligation.  When used with respect to marriage or divorce, it carries the sense of “to dismiss from the house, to repudiate.”

The KJV never translates 630 as “divorce,” it is generally translated “put away.”  The overall meaning is that husband and wife are no longer together.  A more contemporary way of putting might be to say that they “broke up.”  In any case, Jesus said that, regardless of how or why the couple stopped fulfilling the duties of man and wife, marrying another person constitutes adultery against the original spouse.

As explained below, Romans 7:4 gives another reason why a Christian is not permitted to marry again after an unbeliever departs.  Romans 7.4 teaches that an unbeliever must die to the law in order to be born again and uses the phrase “be married to another” to describe begin born again into Christ.  The bond to the law, or to an unbeliever’s former life, which Paul equates to marriage, can only be ended by death.  Similarly, a marriage can only be ended by death of either party.  Therefore, Luke 16:18 covers a Christian’s situation when an unbelieving spouse leaves.  A Christian who marries under such circumstances commits adulterer.

Two people who are committing adultery cannot be married to each other by the plain meaning of the words.  Thus, it is not possible for a person whose married life ends short of death to marry anyone other than the original spouse as far as God is concerned.  A Christian whose unsaved spouse chooses to end their marriage is not bound by marriage obligations to the unbelieving spouse[14].  Such a person is able to live in adultery but is unable to marry again by definition.

In any case, the situation described in Ezra 9-10 has no bearing on Christian marriages because God’s commands to Israel in Deu. 7:1-3 have been replaced by II Cor. 6:14-15 and I Cor. 7:12-15.  The latter passage commands Christians who are married to unbelievers not to initiate divorce.  If a Christian who is married to a non-Christian may not initiate a divorce, does being married to a Christian instead of to a non-Christian permit a Christian to initiate a divorce?  Of course not.

Ezra’s account proves that God’s laws take precedence over man’s laws.  The “strange wives” had followed the marriage laws of Israel as they knew them.  As far as they and their families were concerned, they were married.  God’s law said that they were not married, however, so they were put away, they weren’t divorced.

The Marriage and Divorce Processes

Although the Bible does not specify a marriage ceremony, Genesis 24:67 and Ruth 4:1-13 make it clear that marriage consists of 1) a public promise, or vow[15], followed by 2) the man taking his bride to wife to seal their marriage covenant.  Traditional marriage ceremonies include unnecessary elements such as wedding cake and bridesmaids; the important point is that the bride and groom vow to God and before witnesses to dwell together in marriage ‘til death do them part and later seal their marriage covenant by becoming one flesh.

Nobody has ever attended a church service where the pastor says, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God to put asunder this one-flesh unit that God in time past was pleased to join together.”  The Bible defines the elements that make a marriage; it says nothing of how to un-make a marriage covenant because it can’t be done.  Churches don’t do divorces; divorce is possible only through the laws of men.

“Marriage” is used as a figurative description of God’s union with His church:

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.  Revelation 19:7

Is the “marriage of the Lamb” permanent or temporary?  Will the Lamb ever divorce His bride?  If God does not permit divorce, divorce is no more valid than the invalid “marriages” of Ezra 9-10, but if He does, salvation is no more permanent than marriage.

Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Divorce

While they were warning God’s people that God planned to use the Babylonians to punish them for their sins, both Isaiah and Jeremiah spoke of God “divorcing” His people.  There are many Bible passages that compare the relationship between God and His people to marriage[16], so it is not surprising that God would refer to “divorce” when His people broke their covenant with Him.  This is what Isaiah said:

Thus saith the LORD, Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement, whom I have put away? or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.  Isaiah 50:1

Some Christians use this passage to argue that because God divorced His people when they did not live according to His covenants with Abraham and Moses, a husband or wife may divorce when the other party does not live according to their marriage covenant.  There is a problem with this interpretation.  In saying, “for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves …” God pointed out their sins.  They had sold themselves into slavery; God hadn’t enslaved them.  In asking the rhetorical question, “Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement,” God reminded them that they had no bill of divorcement; God had not divorced them even though they had been unfaithful to Him.  Even if this passage could be interpreted to say that God put away His people, Hosea prophesied that God would restore His people (Hosea 3:4-5, 14:4-10) as discussed below.

A Christian who divorces and marries someone else cannot restore the relationship to the original spouse as God promised to restore His relationship to His people.

There is a further problem with arguing that divorce follows what God did: even if God had put away His people permanently, just because God does something does not mean that His people may do it.  For example, Acts 5:1-11 tells how God struck Ananias and Sapphira dead for lying, and I Cor. 5:5 says, “deliver such an one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,” which suggests that God may kill Christians who go wrong.  We’re forbidden to kill disobedient Christians even though God does it.

Jeremiah gives more detail about God’s reference to divorce:

They say, If a man put away[17] his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD.  Jeremiah 3:1

This passage teaches that adultery should be forgiven rather than being used as grounds for divorce.

And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.  Jeremiah 3:8 see also Jeremiah 3:20

This passage is subtler.  The Northern Kingdom of Israel had been carried off; Jeremiah used his audience’s familiarity with Israel’s punishment to urge them to repent from their sins.  In chapter 24, Jeremiah compares the people of Judah who would not return from captivity to bad figs and those who would return to good figs.  There are no references to anyone from Israel returning from captivity.  To this day, the people of the Northern Kingdom are known as the “10 lost tribes of Israel,” but God did not divorce them permanently.

Many of the sins of which Jeremiah spoke involved breaking marriage covenants:

How shall I pardon thee for this? thy children have forsaken me, and sworn by them that are no gods: when I had fed them to the full, they then committed adultery, and assembled themselves by troops in the harlots’ houses. They were as fed horses in the morning: every one neighed after his neighbor’s wife.  Jeremiah 5:7-8

In spite of all these sins, however, God affirmed that His covenant with His people would not change:

And the word of the LORD came unto Jeremiah, saying, Thus saith the LORD; If ye can break my covenant of the day, and my covenant of the night, and that there should not be day and night in their season; then may also my covenant be broken with David my servant, that he should not have a son to reign upon his throne; and with the Levites the priests, my ministers. As the host of heaven cannot be numbered, neither the sand of the sea measured: so will I multiply the seed of David my servant, and the Levites that minister unto me.  Jeremiah 33:19-22

God divorced and put away into exile the 10 northern tribes but He stayed “married” to a remnant from Judah in spite of their spiritual adultery.  No human can divorce part of a spouse as God divorced part of His people; these passages can’t be used to argue in favor of human divorce.

Hosea redeemed his adulterous wife Gomer from a slave market to illustrate God’s forgiveness of spiritual adultery (Hosea 3:1-3).  He also prophesied that God would restore Israel (Hosea 3:4-5, 14:4-10).  God had always planned to bless Gentiles through the Jews (Gen. 12:3).  Gentile Christians are grafted in to the root of Abraham (Romans 11:16-21), God’s accepting Gentiles does not constitute a separate marriage.  Thus, although God divorced the 10 northern tribes, He did not marry anyone else and will eventually take them back just as Hosea redeemed and restored Gomer.

The book of Romans also states that God has not divorced His people but rather that He treasures the remnant that remain faithful to Him:

I say then, Hath God cast away his people? God forbid. For I also am an Israelite, of the seed of Abraham, of the tribe of Benjamin. God hath not cast away his people which he foreknew. Wot ye not what the scripture saith of Elias? how he maketh intercession to God against Israel saying, Lord, they have killed thy prophets, and digged down thine altars; and I am left alone, and they seek my life. But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal. Even so then at this present time also there is a remnant according to the election of grace.  Romans 11:1-5

Taken as a whole, what Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Hosea say about divorce and mercy teach that marriage is as permanent as God’s covenant with His people.  Adultery and other breaches of the marriage covenant should be forgiven instead of being used as excuses for trying to break the covenant.  Even if divorce occurs, their teaching gives no ground for remarriage afterward.  This is consistent with Paul’s commands to Christians:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart[18] from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away[19] his wife.  I Corinthians 7:10-11

Some say that Christians may divorce and remarry based on Matthew 5:31-32.

The “Exception Clause”

Matthew 5:31-32 has been called the “exception clause” by those who believe that remarriage is permitted the other party when a husband or wife commits adultery:

It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away[20] his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: but I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication[21], causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced[22] committeth adultery.  Matthew 5:31-32

When studying scripture, it helps to: 1) study the context and 2) compare the passage with other passages.  Study of context tells us to whom the original passage was addressed which helps divide the Word of Truth.  It’s always helpful to understand what the passage meant to those who heard it originally but it’s more important to know how, or if, the passage directs the lives of Christians who read it today.

The “exception clause” is a part of the “Sermon on the Mount” which Matthew 5:1 says was addressed to Jesus’ disciples.  As He preached the Kingdom of Heaven to “the lost sheep of the house of Israel,” (Matt 10:6, 15:24), Jesus yearned to draw Jews back to God’s original intent.  In Mark 7:6-7, He declared that their worship had become vain because they relied on commandments of men that had hidden or changed God’s law.

What the “Sermon on the Mount” Meant to Jews

In deciding what Jesus words mean to us, it may help to understand what His words meant to His original hearers.  In trying to draw Jewish hearts back to God by correcting human-taught errors that had hidden the original meaning of God’s Law, Jesus knew that He would be accused of ignoring the law, of breaking the law, and of changing the law as the religious authorities taught it.  Jesus first point was that the Law would not be changed until it was fulfilled.  Before starting to correct their understanding of Moses’ law, He declared:

Think not that I am come to destroy[23] the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill[24].  For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.  Matthew 5:17-18

Jesus knew that the law would pass away as soon as He fulfilled it, but in the meantime, He corrected His hearers’ understanding of the law in the hope that they would accept Him and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  His pattern was to repeat what they had read or heard, then add, “But I say unto you,” stripping away men’s ideas to get back to God’s original intent.  “But I say unto you” appears 6 times in Matt. 5, 6 times elsewhere in Matthew, once in Mark, and twice in Luke.  One purpose of Mathew 5 was to clarify Jewish law to Jews so that His Jewish hearers could enter the Kingdom of Heaven while His offer was open to them.

When Jesus said, “till all be fulfilled,” the Jews probably didn’t realize that He would fulfill the law so that it would pass away in a few years.  From the giving of Moses’ Law more than 30 generations before, people could pray to God as Hannah did (I Sam. 10-18), but Jews were not expected to relate to God individually:

And ye said, Behold, the LORD our God hath shewed us his glory and his greatness, and we have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire: we have seen this day that God doth talk with man, and he liveth.  Now therefore why should we die? for this great fire will consume us: if we hear the voice of the Lord our God any more, then we shall die.  For who is there of all flesh, that hath heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as we have, and lived?  Go thou near, and hear all that the Lord our God shalt say: and speak thou unto us all that the LORD our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it and do it.  Deuteronomy 5:24-27

In Jesus’ day, Jews expected religious leaders such as the Pharisees to speak to God and tell the people what God had said.  They probably couldn’t imagine being told to approach God on their own:

And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;  Matthew 27:51

But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.  I John 2:27

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

In fulfilling the law by dying on the cross, Jesus would revolutionize the relationship between God and His people, but His disciples who heard the Sermon on the Mount did not understand this first point (Matthew 16:21-22).

Jesus’ second point was that all of the Law had to be fulfilled.  The Law was an indivisible whole that could not be divided into Laws that Christians must keep and Laws Christians aren’t required to keep:

Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.  For I say unto you, that except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 5:19-20

As reiterated in James 2:10, Jesus required that those who observe the Law teach and follow all 613 points of Moses’ Law.  Romans 6:14-15 teaches that Christians are not under Moses’ Law but under grace.  If it were not for God saying that Matthew 5:19-20 does not apply to Christians, we would have to keep all 613 points of Moses’ Law.  Given that the law cannot be divided and that we are not under the law, a Christian cannot claim to be freed from marriage vows by one point of the law while ignoring the other 612.  Christians who try to live under the law lose the benefits of the grace of God:

Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing.  For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law.  Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.  Galatians 5:2-4

Jesus’ third point was that the law was a matter of the heart, obeying the law included ruling one’s thoughts as well as one’s actions.  In adding the responsibility for ruling one’s inward thoughts to the responsibility for ruling one’s outward actions, Jesus made obeying the law far more difficult:

Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill (Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 5:17); and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.  Matthew 5:21-22

Avoiding angry thoughts is more difficult than avoiding angry actions.  Jesus made following the law more of a burden than it had been.  In leading up to the “exception clause,” Jesus added another burden:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.  Matthew 5:27-28

In saying that the heart attitude as expressed in inward thoughts was as important as outward action, Jesus wasn’t adding anything new; God has always wanted glad obedience from the heart rather than from the head (Ps. 100, Deu. 28:47-48, Mark 6:6-7).  To a Jew who had been trained in observing the outward appearance of the law without considering inward attitudes, however, Jesus’ changes would seem to be new burdens.

In leading up to the “exception clause,” Jesus said: a) the law would not change until it was all fulfilled, b) all 613 points of the law had to be observed, and c) the inward heart attitude was as important as outward actions.  He also said that He would fulfill the law, but His disciples didn’t understand what He meant until He appeared to them after His resurrection (John 21:3).

Not being accountable to the Law doesn’t mean that Christians are without guidance, of course (John 14:15, 21).  Jesus’ changing the Law against murder to forbidding anger in Matthew 5:21-22 is carried forward to Christians in Ephesians 4:26, “thou shalt not steal” is applied to Christians in Ephesians 4:28, and so on.  In like manner, Jesus’ changes to Moses’ Law on divorce are adapted to Christians as discussed below.

What the “Sermon on the Mount” Taught Jews about Divorce

Jesus changed His hearers’ understanding of how Moses’ law addressed divorce:

It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: but I say unto you, [1] That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and [2] whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.  Matt. 5:31-32

This raises a question of rightly dividing the Word of Truth, did Jesus make one change to the law or two changes?  As discussed below, Romans 7:1-3 shows that Matthew 5:31-23 changed two points of Moses’ law:

[1] When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement[25], and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.  [2] And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.  Deuteronomy 24:1-2

At the time, “some uncleanness” in [1] (Deu. 24:1) was believed to mean that a man could divorce his wife for more or less any reason (Matt. 19:3), and [2] (Deu. 24:2) meant that a divorced woman was free to remarry.

In Matthew 5:32, Jesus narrowed “some uncleanness” [1] by saying that a Jew could divorce his wife only for fornication.  He then changed Deu. 24:2 [2] by forbidding divorced women to marry again.  Some interpret His decree to mean that only a fornicating wife was forbidden to remarry, but Jesus did not say “and in that case, whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery,” He said, “and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”  To say that Matthew 5:32 permits non-fornicating divorced women to remarry violates the plain meaning of Jesus’ revisions of these two separate points of Jewish law as explained in Romans 7:1-3.

Jesus also increased the burden of following the law by redefining adultery to include merely wanting a woman to whom a man was not married.

Some Christians ignore Galatians 5:2-4, apply Jesus’ discussion of Moses’ law to modern Christians, and say that a Christian man may divorce and remarry if his wife commits adultery.  Given Gal. 3:28, many assume that any permission given to men is also granted to women, but God gave many different rules for men and for women (I Cor. 11:3, 11:8-9, 14:34, Eph. 5:33, I Ti. 3:2, Tit 1:6, I Pe. 3:6).  Jesus clarified Moses’ law by explaining when men could divorce and He forbade remarriage for all divorced women.  Jewish law never permitted women to divorce their husbands so the exception clause as Jesus gave it applied only to men.  The clarity of I Cor. 7:10-11 and I Cor. 7:39 overrules any possibility of Matt. 5:31-32 being interpreted to give Christian wives the right to divorce and remarry when their husbands commit adultery.

Jesus’ Other Teaching on Divorce

This passage says essentially the same thing as Matthew 5:31-32 but includes additional context:

The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away[26] his wife for every cause?  And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?  He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.  His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.  But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.  For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.  He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.  Matthew 19:3-12

The Pharisees plainly understood that Jesus taught “no divorce,” why else would they ask, “Why did Moses then…” (Matt. 19:7)?  Jesus taught a narrower position than His disciples had expected (Matt. 19:10) based on their understanding of the law and said that it was not good to marry at all.

Jesus explained that God permitted Jews to fall short of His plan for marriage until death because they were too hard-hearted to stay married even though “from the beginning it was not so.”  The Jews did not have the Holy Spirit, this left them ignorant of God’s plans.

And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:  Acts 17:30

Should Christians claim the ignorance of the Jews?  Should Christians focus on God’s original intent or cling to a concession made to hard-hearted Jews?[27]  Relying on the law frustrates the grace of God (Galatians 2:15-21, 5:1-4).

Matthew 5:32 forbids women to marry after divorce; Matthew 19:9 forbids women to marry after putting away.  In Mark and in Luke, Jesus forbids remarriage to either party with no exceptions:

And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.  And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away[28] his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.  And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.  Mark 10:10-12

The law and the prophets were until John: since that time the kingdom of God is preached, and every man presseth into it.  And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail.  Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.  Luke 16:16-18

Scholars and commentators are in general agreement that the Gospel of Matthew was addressed primarily to Jews, partly because the phrase “but I say unto you” appears 12 times as Jesus corrected their understanding of Moses’ law.  The “exception clause” in Moses’ law permitted hard-hearted Jewish men to divorce adulterous wives.  Jesus made it more difficult for Jewish men to divorce, but that has nothing to do with Christians who are not supposed to live under Moses’ law.  The lack of exceptions in Mark and Luke is additional evidence that the “exception clause” applied only to Jews who lived under Moses’ law.

Christians are not Bound by Moses’ Law

The Sermon on the Mount was given to Jews while Jesus was preaching the Kingdom of Heaven to Jews, but Jesus also told the Jews that the law was a thing of the past:

For all the prophets and the law prophesied until John.  Matthew 11:13

Jesus said that the law was in effect “until John.”  The Gospel chronology is uncertain; it is not clear whether He said that the law was passing away before or after His discussions of divorce in Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12, but it is clear that before His death, He said specifically that the law would pass away.  The similar statement in Luke is followed by a restatement of His position against divorce:

The law and the prophets were until John: since that time the kingdom of God is preached, and every man presseth into it.  And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail.  Whosoever putteth[29] away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.  Luke 16:16-18

Having told His hearers that the law had passed when John started preaching the Kingdom of God, Jesus went on to state that remarriage after divorce constituted adultery without including the exception clause.  Since the exception clause was part of Moses’ law, it could not apply once the law was taken away.

Paul restated Jesus’ teaching “to them that know the law,” that is, Jewish Christians who needed to know that Moses’ law no longer bound them.  Paul confirmed that Jesus had changed Deuteronomy 24:2 to say that divorced women could no longer remarry at all:

Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?  For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.  Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.  Romans 7:1-4

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.  I Corinthians 7:39

Deu 24:2 let divorced women remarry; Rom. 7:1-3 and I Cor. 7:39 could not have been written without changing Deu 24:2.  Saying that Jewish men could divorce only for fornication narrows “some uncleanness,” it doesn’t change the law, but saying that divorced women could not remarry changes the Word of God.  Only God can change His word; only God can take away His law as He did in saying that we are dead to the law.

After saying Christians are “dead to the law,” Romans 7:4 teaches that being in the body of Christ means that Christians are “married to another.”  A Jew was “married to the law.”  In order to be married into the body of Christ, a Jew had to die to end his marriage to the law; a Gentile had to die to his former life.  The only way to end marriage is by death; dying to the law is the only way to end marriage to the law, dying to sin is the only way to end marriage to sin.  We must die in order to be born again.

This clarifies Jesus teaching, “ye must be born again” (John 3:7).  Nicodemus asked if a man had to re-enter his mother’s womb to be born again (John 3:4).  Jesus did not answer his question, but Paul did, saying that in order to be born again into a new life with Christ, a man had to die to his former life.  God does not recognize divorce; the only way a man can end his marriage to sin, or the law, or to other aspects of his former life is to die to himself and be reborn in Christ.  This passage confirms that death is the only way to end a marriage.

“Wherefore” (Rom 7:4) ties marriage to salvation.  John 10:28-29 teaches that salvation is forever, “Once saved, always saved.”  Paul linked marriage and salvation, “Once married, always married.”

Jesus said that the law would not pass away until it was fulfilled; Romans 10:4 pointed out that He had fulfilled it and that it had passed away.  When He fulfilled the law (Rom. 7:4, Gal. 2:19, Heb. 10:4-10), Jesus took away the law and sanctified Christians forever.  In omitting the exception clause when stating His position against divorce after He had said that the law was “until John,” (Luke 16:16-18) Jesus made it clear that with the law taken away, marriage went back to God’s plan “from the beginning” (Matthew 19:8, Mark 10:6).

This passage contrasts law and grace:

For the law was given by Moses, but grace and tRuth came by Jesus Christ.  John 1:17

The law permitted a man to divorce his wife; under grace, divorce was not permitted either party.

In Mark 2:27, Jesus clarified the Sabbath law, saying, “The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.”  Resting on Saturday was a vital part of Jewish law.  Christians treat Saturday as an ordinary day and worship on Sunday illustrating the fact that Jewish law does not bind Christians.

Some said that Gentiles had to keep the Mosaic Law in order to be Christians, but the Jerusalem Council (Acts 15) said otherwise.  They divided the Word of Truth by declaring that Christians are not under the law (Rom 6:14).  Modern ideas to the contrary, Moses’ law cannot be divided, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” (James 2:10 see also Gal. 2:19-21, 3:10, 5:2-4).

We can’t cling to Jesus’ revisions of the law on divorce and discard the rest.  For Moses’ law of marriage and divorce to apply to Christians, we would have to keep all 613 points of the law including Deu. 23:1 which, by excluding castrated men from the “congregation of the Lord,” would have prevented the Ethiopian eunuch from joining the church (Acts 8:27-39).

Romans 7:1-3 applies Jesus’ words about divorce to Christians as I Corinthians 11:20-34 applies Jesus’ words about the Lord’s Supper.  Matthew 26:26-29 and Mark 14:22-25 tell how Jesus shared the bread and cup with His disciples.  Christians are free from the Passover Laws; we would not know how to apply Jesus’ words which were said during a Jewish feast without Paul’s explanation.  Similarly, Christians who wrongly divide I Corinthians 7:10-11 are confused by Jesus’ corrections to Moses’ law of divorce.  That’s why Paul clarified it.

Some say that denying Christians access to the “exception clause” disregards a specific command of Jesus, but this is a weak argument given that Christians ignore Jesus’ other command which was directed to Jews:

Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.  Matthew 23:1-3

This command comes at the beginning of a chapter that contains many criticisms of the Pharisees.  If Christians desire to claim the exception clause because it is a command of Jesus, what about Jesus telling “the multitude” to follow the Pharisees’ commands?  The Pharisees were recognized experts on Moses’ law.  Does Jesus’ command to observe and do all 613 points of the law as the Pharisees taught bind Christians?

Others argue that even though Matthew 5:1 says, “his disciples came unto him” to hear the Sermon on the Mount, there must have been gentiles in the audience.  If so, the “multitude” of Matthew 23:1 would be even more likely to include gentiles.  If the “exception clause” which was given when “his disciples came unto him” applies to Christians, so does the command to follow all of Moses’ law that was given to “the multitude.”

James 2:10 says that Moses’ law cannot be divided into parts we follow and parts we ignore.  Galatians 5:2-4 says that trying to follow the law denies us the grace of God.  Christians are dead to all of Moses law including the exception clause (Romans 6:14, 7:4, Galatians 2:16, 2:19-21, 3:10-14, James 2:10).

What the Bible Teaches about Christian Marriage

With the law taken away (Heb 10:9), Christians are bound by the Lord’s commands to Christians:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart[30] from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away[31] his wife.  I Corinthians 7:10-11

These verses forbid divorce and forbid husband and wife living apart from one another in separation.  Knowing that a total ban on remarriage would be a “hard saying” and wanting to tie what he wrote back to what Jesus had said, Paul reminded everyone that this command came from the Lord.

There is also Old Testament teaching against divorce; these condemnations of women who leave their husbands and of men who leave their wives are not parts of Moses’ law:

Wherefore, O harlot, hear the word of the LORD: … And I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock[32] and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy.  Ezekiel 16:35, 38

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  Mal 2:13-14

A wife or husband may find it necessary to depart from an abusive spouse.  When the level of violence risks life or health, an abuse victim may have to file for divorce in order to obtain police protection, but this is a problem with man’s law, not with God’s.  No matter what man’s law may say, a man or woman who leaves an abusive spouse or a non-abusive spouse can’t marry someone else while the original spouse lives.

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.  And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.  Mark 10:11-12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.  Luke 16:18

Two people who are committing adultery cannot be married to each other by the plain meaning of the words.  Thus, it is not possible for a divorced person to be married to anyone else as far as God is concerned.

God’s Original Plan of Marriage

Matthew 19:8 quotes Jesus as saying, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”  Jesus explained that God-ordained marriages last “til death us do part.”  Moses’ law allowed divorce only because Jewish men could not receive God’s plan for lifelong marriage.  In Matthew 19:11-12b, Jesus said that not every Jew could receive His teaching on marriage.  The modern divorce rate suggests that few Christians even try to receive Jesus’ teaching.

Jews were not indwelt by the Holy Spirit as Christians are.  Having been given more, Christians are held to a higher standard (Luke 12:48).  With the law taken away, Christians are bound by Jesus’ command which was “from the beginning,” namely, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt 19:6, Mar 10:9).  God sets at naught any law of man which permits divorce (Acts 5:29).

The Holy Spirit helps Christians have lifelong marriages.  If Christian couples grant each other the same grace that God gave in saving them, divorce does not become an issue.  When lost people see Christian couples extending God’s grace to each other, they want God’s grace for themselves.

Sealing God’s Marriage Covenant

The permanence of marriage is confirmed by the way in which marriage comes about.  Regardless of whatever ceremony goes before, the marriage covenant takes effect only when the groom takes his bride to wife.  “So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife” (Ruth 4:13).  Boaz’s telling the witnesses didn’t marry them, they became husband and wife when he took her.  The same sequence is seen in Genesis 24:67, “And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife;” in that order.

Marriage is a sacred covenant instituted by God; Malachi 2:14 refers to “the wife of thy covenant.”  God’s covenants are sealed with blood.  The “New Covenant” is sealed with Jesus’ blood, for example (Heb. 12:24).  When God offered His covenant to Abraham, Abraham gave up some of his animals to provide blood to bring God’s covenant into effect (Genesis 15).  When a virgin marries, she gives up her innocence to provide blood to sanctify her marriage covenant with God and with her husband (Deuteronomy 22:20-21).  Her blood, which the Bible calls “tokens of her virginity,” (Deu. 22:15, 17, 20) sanctifies her marriage covenant if he takes her in marriage; shedding her blood in fornication blasphemes God’s sacred covenant.

As described in Genesis 23:67, a marriage covenant takes effect when it’s sealed with the blood of the bride.  From that moment, “they are no more twain, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8, see also Matthew 19:6).  A woman is able to shed this blood only once, divorce renders her blood sacrifice vain (Mark 7:7-8).  Ruth had no token to give, but as a widow, she was free to marry (I Cor. 7:39).  Her second marriage covenant, like her first, took effect when Boaz took her to wife (Ruth 4:13).

Pouring out blood to seal a covenant with God is a most solemn act.  Why do so many men dishonor women by pouring out their blood in fornication instead of taking them to wife in honor and in sanctification?

The descriptions of Ruth’s and Rebekah’s marriages show that the marriage covenant takes effect when the groom takes his bride to wife (Gen. 23:67, Ruth 4:13).  The only situations in the Bible where a marriage covenant ends are at death.  It can be argued that the “putting away” of Ezra amounted to divorce, but since God had forbidden His people to marry “strange wives,” these couples were not actually married in the eyes of God.

In any case, the Bible gives no process by which a marriage covenant can be undone short of death.  Churches have “wedding ceremonies,” but no “divorce ceremonies.”  The only divorce mechanism available is a legal process based on man’s laws which have nothing to do with God’s laws or with the church.  This is further evidence that God does not recognize divorce and that no church of His should recognize divorce.

God creates; Satan destroys.  God’s marriage covenant creates a one-flesh unity from two separate people.  Divorce, were it possible, would destroy this unity.

Duties of Witnesses

Modern Christians have not only lost our understanding of the permanence and exclusivity of God’s sacred marriage covenant, we’ve also forgotten the responsibilities of those who attend weddings.  We don’t come just to rejoice with the couple.  The reason is given in the opening words, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of God to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”  As laborers together with God (I Cor. 3:9), witnesses must affirm that the parties are eligible to marry; the pastor should say, “These two persons are come to be joined in this holy estate of marriage.  If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be wedded, let him now declare it, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.”

In addition to affirming that both parties are eligible, the witnesses are responsible before God to uphold the marriage, urge the couple to reconcile any differences, pray for them, and nourish the marriage under any and all circumstances.  As parents are accountable for bringing up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), witnesses are accountable to God for upholding the purity of His marriage covenant.

A person who cannot affirm the marriage before God based on God’s law should not attend the wedding.

Issues with Wedding Ceremonies

At the end of the traditional wedding ceremony, the preacher usually says, “By the authority given me by Jesus Christ and by the laws of the state, I now pronounce you man and wife.”

This sounds good, but it’s neither legal nor Biblical.  The Bible makes it clear that the marriage covenant takes effect when the groom takes the bride to wife.  The wedding ceremony is the commitment to make a covenant that will be sealed when the couple becomes one flesh.  When the ceremony ends, the couple is not yet married in the eyes of God.  The laws of man agree – in all 50 states, an unconsummated marriage may be annulled as if it had never taken place.

A second problem lies in the wedding vows.  The Bible speaks of a man taking a woman to wife, but it never speaks of a woman taking a man to husband.  Ezekiel 16:32 speaks of an adulterous wife taking a man other than her husband.  Women may take adulterous lovers, they don’t take husbands.

When the groom says, “I, groom, take thee, bride,” that’s Biblical, but if she says, “I, bride, take thee, groom,” her vow doesn’t match the Biblical pattern.  She can say, “I bride, rejoice to have you, groom, for my husband,” but saying that she plans to take him to husband is unrealistic and gives young ladies in the audience wrong ideas about what’s going on:

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9

The bride is given; the groom is not given.  He marries; she’s given in marriage (Luke 17:27, 20:34).

Jacob sinned greatly when he bought his wives from Laban in return for 7 years labor (Gen 29:18).  By selling his daughters instead of giving them, Laban turned his daughters into property, into commodities, into merchandise.  How could Jacob treat his wives as precious, unmerited gifts from God when he’d bought them?

God’s Covenants Belong to God, Not to Men

Marriage covenants end at death (Matthew 22:25-28, Romans 7:2).  Regardless of what man’s laws may say about divorce, anyone who intrudes into another’s marriage relationship enters into a conspiracy to commit adultery by violating a covenant of God.  God condemns those who despise His blood-bound covenants:

He that despised Moses’ law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?  Hebrews 10:28-29, see also Daniel 5

People who despise God’s covenant of salvation spend eternity being punished in hell.  People who despise God’s covenant of marriage generally make their own hell right here on earth.

God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.  Psalm 68:6

Marriages are Holy covenants sealed with blood; marriage begins when the groom breaks her hymen’s seal.  “Once saved, always saved.  Once married, always married.”  Being made “one flesh” is like being Siamese twins, cutting them apart before death damages one or both.  Divorce hurts both parties and hurts the name of our Savior as we tread underfoot the blood of His marriage covenant.  Lost people see that Christians can’t handle this life any better than they can; why should they care what we say about the life to come?

No Exceptions for Christians

The “exception clause” is part of Jesus’ corrections of men’s twisting of Moses’ law.  He tried to draw people away from men’s ideas back to God’s original intent so that they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  The exception clause is part of Moses law, all of which passed away when Jesus fulfilled the law.

Although there are many other commands which bind Christians, John 13:34 replaced all 613 commands of Moses’ law with Jesus’ command that we love one another.  Divorce is not the fruit of love.  We judge doctrines by their fruits (Matt. 7:16, 20).  Divorce shows the fruits of wickedness: bitterness, despair, anger, wrath, malice, damage to children, doubt, confusion; it cannot be God’s will.  Divorce results when at least one party has sown to the flesh; sowing to the flesh reaps corruption (Gal. 6:8).

Jesus forbade divorced women to remarry.  His permission for men to divorce is part of a body of Jewish law that does not apply to Christians (Acts 15).  Paul’s commands to Christians agree with Jesus command, “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” with Mark 10:11-12, and with Luke 16:18.

Romans 7:4 ties marriage to salvation.  Once saved, always saved, once married, always married, it’s really that simple (Deuteronomy 5:29).

It’s really a Question of Sex

The question of divorce and remarriage is really about sex because sex defines marriage.  A housemaid may guide a man’s house without marrying him.  It’s OK for a woman to raise a man’s children without marrying him, we have nannies and teachers.  A woman may feed a man, we have cooks.  She can work with or for a man.  A man and woman may do just about everything together without being married, but there’s one thing God says they must not do outside marriage, and that’s have sex.

Marriage requires a commitment between two unmarried people, which Malachi 2:14 defines as a “covenant,” followed by consummation of the marriage.  Isaac and Rebecca were married when he took her to wife but not until then.  The promise to marry didn’t marry them; they were married when he took her:

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67

At the moment Isaac took Rebekah, they become one in marriage:

And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  Mark 10:8

Although marriage generally requires a promise that takes effect when the groom opens his bride’s body and sheds her “tokens of virginity,” Moses’ Law said that sex could define marriage without a prior commitment:

If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.  Deuteronomy 22:28-29

It didn’t matter whether the man raped her or seduced her, coming together physically made them man and wife.  It’s significant that he could never divorce her.  Deu. 24:1 said that a man could divorce his wife if “she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her.”  By Jesus’ day, a man was permitted to divorce his wife for pretty much any reason (Matt. 19:3), but a man who took a woman before marriage could never divorce her.  “Because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.”

Sex makes marriage; sex also drives marriage.  Why was Jacob eager to marry Rachel?  He saw her regularly; they ate together, talked together, and did things together.  Why wasn’t this enough?  Why did he yearn to marry her?  The Bible tells us:

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.  Genesis 29:21

Jacob wanted to marry Rachel so that he could have sex with her.  Jacob wasn’t the only man in the Bible who wanted to hurry up and get married so that he could take a woman:

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18

What’s this, “will not be in rest”?  Married women know why the man wouldn’t be in rest until he’d finished the thing that very day.  Here’s what Ruth had said to Boaz:

I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.  Ruth 3:9

Boaz didn’t think of marrying Ruth,[33] but once she gave him the idea, he thought it was such a good idea he told everyone he was marrying Ruth, and then what?  “So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife” (Ruth 4:13).

God made men and women so that they desire both sex and companionship.  Companionship without marriage is OK, but sex without marriage is sin in the eyes of God:

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is a gift of God, but like salvation, He lets us accept His gift of marriage only once.

What Should Be Done About It?

Jesus Christ taught a strict “no divorce” position:

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:6

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Mark 10:9

He also taught that for people who are not under Moses’ law, remarriage after divorce is adultery:

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.  Mark 10:11-12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.  Luke 16:18

Suppose that a couple initially believed themselves to be married according the laws of men but realized that they are not married according to the laws of God and are committing adultery so long as any original spouse is alive.  In dealing with the woman taken in adultery, Jesus made it clear how to deal with this situation:

When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.  John 8:10-11

No man should condemn, but the sin should cease.

Some will argue for different treatment in case the couple has had children, but the Book of Ezra covers that situation.  In listing the men who had put away their “strange wives,” it says:

All these had taken strange wives: and some of them had wives by whom they had children.  Ezra 10:44

As He gave Moses the stone tablets containing the Ten Commandments, God explained Himself to Moses:

And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.  Exodus 34:6-7

God did not say that the children would be punished for the sins of their fathers, Deuteronomy 24:16 makes it clear that individuals are to be punished for their own sins and not for the sins of others.  Parents’ sins affect their children, however, generally for the worse.  In modern society, children who grow up in single-parent homes due either to fornication or divorce do far less well than children who grow up with both a father and a mother.  The sins of fornication and divorce affect any children who are involved.

Man’s laws recognize divorce, but God does not recognize divorce.  Therefore it is not possible for a divorce person to be married to someone else as far as God is concerned.

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[1]      The Greek translated “put away” (Strongs 630) has a far broader meaning than “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, set at liberty as well as divorce.  The overall meaning is that the couple “broke up.”

[2]      The two Greek words translated “love” (Strongs 25, agape) mean a giving, unselfish love that seeks what’s best for the other person.  This love is an act of will, not a feeling or emotion.  Husbands are told to have agape for their wives (Ephesians 5:25).

[3]      The Greek word translated “reverence” (Strongs 5399) also means “be in awe of” as when the shepherds were “sore afraid” (Luke 2:9).  Wives are not commanded to have agape for their husbands.

[4]      Mark 10:15 and Luke 18:17 praise the faith of little children.  Children often have a better understanding of the solemnity of the marriage vows than many adults do.  Haven’t you ever heard a child wail, “You can’t break up.  You promised!”

[5]      Anything people do that God hates is sin by definition.

[6]      As discussed below, Jesus said that the law and the prophets ended with John (Matthew 11:13, Luke 16:16).  John the Baptist was not an Old Testament prophet, but a prophet of the Kingdom of God.

[7]      A “concubine” is a woman who lives with a man without being married to him.

[8]      This verse is part of a passage telling men how to treat wives who had been purchased as slaves (Ex. 21:7-11).  This passage and Deu. 21:10-15 teach that treating a slave as a wife made her a wife as Abraham’s taking Hagar to wife changed her from bondwoman to wife.  Even when a woman had been purchased or captured, taking her to wife meant that she was no longer property.  Her husband was not permitted to sell her.  If he no longer wanted her, he had to let her “go out free without money” (Ex. 21:11)

[9]      Sending Hagar and Ishmael away (Gen. 21:9-12) did not end Abraham’s marriage to her.  Deu. 24:1 and Mat. 5:31 show that divorcing a woman and putting her away are two separate acts.  Galatians 4:30 says, “cast out the bondwoman and her son.”  The word translated “cast out,” Strongs 1544, means to expel, drive forth, put out, it does not mean, “divorce.”  The Bible does not say that Hagar married again after leaving Abraham; this incident cannot be used to justify remarriage after divorce.  Neither can Saul’s giving his daughter Michal to another man after David ran away from Saul (I Sam 25:44).  Saul was king and had life-or-death power over his subjects.  There was nothing Michal could have done to keep from being given to another man.  David did not regard his marriage to Michal as having ended; he demanded her back as soon as he was powerful enough to do so (II Sam. 3:13-14).

[10]     The New Testament confirms that not all of Abraham’s biological descendants are counted as part of his seed: “Neither, because they are the seed of Abraham, are they all children: but, In Isaac shall thy seed be called.  That is, they which are the children of the flesh, these are not the children of God: but the children of the promise are counted for the seed.”  Romans 9:7-8

[11]     The Hebrew word translated “put away” in Ezra (Strongs 3318) does not mean “divorce,” it means “go out, depart.”

[12]     The Hebrew word translated “strange” (Strongs 5237) means foreign, alien, heathen, or strange; it is used in Proverbs 23:27 “a strange woman is a narrow pit” and in I Kings 11:8  “And likewise did he [Solomon] for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods.”  The Hebrew word translated “wives” (Strongs 802) means wives.

[13]     When God did not let Balaam curse the people of Israel (Numbers 22-24), Balaam advised his client Balaak to urge Moabite women to tempt the Israelites, saying that God Himself would curse Israel if they involved themselves with Balak’s women.  Numbers 25 teaches that 24,000 of God’s people died as punishment for sexual involvement with Moabite women.  This is one reason Naomi did not believe that Ruth, her Moabite daughter in law, could find a husband if she came to the land of Israel (Ruth 1:10-18).

[14]     American divorce law is not as fair to the spouse who does not want to end the marriage.  Under the “no fault divorce” laws of most states, either spouse can leave on a whim.  American courts usually require the husband to pay support to the wife regardless of whether the wife leaves the husband or the husband leaves the wife.

[15]     When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.  Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.  Ecclesiastes 5:4-5

[16]     Isaiah 54:5, 62:5, Jeremiah 3:14, Hosea 2:19, Mat. 22:2, Rom. 7:4, II Cor. 11:2, Ephesians 5:22-33, Rev. 19:7, the entire Song of Solomon.

[17]     The Hebrew word translated “put away” (Strongs 5493) does not mean “divorce,” it means, “depart,” “leave,” or “be without;” it means the couple broke up.

[18]     The Greek words translated “depart” (Strongs 5562) does not mean “divorce,” it means to go.

[19]     The Greek word translated “put away” (Strongs 863) means “to send forth.”

[20]     The Greek translated “put away” (Strongs 630) has a far broader meaning that “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, set at liberty as well as divorce.  The overall meaning is that the couple “broke up.”

[21]     The Greek word translated “fornication” (Strongs 4202) means any sexual sin including harlotry, fornication, or adultery, and is a figurative reference to idolatry.

[22]     The Greek translated “divorced” (Strongs 630) has a far broader meaning than “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, set at liberty as well as divorce.  The overall meaning is that the couple “broke up.”

[23]     The word translated “destroy” means to “loosen, throw down, or dissolve.”

[24]     The Greek word translated “fulfill” (Strongs 4137) means to satisfy, accomplish, perfect, complete, accomplish.

[25]     The Hebrew word translated “divorcement” (Strongs 3748) means “cutting off of the marriage bond (covenant), i.e., divorce.”

[26]     The Greek translated “put away” (Strongs 630) has a broader meaning than “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, set at liberty as well as divorce.  The overall meaning is that the couple “broke up.”

[27]     Galatians 5:2-4 teaches that anyone who clings to any part of the law not only has to obey all of it, he also loses the effect of God’s grace in that Christ’s death has no effect for him.  A Christian must live under grace and must not try to live under the law.

[28]     The Greek translated “put away” (Strongs 630) has a far broader meaning than “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, set at liberty as well as divorce.  The overall meaning is that the couple “broke up.”

[29]     The Greek translated “put away” (Strongs 630) has a far broader meaning than “divorce.”  It means release, let go, pardon, dismiss, put or send away, set at liberty as well as divorce.  The overall meaning is that the couple “broke up.”

[30]     The Greek words translated “depart” (Strongs 5562) does not mean “divorce,” it means to go.

[31]     The Greek word translated “put away” (Strongs 863) means “to send forth.”

[32]     The Hebrew word translated “break wedlock” (Strongs 5003) means to commit adultery.  Women could not initiate divorce under the Mosaic Law, so some believe that “break wedlock” is a mistranslation; women could commit adultery but could not divorce their husbands.  In defense of the KJV, consider Ezekiel 16:45, “Thou art thy mother’s daughter, that lotheth her husband and her children; and thou art the sister of thy sisters which lothed their husbands and their children….”  “Lotheth” and “lothed” are translated from Strongs 1602 which means “detest, reject, abhor fail, loathe, vilely cast away.”  Casting away her husband may not technically be the same as divorce because a woman could not initiate the legal proceedings of divorce, but has the same effect of breaking the marriage covenant.  Thus, “break wedlock” is a fitting description of the sin Ezekiel condemned.  “Wedlock” comes from a Saxon word which means “gift” or “pledge,” emphasizing the fact that marriage is a permanent gift involving an unbreakable vow.

[33]     Ruth 2:4 suggests that Boaz was a God-fearing man, but it didn’t occur to him to marry Ruth, she had to ask him to marry her (Ruth 3:9).  Genesis 25:6 shows that Abraham, the friend of God (James 2:23), had sex with women whom he didn’t marry even though they bore his children.  These passages suggest that men don’t always think in terms of marriage.  A modern young lady ought to put marriage on the table before the first date and walk away if the man won’t at least consider marrying her.