Was Saul’s Offer of His Daughter in Marriage Good for Her?

David was told that the king would give his daughter to anyone who killed Goliath.  Jos 15:16, Jud 1:12-13 tells of another father promising to give his daughter in marriage to a man who did something difficult.

Is this a good deal for the girl?  Suppose some guy runs off and does some heroic deed.  If her father’s honest, if her father honors his offer to the hero, he tells her, “You’re marrying this guy tomorrow.”  If she’s obedient, and a girl didn’t have a whole lot of choice because she couldn’t eat unless some man fed her, there was no welfare, women weren’t strong enough to farm or hunt without machinery, and there were no jobs for women, she marries him, sight unseen, or she’ll starve when her father dies.

Fathers Who Failed their Daughters

God thinks highly of children, the Bible says that the fruit of the womb is His reward.  God created families primarily as a safe place for children to grow up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4, Ps 68:6).  One of the ways we know that God wrote the Bible instead of men is that the Bible records many mistakes by God’s people with focus on leaders.  Modern rulers suppress bad news to make themselves look good.  The Bible gives us many examples of fathers who failed their daughters.

David Failed Tamar – (II Samuel 13)

· Amnon wanted her and tricked David into sending her to him to fix him a meal.

· He sent everyone away, raped her, hated her, and threw her out of his house.

· David could not see Amnon’s heart so he didn’t know to tell Tamar to take chaperones of her own along.

· Tamar thought she was going to get married.  Amnon liked her and had been to see her father about her.

· After the rape, David did not get out the old shotgun and tell Amnon that the law required that he marry her (Deu. 22:28-29).

· Absalom, Tamar’s brother, was right to be concerned about the matter (Gen. 34:31).

· Murdering Amnon was not the right approach, but he was right to want to do something about it.

· He should have approached David and urged him to force Amnon to obey the law and marry her.

Jacob Failed Dinah – Genesis 34

· He did not warn her not to go out to visit the “daughters of the land” (Gen. 34:1).  Lock her up?

· He took no action after the rape (Gen. 34:5).

· The man loved Dinah enough to agree to be circumcised so that he could marry her (Gen. 34:19).

· Her brothers murdered all the men involved.

Lot Failed all 4 of his Daughters – (Gen. 19)

· He gave them a taste of the bright lights of the city.

· Got them unsaved husbands, he seemed as one who mocked (Gen. 19:14) when he told them to get out.

· He did not teach them about God, he put them in bad environment.

· He didn’t leave Sodom even after he was taken captive (Gen. 14:12).

· He probably had an unsaved wife?  Always bad for all children to do that, his sons all died.

· 2 stayed behind and were killed, his wife looked back and died.

· The other two daughters, virgins, he had not trained to trust the Lord to find them husbands.

· They knew that God wanted them to have children.

· They didn’t know to trust the Lord to give them husbands so they got him drunk and went in to their father (Gen. 19:31-38).

· They gave birth to Moabites and Ammonites who became wicked.

Amram Failed Miriam – Numbers 12:1-15

· Miriam was not taught to submit to whatever leadership God placed over her.

· Miriam and Aaron rebelled against Moses’ leadership (Num. 12:2).

· God punished Miriam by giving her leprosy (Num. 12:10).

· We don’t know, but the fact that Miriam was punished and Aaron was not suggests that Miriam led the rebellion and persuaded Aaron to go along with her rebellion.

· Satan tempted Eve to rebel against the restrictions God had placed on her (Gen. 3:1-5).

Jephthah Failed his Daughter – (Judges 11:29-40)

· We don’t know her name, she is referred to as “daughter of Jephthah,”

· He made an unwise vow and had to sacrifice her (Ecc 5:5).

Laban Failed Leah – (Genesis 29:26-28)

· He found her a husband by sneaking her into Jacob’s tent dressed as her sister.

· Her husband did not want her partly because he had been tricked.

· He appreciated her later in life (Gen. 35:19 see also 49:31).

· For many years, she had to live with a husband who resented being married to her.

· Should Jacob have been content with what God let happen to him (Gen. 28:20-22)?

Eli Failed his Daughter in Law – (I Sam 4:19-22)

· He did not train up his sons to follow the Lord (I Sam 2:22-25).

· When her husband was killed, the stress brought on premature labor and she died.

Saul Failed Michal – (I Sam 18:17-29)

· Saul offered her to David if he killed 100 Philistines

· He wanted the Philistines to kill David; he was not really looking out for his daughter.

· David wanted the status of being the king’s son in law; he was not thinking what was best for Michal.

· She loved David (I Sam 18:20).

· She saved David’s life and lied about it when her father wanted to kill him (I Sam 19:11-17).

· Her father gave her to someone else when David fled (I Sam 25:44); that man loved her (II Sam 3:13).

· David demanded her back years later (II Sam 3:13).  She left her husband and 5 sons (II Sam 21:8).  Instead of being “but one,” she was 1 among many other wives who had borne him children, which she had not.

· She ended up despising David (I Ch. 15:29) and died childless (II Sam 6:23).

Abishag’s Father Failed her – (I Kings 1:1-4)

· He let King David have her even though David could not give her children (I Kings 1:4).

· She became a political pawn (I Kings 2:13-25).

· We don’t know if her father really had much choice (I Sam 8:13).

Judah Failed Tamar – (Gen. 38:6:30)

· The law (Deu 25:5) required that Judah give widowed Tamar to his son Onan and then to Shelah.

· After Onan died, Judah decided not to give her to his 3^rd son.

· Tamar did not want to die childless; she wanted a son to care for her when she got old.

· She had her father-in-law get her pregnant by pretending to be a harlot, like Lot’s daughters.

· Was this incest?

Abigail’s Father Failed Abigail – (I Sam 25:3)

He married her to Nabal, who was a bad guy (I Sam 25:3).

Delilah’s Father let her become Samson’s Concubine – (Jud. 16:4)

· The relationship did not work out well for her – she was his but he was not hers.

· Jud. 16:15, “And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me?”

· He took her so she was his, but he did not open his heart to her so he was not hers.  She didn’t like that.

· What she did was not nice, but he betrayed her first.

Caleb and Achsah – Joshua 15:16-19, Judges 1:12-13, it’s in the Bible TWICE

Caleb promised her hand in marriage to whoever took Kirjathsepher.  His nephew Othniel took the city and won his wife thereby (Joshua 15:16-19).  Was this good for Acsah?

David offered a promotion to whoever took Jerusalem (II Sam 5:8).  We don’t know if he had any eligible daughters to offer at that time (II Sam 3:2, 5:14).

· Othniel was a leader; he didn’t take the city by himself, so her father found her a husband of rank (Jud 3:9) who later became a judge.

· He survived battle; he was either a good fighter or blessed of God, either way, he’s good husband material.

· They were cousins, he must have known her.  He wanted her badly enough to do battle to win her (Gen. 29:21).  Having a husband who wants her is good for a woman (Gen. 2:23, I Cor 7:7)

· She told her husband to ask her father for some land, he gave her springs.  In dry country, springs are very valuable, her father provided for her as well as he could.

The Modern Dilemma

· There are only two ways a father can protect his daughter – her cooperation or her incarceration.  Juliet’s father couldn’t keep her away from Romeo, whose family was hostile to her family.  It didn’t end well.