The David Story Illustrates Family Dynamics and Relationships

This article discusses the David and Goliath story from the point of view of family dynamics, please read I Samuel 17.  The Jews under King Saul and the Philistines armies were camped on opposite sides of a valley.  The Philistines had a campion named Goliath who was about 9 feet tall.  He challenged the Jewish army every day, saying that if anyone could defeat him in single combat, that would decide the battle and nobody else would have to fight.  Did they mean that?  No, when David killed Goliath, they still had to fight.

Enemy promises are worthless.  Can we trust any North Korean promises or Iranian promises about giving up nuclear weapons?  Only if we learn from President Reagan who said, “Trust, but verify.”

And Jesse said unto David his son, Take now for thy brethren an ephah of this parched corn, and these ten loaves, and run to the camp of thy brethren; And carry these ten cheeses unto the captain of their thousand, and look how thy brethren fare, and take their pledge.  I Samuel 17:17-18

Three of his sons are in the army.  Jesse knows army food isn’t wonderful, so he wants David to take them some food.  How many parents sent kids food when they’re off at college?  He also wants David to schmooze his son’s boss by giving him ten cheeses.  Smart man, Jesse!  They’ve had a king for only a few years, and Jesse knows how the army bureaucracy works.  He’s helping his sons get in good with the top brass.

Finally, he tells David to find out how they’re doing, and bring their words back to him.  He doesn’t have email, he wants to hear how they’re doing in their own words.  There are many family relationships revealed in what happens next.

What was in it for David?

When David heard Goliath’s challenge to God’s people, his first question was, “What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine,” 17:26.  He went on to speak of his anger at Goliath’s defying God, but his first question was “What’s in it for me?”  Although David was angry when Goliath insulted God, David first spoke about himself.  What do you think of this? Was it OK for David to ask “What’s in it for me?”

What shall be done for the man” is asked today.  They ask “What shall be done for the man who builds a road from Boston to Washington,” and people bid on the job.  It usually works out that what shall be done for the man who buildeth the road is to give the man some money.

David was told that the king would give him his daughter if he killed Goliath.  What was done for David after David killed Goliath?  Did David marry Saul’s daughter?  Did the king pay as he had promised?  The next chapter tells us that Saul gave David a job, but did David marry Saul’s daughter for killing Goliath as Saul had promised?  Well, no.  David did marry Saul’s daughter, but not until years later and after he killed 200 Philistines.  Learn this well - people and kings and governments don’t always pay what they promise.

Was Saul’s offer good for his daughter?

David was told that the king would give his daughter to anyone who killed Goliath.  Jos 15:16, Jud 1:12-13 tells of another father promising to give his daughter in marriage to a man who did something difficult.  Is this a good deal for the girl?  Suppose some guy runs off and does some heroic deed.  If her father’s honest, if her father honors his offer to the hero, he tells her, “You’re marrying this guy tomorrow.”  If she’s obedient, and a girl didn’t have a whole lot of choice because she couldn’t eat unless some man fed her, there was no welfare, women weren’t strong enough to farm or hunt without machinery, and there were no jobs for women, she marries him, sight unseen, or she’ll starve when her father dies.

This is found in other stories.  How many of you read the story of the brave little tailor?  He killed 7 flies at once, wrote “7 at one blow” on his belt, and went walking.  The king thought he’d killed 7 men with one blow and told him that if he killed some giants who were causing trouble, the tailor could marry the king’s daughter.

The tailor didn’t fight the giants; he killed them with a trick.  Goliath acted as if he’d never heard of a sling, he let David get into range without hiding behind his shield or putting on his helmet.  David tricked Goliath as the tailor tricked the giants, but in the story, the king was honest and married his daughter to the tailor.

Was this good for the girl?  In II Sam 5:8, David wanted Jerusalem taken, but did not offer a daughter.  I added up the years and I don’t think David had any daughters who were old enough to get married, but the Bible doesn’t say anything about that either way.  Was it a good thing for Saul to offer his daughter to a hero?

In those days, many men died young.  In Ruth, 3 men died leaving 3 widows.  The most important thing about a man to a woman was that he lives long enough to help raise her children to be old enough to feed themselves.  A man who was strong enough, and lucky enough, and skilled enough to beat Goliath was reasonably likely to live long enough to raise Saul’s daughter’s children.  Giving his daughter to a brave, strong, skillful man was a good thing for a father to do.

When you try to serve, you’ll get yelled at

When David asked about fighting Goliath, his older brother Eliab trashed him (17:28).  David had left the mules and the food with the man who was in charge of food (17:22) so Eliab didn’t know David had been told to bring food.  Eliab assumed that David had run away from home just to see the battle.

Has your older or younger brother or sister ever criticized you when you did what your parents told you to do?  Have you ever been criticized when you’re obeying someone at work?  How much more, then, will you be criticized when you obey God?

David was trashed for obeying his father and for taking up God’s cause, if you imitate David, you’ll be trashed, too (John 15:19).

What did God say when Samuel wanted to anoint Eliab to be king?

But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.  I Samuel 16:7

This may be a reason Eliab wasn’t worthy to be king.  It looked like David had run away from the sheep to see the battle, but that wasn’t the way it was.  Eliab didn’t ask David what he was doing there; he assumed that David had done wrong and criticized him without asking.  Is this a good way to lead?

You never know whom God will use, or who He’ll raise up or who He’ll put down

David’s brother criticized David for coming to the battle; he thought David was of no use at all.  How did Eliab feel when David became king?  We often fail to see what or whom God will use:

Unto you therefore which believe he is precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner, and a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed.  I Peter 2:7-8

Eliab was there when David was anointed to be king among his brethren (16:1-13).  Picture it, all of David’s brothers are standing around, and Samuel anoints David to be king.  Don’t you think Samuel told them why he was anointing David?  What was Eliab thinking?  Didn’t he know that Samuel was a man of God?  Didn’t he know that God had chosen his little brother to be king?  Or did he just blow the whole thing off?

Why did he yell at David?  Was he jealous?  If Eliab had understood that God planned to use David and that God meant it when He had David anointed king, wouldn’t Eliab have expected David to do something unusual?  Eliab could have encouraged David; he could have helped him instead of making David’s work harder through criticism. Have you ever seen God work?  Haven’t you seen God work in this church, right here in this place?  And if you see God work through one of His people, do you support that person, whoever it is?

Let me give you an example.  Think about Doris, a retarded woman who came to our church for a while.  We could all see that God works through Doris.  She invites people to church, and some of them come.  I may have invited more people to church than Doris has, but I’ll tell you, more of the people Doris invites actually come.  God is working through Doris.  So if that’s where God’s working, and I want to get with God’s program, I have to get behind Doris and help her.

I don’t know why God works through Doris, but He does.  But let me give you a guess.  In my heart, I suspect that God works through Doris because Doris is willing for God to use her.  She’s willing to invite people.  It’s discouraging.  I’ve heard people she invites rag on her, but she keeps doing it.  She’s willing, and she’s faithful.  She keeps at it, and that’s all that God requires.

If you’re not sure how God will use you, one way to start is to find someone God is using such as your pastor and help him.  Eliab could have blessed David but he let his chance go.  I Chronicles 11 tells how David conquered Jerusalem.  It lists many of the men who helped him; Eliab isn’t there.  We don’t hear of him again except when his daughter married King Rheoboam, David’s grandson (II Chronicles 11:6).  How sad!

Eliab’s heart wasn’t right toward God so God couldn’t use him.  Was Eliab jealous?  Do you become jealous when God uses someone instead of using you?  Or do you support the people God is using and try to make yourself more useful (Ro. 12:1)?

Why did Saul let David fight Goliath?

Saul heard about David talking, and called him.  When Saul pointed out that David was “but a youth,” David discussed his warrior’s resume, and told Saul that God would be with him.  Why did Saul let David go into battle?

Goliath’s challenge put Goliath’s god against Saul and David’s God.  Saul knew that if his champion lost, his army’s morale would go down.  On the other hand, he may have thought Goliath wouldn’t take David seriously, as indeed Goliath didn’t.  Saul may have planned to claim that David was just a kid who didn’t count.

It’s also possible that David “spoke with authority.”  When your speech and your conduct line up with God’s Word, you come across much more strongly.

Conclusion

Our God is a God of detail, He plans everything He does (Isaiah 14:26-27 23:9 43:13 46:11, Jer. 4:28, Rom. 8:28).  The details we often overlook when reading the Bible can teach us as much as the stories.  God tells why He used David: God was real to David, David was prepared, and David was careful.  But in the details, God tells that David thought of himself while he served God, he told us how fathers provided for their daughters, He reminds us that we’ll get criticized when we obey, and He warns us that we never know whom He will use.

The next David-related article shows how civilians who work for armies have been treated badly since the beginning.

https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/04/the-david-and-goliath-story-shows-how.html