Thursday, October 10, 2013

What My Wife Told Me Before We Were Married

My wife and I have been happily married since 1971.  It’s obvious to everyone who knows us, and even to most who see us together for the first time.  Years ago, our granddaughter Veronica asked us why we were so happily married.

As we pondered her question, we realized that our answer could make a real difference in her life.  Kids today are subject to all the wrong influences, far more so than when we grew up.  Veronica paid us the compliment of asking how to avoid the road to misery so many travel today.

Roberta and I wanted to make sure we gave the very best advice we could.  We knew that as a girl becomes a woman, the way she manages her relationships with men has a profound effect on how her life turns out.

We realized that the strongest influence on a marriage is how the husband treats his wife.  The way he treats her is based on what happens before marriage, and most of that is determined by how the woman conducts herself.

Before we were married, my wife told me five vital facts about herself.  The truths she gave me became the foundation of our marriage.  We wrote them down for our granddaughter in the hope that she would position herself to be as valued, treasured, appreciated, and nourished as her grandmother.

We put them in a letter to Veronica.  We reviewed it and agonized over it and revised it a number of times.  This is what we sent.  We thought we would post it here, as others might find it helpful.

How She Knew What To Say

About a year before I found her, my wife was planning to marry a man she’d been dating for a while.  He looked really good – youth group leader, served in the church – so she asked God if she ought to marry him.  To her shock and dismay, God plainly said, “No.”

Knowing her distress, the Holy Spirit guided a missionary who knew her friend well to her college.  He confirmed that the flaw God had pointed out would make it a bad idea for her to marry him.  When she asked him about it, he huffed, “That’s the way I am.  If you don’t like it, good bye!” and broke up with her.

A year went by and her friends were marrying fast.  She prayed, “Oh God, please, either send me a husband or make me content without one.”  One day, as she opened her hymnbook, she realized she’d been noticed by a man in the pew behind her.  “Is this my husband?” she thought.  We had our first date in April and married in August.

She’d asked God to choose her husband.  Knowing that I had no idea how to nourish or cherish her, the Holy Spirit led her to tell me astounding things about her.  She was embarrassed by some of what she said and had had no such thoughts before saying them.  This guidance to me was clearly of God.

What God had her tell me became the foundation of our marriage.  Proverbs 31:1 says that Mrs. Lemuel taught her son how to deal with his future wife; mothers are generally better qualified to teach sons how to nourish wives than fathers are.  Working mothers can’t do that because they don’t have time.  It takes a lot of time for a mother to get through to her son because men aren’t inclined to listen to women.  The angel chode Manoah for not accepting what the angel told his wife (Judges 13:13) and Pilate ignored his wife’s advice:

When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19

There is a time, however, when a man may listen.  When he’s attracted enough to try to date a woman, his agenda is very well defined and focused.  If he’s drawn strongly enough to her, he may listen as she explains the terms and conditions under which she would enjoy fulfilling his plans.  If he won’t listen, she must walk away because he’ll never pay any closer attention to what she says than when he’s pursuing her.

Every man knows that a woman can give him the joys of heaven, but he also knows that an unhappy woman can give him the torments of hell.  What she said was so reasonable and so workable that I was confident that I could make her happy.  Once I decided that she wanted to make me happy, marrying her was a no-brainer.

Our granddaughter can’t count on a man having been taught by his mother because few mothers have time.  We wanted her to have the words and concepts to tell a prospective mate what God had wanted me to know about sanctifying a wife.  We pray that it works as well for her as for her grandmother.

Dating is not a Game, it’s Serious Beyond Measure

Veronica, my best beloved, you know that the Bible teaches that you were made for your husband, he’s not made for you (I Co. 11:8-9).  That means that even though your role as wife is of critical importance to your home, your husband, as leader, has more influence than you do after you’re married.

God made you to multiply whatever your husband gives you.  Consider babies.  Your husband gives you one tiny cell.  You gather his life force unto yourself, nourish and multiply his seed within you, and bring forth a child with billions of cells.  Each of those cells has the mark of your husband’s DNA (Gen. 5:3).

Similarly, if your husband gives you joy, love, appreciation, praise, and sanctification (Song 6:9), you’ll multiply what he gives you and fill your home with love and light to the Glory of God.  If he gives you anger, criticism, or harshness, Satan will tempt you to multiply that and your house will be filled with anger and pain.

A virtuous wife “openeth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Pr. 31:26).”  A man who’s emotionally involved with you can be hurt terribly by your words even if he won’t admit it.

Real Biblical love is a choice, not an emotion.  Jesus loves in spite of being hurt (Mt. 23:37) and so can a man or woman whose love of Christ strengthens (Philip. 4:13), but why should your words make it hard for your husband to open his heart to you?  How can he trust in you as Pr. 31:11 promises if you often hurt him?

Even though the way your husband conducts himself has the major impact on your life after you’re married, your grandmother and I believe that your conversation and manner of life are of crucial importance in what goes before the wedding.  Your path where God wants you may be different from ours, but as long as you let God lead, He’ll get you where you ought to be.  The wisdom that the Holy Spirit led your grandmother to convey to me as we courted was vital to our walk with God, so I’m sharing it with you for you to share.

Wisdom Your Grandmother Channeled to Me

You’re old enough that the choices you’re making now will affect the rest of your life.  Your theology, that is, what you believe about God, is your most important choice.  What you choose to believe about God determines what you do, and what you do affects how things turn out for you.

You’ve prayed, “God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food,” but do you believe it?  Your grandmother chose to believe that God was great enough to give her life and breath and great enough to give His Word to bless her.  She tried to follow the parts she understood and she asked God to protect her to keep her in His path.  She also believed that God was good enough to want her to have an abundant life (John 10:10).

She believed God knew her better than she knew herself.  She believed that if God wanted her to marry, He would give her to a man who would bless her if she let Him choose.  She spent years asking God to work in her heart to make her a Proverbs 31 woman, that’s why she was able to hear what God told her about me.

These two passages became her key to letting God choose her husband:

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Keeping her heart was the key.  Women can get emotionally involved with very wrong men after which it’s hard to hear the Lord’s warning and pull away.  She tried to keep her heart from me until after I’d married her.  All through dating and up the aisle, she prayed, “God, if Bill isn’t the right man for me, please stop this!”

To make me right for her, God had to teach me how to learn how to nourish and cherish the woman He wanted to give me.  Men are pretty clueless about women.  God worked on me by having your grandmother say some vital, astounding things to me while we were courting and after we were married.

I’m a Treasure Looking for a Husband, not a Toy Looking for Fun

When I first asked her out, she said, “Before you spend any money on me, you should know that I’m looking for a husband.  I’m not looking for fun; I want to get married.  I’m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether you and I should get married.  God made me to be a treasure for some man.  If you aren’t that man, fine, we can part friends, but I’m not a toy.  I don’t want a man to play with me; I want a man to stay with me.”

Putting marriage on the table was part of guarding her heart.  When a woman lets herself “fall in love” with a man who won’t marry her, she’s crusin’ for a brusin’, she’s in for a world of hurt.

When she spoke of my spending money on her, she signaled that she expected me to support her.  In times past, a woman wouldn’t give herself to a man without marriage and she wouldn’t marry unless he’d grown up enough to have a job.  Many modern girls live with guys without marriage and even pay “their share” of the rent.  Your grandmother was letting me know that she wasn’t going to do that.

Every man knows in his heart that a woman can give him the joys of heaven, that’s why men pursue women so fervently.  I was attracted to her, and she tells me she plans to be God’s treasure for her husband!  Although she had no idea what being my treasure would mean, I knew exactly what it would be like to have her be God’s treasure for me.  If she meant that, marriage would be a no-brainer, so I said, “Sure.”

A wife can’t make her husband any happier than he makes her.  God knew I had no idea how to nourish and cherish her.  He had to teach me how to learn how to make her happy so that she could make me happy.  If I couldn’t make her happy, we’d both be miserable.

I want to be Pure at the Altar

On our second date, she told me to dump the other girl I was seeing; she wanted me to focus on her and on her alone.  She then said she wanted to be a virgin on her wedding night.  We agreed that the promises of Proverbs 31 are for a virtuous woman, not the other kind, and that God reserves intimacy for marriage.  She was embarrassed about having said that, but she in effect made me responsible for protecting her purity.  She’d been asking God to protect her all along, now she asked me to help God protect her.

Good thing, too.  Most of my classmates were pretty casual about men and women coming together without marriage.  This discussion gave me the strength to preserve our purity when we were tempted later.

She Called Me “Sir.”

Early in our courtship, she’d occasionally say “Yes, sir” when I addressed her.  Not every time, but as the spirit moved her.  I like that a lot, but we had no idea how important it was.

The Bible teaches you to call your husband “Lord (I Pe. 3:8)” and to reverence him (Eph. 5:33).  This is difficult if you don’t respect him.  That’s why we advise ladies to wait for a man whom they want to call “Sir.”

“Sir” meant she’d respect me in spite of my mistakes.  We’re told to confess our faults one to another (Jas. 5:16).  Men don’t like doing that and they particularly don’t like telling wives things they’re afraid will cost them respect.  Most men ignore Pr. 31:11 and refuse to open their hearts to their wives.  Calling me “Sir” helped me open my heart to her when I realized that God wanted me to belong to her; that’s why God had her do it.

Don’t Fuss At Me

Weeks later, she asked that I never fuss at her.  “I want to love you very much,” she said.  “The more I love you, the more disapproval hurts me.  I won’t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.”

That made sense – the Bible speaks of women as “tender and delicate.”  I didn’t want to keep her from loving me, so I watch what I say.  We didn’t know it then, but God said the same thing:

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Pro 12:18

I needed this too.  A man can be hurt as badly by a woman he loves as a woman can be hurt by a man whom she loves.  We’ve tried always to be sure our tongues are health to each other.  She tries to speak so that the 10-foot area near her is the best place in all the world for me to be, that’s why I like hanging around her.

Talking is More Important than you can Imagine

Just before our wedding, she told me she was really looking forward to being married.  I was too.  I thought we were on the same page, but she went on.  “I really like talking to you.  Once we’re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.”

That’s more talking than a man can imagine, she was expecting hours per day!  I’d been talking a lot while dating because we couldn’t do anything else.  I thought once we were married, it would be a done deal and we wouldn’t have to talk about it any more.  As she got marriage on the table, as she asked me to focus my attention on her alone, as she made me responsible for protecting her purity, she told me that talking to her a lot more than I could imagine was an important part of our marriage covenant.

I had no idea how vital this was.  Suffice it to say that a woman can’t follow her husband unless she knows what he wants.  She can’t do what he wants unless he opens his heart to her so that she knows him well enough to know what he wants.  Then she can be sure he’ll be happy with her, which makes her happy.

God made women so that they think very differently from men (Pr. 19:14).  It takes hours and hours of talk before a man can understand what a woman is saying.  If I hadn’t promised to talk to her, I’d probably have been too impatient to communicate with her enough for her to feel that I valued her mind.

Opening my heart to her was scary, but Proverbs 31 says “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.”  God wanted me to know that it was OK to open myself to her.  Opening myself to her made me hers as opening herself to me made her mine.  The Song of Solomon teaches that husband and wife are supposed to belong to each other.  God led her to ask me to promise to talk to her and all that talk made me hers.

I Serve God by Serving You

24 hours after our wedding, she said, “I’ve been thinking about being married to you.”  I thought, “We’re married, what’s to talk about,” but she had told me that talking would be important, so we talked.  “The Bible says God wants me to belong to you, obey you, and submit to you,” she said.  I thought, “Neat-o!  We’re on the same page!” but she wasn’t done.  “I’ll do my best to do that,” she said, “but I’m not doing it just for you.  I’m doing it for God because He told me to.  I’m serving God by serving you because God wants me to serve you.”

Whoa.  I thought about that for a long time and I still think about it.  The next day, I told her, “I’ve been thinking about what you said.  God wants me to lead you and take care of you.  The Bible says that anyone who would be first of all must be least of all and servant of all.  If I’m to lead you as God wants me to, I’ll have to lead by serving you.  You said it well – I’ll serve God by serving you because God wants me to serve you.”

You see, oh my best beloved, marriage, like salvation, is an unmerited gift of God.  The only way to be saved is to die to your former life and be married to Christ.  Your husband won’t deserve your submission, you won’t deserve his giving his life to nourish you; those are undeserved gifts of God’s grace.  God expects married people to serve Him by serving each other and their children.

Jesus said that husband and wife are no more twain, but one flesh.  The only way 2 people can become one is for each of them to die to themselves in favor of their new family.  Each of you must give the other the same love and grace God gave in saving you (I Pe. 4:10).  As Christ chose to love you regardless of your failures, you and your husband must choose to love each other regardless of failure, ‘til death do you part.

As God sees you as perfect, you must treat each other as perfect (II Co. 5:14); you can only do this by the Grace of God.  Watching your husband love you in spite of your failures increases your love for Christ and for him, and vice-versa.  When lost people see you give God’s grace to each other, they’ll want God’s grace.

Salvation is about God giving – for God so loved that He gave….  Your grandmother so loves God that she let God give her to me, I so love God that I let God give me to her.  Our love for each other is based on our love for God.  He must be first.

Just before our wedding, I wrote her a letter, “For God so loved man that He gave him woman, for God so loved me that He gave me you.”  It never occurred to me that she wouldn’t belong to me, but I know many wives who don’t belong to their husbands.  Beg God to increase your love for Christ and for Him.  Ask that He help you become a Proverbs 31 woman whether He wants you to marry or not.  Then if God chooses for you to marry, He can give you to a man who’ll treasure you as He treasures you.

And We Lived Happily Ever After

I told you, oh my best beloved, that although your role is important after you’re married, your husband has more influence on your happiness than you do.  Having told you how God led your grandmother to prepare us both for marriage, it’s time to tell you why our marriage has worked out as well as it has.

First, your grandmother actually let God give her to me.  When we first came together on our wedding night, she was terrified because God gave her a deep, frightening desire to belong to me and to serve me.  Nobody had warned her of this, but she’d prayed for years that God would work on her heart to prepare her for marriage; this had to be from God.  She clung to her faith that God was good and prayed, “Lord, You must want me to belong to Bill.  That doesn’t make sense, but if that’s what You want, I’ll do my best to submit to him and to belong to him.”  That’s why she was able to tell me she planned to serve God by serving me.

It never occurred to me that she wouldn’t belong to me.  When I stood at the altar and vowed to God that I’d give up my right to pursue all the other women in the world and focus my masculinity on her alone, I expected her to be mine.  To show that I’m not unusual, look at “the heart of her husband…” (Pr. 31:11)  The Hebrew word is “Ba-el.”  “El” means “god” as in “el-shaddai” or “elohim.”  “Baal” appears in the Old Testament as the name of a deity.  It could be translated “Lord” or “god;” Jehovah’s Witnesses use “owner” in Pr. 31:11.

Consider the Japanese word “shu-jin” which is translated “husband.”  “Jin” is “person;” “shu” is “Lord” as in “Shu yesu kiristo;” Lord Jesus Christ.  Shujin is literally “lord person.”  A Japanese wife can’t refer to her husband without calling him “Lord;” it’s built into the language as in Eph. 5:33.  My possessiveness is normal.

Many women honor their husbands with their lips (Mt. 15:8, Mk. 7:6) without honoring them with their hearts.  If your grandmother had done that, I would have been deeply hurt and deeply disappointed.

I would also have been deeply ashamed which would have harmed my health (Pr. 12:4).  Very little shames a man worse that having his wife not be his; I know of two heart attacks where such shaming was involved.

Because your grandmother chose to let God give her to me, however, her happiness became my happiness.  Proverbs warns 5 times that an unhappy woman is a hardship (19:13, 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15), but the opposite is true, too.  When she was happy, life was good.  When she was happy with me, life was very good.  When she was happy in being mine, I got the taste of the joys of heaven that I’d expected when she told me God had made her to be a treasure.  Being a practical engineer, I started learning how to make her happy.

I had another reason to study her.  I’d heard many men complain about women, and they complained about the same things.  When I told her, she told me her friends had said, “He may love you, but he won’t like X, Y, or Z about you once you’re married” and they named the same things my dorm mates had disliked.

This disagreed with my theology.  I had always thought that God was good and had written her “For God so loved me that He gave me you.”  She had told me she was a gift from God, the Bible said that (Pr. 18:22, 19:6), and I knew that God give good and perfect gifts (Mt. 7:11, Jas. 1:17).  Therefore, and this was my crucial insight, all those men who had disliked those characteristics which were common to women were wrong.  Those traits were not defects; God had made women that way on purpose to bless men.

I told your grandmother that we’d work to explore her nature.  Anything that was true of most women was intended to bless all men; any trait unique to her was to bless me because God had chosen to give her to me.  If I couldn’t understand how or why something blessed me, it was my problem, not God’s, and we’d wrestle with it until we figured out just how it blessed me.  I treated it an engineering problem.  To build a strong bridge, I’d better understand the nature of concrete and steel; to build a strong marriage, I had to understand her nature.

With that understanding, she was happy to look into herself to explain her characteristics to me.

God commands that a husband dwell with his wife according to knowledge (I Pe. 3:7).  My learning how she blessed me not only made her happy, it helped me obey God.

I also wanted to know how she was like other women and what was unique to her.  When she’d say, “My friends feel that way,” I’d conclude most women were like that.  Sometimes it was, “I don’t know anyone like that,” for things unique to her.  At other times, she’d have to ask; her friends either agreed with her or didn’t.

This was another area where my engineering mind led me to obey God.  God commands that a husband know how to possess his wife in honor and sanctification (I Th. 4:4).  “Sanctification” means “set apart,” God expected me to know how she was the same as other women and how she was God’s special gift for me.

Read the Song of Solomon carefully.  The husband praises his wife in mind-numbing detail.  This is because he’s paid attention to what’s unique about her so that he can appreciate it.  He says that she’s “but one,” (6:9) which means he’s sanctified her by setting her apart from all other women.  She says 3 times that she belongs to him (2:16, 3:16, 7:10).  In 7:10, she says, “his desire is toward me.”  She knows how badly he wants her, and if you read 8:2-3, you’ll find that she likes belonging to him just as your grandmother liked belonging to me.

In all this talking about her emotions, skills, her feelings, and other characteristics, I ended up opening my heart to her rather often.  This was as frightening to me as her opening herself to me had frightened her, and I ended up belonging to her as she belonged to me.  God designed us so that opening his heart to a woman makes a man belong to her; opening herself to a man makes a woman belong to him.

It’s not enough for a man to have a woman belong to him.  Solomon owned 1,000 women (I Ki. 11:3 7/3).  They were his property and had to do what he told them.  There was none of this “I’m not in the mood” or “I have a headache.”  This sounds like a masculine paradise, but how did it work out for Solomon?

Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.  Ecclesiastes 7:27-28

Solomon owned a thousand women, yet his soul was empty.  Why?  They women belonged to him, he could command as he wished, but he could not make them like it.  Instead of having a woman enjoy belonging to him as his first wife had, he had 1,000 unhappy women running around the palace.  No wonder his soul was empty.

This was Solomon’s fault.  His first wife was “but one,” and she liked belonging to him.  He had time to talk to her enough to open his heart to her which made him hers.  You see, oh my best beloved, it’s nearly impossible for a woman to like belonging to her husband unless he not only belongs to her, he likes belonging to her.  Belonging to her requires that he open his heart to her.  So much talk takes so much time that a man can’t possibly belong to more than one woman.

As I said earlier, your grandmother strives to make her words health to me.  I can open my heart without fear that she’ll hurt me, which keeps me belonging to her.  I started talking to her in this way because I’d promised and as a by-product of wanting to understand how God had designed her to bless me.  It took 20 years of talk, but we can explain how the characteristics my dorm mates disliked about women actually bless them.

The bottom line, Veronica, is that you can’t make your husband any happier than he makes you.  Your happiness is greatest when he likes belonging to you.  As a side benefit, opening his heart to you will teach him all kinds of ways to make you happy if he pays attention.  The happier he makes you, the happier he will be.

53 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine Yeung said...

Thanks for taking the time to write such an insightful story of your relationship with your wife (before and during your marriage). Not having a godly grandparent myself, it was a heart warming read! :)

October 11, 2013 at 1:57 PM  
Blogger Kiittäkää Aina ja Kaikesta said...

Thank you for opening up and being so honest.
It shows that you have read and thought through the things Bible says about men, women and marriage.
I find it sad that so many men demand their wive to be "biblical women" but won't make the effort to be live the Bible true in their lives.
There are many things I need to think over and analyze. But I find myself agreeing (finally) that I, as a woman, do belong to my husband. Sadly my mariage has it's own problems and it is not possible.
But I still want to learn and God still has His plan for me. Until then, I want to study what you have written and I think with a little more time I'll even answer you.
And congratulations on your mariage. You truly are an example to us all.

November 28, 2013 at 7:38 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

First, I must say that I am extremely old-fashioned in the ways of the Lord. I believe that a man, woman, young boy or young girl must seek the Lord, and wait for His perfect will to come. That is the only time when dating should actually begin. It is my firm belief that if an individual draws close to God, God will reveal to him or her whom their soul mate will be. Please note the fact that in the story of the Proverbs 31 woman, no mention whatsoever is made of her appearance, and that is because because her appearance was the least important. It was her character that was paramount. It was not the manner of her dress, but it was the content of her character that was important. Therefore, parents must teach their daughters and granddaughters that a godly character is the most important quality a young boy or girl should possess. A young girl must not go hunting for a husband or a man. She must hunt for and seek the face of God if she desires to marry. After all, Jesus Himself said: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Mr. Taylor, you can find me on the blog site, WORDPRESS (zulu7772013.wordpress.com).

December 10, 2013 at 10:54 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

First, I must say that I am extremely old-fashioned in the ways of the Lord. I believe that a man, woman, young boy or young girl must seek the Lord, and wait for His perfect will to come. That is the only time when dating should actually begin. It is my firm belief that if an individual draws close to God, God will reveal to him or her whom their soul mate will be. Please note the fact that in the story of the Proverbs 31 woman, no mention whatsoever is made of her appearance, and that is because because her appearance was the least important. It was her character that was paramount. It was not the manner of her dress, but it was the content of her character that was important. Therefore, parents must teach their daughters and granddaughters that a godly character is the most important quality a young boy or girl should possess. A young girl must not go hunting for a husband or a man. She must hunt for and seek the face of God if she desires to marry. After all, Jesus Himself said: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Mr. Taylor, you can find me on the blog site, WORDPRESS (zulu7772013.wordpress.com).

December 10, 2013 at 10:55 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This is great! Thank you for sharing. If you don't mind, I would love to share this with my readers.

March 17, 2014 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This is great! Thank you for sharing. If you don't mind, I would love to share this with my readers.

March 17, 2014 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger Aimee said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is wonderful stuff, very relevant for my marriage now, and I will be sure sharing this with my son and daughters in the future (they are only 3 years old and younger). :)

December 29, 2014 at 9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 7, 2015 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you! Such profound words!

June 13, 2016 at 2:24 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you for this story

July 4, 2016 at 9:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully written with great insights!

August 14, 2016 at 12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully written with great insights!

August 14, 2016 at 12:25 PM  
Blogger Mohammad said...

This is the most beautiful story that i have ever read.
May you always live happily with your wife.

September 19, 2016 at 4:24 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Very nice and inspiring words. Thank you for sharing.

October 5, 2016 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Very nice and inspiring words. Thank you for sharing.

October 5, 2016 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Robyn Lockhart said...

This is one of the most inspirational articles I have ever read! Thanks so much for posting the link on Quora so I could find this gem.


You are open honest direct and so authentic in your letter to your granddaughter! I trust it helps her also find the man to treasure her.

Love and blessings to you ALL

October 14, 2016 at 1:17 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This is exactly what I needed to read. I've been struggling for some time to really grasp the mechanisms of a God-led relationship and your beautifully written piece really helped to put everything in perspective. I'm extremely grateful for this. Wishing you and your wife many more years of love, peace and happiness.

December 20, 2016 at 6:11 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This has blessed me and opened my eyes to how I treat this new relationship I'm in. There are many wolves in sheep clothing and want Christian faithful women after they've been round the world and had various strange women. I can decide now what and who is. Thank you so much for details. Nowbi can act clearly and confidently

December 27, 2016 at 9:49 PM  
Blogger lifeisfulloffunnmoments said...

Wow this is so beautiful. Thank you so much for writing this!

April 13, 2017 at 6:18 AM  
Blogger Goodnewz said...

Hallelujah...!
@Bill
You might think this was for your granddaughter, but lo and behold it's for generations worldwide.

Thanks and God bless you real good for sharing this Godly inspired letter.

* I Searched for... How to write a love letter, along the line I came across the link to this your letter, and it overtook my former search.

Once Again... God bless you real good !

May 18, 2017 at 5:27 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you for this. I have just put it into practice and told the man I love that with all the planning we're doing for the future it will only work if we're married. And while I was worried that he'd run a mile then I realised that if he did then he wasn't right for me anyway. He hasn't run off and has agreed that marriage would be the best thing too. Thank you because I wrote him a letter because it was the best way to outline all my thoughts and Christian beliefs and I included some of the things you said but worded it relevant to myself

May 25, 2017 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

What a great inspirational piece! I love reading but when it's too long, I just flip through it , but not this one. It was too captivating , interesting and educative for me to do that to. I read every word and I even saved the page for reference.!! Thank you sir for sharing your life...it's so insightful. How did I get here? A guy asked me out months ago and I turned him down on the grounds that he seemed more like a player to me. He asked me why I thought so and then I said it's written all over him; his disposition, his overconfidence, his always thinking he's so cool, he knows how to play with words on women and feels he gets any woman he wants...you know, all of that. So I felt he would only see me as one of the women he won himself as a prize for knowing his words. That's why I declined. But I truly liked him. Now he has travelled to another country (maybe temporarily, I don't know ) but he's kept up with me and would chirp in a "Hello" once in a while. Now I'm beginning to see him differently from the things he says and does and how maturely he handled the rejection - didn't hate me nor avoided me because of it. I'm getting attracted to him so much now that he's all I think of, but I can't tell him that. I don't know how but I really want to know him more and I want us to be more than just friends. I went searching for advice online and that's how I got here. When I read your own advice on this issue likened to mine, it resonated with more than other's advice and that is exactly what I am going to try and i pray he comes back soon. Thanks so much sir. God bless your marriage always.

June 26, 2017 at 6:58 AM  
Blogger Em said...

Thank you for sharing this. I was going through a lot not being taught what Kind of standards I should have in order to have a beautiful life. This helped to see the difference between a treasure and toy. Thank you! I feel my prayers and questions have been answered!

April 15, 2018 at 7:37 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I need some advice please

May 19, 2018 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you very much for this wonderful inside I pray that may the Lord Jesus help me in making the right choice and to be a lovable husband to my wife. May God bless you abundantly in your marital life.

July 9, 2018 at 11:21 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you very much for this wonderful inside I pray that may the Lord Jesus help me in making the right choice and to be a lovable husband to my wife. May God bless you abundantly in your marital life.

July 9, 2018 at 11:22 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I just watched your video and i am so fatigued because .. its sooo slowww .. i wanted to know what the twelve word was that racheal said and i wanted to know how to signal it but i am unable to pay to learn this things as i am in a different time zone and i dont work ..my husband and me have many problems

July 28, 2018 at 3:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although there are many insightful parts to this story, I would like to hear your wife's version.

August 2, 2018 at 2:27 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I am so greatful and excited stumbling on this page. I feel so lucky and privileged to read this. God bless you.

December 14, 2018 at 6:26 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh my. This is just simply beautiful. It has helped give voice to my hearts desires. And for my hearts desires to make perfect sense. Thank you for this blessing today.

December 15, 2018 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger JOHN FELIX TEMBO said...

HI bill thank you you for powerful stuff

January 8, 2019 at 5:17 AM  
Blogger JOHN FELIX TEMBO said...

HI bill thank you you for powerful stuff

January 8, 2019 at 5:18 AM  
Blogger Manyuchi said...

Remarkable wisdom. Thank you for the time and resources invested in this project. Reading this is so edifying and educative, it doesn't leave you in the dark. I must say that this work is so illuminating as it shades light on those grey areas that negatively impacted our journey to marriage. Have seriously been helped to get the best out of my would be wife, knowing she is a special gift given me by God's own love and grace.

February 20, 2019 at 12:22 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This was so insightful and full of wisdom and educational value, i want God to help me to be able to meet a woman and construct a relationship.

April 8, 2019 at 2:42 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you so very much for sharing. I have been reading hundreds of articles online in an effort to decipher if any possibility of marrying the man I am in love with exists. This article brought me to tears because it is factual, spiritual and classy. I have believed for a long time that the direction a relation takes depends on how the man (leader and head) steers the ship. I have been described as loud as I tend to be angered by the behaviors of a spouse in a relationship. Yet, I have known myself to be very respectful, respectable and calm if the man is Godly, supportive and caring. The bottomline is things remain good until the man starts acting like an idiot (if I may), then I too start acting the same- then the relationship crumbles and I am blamed. I have tried not to be hot-tempered even in situations that call for it but unsuccessfully. My thought has always been that I need to find the man who understands me well enough for US to enjoy the beauty of a relationship. I am still waiting on God to bring me the Godly man He knows I deserve. Thanks again for sharing. Men, now-a-days, have no clue of the responsubility endowed upon them to lead a happy home.

August 15, 2019 at 6:00 AM  
Blogger Gulfam Aarif said...

Thank you! Such profound words!

God Almighty bless you

February 1, 2020 at 5:32 PM  
Blogger Osana said...

Thank you so much. I found this link on a quora page. This has really helped me and brought clarity to my life. Thank you so much again!

March 20, 2020 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ooh thank you so much for sharing theis message . Greeting to you all..

March 31, 2020 at 4:41 AM  
Blogger john g said...

While your advice is good I think that women should have the same attitude toward their husband's. It seems to me that you think men should bend over back ward and not expect to be treated in a like manner as you say women should be

May 8, 2020 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger john g said...

While your advice is good I think that women should have the same attitude toward their husband's. It seems to me that you think men should bend over back ward and not expect to be treated in a like manner as you say women should be

May 8, 2020 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger kk sharma said...

Good tips you shared and these are the best ways to impress our women. I also shared how to impress a married woman which you must check.

June 8, 2020 at 3:31 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

In this uncertain times of COVID 19, explosions in Lebanon, war, and people who do not have spirituality, reading your story is like entering an oasis of hope. In my life I've made many mistakes and now through your wife's strong faith and the words she said to you on the 1st date I can see where I failed. In time, I do hope God brings me a husband who can see me as a treasure and not a toy. Thank you and many blessings. I found your blog through a post in Quora by the way.

August 6, 2020 at 1:25 AM  
Blogger Pedro Chapman said...

Patience, understanding, compassion, and kindness are the most important things to develop a nice relationship with a partner. It was a great article. Thanks for sharing.

August 10, 2020 at 2:17 AM  
Blogger De Nonconformist said...

Beautiful piece. I am inclined to believe that the must crucial thing in marriage is not the initial compatibility of partners, but the loss or giving up of individual identities and uniting to serve each other. Selflessness is the word.
Communication is a way to lead one's partner into one's soul. The longer and more engaging the conversation, the more the couple are into each other.

August 24, 2020 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Pedro Chapman said...

A perfect partner is a gift from God. As your partner said, God told me to marry you. Love to read your post. Thanks for sharing.

September 28, 2020 at 5:51 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This is the BEST marriage advice I have ever heard. I’m floored. I’m a licensed therapist and an avid reader. I’ve read TONS of books and articles in marriage. This is pure Gold!

October 6, 2020 at 10:07 PM  
Blogger william alms said...

Super

March 24, 2021 at 1:38 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

"Ask God if you should get married." Thank you.
Hard to find real Christians these days.

May 22, 2021 at 2:18 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Amen and Thanks for sharing.!

September 26, 2021 at 7:37 PM  
Blogger Christ Apostle said...

Thank you for sharing this sir

September 29, 2021 at 12:47 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This are beautiful lessons and guide of life, let's share with many others

October 17, 2021 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thank you for this beautiful letter! To tell you the truth, it almost made me cry. As a young person myself, it has been difficult navigating the ups and downs of this modern dating world. Oftentimes, it is difficult to see our place in it (as young Christians). I'm glad to see the beauty and challenges of a Godly marriage put into such thoughtful words. God Bless!

July 5, 2022 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Inspired said...

Thank you for sharing this wisdom. I wish I had read it as a young girl and then could have passed it to my own child. I know it will guide others well.

November 4, 2023 at 11:19 AM  

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