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The Internet is full of painful stories of relationships gone bad. This is no surprise: people crash and burn if they drive in traffic without proper training. Loving a spouse needs much more teaching than driving a car.
Society will fail unless someone teaches men how to relate to women in a way that gives joy to both: no man will figure it out for himself.
A man wants a woman to belong to him, but every man must be taught how to make a woman happy to belong to him.
Is this something parents or grandparents you know could say? Would it help men find joy in marriage? If it’s worth sharing, ask people to comment on the post.
Someone Must Teach Men About Women
Teaching women about men is only half the battle for joyful marriages: it’s just as urgent to teach men about women. The Industrial Revolution brought such material abundance that we forget the many generations when men and women needed each other to survive: men had to farm or hunt, women had to cook whatever the men brought. Couples starved if they couldn’t work together faithfully and well. Understanding the opposite sex isn’t as important for survival as it once was, but unhappy relationships are far more common than happy couples.
A man longs for a woman to belong to him, but he must know how to make her happy to belong to him. A man tends to marry if he wants a woman badly enough and marriage is the only way she’ll trust herself to him. Staying married needs more than desire or physical attraction.
I’ve lived long enough to see what builds lasting love and what tears it down. If you like the idea of having a woman, not just being with her, but keeping her heart, then listen: you need to know what makes it work.
Let’s Talk About Women
You’re becoming a man. I see it in your eyes: that spark when a pretty girl walks by, that curiosity about what it might feel like to have someone beside you who’s yours. Not just a girlfriend, but a woman who belongs to you in heart, soul, and trust. I understand that longing. I really do.
There’s no joy this side of Heaven like having a woman like belonging to you. Not forced, not manipulated, but with her whole heart. When she weaves her life into yours, the bond is powerful. It lifts a man. He walks taller, works harder, and sleeps better.[1] It also takes deep understanding of the ties that hold a man and a woman together for a lifetime. Let me give you some ideas on how to build that kind of love.
Women Are Wired Differently, And That’s a Good Thing
You’ve probably heard, “Happy wife, happy life.” It’s not a joke. It’s a truth that most men learn the hard way. When a woman is unhappy, the whole house feels it. Even if she tries to hide unhappiness, her emotions ripple through everything: meals, mornings, moods. That’s not weakness. That’s design. Her emotions keep her family connected, joyful, and strong, but you must all work together to keep her happy.
Women are guided by emotion more than men are. They feel deeply, and they connect through shared feelings. That’s why relationships are central to their happiness. Women don’t have physical strength to hunt or farm without machinery, especially when pregnant or nursing. A woman’s survival depended on her ability to bond with a man who’d feed her, protect her, and stand by her. Women who couldn’t do that didn’t pass on their genes. That’s not cruelty, that’s biological reality.
Even though she could earn money, the heart of her emotional world is: Does he appreciate me? Does he value me? Does he enjoy caring for me? Here’s reality: every woman is different. There’s no formula for convincing your wife. You have to learn her. That’s your work of love.
You Can’t Be Any Happier Than You Make Her
A woman can’t make a man any happier than he makes her. That’s a hard truth. If you’re miserable and she’s glowing, it won’t last. If she’s miserable and you ignore her unhappiness, it’ll eat away at both of you. The secret to a man’s happiness in marriage is simple: be happy with your wife. Not just tolerate her. Not just endure her. Be genuinely glad she’s yours. When she’s convinced you delight in what she does and what she is, she’ll happily stay in the mood to keep you happy along with her.
Feelings Matter — Even If You’re Not Used to Them
Here’s where most men stumble. Women connect by talking about their deepest feelings. Men? We’re wired differently. We think in goals, tasks, plans. Feelings? We bury them, or we don’t even notice them. If you want a woman to want to belong to you, you must open your heart. Not all at once. Not recklessly, but consistently. It takes hours per day for her to know you trust her with your heart and that you’re glad to hear her heart. She can’t hear what you say until she knows you’ve truly heard her heart and that you’ve welcomed her feelings into your heart. You must meet her where she is, not just try to pull her where you are.
Women understand each other naturally but, you must be very patient as she learns how to explain her feelings in a man’s language.
Ask yourself: Is she kind enough to handle my heart? If she’s not, she’ll hurt you and close your heart. If you don’t open up, she’ll feel shut out. She won’t want to belong to a man who won’t open himself to her.
Protect Her From the Start
From the moment you meet her until the day you die, your first job is to protect her. That starts long before the wedding. You’re bigger and stronger so you’re likely to hurt her, even without meaning to. A careless word, a clumsy move, a moment of selfishness can leave bruises you can’t always see. Her heart is tender. Protect her heart, don’t test it.
You must also protect her from your passions and from hers. You’re a man. You’re visual. You’ll feel desire the moment you see her. She’s different. She’s moved by words. She falls in love through what you say, but during certain times in her cycle, you can both be surprised by how overwhelming her physical desire becomes at your lightest touch.
You’ve had to learn to manage your passions because they’re always there. She hasn’t. Most of the time, she’s not physically driven, so she’s had little or no practice holding back when desire suddenly floods in.
People say women shouldn’t kiss because it gives men ideas. That’s wrong: men don’t get ideas, we have ideas. A kiss, especially when she’s fertile and likes being with you can wake something powerful in her. It’s hard to stop if you’re both caught up in the same passion.
Sometimes, a man touches a woman at a time when her body is overwhelmed by desire and her heart isn’t ready. That’s how date rape happens. He says, “She wanted it.” Maybe she did, at that moment. But giving herself makes her feel she belongs to you. If you haven’t first promised to protect her with your name, your vow, your life, she knows she can’t trust you. Not with her body. Not with her heart.
If you take her outside marriage, how can she trust you not to take other women? If she gave herself without marriage, how can you trust her not to give herself to someone else? That kind of fear and doubt is no foundation for a joyful life together. Trust needs commitment.
Couples who sleep together before marriage divorce more often than those who wait. That’s not morality, that’s math. Be wise. Use chaperones. Don’t spend much time alone. If she hasn’t felt belonging to you until after you’ve vowed to love, honor, and cherish her, it’ll be easier for her to surrender and be yours in body, heart, and mind.
Let Her Help You, But First, Let Her Understand You
There’s a saying: “Behind every successful man is a woman.” That’s not just poetic, it’s practical. A woman who understands your goals can help you in ways you never imagined, but she can’t follow if she doesn’t know where you’re going. You must explain your plans in detail. This takes hours per day. It may feel like boring overkill, but her different way of thinking will bring up questions and ideas you never saw. That’s not interference. That’s partnership. That’s weaving two separate lives into one magnificent tapestry more beautiful than either could be alone.
Sweat the Small Stuff
Keeping a baby alive is nothing but details, so women tend to be more detail-oriented than men. You must learn to sweat the small stuff. Keep the toilet seat down. Sit on it instead of standing so you don’t make a mess. Change diapers when she’s frantic about getting something done. Run your comb through her brush to clean her hair out of it. It’s not about saving her 30 seconds, it’s showing that you see little things that affect her. That you care enough to notice. Love lives in little things.
Final Thought
Son, keeping a woman isn’t just romance or physical attraction, it’s about building something that lasts. It’s about learning her, loving her, building her, and rejoicing as she loves you back. It’s about being strong enough to be vulnerable and wise enough to listen. If you can do that, if you can be the kind of man who makes her feel safe, cherished, and appreciated, you’ll find a joy that no paycheck, no trophy, no adventure can match.
When that joy finds you, you’ll understand why I said: There’s no joy this side of Heaven like having a woman who likes belonging to you.
Walk wisely. Speak softly and gently.[2] Lead with courage by serving her. Be the kind of man she’s proud to belong to and proud to follow. We’re cheering for you. We’re praying for you. We’ll be here when you need us.
[1] “Nothing straightens a man up like having a woman lean on him.” – old saying
[2] “Servant Leadership” on page 36 shows that God expects leaders to serve followers.
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