Our society will fail unless someone teaches men how to relate to women

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The Internet is full of painful stories of relationships gone bad.  This is no surprise: people crash and burn if they drive in traffic without proper training.  Loving a spouse needs much more teaching than driving a car.

Society will fail unless someone teaches men how to relate to women in a way that gives joy to both: no man will figure it out for himself.

A man wants a woman to belong to him, but every man must be taught how to make a woman happy to belong to him.

Is this something parents or grandparents you know could say?  Would it help men find joy in marriage?  If it’s worth sharing, ask people to comment on the post.

Someone Must Teach Sons About Women

Teaching women about men is only part of the struggle for joyful marriages: it’s just as urgent for men to be taught about women.  The Industrial Revolution brought such material abundance that we forget the many generations when men and women needed each other to survive.  Couples who couldn’t get along together starved.  Understanding the opposite sex isn’t as important for survival as it was, but unhappy relationships are far more common than happy couples.

A man tends to marry if he wants a woman badly enough and marriage is the only way she’ll let him have her.  Staying married is a bit more involved than physical attraction.

Let me speak to you as a man who’s lived long enough to see what works and what doesn’t.  If you’re drawn to the idea of having a woman, not just being with her, but truly having her heart, then listen closely.

Let’s Talk About Women

You’re growing up.  I can see it in your eyes: that spark when a pretty girl walks by, that curiosity about what it might feel like to have someone beside you who’s yours.  Not just a girlfriend, not just a date, but a woman who belongs to you in the deepest sense.  I get it.  I really do.

There’s no joy this side of Heaven quite like having a woman who likes belonging to you.  Not forced, not manipulated, but freely, joyfully, emotionally connected to you and weaving her life into yours.  That kind of bond is powerful.  It makes a man walk taller, work harder, and sleep better.  It also takes deep understanding of the bonds that keep a man and a woman together for a lifetime.  Let me give you some thoughts.

Women Are Wired Differently, And That’s a Good Thing

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” It’s not a joke.  It’s a truth that most men learn the hard way.  When a woman is unhappy, the whole house feels it.  Even if she tries to hide unhappiness, her emotions run through everything: meals, mornings, moods.  That’s not weakness.  That’s design.  Her emotions keep her family working together joyfully, but you must work together to keep her happy.

Women are guided by emotion more than men are.  They feel deeply, and they connect through feelings.  That’s why relationships are central to their happiness.  Women don’t have the physical strength to hunt or farm without help, especially when pregnant or nursing.  For centuries, a woman’s survival depended on her ability to bond with a man who’d feed her, protect her, and stand by her.  Women who couldn’t do that didn’t pass on their genes.  That’s not cruelty, that’s biological reality.

Even with all our modern conveniences, a woman wants to know: Does he appreciate me?  Does he value me?  Does he enjoy caring for me? Here’s the kicker: every woman is different.  There’s no formula for convincing your wife.  You have to learn her.  That’s a work of love.

You Can’t Be Happier Than She Is

A woman can’t make a man any happier than he makes her.  That’s a hard truth.  If you’re miserable and she’s glowing, it won’t last.  If she’s miserable and you’re trying to ignore it, it’ll eat away at both of you.  The secret to a man’s happiness in marriage is simple: be happy with your wife.  Not just tolerate her.  Not just endure her.  Be genuinely glad she’s yours.  When she’s convinced you’re happy with her, she’ll happily stay in the mood to keep you happy along with her.

Feelings Matter — Even If You’re Not Used to Them

Here’s where most men stumble.  Women connect by talking about their deepest feelings.  Men?  We’re not wired that way.  We think in goals, tasks, plans.  Feelings?  We shove them down, or we don’t even notice them.  If you want a woman to want to belong to you, you must open your heart.  Not all at once.  Not recklessly.  It takes hours per day for her to know you trust her and that you’re pleased to be with her.

Ask yourself: Is she kind enough to handle my heart?  If she’s not, she’ll hurt you and close your heart.  If you don’t open up, she’ll feel shut out.  She won’t want to belong to a man who won’t belong to her.

Protect Her From the Start

From the moment you meet her until the day you die, your main job is protecting her.  That starts long before the wedding.  You’re bigger and stronger so you’re the one most likely to hurt her, even accidentally.  A careless word, a clumsy move, a moment of selfishness: these things leave bruises you can’t always see.

You must also protect her from your passions and from hers.  You’re a man.  You’re visual.  You’ll feel desire the moment you see her.  She’s different.  She’s moved by words.  She’ll fall in love through what you say, but during certain times in her cycle, she can be surprised by how overwhelming her physical desire becomes.

You’ve had to learn to control your passions because they’re always there.  She hasn’t.  Most of the time, she’s not interested, so she’s had little practice holding back when desire hits.

People say women shouldn’t kiss because it gives men ideas.  That’s not right.  Men don’t get ideas, we have ideas.  But a kiss, especially when she’s fertile and likes being with you can wake something powerful in her.  It’s hard to stop if you’re both caught up in the same passion.

Sometimes, a man touches a woman at a time when her body is overwhelmed by desire and her heart isn’t ready.  That’s how date rape happens.  He says, “She wanted it.”  Maybe she did, at that moment.  But giving herself makes her feel that she belongs to you.  If you haven’t first promised to protect her with your name, your vow, your life, she knows she can’t trust you.  Not with her body.  Not with her heart.

If you take her without marrying her, how can she trust you not to take other women?  If she gave herself to you without marriage, how can you trust her not to give herself to someone else?  That kind of fear and doubt is no foundation for a joyful life together.

Couples who sleep together before marriage divorce more often than those who wait.  That’s not morality, that’s math.  Be wise.  Use chaperones.  Don’t spend much time alone.  If she hasn’t felt belonging to you until after you’ve vowed to love, honor, and cherish her, it’ll be easier for her to just let go and be yours in body, heart, and mind.

Let Her Help You, But First, Let Her Understand You

There’s a saying: “Behind every successful man is a woman.”  That’s not just poetic, it’s practical.  A woman who understands your goals can help you in ways you never imagined, but she can’t follow if she doesn’t know where you’re going.  You’ve got to explain your plans in detail.  This takes hours per day.  It feels like boring overkill, but her different way of thinking will bring up questions and solutions you never considered.  That’s not interference.  That’s partnership.  That’s weaving two separate lives into one magnificent tapestry for all the world to see.

Final Thought

Son, having a woman isn’t just about romance or attraction, it’s about building something that lasts.  It’s about learning her, loving her, and rejoicing as she loves you back.  It’s about being strong enough to be vulnerable and wise enough to listen.  If you can do that, if you can be the kind of man who makes her feel safe, cherished, and appreciated, you’ll find a joy that no paycheck, no trophy, no adventure can match.

And when you do, you’ll understand why I said: There’s no joy this side of Heaven like having a woman who likes belonging to you.

If you find yourself unsure, ask a man or woman who’s walked the road ahead of you.  We’re here to help you build something beautiful.