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Hear the Voice of the Bridegroom
John the Baptist explained Christian leadership when he heard that Jesus’ disciples were baptizing and that “all men come to him (Jn. 3:26).”
Ye yourselves bear me witness, that I said, I am not the Christ, but that I am sent before him. 29He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom's voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled. 30He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:28-30
As Abraham and Moses were friends of God (Ex. 33:11; 2 Chr. 20:7; Is. 41:8), pastors and Christian parents are called by God to be friends of the Bridegroom. As Christ’s friends, we rejoice as Christ speaks through a pastor’s messages, parents’ teaching, Bible reading, and prayer. Christ increases in us as we crucify the flesh in our lives (Eph. 4:22; Col. 3:9). We must decrease and younger Christians must increase as we help them grow in Christ. Growth comes from the Bridegroom continuing the “good work” that begins when church members accept the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior and continues “until the day of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1:6).”
Children Increase in God-Ordained Holy Matrimony
Christians must be taught how to build God-honoring marriages that give both parties a taste of the joys of Heaven as God intended. The Bible explains the simplicity of marriage in one verse on page 15. A joyful marriage operates on two words, page 27. You can explain both marriage and salvation in one minute, see page 27.
God created marriage to bring men and women joy in this life (Gal. 5:22-23; Eph. 5:9), to show lost people the blessings of ordering our lives as He commands (Du. 4:6-8, Du. 30:9-10, 16), and so that His servants could raise God-fearing children to serve Him (Mal. 2:15).
Romans 7:4 uses “married” to describe the permanent tie between a born-again Christian and Christ. Holy Matrimony is powerful testimony. Christian husbands nourishing and cherishing their wives show the lost how Christ blesses His people. Christian wives following their husbands shows how Christians follow Christ. Divorce damages our picture of Christ’s salvation. When lost people see that we handle this life no better than they, why should they care what we say about the life to come?
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 – The Testimony of Holy Matrimony. 1
Marriage Is Built On God’s Simple Plan of Salvation. 1
Love Drives the Christian Walk. 4
Holy Matrimony Until Death is Vital to Society. 6
What Must Men Know About Marriage?. 7
Husband and Wife Need Perfect Hearts. 12
Let’s Summarize Marriage in a Few Words. 13
Chapter 2 - The Bible Explains Marriage in One Verse. 15
He Took Rebekah and She Was His Wife. 17
Isaac Loved Rebekah And Then He was Comforted. 22
Why Does God Require That Pastors Be Married?. 23
The Tragedy of Ignored Comfort 26
Chapter 3 - What Happened to Women After the Fall?. 27
Everybody Sees how God Punished Adam.. 28
Think About Eve’s Life in the Garden. 29
Chapter 4 - Thou Shalt Love the Lord Thy God. 37
Explaining Marriage in One Minute. 40
Why God Made Men and Women Think So Differently. 45
Chapter 5 - Comparing Marriage and Salvation. 59
A Glorious Wife, Without Spot or Wrinkle. 67
Chapter 6 - Logic vs Emotion, Head vs Heart 69
Obeying God Requires Logic. 70
Logic is How We Use Facts to reach Conclusions. 70
Logic – Finding Facts and Drawing Conclusions. 71
Chapter 7 - What Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters. 77
The Man Must Be Able To Pay Before Marrying. 79
Fathers Who Failed Their Daughters. 80
Chapter 8 – A Man Wants Your Daughter. What do you say?. 87
Will he Appreciate Her as God Appreciates Her?. 93
So then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mk. 10:8) 96
Chapter 9 – Having Sex Changes Your Brain. 99
Don’t Touch until after Marriage. 101
Men Must Possess Their Wives in Honor, Not in Lust 105
Few Treat
Others As People As Opposed To Treating Them As
Men And Women. 105
Other Reports Which Show How God Did What He Did. 107
Chapter 10 - Confessing Your Faults to Your Children. 109
Chapter 11 - Developing Church Leaders. 113
Servant Leadership is Godly Leadership. 114
Rescue the Perishing – Lift Up the Fallen. 116
Be Careful What You Ask For. 119
Chapter 12 - Handling Anger at Home, at Church, and at Work. 121
What if You Don’t Heal Hurts as They Happen?. 122
Settling a Group Offense God’s Way. 122
Giving Offense Offends God. 124
We Cannot Live without Law.. 125
The Problem of Human Carnality. 125
July 26, 2025
Chapter 1 – The Testimony of Holy Matrimony
God gave us both salvation and marriage. If we try to get to Heaven our own way, we go to Hell when we die. If we try to do marriage our own way, we can make life Hell on earth.
“Married” in Romans 7:4[1] describes the tie between a Christian and Christ. If lost people see that our marriages are no better than theirs, we damage the picture of Christ’s care for us.
When Christians pour the grace of salvation into marriages, lost people see us enjoying God’s love, forgiveness, and grace. They’ll see that we’re much better off in this life than they are. God gave us the privilege and honor of telling everyone how to receive God’s grace!
There is no joy for a man this side of Heaven like having a woman like belonging to him. As her God-ordained leader, he must convince her that he loves her and that he’s glad to belong to her and glad to care for her. This shows her Christ’s love. Seeing Christ’s love in action draws the lost.
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
Women build the house of God. If church women are nervous or not appreciated, a visiting wife won’t want to return. If they’re loved and led gently, she’ll want her husband to come and learn how to appreciate her.
Marriage Is Built On God’s Simple Plan of Salvation
God knew that we couldn’t handle two ways to relate, one for relating to God and another for relating to spouses. He created us so that we relate to God, to other Christians, and to our spouses in the same way.
We serve the Lord God who sent His only Son Jesus to be born of the Virgin Mary. Jesus was equal to God the Father, but chose to become a servant and was born as a man (Phil. 2:6-8[2]). In dying on the cross as a man, Jesus obeyed God His Father unto death. In dying as God, He took on Himself the richly-deserved punishment for all of my sins, your sins, and all the sins of everyone past, present, and future.
The blood He shed on the cross washes away our sins if we humble ourselves, repent of our sins with His help, and call on Him to save us. My mother taught me the reality of my sins by punishing me for disobeying. She taught that Jesus died to take the punishment for my sins. She taught that His blood would wash away my sins if I believed that Jesus rose from the dead to show His power over death.
She taught me of Adam’s sin and God’s promise that one of Eve’s children would conquer Satan (Gen. 3:15[3]). Jesus loved me far more than “just” being willing to take on the evil of all my sins and lose His fellowship with His Father (Ps. 22:1[4]; Mt. 27:46[5]; Mk. 15:34[6]). Before Adam soiled himself by his sin and our perfect God could no longer have fellowship with polluted Adam, Jesus knew that He would become sin for us so that we could be washed clean and spend eternity in Heaven.
Rev. 13:8 speaks of “the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.” Jesus knew He would have to die before He created Adam, yet He loved all of us enough and wanted us enough to create us anyway!
God created mothers who risk death to give babies life to show Jesus’ sacrificial love. Before modern medicine, a woman had roughly 98.5% chance of surviving a pregnancy. Without birth control, women had so many pregnancies that 1 woman in 8 died in childbirth. 1 in 8!
Every girl knew someone who died in childbirth (Gen. 35:18[7]; 1 Sam. 4:20[8]). Every girl knew that she would walk the valley of the shadow of death for each child, yet women wanted to marry and bear children (Gen.30:1[9]; Lk. 1:25[10]) anyway. Women want children badly enough to risk death; Jesus wanted the pleasure and glory of creating us so badly (Rev. 4:11[11]; Ro. 5:8[12]) that He chose certain death before creating us!
My mother risked her life to give me life and did it again and again for my brothers. Risking her life is a woman’s part of being in the likeness of God. Gen. 5:1-2[13] “he [God] called their name Adam” to include Eve.
Trying to get to Heaven by being religious, tithing, doing good deeds, is not only impossible (Ro. 3:11[14]), trying to earn your way into Heaven blocks you from Jesus’ free offer of salvation (Gal. 5:4[15]). You’re trying to pay for a free gift whose price is far more than you can ever pay.
How did you earn your mother’s risking her life to give you life, pouring her life into keeping you alive, and teaching you how to behave as an adult? She risked her life before she knew anything about you. She looked forward eagerly to your birth as she felt God forming you within her womb (Is. 49:5[16]). Have you thanked her for the blood she shed?
Jesus told Nicodemus, “Ye must be born again (John 3:7[17]).” You must die to your former life of sin in order to be born again into the family of Christ (Acts 17:30[18], 20:21[19]) to bring forth fruit to God.
Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. Romans 7:4
“Marriage” describes the tie between Christians and God. We become one with Jesus by repentance and by calling on His Name to be saved; husband and wife become “one flesh” by their marriage vows.
Love Drives the Christian Walk
Jesus told His disciples to start the church after His resurrection:
Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you. 22And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost: John 20:21-22
Peter went fishing instead. Having created all men, Jesus knew that Peter didn’t want to admit his feelings for fear of hurt. Jesus wept (Jn. 11:35) at Lazarus' tomb. Peter saw Him mourn for Jerusalem (Mt. 23:37[20]; Lk. 13:34[21]) and Capernaum (Mt. 11:23[22]; Lk. 10:15[23]). Peter knew that love meant that he’d be hurt when people refused the gospel. He didn’t want to share in Jesus’ sorrow or grief (Is. 53:3-4[24]).
Peter was right. I mourned when my friend who was best man at my wedding would not ask Jesus to save him. I urged him after a bad heart attack. He said, “I get it. God lets me choose to go to Hell if I want to.” His 2nd attack killed him a week later. I sorrow that he’s in Hell.
Jesus pushed Peter to admit that Peter loved Him. That didn't make Peter love Jesus – he already did – but Peter wouldn’t admit his love for Jesus on his own. Once he admitted to himself that he loved Jesus above everything else (Jn. 21:15)[25], Peter had to spread the word – our love of Christ makes us serve Him (2 Cor. 5:14[26])! Jesus wants us to know and accept His love for us and ours for Him – we can’t do His work without His love and we won’t want to do His work unless we admit that we love Him. Peter’s love made him willing to spread the Gospel.
For if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not. II Corinthians 8:12
Peter planted and watered in his Pentecost sermon (1 Cor. 3:6[27]). God accepted what Peter had and gave increase to the church of about 3,000. Similarly, a man must admit that he loves his wife and convince her that he loves her. Without this, telling the lost that God loves them won't work because they’ll see that his wife doesn’t think he loves her. If he admits loves her, he’ll be driven to serve her and care for her.
How can anyone believe what we say about God’s Love if they see that we don’t love each other or that we don’t love them?
If anyone wants to serve Him but doesn’t know how, just help the pastor! If serving is beneath a man, leading is beyond him. God gives more to do as we grow. Jesus begins a good work in Christians and continues until He returns (Phi. 1:6[28]). Christians must admit to themselves that they love God in their hearts and act on it!
This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. Matthew 15:8
Lip service doesn’t spread the Gospel. God expects us to love Him with all our hearts. So do wives and husbands!
Holy Matrimony Until Death is Vital to Society
Every stable culture must help men and women build safe homes where most children grow up to be productive adults or society collapses. Most American women feel it’s OK to have sex without marriage; many men are glad to do it. If a woman doesn't insist that a man grow up, get a job, and marry her before having sex, there's no reason for him to benefit society by growing up, getting a job, or working to take care of her.
And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. 14Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. Malachi 2:13-15
God didn’t receive their offerings or bless them because men were divorcing their wives. In “Sex and Culture” Dr. Unwin wrote, “The sexual behavior of women before marriage is the decisive factor in cultural success. Men are mainly motivated by sex. If they can get it without marriage, they contribute less to society.” [29] He’s right. Jacob worked 7 years to marry Rachel because he wanted to have sex with her:
And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. Genesis 29:21
Caring for a family is a lot of work. A man will marry if he wants a woman badly enough. If he can have her without marriage, however, marrying would bring a lot of trouble without giving him anything he doesn’t already have. American welfare pays more money for each fatherless child, but stops her benefits if she marries. Fatherless mobs riot in America, killing and causing billions of dollars worth of damage.
Passion within marriage makes men work to improve their homes to make their wives happy. Dr. Unwin has studied more than eighty former civilizations; all societies that became sexually permissive collapsed.[30]
Older women must teach younger women about men (Titus 2:3-5[31]). God led my wife to explain that a husband’s goal is 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed. He seldom has that much strength, but that’s his plan. 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.
Deu. 21:14, 22:9 and Eze. 22:10-11 say that a man having a woman “humbles” her. A girl knows that giving herself that much will wipe out her independence and make her belong to him. She’ll be upset until my wife reminds her that a she wants her husband to open his heart to her in open-hearted talk at least that often. Girls know that having a man open his heart makes him belong to her. Giving his life for her life makes it OK.
Opening her body makes a wife belong to her husband. Opening his heart in hours and hours of daily talk makes him belong to his wife.
What Must Men Know About Marriage?
Women are made for men (1 Cor. 11:8-9[32]). A wife wants to please her husband (1 Cor. 7:34[33]) and to be convinced that he delights in her.
God made her a mirror; she’s not a light. Given anger or criticism, she’ll be tempted to use her power to vex her husband to death (Jud. 16:16[34]) and amplify his unhappiness back to him. Give her praise, appreciation, and love, she’ll multiply his happiness in her and fill his house with the light of his joy in her.
Men reap what they sow to the woman guiding the house. A man must teach his sons to honor and appreciate their mother and sisters. If a meal turns into a kitchen disaster, for example, they must appreciate it, help clean up, and eat it, if only for the sake of the effort she put into it.
Most of the book of Proverbs is a father’s advice to his son. Proverbs 2 and 5 warn men about non-virtuous women. Chapter 31 is King Lemuel’s words, “the wisdom his mother taught him.”
Pr. 31 wasn’t written to women, it was written so men could identify a virtuous woman who won’t let him have her without marrying her. Mrs. Lemuel gave one command about caring for a wife:
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. [saying] 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
Mrs. Lemuel taught her son to praise his wife and to force his children to follow his example of praising and appreciating her. This teaches the “attitude of gratitude” which blesses them all their lives. Praise is partly to encourage his wife and partly to teach her children to respect her. If her daughters respect her, she can teach them how to be treasures for their future husbands instead of being toys. If her sons respect her, she can teach them how to be blessed by their future wives.
Nowhere in the Bible does a man criticize his wife. Not once. Really? What about this?
Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. Job 2:9
Job’s wife had just her lost seven sons who were her hope of being fed after her husband died – no pensions. Her husband lost all his money and spoke of dying. He said she spoke “like a foolish woman.” That implied she wasn’t usually foolish, it was halfway a compliment. He criticized what she did; he didn’t criticize her.
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: Ephesians 4:15
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Pro. 12:18
I want my words to be health to my wife so she’ll want to hear me. I say, “That didn’t work as well as we planned. What went wrong? Let’s learn to do better next time.” I say “we” because my wife tries to please me by doing what I want. That involves me in everything she does.
Criticizing wives is unbiblical, period. Abigail criticized her husband Nabal to David in 1 Sam. 25. In 1 Sam. 25:34[35], David thanked her for talking him out of murdering Nabal. When Nabal died, David married Abigail immediately. God gives 2 rules for criticizing husbands: 1) Only to prevent murder 2) Criticize so sweetly that any man who hears you will want to marry you. If you can’t do that, don’t criticize your husband.
Sound Bites
· Only praise. If a woman’s personality irritates him and makes it hard for him to keep his temper, should he marry her? We teach kids not to hurl angry words by age 2 or 3. Are you adult or child?
· When something goes wrong, take responsibility instead of blaming your wife as Adam blamed Eve.
· Open his heart. If he doesn’t trust her enough to open his heart, should he marry her? One of the rewards of opening his heart is that she will learn about him and figure out ways to please him.
· Listen to her advice. God made her to help him (Gen. 2:18, 20[36]); if he won’t listen to her and take her thoughts into account, she will be very unhappy and he will make more mistakes.
The Bible tells us twice that God values using many sources of advice:
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. Proverbs 15:22
A wife often knows things her husband doesn’t, particularly about children. It’s foolish for a man to ignore his wife’s knowledge and counsel when making decisions. Even if her ideas aren’t practical, her thoughts stimulate his thoughts and help make better decisions.
Knowledge sharing is one way God wants us to edify one another (1 Thess. 5:11[37]) and provoke one another to good works (Heb. 10:24[38]).
The hardest part about parenting is persuading children that your ways are best for them. They may obey while living with you, but when they leave, they’ll do what they think is right. Unless you convince them that your ways of following Christ are best before they leave, they’ll increase into something else, to your sorrow. A wife’s input helps.
Money
God planned that husband and wife should be each other’s source of contentment so they don’t need to spend money on toys. If they meet each other’s needs, they’ll have fewer money problems.
Money is the best place for fact-based discussion. I grew up in Japan where heating oil cost $1 per quart; I kept my apartment in Boston, Mass. at 50F, that’s 10C. Before we married, my wife’s rented room had been over the boiler and was between 70 and 80 all winter, that’s 26C. We had a lot of expenses when we bought our first house.
I listed monthly income and expenses when we got the November heating bill. I showed what we got after taxes. I showed all our expenses including mortgage, cars, phone, etc. I explained that the winter heating bills for December through February would be at least double or triple the November bill. We’d barely make it.
She wanted a freezer. We had to save to buy it. “If you set the heat at 50,” I told her, “we can buy your freezer this spring. If we set it at 70, we can’t buy it until fall.” A dollar spent on heat was a dollar we couldn’t spend on her freezer. She wore heavy quilted men’s underwear, drank hot tea, and we set our thermostat at “way cool.” The freezer served us for 30 years. I gave her a choice as God gave us free will.
3 years later, we scraped together airfare so I could take her with me on a business trip to Europe. She found a crystal vase she really wanted. We’d been eating in cheaper restaurants than my colleagues so I could pay for her food and mine from my daily meal allowance. This was before computers. It wasn’t worth the effort to add up all the meal receipts, so the company gave us a fixed meal allowance for each day.
She knew that her air fare had left us in a bad position, but she wanted the vase. “If you buy groceries and eat in our room,” I told her, “my meal allowance can pay for your vase.” We ate a lot of tuna and the bread sometimes went stale, but she still has the vase.
You know what you’ve spent. You know the bills and what comes in. Facts take the sting out of talking about money. Everybody has spread sheets; there’s no excuse not to have calm discussions. Once the facts are on the table, the answer is usually obvious – “You can’t have it yet.”
Developing Her Gifts and Talents
The Bible tells of a Master who gave His servants money to invest:
And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Matthew 25:15
When He came back, He asked what His servants had done with what He gave. Two had done well and were rewarded. One did nothing with the gift and was punished. God’s gifts of preaching, teaching, or music are His gifts to you. What you do with them are your gifts back to Him.
All gifts are conditional. Parents say, “You left your toy in the rain; you can’t play with it for a week.” The child abused the gift and lost the blessing. Second only to salvation, a wife is the greatest gift a man can receive from God. He is accountable to God for learning about her skills and helping her develop them. If he doesn’t, he’ll lose part of the reward God offers her husband (Phi. 4:17[39]) for using her gifts to serve Him.
After we married, I found that my wife had a fine singing voice. This was a surprise – I’d focused on other matters while courting. We bought a piano so she could practice. She does the work of developing her God-given gift, but I must encourage her and make sure she has time.
God wants a man to help his wife use her gifts to glorify Him.
Husband and Wife Need Perfect Hearts
Salvation and marriage are alike. Salvation means that you die to your former sinful life to be born again into a relationship to Christ (Ro. 7:4[40]). You then belong to Christ and serve Him out of love for Him. God expects husband and wife to become one. Each of them dies their former individual lives and serves their new family out of love.
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16:25
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. Luke 9:24
They then belong to each other and to God. They serve Him by serving each other out of love.
David’s heart was perfect with the Lord his God. He sinned, but he never worshipped anyone or anything else. All Israel came with one perfect heart to make David king (1 Chron. 12:38[41]). Husband and wife must enter Holy Matrimony with one perfect heart. Couples must keep their hearts perfect with each other all their days by never paying attention to anyone else as man or woman.
Unmarried love is different from married love. The Bible tells men how to talk outside marriage:
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:2
Men must be careful not to let talk wander toward the emotional and physical connections God reserves for marriage. Women must stop talking to a man who might violate her emotional purity. It’s OK for men and women to talk as persons and not as men and women.
Person-to-person talk can stray toward man-woman. This is wrong if either party is married. If they’re single, they must decide whether they might marry and agree that the goal of talking like that is to decide whether to marry. If he won’t agree, she should cut him off.
There is no God-honoring reason for man-woman talk between people who are neither married to each other nor considering marriage. Men and women can converse as people by avoiding man-woman thoughts or emotions. Your spouse is the only person in the world whose gender should matter to you.
Man-woman talk is dangerous. You must please the boss to keep a job. It’s common for a woman to please a man boss or a man to please a woman boss just a little too much. This can lead to adultery or divorce, but it starts with talk that does not meet God’s standards of purity.
Anything a Christian loves more than God is an idol. This is spiritual adultery. If a husband loves anything – job, hobby, sports, hunting – more than his wife, she thinks he’s in emotional adultery. A wife can let career, girlfriends, or anything else be more important to her than her husband. This, too, is emotional adultery.
Let’s Summarize Marriage in a Few Words
God’s rules are simple. Salvation is 2 words, “only believe.” Sexual purity is 3 words, “Only in marriage.” Marriage is 3 words, “paying, vowing, taking.” Staying married is “only praise.” We must praise our spouses as much as God expects us to praise Him; that keeps us focused on what God has given so that we won’t worry about what He hasn’t given.
A man must say from the bottom of his heart, “For God so loved man that He gave him woman. For God so loved me that He gave me you.”
When God looks on you, He sees the purity and perfection of His son, your Lord and Savior. We are commanded to follow God (Eph. 5:1-2[42]), so when you look on your spouse, you are commanded to see the purity and perfection of His son, your spouse’s Lord and Savior.
Bride and groom must enter Holy Matrimony with one perfect heart. Keep your hearts perfect with the Lord your God and with each other.
God gave one plan for both salvation and marriage. He gave one love-based way to relate to Him, to our spouses, and to our fellow church members. We praise God in the same way we praise our spouses; we give ourselves to our spouses in the same way we give ourselves to God.
Christian marriages are powerful testimony of the goodness of God. When lost people see that our marriages are no better than theirs, they know we can’t handle this life any better than they. Why should they care what we say about the next life? Hard Christian marriages and Christian divorces wreck our testimony and dishonor Christ. Pastors, parents, and churches must teach how to build God-honoring marriages.
When lost people see Christian couples sharing God’s love and God’s forgiveness, they’ll want some for themselves. Showing and spreading God’s love is how we turn the world upside down (Acts 17:5-6[43]). It really is that simple.
Chapter 2 - The Bible Explains Marriage in One Verse
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
· Isaac supplied the tent – he paid. A man’s proposal must include food, clothing, and shelter. A boy can’t pay for her; all he can do is play with her. That never ends well for either of them.
· She became his wife, not his girlfriend or concubine – they had both made public marriage vows before he took her.
· Isaac loved Rebekah and then he was comforted. God gave every wife the ability to comfort her husband, but comforting him is emotionally exhausting. Being reminded that he loves her comforts her and renews her energy so she can keep comforting him. This requires a lot of daily detailed praise by both husband and wife as taught in the Song of Solomon (Song 1:2[44]).
80-90% of how a marriage works out depends on how a husband treats his wife, but 80% of that depends on how high she and he set her value by protecting her virtue before they marry (Pr. 31:10[45]).
Even young girls want male attention. Playing boy-girl games before you’re ready to marry is like playing with matches and gasoline when you aren’t ready for a fire. There are three ways playing around can end:
1) You can break up. This hurts, but shows you can survive breaking up. This prepares you for divorce later.
2) You can marry before you're grown up enough or have enough income. Mature adults have trouble with the duties and responsibilities of marriage; it’s much harder on younger people.
3) You can get involved physically without commitment to each other, which adds to the emotional damage, see page 102.
“Going steady” can easily arouse a couple. Men shouldn’t get physical with women outside marriage even if they don’t have sex:
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:1-2
The Greek word for “touch” includes starting a fire. Would a man take his mother’s arm to keep her from falling? Of course. Would he try to get his mother or sister sexually aroused? Of course not.
“From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws couples together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner.”[46] [emphasis added]
Emotional involvement if they aren’t ready to marry often leads to fornication which makes it hard to form loving marriages later. The early twenties are a time for becoming productive, responsible adults; it's not a time for playing grown up. Isaac was a mature man (Gen. 25:20a[47]) who could support Rebecca when he vowed to her and took her.
So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do. Luke 17:10
When God gives a woman to be a man’s wife, he must fulfill his God-given duty to nourish her and cherish her (Eph. 5:29[48]) by serving her (Mk. 9:35[49], 10:42-44[50]) as long as they both shall live. God expects her to serve him by being his help meet (Gen. 2:18[51]), reverencing him (Ep. 5:33[52]), comforting him, and by guiding his house.
Isaac Supplied the Tent
Men paid the bills from the beginning. When God told Adam he’d eat “by the sweat of thy face,” God made no provision for Eve to eat. Page 28 explains that women aren’t strong enough to hunt or farm without machinery. A woman starved unless she could please a man enough to make him willing to feed her. Generations of that made wives need constant reminders that their men are pleased to keep feeding them.
He Took Rebekah and She Was His Wife
For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit. I Thessalonians 4:3-8
Some say a man possesses his own body, but “vessel” in “the weaker vessel (1 Pe. 3:7[53])” receives. The man gives; the woman receives.
A man sanctifies a woman and sets her apart by marrying her before taking her. God calls it “fraud” when a man persuades a woman to fulfill his lusts without marriage by claiming to love her. God avenges this by denying the man most of the joy which God intended for marriage.
Being taken in lust can harm a woman badly. Fraud followed by bitterness isn’t a good start for marriage. God gives a man his desire when he takes a woman by lying to her, but defrauding her brings leanness into his soul (Psalm 106:15[54]). This can’t heal unless the man takes responsibility and confesses his sin to her and to their parents.
“Took to wife (Gen. 26:34; 1 Ki. 16:31; 1 Chr. 7:15)” shows that the man married the woman before taking her. The chemicals he puts into her body affect her mood, see page 99. She loses her sense of independence and wants to cling to him and belong to him. This can be scary even if he marries her before taking her and opens his heart to her so that she’s confident he belongs to her.
If a man takes a woman outside marriage, she knows he failed to protect her as Adam failed to protect Eve from the serpent, page 27. It’s hard for a woman to follow a man she can’t trust to protect her. He must keep her trust after marriage. If she says “ouch,” he should stop. It’s stupid for a man to show his wife that he doesn’t care about hurting her.
Isaac Loved Rebekah
Older women can teach younger women how to love their husbands (Titus 2:4[55]) because comforting a man is so simple that the Bible explains it in one verse (Song 8:3[56]). There’s no formula for making a wife feel loved because women are so different from each other, but the Bible describes the result. As Naomi told her daughters goodbye, she prayed:
The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
Naomi wanted her daughters to find ease, comfort, rest, and security in knowing that their husbands chose to value and appreciate them as taught in the Song. Watching any couple shows whether she has rest in belonging to her husband. Many women experience this instead:
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee. Proverbs 23:7
A man can say he loves a woman and provide for her without opening his heart to her. God has the same problem:
This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. Matthew 15:8
Married people love cheerful giving (2 Cor. 9:7[57]) from spouses. Consider the high school sports hero. As he leads his team to victory, cheerleaders try to see which of them can encourage him the most. He tells one of them he loves her. She hasn’t been taught what a man means by “love,” so the affair doesn’t end well for her.
The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman https://a.co/d/fIG4k9d confirms that casual sex is very damaging. Having treated more than 2,000 university students for depression and other emotional problems, she wrote that a woman can be very depressed when she finds that her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex. Most women associate sex with commitment; men not as much.
What was Delilah’s complaint against Samson?
And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? Judges 16:15a
The husband in the Song has opened his heart and belongs to her:
My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 2:16
I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 6:3
Delilah was upset that Samson wouldn’t belong to her. He said he loved her, she gave herself to him, but he wasn’t hers. What good was he to her? Why not get some cash and be a national heroine by selling him to the Philistines? What she did wasn’t nice, but who lied first?
Women open their hearts to help each other bear the burdens of husbands, children, and houses (1 Tim. 5:14[58]). They don’t know it’s as scary for a man to open his heart as for a woman to open her body. Japanese say “One hair of a woman's head pulls harder than ten yoke of oxen.” No matter how strongly a man is attracted to a woman, he may be afraid to open his heart for fear of being hurt or vexed:
And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; Judges 16:16
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, Pro. 31:11a
Just before our wedding, my fiancé told me she was really looking forward to being married. I was too. I thought we were on the same page, but she went on. “I like talking to you. Once we’re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.”
We were not on the same page. We were in different volumes! That’s more talk than a man can imagine, she expected hours per day! We’d talked a lot while dating because we couldn’t do anything else. I thought marriage would make it a done deal and we wouldn’t have to talk about it any more. The Holy Spirit led her to tell me that talking to her a lot more than I could imagine was a vital part of her marriage vows.
I had no idea how to nourish and cherish her emotions. It took a year or so for me to begin to understand what she said about her feelings.
The Book of Esther shows how much wives yearn to talk to husbands. King Ahasuerus made Esther his queen. When Haman persuaded Ahasuerus to let the Jews to be murdered, Mordecai urged Esther to ask her husband to stop the slaughter. She said she might die if she did this:
All the king's servants, and the people of the king's provinces, do know, that whosoever, whether man or women, shall come unto the king into the inner court, who is not called, there is one law of his to put him to death, except such to whom the king shall hold out the golden sceptre, that he may live: but I have not been called to come in unto the king these thirty days. Esther 4:11
Someone wanting to talk to Mr. Trump without being called won’t get into the White House. The guards physically block anyone in the White House from coming unto the inner court. There’s an exception: the secret service won’t get physical if Melania Trump enters the Oval Office.
King Ahasuerus’ guards would never get physical with one of his wives. The only way he could keep his wives from coming to his office to talk to him uninvited was by threatening them with death. That is how badly wives yearn to talk to husbands. A man must meet his wife’s need to talk to keep her from being tempted to talk to other men. Opening his heart to her comforts her and helps him convince her that he loves her.
Wives Need Comfort in Times of Grief, Sorrow, or Stress
Women deal with small frustrations or major stress such as injury or the grief of a loved one’s death by talking. Men can be frustrated when a woman discusses a problem that can’t be fixed or a problem he could fix but she doesn’t want him to fix. If a man stops listening, he’ll hurt his wife instead of comforting her. Her frustration blocks her from helping others who are in need (2 Cor. 1:6[59]). Women can get help from other women, but her husband is her best source of comfort for any stress, grief, sorrow, frustration, or when she’s tense without knowing why.
This can be hard. My wife’s sister’s husband died. My wife first had to deal with her grief so she could give hope to uphold her sister and her family in their grief. She told me about the funeral on the phone and on the way back from the airport. She overheard her tell a friend at church. She told me everything she’d told her friend. She went over this very emotional experience at least 20 times. She felt differently about it each time, but I thought she was saying the same thing, over and over. I had to care about it each time in spite of boredom. That’s hard.
God is just. My wife thinks I want to do the same old thing over and over. Receiving her comfort is new and different to me each time, but to her, it’s “Again? Didn’t we just do that?” God expects us to value each other’s things (Phi. 2:4[60]) and it’s pretty obvious what they are.
My son’s wife asked about church policy. It took 45 minutes of question and answer for me to understand her question because she thought so differently from my wife. It took 15 minutes to explain my answer. After another 10 minutes, it turned out that my answer was wrong. We worked out the right answer together.
It takes hours and days of daily back-and-forth talk to be one as Jesus expects (Mt. 19:5-6[61]). Women open their hearts all the time and don’t see how scary it is for men. 1 Cor. 11:9[62] says that women are made for men. Few men know how scary it is for women to belong to men.
A man can’t spend that much time learning about more than one woman. Obeying God’s command for a husband to know his wife well enough for her to learn what pleases him limits him to only one wife.
Isaac Loved Rebekah And Then He was Comforted
Rebekah could comfort Isaac after he convinced her that he loved her.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. Song 7:10
The wife asks her mother for advice about her husband:
I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song of Solomon 8:2-3
Her mother tells her to welcome her husband into her body whenever he wants her. Giving herself when she’d rather do something else is what submission is. She has more capacity than he; she can drain off all of his sexual energy. That makes it hard for other women to get his attention. If she sends him off to work loaded, on the other hand, he'll be tempted by other women (Pr. 6:28[63]). Comforting her husband several times per day binds him to her and to their children, page 33.
Marriages are held together by mutual comfort; a woman receives comfort by heart-to-heart talk, a man is comforted belly-to-belly. How many marriages would fail if husband and wife never, not ever, criticized each other and constantly looked for little things to appreciate instead? That is the essence of the Song. Jesus promises His people rest:
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
A wife bears the yoke of pleasing her husband. God commands him to live with her according to knowledge of her (1 Pe. 3:7[64]). The only way to get this knowledge is by hours and hours of daily open-hearted talk. This opens his heart to her. Learning of him makes his yoke easy and his burden light, and shows her that he belongs to her as taught in the Song.
Marriage prospers when a man treats his wife as his precious gift from God and she acts like his precious gift from God. Treating marriage as a gift from God makes it wonderful enough to be worth the burden of husband and wife caring for each other and their children:
Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18
Blessing her husband’s fountain whenever he’s ravished with her love but she’d rather do something else is part of her marriage burden. Talking to her when he’d rather do something else is part of his.
Some wedding vows say “to have and to hold.” The man marries to have her; she marries so he’ll hold her. Naomi gave Ruth the best advice on getting marriage you’ll ever hear:
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18
Boaz wasn’t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth brought it up, it was such a good idea that he ran out the very next morning and married her. Why? Because he wanted her, and he had to marry her to have her.
Her value falls (Pr. 31:10[65]) if she gives herself without marriage. What would marriage give him that he doesn’t have? A woman shouldn’t play hard to get, she should be hard to get. He must give his life for hers.
Why Does God Require That Pastors Be Married?
“If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly (Titus 1:6).”
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife 4One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) I Timothy 3:2, 4-5
An unmarried man has no “house” to rule. How can he learn how to take care of the church of God? Pastors must be married fathers.
We know 2 churches which appointed unmarried men as youth pastor. Accusations of misbehavior nearly destroyed both churches. A pastor who had done several successful church plants spent 3 years of futile effort planting another. The man he planned to be the pastor was married but had no children. God couldn’t bless the effort and it failed.
Page 21 explains why a pastor doesn’t have time to connect directly to the women in his congregation; he must work through his wife.
When my wife married, her college friends no longer related to her. She thought it would change after we married, but it wasn’t until she gave birth that she could relate again. Most women have children. Page 46 explains that pregnancy changes a woman’s emotions. His wife can’t connect emotionally to the church women unless she’s also had children.
Ruling his house while raising children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4)” requires that he know a lot about them. Page 45 shows that his wife has a different view of their children and talking to her builds his knowledge. A pastor must spend more time talking to his wife than non-pastors because he also needs her view of the souls of the spiritual children whom God places under his care:
Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. Hebrews 13:17
If he gives his wife a position in the church by praising her work (Pr. 31:31b[66]) and occasionally asks, “Was there anything else I should announce,” women will know to ask her for details instead of asking him. This helps his wife talk to the women and get information he can’t, but even if she can’t add information, her different view when he tells her about his sorrows may give him ideas about handling problems.
Opening his heart to her about the concerns and griefs of his spiritual children helps her feel that he belongs to her and makes her better able to comfort him. Comfort is essential for surviving the pastorate: spiritual children can bring as much grief as biological children, sometimes more.
And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. II Corinthians 12:15
Page 107 shows that comforting her husband 2 or 3 times per day improves any wife’s mood. It also makes them both healthier:
“The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[67]
Page 20 explains why a husband must talk to his wife enough to relieve her stress and heal her sorrows. She suffers because of their spiritual children just as he does. She needs extra talk to heal the extra hurt and to have enough emotional energy to help others. If he does this, visiting wives will see that his wife is calm, appreciated, and that she has a firm place in the ministry. They’ll want to come back so their husbands can learn how it’s done. Building the house of God (Pr. 14:1[68]) in this way makes his wife the most important member of his church.
My wife has told many pastors’ wives about her “5 times” rule. Most react in shocked horror, showing that their husband’s haven’t talked enough to convince them of his love. Only one said, “Of course! How else can I protect him from being tempted by all those unhappy women?”
A woman at work tried to attract me. “I was angry when you didn’t even notice,” she told me. “Then I realized, ‘Oh, he belongs to his wife’ so I went after someone else.” I’m careful to have women in my office meet my wife so they’ll know I belong thoroughly to her.
If a pastor allows his connection to his wife to weaken through neglect, it’s easy to become somewhat connected to the women in the congregation. His “emotional harem” weakens their connections to their own husbands. The pastor’s wife may not understand all of what’s going on, but her feelings of neglect and jealousy grow when this happens.
Trials help us relate to others in the congregation, especially the newly-saved (2 Cor. 1:4[69]). Pain of miscarriage, death of a relative, a broken leg, or illness can often help others relate to us and trust God, but it’s hard for a pastor’s wife to share grief unless she knows her husband will uphold her and comfort her by talking to her as much as she needs.
The Tragedy of Ignored Comfort
Every pastor we know well enough to learn what he does calls other pastors for advice about problems. This not only ignores the earthly source of comfort God tried to give him, it means his problem description won’t include his help meet’s knowledge of the congregation. My wife and I ask for advice about raising our children, but only after talking enough to make sure that we agree on all details of the problem.
Why would a pastor seek comfort elsewhere? When anything goes wrong in a child’s life, the child screams for mommy or runs and finds mommy. Children appreciate fathers, but they know that mothers and wives are made to give comfort.
Ignoring her knowledge keeps her from helping him. Cutting her out of discussions makes her feel unloved. How can she comfort him without knowing his heart? Pastors burn out and leave pulpits or the church flies apart when they don’t receive the comfort God intended for them.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth (3 Jn. 1:4).” A father has a hard time raising his children without his wife’s help. A pastor has a hard time raising spiritual children without his wife’s help. Pastors miss the joy and comfort God intended by neglecting the help meet God gave to help him do the work God called him to do.
A pastor can absorb so much emotional energy from the congregation that he can’t handle his wife’s emotions. If he restores his wife’s emotional energy by talking to her, she can not only absorb more of the energy from the congregation, she’d be able to comfort him a lot more often. Her comfort relieves his stress so he can handle more.
What did God say about His servant who buried his talent in the ground instead of using it as He expected?
Chapter 3 - What Happened to Women After the Fall?
God expects joyful Christian marriages to attract lost people to want to know how we do it. The Genesis account of the fall tells a lot about marriage. This helps us find the joy God offers if we do marriage His way:
O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! Deuteronomy 5:29
Adam was created to care for the garden and to “keep it” which means to protect it. God formed Eve to help him after telling Adam not to eat from the tree of knowledge (Gen. 2:15-18[70]); she didn’t hear it from God. Eve added “neither shall ye touch it (Gen. 3:3)”[71] to what God said. Adam wasn’t deceived (1 Tim. 2:14[72]). In order not to have been deceived, he had to have heard what Satan said, he was there “with her” the whole time. Why didn’t he tell Eve not to talk to the serpent, correct her misquoting God, or tell her not to eat the fruit she wanted so badly? It was his duty to keep her, that’s why God blamed him (Ro. 5:19[73]).
Did Adam add to what God told him when he told Eve what God had said? Ex. 19:10-11, 15[74] shows that Moses added “come not at your wives” to what God told him. Did Adam add to what God said as Moses had? The Bible doesn’t say. Asking a man the logic behind his view on who misquoted God shows his attitude toward women.
When Eve touched the fruit and didn’t die, she knew that what she believed God had said was false. Adding to the Word of God or misusing the Word of God makes it easy for Satan to question the Word of God.
Everybody Sees how God Punished Adam
Instead of confessing his sin of eating the fruit, Adam blamed God for giving Eve to him. She followed him and blamed the serpent (Gen. 3:12-13[75]). To this day, many men blame their wives when things go wrong instead of accepting responsibility for leading and protecting them.[76]
Anyone who’s planted a garden or kept a lawn understands God’s punishment of Adam:
Cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; 18Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; 19In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. Genesis 3:17b-19
Adam wasn’t cursed, the ground was cursed. This punished Eve – women can’t farm or hunt without machinery. A woman had to please a man enough to make him want to feed her (1 Co. 7:34[77]), or she’d starve. Hunger gave women a strong desire to be with men even though men bring work, frustration, sorrow, and grief mixed with occasional joy.
Women should know why men feed them. My grandmother visited after our first child. Her husband was harsh and dictatorial, she became a “steel magnolia,” feminine, but tough as nails. She asked when to expect a 2nd great grand. I spoke of cost, worry, and effort helping my wife through pregnancy and caring for a child.
She gave me “that look.” “Young man,” she said,” the pleasures of marriage you enjoy are God’s way of compensating you for the time, cost, sorrow, and work of raising children to serve Him (Mal. 2:15[78]).”
If a marriage isn’t as joyful as our loving God planned, the man must take the lead in fixing it.
Think About Eve’s Life in the Garden
She didn’t need a house - it never rained (Gen. 2:6[79]). They were naked; she didn’t need clothes (Gen. 2:25[80]). She could always find fruit to eat (Gen. 3:2[81]). Adam didn’t provide food, clothing, or shelter, God did that.
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. Genesis 3:7
The first worry after their eyes were opened was clothes. Women’s care about clothes supports our multi-billion dollar fashion industry.
God made Eve to keep Adam from being alone and to help him:
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18 Did Eve help Adam sew the fig leaves? Or did he sew alone?
A wife’s need to help her husband wasn’t punishment; her strong desire to help was built into her from the beginning. After the fall, God’s punishments of Eve explain how women would get along with men:
Unto the woman he [God] said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Gen. 3:16
Greatly Multiply thy Sorrow Through Sensitive Emotions
Most women have more sensitive emotions than men do. Being sensitive helps women learn how to please husbands, but God multiplies sorrow to women because their feelings are easily hurt. The Bible says:
Every wise woman buildeth her house: Proverbs 14:1a
A woman’s emotions are the cement that builds her house. There’s no logical reason to pour her life into serving her family, women do this on emotion. Men, would you like to be married to you? Could you do what your wife does? How can women do what they do? Women build homes and churches through love and emotion, but they can’t unless they’re free to express their emotions and are appreciated for it.
God punished Eve by giving women a strong emotional desire to please men (1 Cor. 7:34[82]). Husbands rule best through praise: women do more of what’s praised. If all they get is criticism, they’ll do more of what’s criticized the most. How human! God gave women strong emotions on purpose, it was not an accident:
a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:14b
“Prudence” means thinking ahead; the way a woman’s mind works, that is, her prudence, is of the Lord. God made women think the way they do on purpose. The mixture of logic and emotion God gives a woman makes her want to serve her family and build her home while showing us how God’s love works, page 2.
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18
Be wise. Keep your words healthful to your wife. Before our wedding, my wife asked that I never criticize her. “I want to love you very much,” she said. “The more I love you, the more criticism hurts. I won’t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.” That made sense – the Bible speaks of women as “tender and delicate.” I don’t want to make it hard for her to love me, so I watch what I say.
God multiplied conception. How many babies would women need to have to populate the earth if nobody died?
Thy Desire shall be to thy Husband
A woman desires to belong to a man whom she can please (Song 1:2[83], 8:2-3[84]) just as a man desires to have a woman belong to him (Song 7:10[85]). Eve wanted to be with Adam enough to accept him claiming and naming her (Gen. 2:23[86], 3:20[87]), but God increased women’s desire to be with a man in punishing of Eve. Men should treat wives as undeserved gifts from God who made women want to be with men. Warning:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
A woman mustn’t let herself get emotionally involved with a man until after he marries her. 80% of how a marriage goes is determined by how a man values his wife, but 80% of her value is set before they marry. A woman sets her price by what she does. If her price is a few dinners, she isn’t worth much. Her price should be his dedicating his life to caring for her until death by marrying her before she gives herself to him.
He Shall Rule Over Thee
Eve wanted independence instead of following God (Gen. 3:6[88]), so God made her follow her imperfect, sinful husband instead of Him. Marriage should bring a wife joy (Song 8:2-3[89]), but she can’t make him any happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9[90]). How happy does he want to be?
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23
And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Genesis 3:20
Gen. 3:16[91] had expanded Adam’s job description to “keep” the garden (Gen. 2:15[92]) to explicitly establish Adam’s rule over Eve. Nebuchadnezzar established ownership of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego by naming them. My wife accepted the name I gave.
What God Expects of Women
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, I Timothy 5:14a
A job puts great strain on women. Working mothers have neither the emotional energy nor the time to raise their children. God expects a mother to give her children 3 gifts:
The first gift is putting her life on the line to give her child life. Death in childbirth is less common than it was but it happens. A woman walks the valley of the shadow of death out of love for her unborn child.
The second gift is a father with strong emotional and financial ties to her child. A man may speak of birds and bees, but in his heart where it counts, a man doesn't believe he has anything to do with making babies. Her baby is hers - she had it last - but what has her baby to do with him?
Remember the saying – “The time my father got me, his mind was not on me.” What was he thinking? Was he thinking at all? The only way to give her child a father is to belong to him thoroughly before getting pregnant. If she requires that he commit himself by marrying before she gives herself and convinces him that she belongs to him by encouraging him to have her whenever he can, her children also belong to him.
“Vasopressin [the neurochemical that affects a man’s brain as oxytocin affects a woman’s brain] seems to have two primary functions related to relationships: initiation of bonding of the man to his mate and attachment to his offspring. . . . it plays an important role in initiating sexual bonding and bonding between fathers and children.”[93] [emphasis added]
The third gift is the gift of a mother. Having risked her life to give her child life, having given up her independence by belonging to her husband, God expects her to give up her career and dedicate her life to nourishing and cherishing her family. Women with jobs have neither enough time nor enough emotional energy to teach their sons how to be Biblical husbands or their daughters to be Biblical wives.
She must be content to live on what her husband earns, encourage him in his career, and mother her children. Proverbs 31 was written to men. 31:1 shows that King Lemuel’s mother taught him how to nourish, cherish, and bless his future wife. This teaching takes more time and energy than career women can supply.
By the grace of God, a very few single mothers are able to raise children successfully, but this is rare.
Marriage in Two Words
Marriage can be explained in one minute, see page 40. This section explains marriage in two words.
Salvation is two words, “only believe (Lk. 7:50[94]).” God’s rule for a man and woman coming together is three words, “only in marriage.” Staying married is two words, “only praise.” This can be hard for people who weren’t taught the love, joy, and peace which come from Christ, but people learn as they grow in Christ.
Nowhere in the Bible does a man criticize his wife. I want my words to be health to my wife so she’ll want to hear me. I say, “That didn’t work as well as we planned. What went wrong? Let’s learn to do better next time.” I say “we” because she tries to do everything the way I want it done. That puts me in all she does.
When you die, people will remember the very last thing you said. Don’t say anything which wouldn’t please you as a last memory of you. You can apologize, but you can’t un-say anything, not ever.
“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, / Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit / Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, / Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.” ― Omar Khayyám
I was making an appointment. The young lady saw that I treasured my wife and asked how long we’d been married. When I told her 52 years, she wanted to know how we did it. I gave her “only praise.” Her eyes bugged out. “That’s hard!” she complained. “What do I do if I’m really upset at him?”
“Are you an adult or a child?” I asked. “We teach kids not to lose their temper, not to throw angry words at each other by the time they’re 2, age 3 at the latest. If you aren’t grown up enough to keep your temper, are you grown up enough to marry?” Following Christ leads you to grow in grace so that you can do this.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 5:1Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; Ephesians 4:32-5:1
Jesus expects us to follow God. God sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because His blood has washed away your wife’s sins. You must look on your wife as God sees her. Christ is our example for how we treat each other. He answers prayers even before we ask. A husband should know his wife’s needs well enough to meet them before she asks.
Marriage is simple: Believe in your heart that God is good and that He made men and women so that we can work together to build joyful marriages. “Only praise,” open your hearts, follow God by seeing each other, treating each other, and talking about each other as perfect (Song 4:7[95]). That’s God’s Simple Plan of Marriage. Nothing else works as well.
Chapter 4 - Thou Shalt Love the Lord Thy God
Your entire life is based on your beliefs about God. Are you convinced that God’s rules bless you and lead you to joy? Or will His rules block your freedom to find happiness in your own way? People say God is good, but do they believe that God is good enough to love?
This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. Matthew 15:8 see also Mark 7:6[96], Isaiah 29:13[97]
We can’t know God without giving Him our hearts. Going to church without loving God is just religion. Taking a woman without love is lust (1 Thes. 4:4-5[98]). Men can honor wives with their lips without opening their hearts. God won’t know you unless you open your heart:
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matthew 7:23
Our head is what we know (2 Tim. 3:7[99]); our heart is what we feel or what we are (Pr. 23:7[100]). Christians say God is good, but what they do shows whether head knowledge has made it into their hearts. God’s creation “was very good (Ge. 1:31).” The only thing not good was Adam being alone (Gen. 2:18[101]). Eve completed God’s very good creation.
Men complain about women instead of thanking our loving God for marriage. A wife is a favor from God (Pr. 18:22[102]) and God gives good and perfect gifts (Jas. 1:17[103]). A wife is a good and perfect gift from God to her husband. Do you believe that? If a man can’t see that God made his wife to bless him, that’s his problem, not God’s. Pray for wisdom!
Christians who truly believe that God is good know that a loving God made men and women to give each other joy. Others say God is good. They don’t believe it in their hearts so they complain about men and women instead of appreciating the differences that make marriage work.
The bride and groom want their marriage to be filled with joy. God wants joyful Christian marriages to shine a light to the lost. Few Christian marriages work as well as God planned. Given that all parties want it to be joyful, when a marriage isn’t good, something went wrong and something must change. The man is the leader, so fixing it is on him.
God draws hurting people to a church if His people in that church love Him enough to point visitors to God’s Simple Plan of Salvation. Once they accept salvation, we must teach Christ so that we decrease and Christ increases in their lives. Knowing how our loving God made men and women to bless marriages is a good start.
Moses warned that the Jews would lose everything unless they loved God with grateful hearts and gave thanks for everything He gave them:
Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things; 48Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee. Deuteronomy 28:47-48
The Jews didn’t thank God so He took the blessings away. A wife can’t bless her husband as God planned unless she knows she’s thanked, appreciated, and loved as much as God expects him to love God.
God’s command “love the Lord thy God” is in scripture 14 times! This shows the logic of God’s plan for us. Choosing to love Him as He commands helps us serve Him better. Couples who strive to love and serve each other as they love and serve God give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.
Paul prayed “that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment (Phil 1:9).” Pray that God will make your love abound for Him, your family, your church, and the lost. People who see your joy in loving each other and loving them will want God’s love for themselves! Any group based on loving God and each other as He commands will bring joy to everyone who joins in loving God.
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38This is the first and great commandment. Matthew 22:37-38
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. Mark 12:30
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself. Luke 10:27
And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. Deuteronomy 6:5
Therefore thou shalt love the LORD thy God, and keep his charge, and his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments, alway. Deuteronomy 11:1
And it shall come to pass, if ye shall hearken diligently unto my commandments which I command you this day, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, 14That I will give you the rain of your land in his due season, the first rain and the latter rain, that thou mayest gather in thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil. Deuteronomy 11:13-14
For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him; Deuteronomy 11:22
Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 13:3
If thou shalt keep all these commandments to do them, which I command thee this day, to love the LORD thy God, and to walk ever in his ways; then shalt thou add three cities more for thee, beside these three: Deuteronomy 19:9
And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live. Deuteronomy 30:6
In that I command thee this day to love the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it. Deuteronomy 30:16
That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. Deuteronomy 30:20
But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul. Joshua 22:5
Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God. Joshua 23:11
Loving God with your soul is mentioned 8 times, walk in His ways 4 times, love with your mind 3 times, strength twice, might once, and so on. God commands us to choose in our minds to love God with all we have! This is a deliberate, practical choice. Deciding to love in this way binds couples together with God, with each other, and with the church.
Explaining Marriage in One Minute
spend years getting kids into good colleges but not much time, talent, toil, or treasure teaching how to have good marriages. We don’t expect kids to drive without teaching, how can we expect good marriages without teaching? You can teach salvation and marriage in 60 seconds!
Nobody deserves salvation; every person is a sinner who deserves to go to Hell (Rom. 3:23[104], 5:12[105], 6:23[106]). If you accept salvation, God gives you the gift of eternal life (Rom. 6:23b). God doesn’t see your sins, He sees the righteousness and purity of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Ps. 103:12[107], I Cor. 6:11[108]).
God and His Son see you as perfect (Eph. 5:25-27[109], Rom. 8:1[110], 1 Ki. 8:61[111], 15:14[112], 2 Ki. 20:3[113]).
Accepting Jesus’ free offer of salvation makes us servants of Jesus Christ (Ps. 100:2[114], Rom. 1:1[115], Tit. 1:1[116]). We belong permanently to Jesus (Jn. 10:29[117], 1 Cor. 6:19[118]), serve Him out of love (2 Cor. 5:14-15[119]), and strive to walk in good works as Jesus taught (Eph. 2:10[120]).
God expects us to serve spouses, families, and churches (Rom. 12:10[121], Eph. 4:12[122], 5:21[123], 1 Pet. 5:5[124]). Focus on God through Christ. What God does is perfect; serving Him by serving your spouse is a perfect calling (Mk. 9:35[125], 10:42-45[126]). Focus your eyes on your perfect God, not on fallible people (Phil. 2:1-8).
That’s God’s Simple Plan of Salvation in a Half-Minute. If they’re still listening, you can go on:
Eph. 4:31-32[127] tells us to forgive each other as God forgives. God forgives completely; He forgets our sins (Ps. 103:10-12[128], Is. 43:25[129], Heb. 10:17[130]). When God washes away our sins (Heb. 9:14[131], 10:19-22[132]), what’s left is perfect and without condemnation (Rom. 8:1[133], 15:13[134]). Eph. 5:1 commands, “Be ye therefore followers of God.” God sees us as perfect, so we must follow God and see our spouses as perfect.
That’s the key to marriage. Treat your spouse as perfect, praise your spouse as perfect, say your spouse is perfect for you, and thank God for putting you in a perfect marriage (Ps. 68:6[135]). Marriage prospers if the husband treats his wife as God’s perfect gift to him and she acts as God’s perfect gift to him (Jas. 1:17[136]). He’s to love, nourish, cherish, honor, and sanctify her (Eph. 5:29[137], Song 4:7[138], 6:9[139]) as perfect, she’s to obey him and submit to him in reverence (Eph. 5:22, 33[140], Col. 3:18[141]) even though neither of them deserves the other!
That’s God’s Simple Plan of Marriage in One Minute. If they’re still listening, you can go on:
We must love God with perfect hearts. 1 Kings 11:4 and 15:3 speak of David having a perfect heart with the Lord his God. David sinned, but he never turned from worshiping God to worshiping anything else. Faithfulness and repentance kept his heart perfect with God.
God expects us to keep our hearts perfect with Him and with each other. We must not let our hearts stray toward anyone else or anything else (Job 31:1[142], Song of Solomon).
As David was perfectly confident in God and rested in what God gave him, we must learn to rest content in each other and in what God gives us (Ruth 1:9a[143], Mt. 11:28[144], Phi. 4:11[145], 1 Tim. 6:6[146], Heb. 13:5[147]).
Love God by loving your spouse; serve God by serving your spouse, praise God by praising your spouse is simple, but “simple” isn’t “easy.” It’s simple to walk from Maine to California – put one foot in front of the other, repeat ‘til you get there – but not easy. Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a stroll across a continent.
God’s people in a church should have hearts as perfect as David’s:
All these men of war, that could keep rank, came with a perfect heart to Hebron, to make David king over all Israel: and all the rest also of Israel were of one heart to make David king. I Chronicles 12:38
The people agreed with one perfect heart that they wanted David as their king. God gave us one way to relate to Him, that is, with perfect hearts and never go after other gods. Husband and wife must both have perfect hearts with God. Both must have perfect hearts with each other and never go after anyone else.
As God offers salvation to those who earnestly seek Him (De. 4:29[148]), He offers the joys of marriage to couples enter Holy Matrimony with one perfect heart. “Holy” means “set apart to the Lord for His purposes.” Holy Matrimony belongs to God. There is no vow in salvation; marriage vows are the most serious vows any human can ever utter.
As we work out God’s salvation in fear and trembling (Phi. 2:12b[149]), we work out God’s gift of marriage as we mature, grow, and learn. David never lost his salvation, but his sins took away his joy:
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Psalm 51:12
David knew that God would gladly restore his joy in God’s salvation once he restored his relationship with God through repentance and confession (1 Jn. 1:9[150]). Be prepared to confess to one another and forgive one another to restore your joy in marriage (Jas. 5:16[151]).
Why God Made Men and Women Think So Differently
God made men and women different to help us be fruitful and multiply. Instead of trusting that God knew what He was doing, many women complain that men are possessive, controlling, and can’t find things in a refrigerator. Men gripe that women are emotional and talk too much.
Very few people can explain how they think. For her, the top refrigerator shelf is the first, the one below that the second, while I number them from the bottom up like floors in a building. Disconnect!
The Bible values multiple sources of advice:
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
A wife often knows things her husband doesn’t, particularly about children. It’s foolish for a man to ignore her knowledge and counsel when making decisions. Even if her ideas aren’t practical, she may stimulate his thoughts and help make better decisions. In our decades of deciding, it’s rare that the first idea from either of us stands the test of the other’s knowledge. It can take hours of discussion to get all the facts, but the decision is usually obvious once everyone’s thoughts are known.
Knowledge sharing is one way God wants us to edify one another (1 Thess. 5:11[152]) and provoke one another to good works (Heb. 10:24[153]).
I saw my mother’s mind work when a baby cried in the next apartment. The hormones of pregnancy rebuild a woman’s brain:
Over the course of a few short months, our brains are abruptly renovated, causing us to reinterpret familiar stimuli—a stranger’s face, or the color red, or the smell of a tiny T-shirt—in freaky new ways. Suddenly a child’s smile is our alpha and omega. Our old systems of desire have been rewired. [154]
This make a mother much more sensitive to a baby's cry. Mom couldn’t stand the sounds of a baby’s distress. She knocked, said, “Can I help you,” and picked up the baby.
Hormones on a woman's skin affect a baby's brain[155]. The mother's hormones of fear made her baby afraid. My mother’s calmer hormones made the baby stop crying from fear and start crying about what was wrong. Mom showed the mother how to fix it. God designed women’s hearing to be sensitive to baby noises but it takes teaching and experience for a mother to learn to deal with the sounds of her baby.
How Women Think
When men complain that women think emotionally, women feel that men believe women don’t think at all. This makes them unhappy and unwilling to try to explain how they think, which lowers decision quality.
Greek philosophers gave us forward and backward chaining which doctors use. The doctor collects facts – blood pressure, temperature, weight, height, and your history. You describe your symptoms. The doctor “forward chains” from the facts and guesses what’s wrong.
The doctor then “backward chains” from the guess and orders tests to see if you have the expected symptoms if he’s guessed correctly. “We need more tests” means that the guess was wrong, backward chaining failed, but he now has more facts. He’s forward chained to another guess for which backward chaining needs more facts. It is easy to explain conclusions worked out by forward and backward chaining.
Greeks also gave us Aristotelian logic - if A is true, not A is false. When Rome conquered Greece, they learned geometry and logic. They couldn’t have built roads or bridges without these intellectual tools.
These ways of thinking are so useful that men tend to believe that their way is the only way to think. When the Greek philosophers came down from their lofty discussions, they found that the women whom they’d left guiding the house didn’t think that way. Instead of seeing that there was another way to think, they assumed that women didn’t think at all. Few modern men are any better at valuing women’s thoughts.
Women think holistically, which means “emphasizing the whole.” Everything and everyone in the house is connected to everything else like a multidimensional picture in her mind. This helps a woman find things and makes it easier for her to fit each new baby into the family.
Each woman has her own way of seeing her kitchen so it is very hard for a woman to operate in another woman’s territory. Gen. 31:33-34 tells how Laban searched separate tents for each of Jacob’s four wives. The women shared a husband, but couldn’t share kitchen or bedroom.
My mother’s mother came to help her for a week when I was born and my dad’s mom for a week. My mother was so upset at dad’s mother rearranging her kitchen that she told me 15 years later. She told my wife after we were married and promised that she’d never do that to her.
My wife once saw a group of kids running. “That child’s hurt!” she exclaimed even though we were too far away to identify them. One child had a sprained ankle and been given crutches but didn’t want to use them. The way that child ran disturbed my wife. Being able to see or hear one wrong note in a complex situation helps raise children – a choking baby needs help now no matter what else the mother is doing.
This Smithsonian article describes motherhood “as an unseen and poorly understood cellular-level revolution that rebuilds the female brain.”[156] A high-level executive was amazed to find herself watching her newborn wave and kick for hours on end. Her brain was learning her baby’s normal movements so that if her child was hurt, she’d immediately see that something was wrong and take care of it.
A holistic situational sense can protect women from bigger, stronger men. Gavin de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear” (https://a.co/d/aA4HdNy) describes women who’d been robbed or raped. They said they felt uneasy, but told themselves not to be silly and kept walking. His book said to pay attention when we feel something’s wrong and discusses ways to tell which fears are real and which are not. Judges 16:18 teaches that a woman can see into a man’s heart if she looks. Many won’t look because they’re afraid they might see something negative….
It Can be Hard to Explain
My wife’s father respected her emotions as given of God to fulfill God’s instructions to marry and have children, but he insisted that she try as hard as she could to explain her feelings. That helped me as I learned how to care for her. She told me many things about herself and her thoughts which were helpful to our marriage.
It can still be hard for her to explain. A friend was in the hospital for heart surgery. His washing machine failed. My wife offered to do his wife’s laundry and bought 2 laundry carriers. When I asked why she hadn’t put the clothes in a trash bag, she said she hadn’t thought of it.
I knew that wasn’t the reason but she couldn’t explain. The next day she told me her friend folded dirty laundry in the pile waiting to be washed and would be unhappy if clean clothes came back jumbled in a bag. With her husband in the hospital, my wife didn’t want to add to her stress. She knew this without knowing how she knew until she figured it out. As Prof. Chomsky said, “Experts don’t think – they know!”
When researchers used computers for Artificial Intelligence (AI), they began with forward and backward chaining. This gave us “expert systems” whose conclusions could be explained. As AI advanced to “deep learning,” computers reach conclusions we can’t understand. “Can we let algorithm take decisions we cannot explain?[157]” points out that unexplained decisions make people nervous, just as a man gets nervous when his wife reaches a strongly-held conclusion she can’t explain and which makes no sense to him.
How God Did This
Research shows that men and women have different verbal[158] and spatial reasoning[159] skills. God gave male and female brains the same basic structure and the same brain cells but the connections are different.
“Men's and Women's Brains Are Wired Differently, but What Does It Mean?[160]”
The brain is split into two halves, called hemispheres. Verma’s study found that men have more connections within each hemisphere of the cerebrum, linking the regions for planning and decision-making with the regions for sight and speech.
Women, on the other hand, have more connections between each hemisphere, allowing the two halves of the brain to share information more easily. In the cerebellum, the brain’s physics and motion calculator, the opposite was true—men had more connections between the two hemispheres, and women had more connections within each hemisphere.
The study found minimal gender differences in children under the age of 13, but the differences were much more distinct by age 17. Many brain wiring changes occur during puberty, and men and women seem to develop differently. [emphasis added]
“Brain Facts To Know And Share: Men Have A Lower Percentage Of Gray Matter Than Women[161]”
Did you know women have a higher percentage of gray matter than men? And, not only do men have more white matter, percentage-wise, they also have more cerebrospinal fluid.
According to the researchers, the “results suggest that male brains are structured to facilitate connectivity between perception and coordinated action, whereas female brains are designed to facilitate communication between analytical and intuitive processing modes.” [emphasis added]
“Intuitive processing modes” may be what helps women find things in the refrigerator better than men can. A woman married without seeing her husband’s house. “The living room was full of tires,” she said. A man keeps tires in the living room so he can find them. “It took a month to get the tires out on the front porch,” she said, “and two months to get them around back, but I got them out of the living room.”
She went slowly and carefully instead of just taking over his house. As he learned to trust her to find socks, underwear, and other unimportant things, he trusted her to find important things like his tires.
Our brain cells connect into “neural clusters” which store memories, hear sounds, process what our eyes see, and do many other things to keep us alive. The way brain cells connect determines how the brain operates. Hormones carried in the blood to the brain also affect thinking. Fear brings adrenalin to the brain which brings tunnel vision to help see the threat more clearly[162]. A woman’s hormones change during pregnancy and during her monthly cycle; this also affects her brain.
“Hormonal Influences on Cognitive Function[163]”
Hormones are the chemical regulators of the human body and function critically to maintain various processes, such as growth, emotions and even cognition. Numerous studies have examined the relationship between hormonal effects and cognitive function; these studies have investigated different factors, such as aging, pregnancy, post-natal states, emotions and stress. Different types of hormones produce different outcomes for the human body and mind.
… sexual hormones … are commonly associated with cognitive function …
“Menstruation And The Female Brain: How Fluctuating Hormone Levels Impact Cognitive Function”[164]
Days before your period you may feel as if you’re walking around in a mental fog. During premenstrual syndrome (PMS), hormones begin to fluctuate and alter the levels of brain chemicals that keep you balanced and alert, but what exactly happens to the brain during your period?
Usually, after the first few days, there will be a surge of estrogen levels that will stimulate the release of endorphins that eliminate the mental change or hormonal cloud present during PMS.
“Estrogen levels are closely linked with women’s emotional well-being as estrogen affects parts of the brain that control emotions,” Dr. Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist in New York City and author of “Your Next Big Thing,” told Medical Daily.
The rise in estrogen levels during the menstrual cycle deters women from impulsive decision-making. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found greater increases in estrogen levels across the menstrual cycle compared to impulsive behavior during the beginning of menstruation when estrogen levels are low.
When God made us male and female, He structured our brains as differently as our muscles.[165] These differences help husbands and wives fulfill the different roles God gave us in forming families. A woman’s holistic thinking treats the family, house, and children as one unified picture where she can quickly see anything that’s going wrong and helps her find items in the refrigerator. This helps her keep her babies alive, but makes her easy to interrupt. A man is harder to interrupt. He focuses strongly as he must get his seeds planted at the right time, he must complete the harvest at the right time, or he must focus on a game trail to make sure he can shoot any edible animal that comes along.
God gets servants when the servants He has bear children and raise them to serve Him. The differences in the way we think makes women better mothers than men are and helps improve decision quality if husbands appreciate the diverse thought processes God built into wives.
Psalm 68:6 explains that God loved us enough to put solitary people in families. If you don’t see how something about your spouse’s basic nature blesses you and your family, that’s your problem, not God’s. Pray to ask Him for wisdom to see why your spouse blesses you – that’s a promise He will fulfill (Jas. 1:5[166]).
Discussion Points
Drawing closer to God by discussing His Word draws them together and helps him dwell according to knowledge as God commands (I Pe. 3:7[167]).
Present – a woman expects to be treated as a gift from God
(Pr. 18:22[168],
Ec. 9:9[169],
I Col. 11:9[170],
Ge. 2:18[171])
Prayer – she expects him to lead in prayer which brings wisdom (I Thess.
5:17-18a[172],
Ps. 127:1[173],
Jas. 1:5[174])
Provision – she expects him to provide food, clothing, and shelter for
her and for her children (Gen. 24:67[175])
Protection – she expects protection from his passions, her emotions, and
from all external threats
Procreation – she expects him to appreciate her children as her finest
gift to him (Ps. 128:3[176])
Paternity – she expects him to be emotionally, financially, and
logically involved in helping her raise her children (Pr. 19:18[177],
Pr. 23:13[178],
Gal. 4:1-2[179],
Eph. 6:4[180],
Heb. 12:7[181])
Pleasure – she desires physical pleasure from him (Song 1:2[182],
8:2-3[183])
She expects him to enjoy talking with her and to take pleasure in opening his
heart to her (Jud. 16:15a[184],
Pr. 31:11-12[185],
I Cor. 7:3[186])
Praise – she desires that he appreciate and praise (Pr. 18:22[187])
all of her efforts on behalf of her family. She expects him to teach her
children to praise her and appreciate her (Pr. 31:28-29[188])
Partnership – she expects him to share the responsibility of educating,
cleaning, raising, and guiding her children (Gal 4:1-2[189],
Eph. 6:4[190]).
She expects him to draw on her help to advance his career (Mt. 27:19[191]).
Participation – she wants to know everything he does, to be involved in
all decisions, and to use her gifts to bless him (I Cor. 7:34[192]).
Patience – she expects him to spend as much time as it takes talking to
her enough to know her (I Pe. 3:7[193])
Peculiarity – he should know and rejoice in her unique, feminine
peculiarities, to delight in how God made her different from all the other
women in the world (Pr. 19:14b[194],
Song 6:9a[195])
Perception – she expects him to understand and appreciate her gifts and
to enjoy her unique way of thinking and expressing herself (Pr. 18:22[196],
James 1:17[197])
Pleased – she cares deeply that he be pleased with her (I Cor.
7:34[198])
Plan – he must explain where he’s going clearly so that she can follow
him in confidence that she’ll please him. She can’t follow if she doesn’t know
where he’s going; she can’t obey if she doesn’t understand
Persuasion – she wants him to teach her and gently persuade her (Ro.
14:5[199],
14:23[200],
II Cor. 5:11a[201],
Phi. 1:9a[202])
instead of just commanding without discussion
Part – she expects to be a vital part of his life, to be the axle on
which his wheel of his life turns, to be the tail on his kite, holding him
steady as they soar together (I Cor. 11:3, 9[203],
Mt. 19:6[204])
Place – she expects a place to live, a place in his life, and a place in
his heart (Gen. 24:67[205])
Peer – she isn’t his peer, she needs him to appreciate the ways she and
he are different. The world says that men and women are the same; the Bible
says they are not (Gen. 1:27[206],
Matt 19:4-5[207],
Mark 10:6[208])
Peace – she expects him to rule her gently (De. 28:56a[209])
so that her heart can find rest in being his (Ruth 1:9a[210])
Potential – she expects him to fulfil his potential in serving God,
better himself throughout their married life, and help her better herself to
fulfil her potential (II Tim. 2:15[211])
Purity – she expects him to value and guard her purity both before and
after marriage (Pr. 31:10[212])
Privacy – she expects him to value her thoughts and to keep the secret
thoughts of her heart to himself (Pr. 11:13[213],
20:19[214])
Perfection – she expects him to treat her as a perfect wife (Song 4:7[215],
James 1:17[216])
Passion – his desire should be towards her and towards her alone (Song
7:10[217])
and she expects to delight in it (Song 1:2[218],
8:2-3[219],
Pr. 5:18-19[220])
Possession – she expects him to belong to her and she to him (Song 2:16[221],
6:3[222]).
We know how a woman shows that she belongs to her husband. How does a man
convince his wife that he belongs to her?
A man expects the “three warms,” a warm heart, a warm bed, and warm meals (Gen. 29:21[223]).
Chapter 5 - Comparing Marriage and Salvation
God made one plan work for both marriage and salvation. This section compares marriage and salvation. Start with the basics. Gen. 1 tells us:
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. Genesis 1:3
The Bible teaches that God created everything including you, your spouse, and me. There’s more:
And God said, Let there be a firmament[224]
… and it was so. Genesis 1:6
And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered … and it was so. Genesis 1:9
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass … and it was so. Gen. 1:11
And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven … and it
was so. Genesis 1:14
And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature … and it was so. Genesis 1:24
And God said, Let the waters bring forth … and God saw that
it was good. Genesis 1:20
We find “and God said, … and it was so,” over and over. The Bible teaches that if God said it’s so, it’s so. That is Christianity – it’s built on believing that if the Word of God says it, it’s so.
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. John 17:17
God’s word is truth that tells us how to live. Jesus said, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God (Mt. 4:4; see also Lu. 4:4).” It also tells about His works:
The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein. 10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever. Psalm 111:2, 10
God’s people should take pleasure in God’s works especially the way He made men and women so that we can build God-fearing marriages and raise God-fearing children. God expects us to keep marriage vows:
When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee. Deuteronomy 23:21
When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Ecclesiastes 5:4
We should enjoy marriage. We should enjoy watching what He does for us and we should enjoy learning how He does His works. Having a proper awe and respect for God is the beginning of wisdom:
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever. Psalm 111:10
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Proverbs 9:10
A good understanding of His Word helps us do what He commands, but it works the other way, too. If we do what God commands, we’ll get a good understanding when we look back and see how obeying Him blessed us. Let’s look at how we’re told to approach God’s Word:
Whoso is wise, and will observe these things, even they shall understand the lovingkindness of the LORD. Psalm 107:43
God says that if you’re wise, if you’ll observe “these things,” then you’ll understand just how kind God is and how well He takes care of us.
Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! Psalm 107:8, 15, 21
If you are wise, if you praise the Lord for His goodness, then you will understand His kindness to you. God’s most wonderful work to the children of men, of course, is salvation. Being saved requires that we die to our former lives so that we can be married to Christ:
Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. Romans 7:4
In order to be born again into Christ, we must die to ourselves and be married to Christ. That is the first of God’s wonderful works. Marriage is another of God’s wonderful works. Jesus explained it:
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6
Dying to our former lives of sin makes us one with Christ. As with salvation; we must die to ourselves in order to be “one flesh” in marriage. When we find people whose lives are being destroyed by sin, we give the gospel so that they can be saved and show the grace of God in their new walk with Christ. When we find marriages being destroyed by sin, we “give an answer” so these marriages can show the grace of God to the lost. There are many short ways to help others build marriages:
· Salvation and marriage are both undeserved gifts of God’s grace. Nobody deserves salvation; nobody deserves the blessings of marriage. A man is not worthy of his wife’s submission, obedience, or her calling him “Lord,” that’s an undeserved gift of God’s grace to him. A woman is not worthy of her husband’s giving his life to nourish and cherish her, that’s God’s undeserved gift to her.
· Salvation and marriage both show the grace of God to the lost. We’re required to “give an answer” (I Pe. 3:15[225]) when people ask why we live as we do. Our marriages are our greatest opportunity to show we’re different from the lost. When the lost see a wife giving her husband undeserved grace or a husband giving his wife undeserved grace, they’ll want God’s grace for themselves, and we get to tell them how to find it.
· When we give the gospel, we may hear, “God can’t save me, my sins are too great.” When we give the plan of marriage, we may hear, “God can’t save my marriage, it’s too far gone.” That’s pride – how can anyone think their sin or their marriage problems are greater than the God who created the universe?
· People who reject God’s Simple Plan of Salvation spend eternity in Hell. People who reject God’s Simple Plan of Marriage can create their very own Hell right here on earth. Marriage can either give a foretaste of the joys of Heaven or it can give a foretaste of the punishment of the damned in Hell.
· Once we’re saved, our love for Christ constrains us to serve Him (II Cor. 5:14[226], Eph. 2:10[227], Phi. 2:4[228]). Once we’re married, our love for each other should constrain us to serve each other (1 Pe. 5:5[229]). God wants us to serve our spouses, families, and churches; we serve God by choosing to serve each other.
· Salvation is based on a personal relationship with Christ Jesus. Marriage is based on a personal relationship between husband and wife. If your relationship with Christ is messed up, you can’t have a proper relationship with your spouse. If your relationship with Christ is based on true, saving faith, you can choose to base your relationship with your spouse on God’s formula.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
· John 3:16-17[230] gives all you must know to be saved. Genesis 24:67[231] gives all you must know for a successful marriage, but teaching helps. We labor to prepare children for good jobs but don’t teach Godly marriage. Not teaching marriage is like giving them a bicycle without any training and expecting them to ride out in traffic without getting hurt. As with salvation, “discipleship” is essential for Holy Matrimony.
· We must keep our hearts perfect with the Lord our God as David did. David sinned, but he never worshipped any other god. Married people must keep their hearts perfect not only with God but also with each other. Couples must never worship any other god and never get involved with any other person.
· Salvation prepares us for the joys of living forever with Jesus and serving Him in Heaven. God planned marriage to give both husband and wife a foretaste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.
· Once saved, we become one with Christ. Once married, husband and wife should become one flesh (Mt. 19:5-6[232], Mk. 10:8[233]). We can’t be one in Christ without dying to our former life. Husband and wife can’t become one in each other without dying to their former individual selves in favor of serving the family.
· Saved people should glorify God in all that they do; glorifying God helps us become his ambassadors (II Cor. 5:20[234]). Married people should glorify God and glorify each other together in all that they do.
· Some people give to the church to pay God for favors. A “cheerful giver” gives to God out of love, not to get from Him. The Song of Solomon shows a husband and wife giving to each other out of love and not ito get from the other. Works-based salvation is idolatry; works-based marriage is whoredom. Works-based “salvation” takes you to Hell; works-based marriage makes life Hell on earth.
· Salvation supports marriage; knowing we belong to Christ (I Co. 6:19[235]) makes it easier to belong to a spouse. If a woman belongs to Christ, it’s easier to accept God giving her to her husband (Lk. 17:27[236]). If a man knows that Christ gave His life for him, it’s easier for him to give his life for his wife (Eph. 5:25[237]).
· Marriage supports salvation. As husband and wife appreciate and praise one another and share God’s grace by forgiving each other, marriage reminds them both to praise and appreciate God (Ps. 100).
· Rejoicing in the Lord reminds us to rejoice in marriage and vice versa (Phi 4:4[238]). Ecc. 9:9 says, “Rejoice with the wife whom thou lovest…” Joy in marriage must be shared.
· Salvation is two words, “only believe.” Satan confuses people into thinking it’s belief plus works or church so people miss salvation and go to Hell. Marriage is two words, “only praise,” but many think they should change their spouses instead of letting the Holy Spirit bring change. When people usurp the Holy Spirit’s role in their marriage, they usually miss the joys of marriage and may create Hell on earth.
· Marriage doesn’t just give us companionship; we have duties to our spouses which God commands. Husbands must love their wives (Eph. 5:25237), wives must reverence husbands (Eph. 5:33[239]). Love and reverence are not emotions; they’re acts of will which we choose.
· Jesus begins a good work in us at the point of salvation (2 Pe. 3:18[240]). He helps us grow in grace until the day He returns (Phi. 1:6[241]). Husband and wife begin a good work of growing in grace together at marriage and continue encouraging each other until death.
· Salvation doesn’t just take us to Heaven; we have work to do for Christ (2 Cor. 5:14[242]). “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them (Eph. 2:10).” Serving your family and church serves Christ in this life.
· When Jesus’ blood washes away our sins, God sees us as perfect (I Cor. 6:11[243]). Christians must follow after God (Eph. 5:1-2[244]) and see each other as perfect. Marriage prospers when a man appreciates and honors his wife as God’s good and perfect gift to him and she acts as God’s good and perfect gift to him.
· The only way a man can see his sinful wife as perfect is for him to see her through the grace God gave him in saving him. The only way a wife can see her sinful husband as perfect is for her to see him through the grace God gave her. When lost people see couples giving God’s grace to each other, they want God’s grace for themselves. That’s how our light shines before men (Mt. 5:16[245]).
· Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;” (Mt 11:29). A bride takes upon herself the yoke of pleasing her husband (Gen. 3:16[246]). The only way to rest (Ruth. 1:9a[247]) in being sure she’ll please him is to spend time talking to him and learning of him so she knows he’ll be pleased with what she does.
· Jesus said, “for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” (Mt. 11:29) A man must be meek towards his wife; must lead her by serving her (Mk. 10:42-45[248], see also Mk. 9:35[249]). He must talk to her a great deal in order to understand her needs well enough to lead her for her benefit.
· Jesus said, He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it (Mt. 10:39). When we accept salvation, we lose our former lives and gain a new life in Christ. When we marry, we lose our former individual selves and gain a new life as a one-flesh married couple.
· God’s salvation covenant is forever; once saved, always saved (John 10:28[250]). God’s marriage covenant ends only at death (Rom. 7:1-3[251], the book of Ruth).
If you’re saved and relate to God as He desires, your marriage works because you’ll serve God by serving each other. The relationship between husband and wife is based on their relationships to God.
And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; II Corinthians 5:18
Having been reconciled to God, we should be able to minister reconciliation to each other. If husband and wife each reconcile themselves to God and relate to God by honoring, praising, loving, and obeying Him, they’ll relate properly to each other by honoring, praising, loving and appreciating each other. Their marriage prospers, and they show the grace of salvation to the lost.
And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again. II Corinthians 5:15
Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. II Corinthians 4:10
If either party messes up their relationship with God, on the other hand, their testimony is damaged and the marriage seldom works well even if they both have been taught how marriage should work.
Knowing what God says about marriage helps you heal the broken marriages you’ll encounter. God ordains joyful marriage; a damaged marriage means that someone isn’t following God.
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: Psalm 127:1
No matter how hopeless the situation seems, God promises a way out, but we have to ask:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. I Corinthians 10:13
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5
A Glorious Wife, Without Spot or Wrinkle
This passage outlines a goal and a reward of a husband’s spiritual leadership of his wife:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Ephesians 5:25-28
God expects a man to give his life to nourish and cherish his wife. I earn so much per hour. When we spend that much on home, children, or church, I have freely given one hour of my life to walking God’s path of service (Mk. 9:35[252]) as He wants me to walk (Ro. 12:1[253]).
Watching their father honor them and their mother teaches daughters that God requires that all men treat “The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity (1 Tim. 5:2).” Girls must be taught to insist that men deal with them in purity as God commands or they will be tempted to fall into sexual sin.
Eph. 5:27 shows Christ’s Word bringing His church to Himself “a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing.” A husband should use the Word of God to lead his wife to himself as a “glorious wife not having spot or wrinkle” as taught in the Song:
Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Song 4:7
My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. Song 6:9a
The husband tells his wife she’s a glorious wife, without spot or wrinkle. His wife needs her friends to know he’s pleased with her; he recharges her batteries by telling everyone she’s uniquely perfect for him.
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
Being convinced of Isaac’s love gave Rebekah the emotional energy she needed to be able to comfort him.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:32
“Christ and the church” was the mystery, people understood marriage in apostolic times. Many Christians have forgotten how the husband renews his wife’s emotional energy so that she can give comfort in time of sorrow and hold the family together during trials.
Chapter 6 - Logic vs Emotion, Head vs Heart
The thinking process we call “logic” was written down by the Greeks ~ 300 BC. God helped Alexander the Great spread Greek ideas by conquering from Greece to India. Pilate wrote on Jesus’ cross in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek. God inspired the New Testament to be written in Greek to help us think logically about Him.
“Emotion” describes feelings in our hearts. God wants us to love Him in our hearts, page 38. We can’t always explain emotions, but we should try to find logical reasons for our feelings before acting on them.
“Logic” works with facts. If a car has no gasoline, it won’t go. No matter how you feel, no matter how angry you get, the car won’t go. The fact that a car needs gasoline shouldn’t make you angry or sad, it’s a fact you need to know to use a car. God expects us to rule our feelings:
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
We must rule our spirits so that we don’t become angry or say angry words. Christianity is based on logic:
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: Isaiah 1:18
Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; II Corinthians 5:11a
Even with Heaven and Hell in the balance, we persuade, appealing to minds and hearts. The Lord our God is a God of purpose and plan (Isaiah 14:26-27[254], 23:9[255], 46:10-11[256]; Jer. 4:28[257]; Ro. 8:28[258]), there is logic in all that He does. We labor together with God to find out His rules.
For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building. I Corinthians 3:9
What an honor! We labor with God. “Husbandry[259]” is taking care of a farm. A church is God’s farm where God grows us and builds us. Right now, we’re growing and building marriages.
Obeying God Requires Logic
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Genesis 1:28
We need knowledge to build Godly marriages. We need logic to understand how God created the earth so we can care for the earth, and work with natural resources God has given us as God helped Bezaleel do:
And I have filled him [Bezaleel] with the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship, 4To devise cunning works, to work in gold, and in silver, and in brass, 5And in cutting of stones, to set them, and in carving of timber, to work in all manner of workmanship. Exodus 31:3-5
Figuring out what to do needs: 1) the Holy Spirit, 2) wisdom, 3) understanding, 4) knowledge 5) practice.
Logic is How We Use Facts to reach Conclusions
Although the emotions and feelings God put into men and women to hold families together are very strong, the Bible says we should use wisdom, facts, and logic in guiding our relationships with other people:
Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: 12To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; 13Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness; 14Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of the wicked; 15Whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths: 16To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; 17Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God. Proverbs 2:11-17
Logic, that is, collecting facts and drawing conclusions to deliver us from evil men and women is part of wisdom that starts with God. Wisdom starts in Bible reading, prayer, and studying the Works of God.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Proverbs 9:10
Logic – Finding Facts and Drawing Conclusions
Aristotle explained logic ~ 300 BC, about the time Euclid defined “Euclidian geometry.” When Rome conquered Greece 100 years later, they learned Logic and Geometry which helped them build ~ 250,000 miles of roads, some of which are used today. The Apostles couldn’t have spread the Gospel as fast as they did without Roman roads. Did God help the Romans build roads to prepare their Empire to serve Him?
When Rome fell around 480 AD, logic and geometry were lost. They had to be re-learned to start the Industrial Revolution in the 1400s, ~ 650 years ago. We can’t have automobiles, electricity, water systems, paved roads, computers, or the Internet without using logic throughout society. How many well-trained, logical people are needed to maintain the Internet? To climb poles to fix electric wires to keep the lights on?
Christianity is a Logical Faith
Training in logic helps you manage the technology of our civilization and helps marriages. Cling to these facts:
God is good. Things about your spouse that irritate you are of God to bless you. Ask God for wisdom to see how your spouse blesses you. Use logic to control your emotions. When you’re tempted to be upset, ask the other person why they did what they did (Mt. 18:15[260]). What was the goal? What were they trying to do? What did you know that you should you have explained or taught before the mistake happened?
God tells us how to be at peace in families and churches on page 121. Learning about God’s logic works on our hearts so that we love Him and want Him to be pleased with us. That’s how God expects spouses to relate. We love and serve them so that we want to be together.
Logic and emotion are in conflict. Love is not logical because loving means you can be hurt. Love is a choice we make by letting our minds rule our spirits. We must choose to love in faith that love will bless us. If we’re too logical, it’s hard to love others as God expects, page 38.
Hebrews 11:6, “without faith it is impossible to please Him.” A logical conclusion from facts needs no faith. There can’t be logical proof that God exists because faith would not be needed. If people get too involved in logic, it’s hard to accept God’s ways because faith doesn’t seem logical, but imagining that the universe came about through random chance takes even more faith. Scripture tells us what faith is:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
Faith is based on what we can’t see, it’s not fact until we look back and see what God did in caring for us.
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5 That happened when Ruth’s husband died.
Ruth needed a husband feed her. It took great faith to leave Moab for Israel where she wouldn’t find a husband. Ruth went out to pick up grain that had been dropped. Ruth 2:3 tells us “her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz.”
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 Something that seems bad can be a real test of faith.
By “hap,” scripture tells us that there was no logical reason Ruth could see to choose Boaz’s field. Boaz offered her food and water when he found out who she was. When Ruth asked why, Boaz told her that he knew she’d left home and came to Israel looking for God. What a testimony in the town! He said:
The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. Ruth 2:12
Boaz saw that Ruth’s faith in God was strong enough to overcome fear of rejection or starvation. When Naomi told Ruth who Boaz was, Ruth could see that God had guided her. That made her faith factual. We follow God in faith that obeying Him will work out, then we look back and see how He made it happen.
Logic Can Take You Where You Shouldn’t Go
America was founded on religious freedom. After a 10-week voyage, 102 people landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts, in November of 1620. Only 53 survived their first winter. “The cowards never started, and the weak died along the way.” Scripture tells us how to prosper economically:
And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; 12That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing. I Thessalonians 4:11-12
that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread. II Thessalonians 3:12b
Hard work, freedom to try new ideas that comes with religious freedom, and scientific logic made America very wealthy. As we became richer, many Americans came to love money for its own sake:
For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. I Timothy 6:10
Millions of people risk their lives and spend a lot of money to come to America illegally to share American wealth. Logic and wealth lead women to stop having children. Wealth means women can get jobs and earn their own food without depending on husbands or on God. Women in Japan, Korea, China, Russia, and most of Europe are having so few babies that populations are dropping and their societies are doomed.
The wealth logic brings destroys traditional culture. European nations were constantly at war after Rome fell. Technology started improving in the 1300s with better guns and cannon. Better warships led Europeans to control the seas over the next 5 centuries. When the British went to war in 1839 to force the Chinese government to let them sell opium, some Chinese wanted to absorb Western ways of thinking to fight them:
Since we were knocked out by cannonballs, naturally we became interested in them thinking that by learning to make them we could strike back. … But history seems to move in very curious ways. From studying cannon balls we came to mechanical inventions, which in turn led us to political reforms; from political reforms we begin to see political theories, which led us again to the philosophies of the West. … Through mechanical invention we saw science from which we came to understand scientific method and the scientific mind.[261] [emphasis added]
Conservatives blocked these ideas. Without European weapons, China fell under European rule but kept their culture. Modern Chinese chase wealth. Studying science instead of culture is ending their culture.
Chinese culture focused on God – Confucius spoke of the “mandate of heaven,” saying that society would fall if the Emperor stopped following God’s laws. Confucians, Daoists, Buddhists, and Christians taught that God’s rules also applied to rulers. Tyrants dislike the idea that they must follow the laws of God. The Communist Party has cut Chinese people off from their 5,000 year history by “simplifying” Chinese characters. Today’s students can’t read traditional Chinese thought.
The Japanese Learned from China
The Japanese borrowed ideas from China for generations. They learned Western logic and defeated the Russian navy in 1905, the first Asian power beat a European power in battle. They didn’t lose their culture because they were accustomed to absorbing foreign ideas. It’s possible to adopt logic without losing culture, but both Japanese and Chinese cultures are doomed because logical women don’t want children.
The more complex a society becomes, the more logic we need to keep it running. Faith is not logical until we look back to see what God did. Studying logic leaves less time for Bible study. The more logical we become, the less faith we think we need. Logic brings wealth throughout society. Jesus warned of the danger of wealth:
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. Mark 10:25
All gifts God gives can be used for good or for evil. A man’s strength can nourish or oppress his wife. Her emotions can build her house or drive her family apart. Logic can lead to Christ and help us follow Him, or it can lead to so much wealth that people stop following the Bible.
Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. II Timothy 3:7
Many countries in Africa, Central America, and Asia are poor due to bad government. It may seem logical for Christians to move to America for a better life, but it’s hard to maintain a Christian walk as America becomes more and more secular with more and more temptations.
Parents may follow the old paths, but children raised in American culture tend to walk away from God and from church. Women get jobs instead of caring for their homes and men let women support them.
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16:26
Christianity is lived forward, but it’s understood backward as we look back to see how God was leading us where He wanted us to go. Logic is useful, but God expects us to live by faith (Hab. 2:4[262], Rom. 1:17[263], Gal. 3:11[264], Heb. 10:23[265], 10:38[266], 11:6[267])!
Chapter 7 - What Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters
Salvation takes your daughter to Heaven, but how she relates to a man has a huge effect on how this life turns out for her. While bringing her up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4[268]),” you must teach her to honor and respect your wife (Pr. 31:28-29[269]). Seeing you nourish, cherish, appreciate, and honor her mother prepares your daughter to expect respect and appreciation from any man who pursues her.
One of the best ways to prepare your daughter to be a good wife is to talk to her. Men and women have very different ways of talking. To oversimplify, men talk to report, that is, to tell what happened, women talk to build rapport, that is, to establish emotional connections and share their feelings about it. Your daughter will expect her husband to open his heart to her. This scares men. If she hasn’t learned to handle a man’s “report talk,” she’ll want to put emotion into all her talk which will make talking to her more difficult for him.
You’ll have to be careful not to make your wife jealous of your daughter especially if your daughter grows up to be a younger version of her mother. A wife can become jealous of her own daughter if her husband isn’t careful to reassure his wife of his focus on her.
Teach your daughter to explain her emotions so she knows why she feels a certain way. Learning to put words to her feelings helps her explain herself and her needs to her husband. This makes it easier for him to dwell with her according to knowledge of her (1 Pe. 3:7[270]).
Fathers can explain a man’s goal in approaching his daughter better than her mother can. Warn her that part of her desire for attention from a man is God’s punishment of Eve:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16
Fathers must teach daughters to demand that a man follow Scripture in interacting with her:
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:2
Men and women must treat each other as people; they shouldn’t interact as man and woman. If a man compliments a woman’s looks or tells her he loves her, for example, he may be trying to guide their talk in an impure direction because he wants her to open her body to him.
If he does that before he and she are old enough to marry, she must quote that verse and say, “Scripture teaches that you should talk to me as a sister in all purity. We can work together as people, but not as man and woman. We aren’t in a position to marry. You’re an attractive guy; I could easily fall in love with you. If I fall in love when we can’t marry, I’ll be in a world of hurt. Let’s keep man and woman out of it and just be people.” She must also avoid getting physical:
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:1-2
Older women may say not to kiss “because it’ll give him ideas.” That’s wrong. Men don’t get ideas, men have ideas. Kissing can give her ideas. When they both have the same idea, it’s very hard to stop.
From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner[271] [emphasis added]
Draw a Line in the Sand
The price of a virtuous woman is beyond rubies. My wife set her price high by insisting that I agree that being together was to decide whether we’d marry; my life for her life. She said God made her to be a treasure for her husband. If I wouldn’t seriously consider marriage, she didn’t want to waste time with me.
We know many girls who went to college, met a man freshman year, and controlled their emotions until junior year. And we expect them to stay pure 2 more years until graduation? Who’s kidding whom?
A girl we know found her husband in college. Her father watched them the summer before her senior year and wouldn’t send her back to college. She was furious; she wanted another year of courting.
I said her father was right. He had a reason which she couldn’t yet understand, and that when she understood, she’d thank him for standing against her, her sister, her mother, and other women in the church.
At a church dinner 3 years later, I went to her table as she was changing a diaper. “Now that you’re married, do you understand why your dad kept you home?” She grudgingly agreed. “Have you thanked him?” She said she would. “Now listen,” I said, “you’ll be the older woman who must teach the daughter you’re diapering when she goes to college 18 years from now. Will you do that?” She promised she would.
Her daughter married right out of college and had a baby 4 months later. That was her husband’s failure - women aren’t equipped to be forceful enough with this lesson. It’s the father who protects.
The Man Must Be Able To Pay Before Marrying
A century ago, a man could support a wife by age 15 or 16. It takes longer to learn to support a wife today. If he can’t pay for her, all he can do is play with her; involvement too young never ends well, page 15.
She must say, “Not unless we’re married, and I won’t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.” Any boy can play with her; it takes a man to stay with her. Toy or treasure, play or stay is her big question.
There‘s a difference between “dating” and “going steady.” If a couple sees each other regularly, staying out of trouble for years is difficult.
If a young woman becomes physically close to and hugs a man, it will trigger the bonding process, creating a greater desire to be near him. . . . if he wants to escalate the physical nature of the relationship, it will become harder and harder for her to say no.[272] [emphasis added]
If there’s a firm rule not to date the same person twice in a row, getting to know many men makes it far easier to guard her heart:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
Women open their hearts to each other freely; she’ll have no idea how hard it is for a man. Having words to describe her need for talk may help her explain her needs. As they move toward marriage, she must make sure he trusts her enough to open his heart to her, see page 20.
Marriages run on communication. A wife wants to communicate heart-to-heart, her husband wants to communicate belly-to-belly. A wife needs to be able to rest in belonging to her husband[273].
She needs to listen to her own heart. Is she calm and relaxed around him? God expects her to follow her husband. Can she trust him to rule her gently so that it’s safe for her to let herself love him and vow to follow him? Will he lead her where God wants her to go or off a cliff?
Fathers Who Failed Their Daughters
These examples are for our learning (Ro. 15:4[274]):
David Failed Tamar – (II Samuel 13)
· Amnon wanted to have her and tricked David into sending her to him to fix him a meal.
· He sent everyone away, raped her, hated her, and threw her out of his house.
· David couldn’t see Amnon’s heart; he didn’t know to tell Tamar to take chaperones with her.
· Tamar thought she was getting married. Amnon liked her and had been to see her father about her.
· After the rape, David didn’t tell Amnon that the law required him to marry her (Deu. 22:28-29[275]).
· Absalom, Tamar’s brother, was right to be concerned about the matter (Gen. 34:31[276]) but murdering Amnon wasn’t the right approach.
· He should have approached David and urged him to force Amnon to obey the law and marry her.
Jacob Failed Dinah – Genesis 34
· He did not warn her not to go out to visit the “daughters of the land (Gen. 34:1)”. Lock her up?
· He took no action after the rape (Gen. 34:5).
· Shechem loved Dinah enough to be circumcised so that he could marry her (Gen. 34:19).
· Her brothers murdered all the men involved.
Lot Failed all 4 of his Daughters – (Gen. 19)
· He put them in bad environment and gave them a taste of the bright lights of the city.
· He did not teach them about God.
· He didn’t leave Sodom even after he was taken captive (Gen. 14:12[277]).
· They had lost husbands; he seemed as “one who mocked (Gen. 19:14)” when he told them to leave.
· He probably had an unsaved wife? Always bad for all children to do that, his sons all died.
· 2 stayed behind and were killed, his wife looked back and died.
· The other two daughters, virgins, had not been trained to trust the Lord to find them husbands.
· They got him drunk and went in to their father in order to become pregnant (Gen. 19:31-38).
· They gave birth to Moabites and Ammonites who became wicked.
Amram Failed Miriam – Numbers 12:1-15
· Miriam wasn’t taught to submit to the leadership God gave.
· Miriam and Aaron rebelled against Moses’ leadership (Num. 12:2[278]).
· God punished Miriam by giving her leprosy (Num. 12:10[279]).
· The fact that Miriam was punished and Aaron was not suggests that Miriam led the rebellion and persuaded Aaron to go along.
Jephthah Failed his Daughter – (Judges 11:29-40)
· He made an unwise vow and had to sacrifice her (Ecc. 5:5[280]).
Laban Failed Leah – (Genesis 29:26-28)
· He found her a husband by sneaking her into Jacob’s tent dressed as her sister.
· Her husband didn’t want her, partly because he had been tricked.
· For many years, she had to live with a husband who resented being married to her.
· He appreciated her later in life (Gen. 35:19[281], 49:31[282]).
· Should Jacob have been content with what God let happen to him (Gen. 28:20-22[283])?
Eli Failed his Daughter in Law – (I Sam 4:19-22)
· He did not train up his sons to follow the Lord (I Sam 2:22-25).
· When her husband was killed, the stress brought on premature labor and his daughter-in-law died.
· Samuel did no better at training his sons (1 Sam. 8:5[284]).
Saul Failed Michal – (I Sam 18:17-29)
· Saul offered her to David if he killed 100 Philistines (I Sam. 18:25[285]).
· He wanted the Philistines to kill David; he was not looking out for his daughter.
· David wanted the status of being the king’s son in law (I Sam. 18:26[286]).
· Michal loved David (I Sam. 18:20[287]). Did David love her or was he just using her?
· She saved David’s life and lied about it when her father wanted to kill him (I Sam. 19:11-17).
· Saul gave her to someone else when David fled (I Sam. 25:44[288]); that man loved her (II Sam. 3:16[289]).
· David demanded her back years later (II Sam 3:13[290]); she left her husband and 5 sons (II Sam 21:8[291]). Instead of “but one,” she was now one among many others who had borne him children.
· She ended up despising David (I Chr. 15:29[292]) and died childless (II Sam. 6:23[293]).
Abishag’s Father Failed her – (I Kings 1:1-4)
· He let King David have her even though David was too old to give her children (I Kings 1:4[294]).
· She became a political pawn (I Kings 2:13-25).
· We don’t know if her father had much choice (I Sam. 8:13[295]).
Judah Failed Tamar – (Gen. 38:6-30)
· The law (Deu. 25:5[296]) required that Judah give widowed Tamar to his son Onan and then to Shelah.
· After Onan died, Judah decided not to give her to his 3rd son.
· Tamar did not want to die childless. She had her father-in-law get her pregnant by acting like a harlot.
Abigail’s Father Failed Abigail
He married her to Nabal, who was a bad guy (I Sam 25:3[297]).
Delilah’s Father let her become Samson’s Concubine – (Jud. 16:4-20)
· The relationship did not work out well for her – she was his but he was not hers (Judges 16:15a[298]).
· He took her so she was his, but he didn’t open his heart to her so he was not hers. She didn’t like that.
· What she did was not nice, but he betrayed her first.
Caleb and Achsah – Joshua 15:16-19; Judges 1:12-13[299], it’s written twice.
Daughters were given for political purposes (Gen. 41:45[300]; 1 Sam. 17:25[301]; 1 Ki. 11:19[302], 2 Chr. 8:11[303]). Caleb promised Achsah in marriage to whoever took Kirjathsepher. Othniel took the city and won her to be his wife (Joshua 15:16-19). Was this good for Achsah?
· Othniel was a leader; he didn’t take the city by himself, so her father found her a husband of rank (Judges 3:9[304]) who later became a judge.
· He survived the battle; he was a good fighter or blessed of God, either way, he’s good husband material.
· They were cousins, he must have known her. He wanted her badly enough to do battle to win her (Gen. 29:21[305]). Having a husband who wants her that much is good for a woman (Gen. 2:23[306]; I Cor. 7:7[307])
· Her father gave her land, he gave her springs when she asked (Jos. 15:19[308]). In dry country, springs are very valuable, her father provided for her as well as he could.
The Modern Dilemma
There are only two ways a father can protect his daughter –cooperation or incarceration. Juliet’s father tried to keep her away from Romeo, whose family was hostile to her family, and told the nurse to keep her in the house. Juliet fooled the nurse and got together with Romeo. It didn’t end well - they both died.
The most important lessons for your daughter are:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. I Corinthians 6:20
· Ask God to choose her husband for her.
· Speak kindly to all man so they’ll want to hear what she has to say.
· Insist that men treat her as a sister “in all purity.”
· Learn to understand her feelings and learn how to explain them.
· Try to keep emotion out of most talk with men.
· Don’t let herself fall in love with a man until after he marries her.
Chapter 8 – A Man Wants Your Daughter. What do you say?
Jesus told us that men marry; women are given in marriage (Luk. 20:34[309]). A wife is a gift from God to her groom (Luk. 17:27[310]). You should do your best to be sure the would-be groom is prepared to gently and wisely lead your daughter so that he will receive the full blessing God intends in giving him a wife.
Christian marriage is incredibly simple. God doesn’t see our sins, He sees the righteousness and purity of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Ps. 103:12[311], I Cor. 6:11[312]), see page 41. Can this man follow God and teat your daughter as God’s good and perfect gift to him?
That’s the key to marriage. Treat your spouse as perfect, praise your spouse as perfect, tell everyone your spouse is perfect for you (Song 6:9[313]), and thank God for putting you in a perfect marriage (Ps. 68:6a[314]).
Marriage prospers if a husband treats his wife as God’s perfect gift to him and she acts as God’s perfect gift to him (Jas. 1:17[315]). He’s to love, nourish, cherish, honor, and sanctify her (Eph. 5:29[316], Song 4:7[317], 6:9[318]) as perfect, she’s to serve him and submit to him in reverence (Eph. 5:22, 33[319], Col. 3:18[320]) even though they don’t deserve each other! Can he forgive her as God forgives him? Can she forgive him?
Will he lead her by serving her as discussed on page 114? Is she calm and relaxed about following him?
Treating spouses as perfect is simple, but “simple” doesn’t mean “easy.” It’s simple to walk from Maine to California – put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there – but it’s far from easy. Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a short stroll across a continent.
The Rewards of Marriage
There is no joy for a man this side of heaven that compares with having a woman delight in belonging to him as the wife in the Song of Solomon delights in belonging to her husband. Assuming he’s saved and has found a job which can support her and a place to house her (Ge. 24:67 page 15), you’ll want to discuss Biblical ideas to help him receive all the joy God intended for marriage (Ecc. 9:9[321]; Pr. 5:18-19[322], 31:28-29[323]).
Nourishing and cherishing a wife as God expects is a lot of work; it’s important that he be strongly drawn to her. The time will come when she's got the flu, she's pregnant out to here, the other kids are leaking at both ends, the house is hip-deep in diapers, and she's too sick to do anything about it. If he's as smitten with her as the husband in the Song, he'll stick around and help her through it instead of running off.
The story of the talents (Lk. 19) teaches that Our Lord holds us accountable for how we administer the gifts He gives us (I Cor. 12:1-18). God expects a husband to know his wife’s God-given gifts and to encourage her to develop and use them for His glory as they glorify God together (I Peter 3:7[324]).
The Jews were exiled to Babylon when they didn’t fulfill God’s conditions. They possessed the land, but they didn’t keep God’s law (Je. 32:23[325]) and they didn’t give the land its Sabbaths (II Chr. 36:21[326]). They misused the gift, so they lost the blessing.
God formed your daughter in her mother’s womb as a good and perfect help meet to be His gift to her husband (Mt. 7:11[327]; Jas. 1:17[328], I Cor. 11:8-9[329]). You want your son-in-law to fulfill all of God’s conditions when he possesses your daughter so he can receive the full blessing of receiving your daughter as an unmerited gift from God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
The Old Testament explains how. Pr. 31:1 introduces the wisdom King Lemuel received from his mother. She taught him how to lead a kingdom, a business, a church, or a family:
- Don’t mess with women (Pr. 31:3[330]).
- Don’t abuse mind-altering substances (Pr. 31:4-5[331]).
- Take care of your people when they’re hurting (Pr. 31:6-7[332]).
- Treat your people fairly (Pr. 31:8-9[333]).
He can’t fulfill the last two without building open, loving relationships. How else can he distinguish between needy and lazy, good and glib? Mrs. Lemuel’s wisdom helps him in any path he walks.
She also told her son what to expect from the virtuous wife you have trained your daughter to be:
- She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Pr. 31:12[334]). He must explain what he thinks is good so she can follow him, a reason for him to open his heart to her (1 Pe. 3:7).
- The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her (Pr. 31:11[335], 12:4[336]). Many men won’t admit love even to themselves for fear of being hurt. Jesus had to force the Apostle Peter to admit that Peter loved Christ (Jn. 15:21-17). Will he not only admit his love for your daughter to himself, but convince her daily? It’s easier for her to follow a man when she knows he loves her, page 15.
- She openeth up her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Pr.31:26[337]). God expects her words to be health to him (Pr. 12:18[338]) so he’ll want to hear what she has to say.
Mrs. Lemuel then outlined God’s terms and conditions so that her son could receive the blessing:
- Teach his children, by telling and by showing them, to praise and appreciate her every action and her never-ending labor on behalf of her home (Pr. 31:28[339]). Be thankful for everything she does.
- Praise her as a uniquely wonderful wife who “excelleth them all” (Pr. 31:29[340]). The Song explains how.
- She works at home, so he must praise her in the gates (Pr. 31:31[341]), at home, and at church.
Leading in Meekness
Having given him your daughter to be his wife, God gives him authority over her, his children, and his home. Jesus told us to exercise authority meekly (Mk. 9:35[342], 10:42-45[343]; II Tim. 2:24-25[344]) in any role.
God gave Moses authority to get water by speaking to the rock (Nu. 20:7-12). Moses disobeyed and struck the rock. Moses’ acting in anger instead of in meekness (Nu. 12:3[345]) abused the authority God had given him and cost him the blessing of entering the Promised Land.
Parents labor to teach children never to react in anger by age 2 or 3 (Pr. 22:24[346], 25:28[347], 29:22[348]). We teach them to relate, discuss, share, and care about the other person (Phil. 2:3[349]). Did his parents teach him this? His view of your daughter will be very important to her after they’re married. She won’t be able to love him as much as she wants to love him if he hurts her with his words (Pr. 22:24[350]).
He decides whether he trusts her enough to open his heart to her and learn enough about her to dwell according to knowledge as God commands (I Pe. 3:7358) during courtship. God rewards this – hours and days of open-hearted talk which give him knowledge of her teaches her about him. Learning of him makes his yoke easy and her burden light (Mt. 11:29-30[351]), giving her rest unto her soul (Ru. 1:9a[352]). Once she rests in knowing she pleases him (I Co. 7:34[353]), she’ll make him happy in ways he would never imagine to command.
God constructed women’s brains to think so differently that it takes hours and hours of daily conversation for her to understand him well enough to follow him and to please him. A woman can’t obey or follow what she doesn’t understand. Women who conclude that they can’t please their husbands die inside. We see death in their eyes, even in photographs. You don’t want that for your daughter.
How is His Walk with God?
Does he truly believe that God is good? Most Christians say that, but few search the Bible for keys to happiness. When God created everything, the only “not good” was Adam being alone. After God created Eve to help Adam, it was all “very good.” Does he believe that in his bones?
“Help” comes from ezer, as in “from whence cometh my ezer (Ps. 121:1).” A wife is a valuable help, but she needs to understand him to know how to help, and that takes hours of daily conversation for years, even after children are born. It’s virtually impossible for her to rejoice in meeting his physical needs unless he meets her emotional needs. She sees what he wants as vain repetition, just as he sees her talk.
Men think women want to talk about the same old thing, women think men want to do the same old thing. Both wonder why the other party isn’t bored. God made them different, see page 45!
Will he Appreciate Her as God Appreciates Her?
God commanded “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col. 3:19).” This is a command. Will he obey? Can his tongue be health to her (Pr. 12:18[354], 15:1[355]) when he’s frustrated (Pr. 25:28[356]) or when he’s been too busy to give her the emotional support she needs by talking about her concerns (Phil. 2:4[357])?
The wife is the weaker vessel (I Pe. 3:7[358]). What he does or doesn’t do to her, he does or doesn’t do to Christ (Mt. 25:40[359], 25:45[360]). Does he know this? Does he believe it? Will he act on it?
When God, the stronger party, offered His covenant, Abraham, the weaker party, gave up his animals to provide blood to seal God’s covenant. This covenant was one-sided; it bound God no matter how Abraham’s descendants abused the covenant. When your daughter accepts his covenant, she gives up her innocence to provide the blood to seal her husband’s (Mal. 2:14[361]) covenant for herself and for her children forever. “Covenant” is the best English word, but “covenant” suggests that someone can break the marriage covenant if the spouse breaks it first. This weakens God’s definition of Holy Matrimony.
Does he value stories in the OT “for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition (I Cor. 10:10-11[362])?” Nowhere in scripture does a husband criticize his wife. Will he teach his children to honor and value the effort of making food (Pr. 31:18[363]) even if they don’t like it?
Does he know that God may speak to a man through his help meet (Jud. 13:2-13; Mt. 27:19[364])?
The Bible commands older women to instruct the younger. Ruth accepted Naomi’s advice even though she’d been married and knew about men. Naomi gave her the best possible advice how to get married (Ru. 3:18[365]). Does he understand how important it is to preserve your daughter’s purity? The wife in the Song asked her mother and got the best possible advice how to stay married (Song 8:3[366]).
My wife tells young ladies that a man dreams of having her 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed. He seldom has the strength, but that’s his plan (Gen. 29:21[367]). Girls who’ve never dated somehow know that a husband’s drive will be invasive, messy, and take away her independence. Rebekah knew Isaac’s agenda would have a major impact on her. She veiled herself to get a little space (Ge. 24:64-65).
Giving herself to her husband is what submission is. What drives a man to marry (Ge. 29:21367) and to come home (Song 2:8366)? What does “took to wife (Ge. 26:24; Ex. 2:1; I Ki. 16:31; I Chron. 7:15)” mean? Has he given her rest enough that she will be glad to do her part in that?
If a wife welcomes her husband's advances, encourages him when he hasn't asked, tells him, "I like your seed. Let's do that again as soon as you can" as the spirit moves her, he and she will be convinced that she belongs to him. That makes it hard for women at work to get his attention. If she sends him off to work loaded, he's more vulnerable to temptation and they're likely to get burned (Pro. 6:27[368]).
God was serious in saying that it was not good for a man to be alone; men generally die before their wives. A wife can shorten her widowhood by keeping her husband healthy. She can say, “We could do that more often if you were in better shape.” The more he exercises and the healthier he eats, the longer he’ll live.
God made men possessive. If she convinces him that she’s truly his, he’ll tend to take care of her. If her happiness is his, he’ll find that making her happy makes him happier than anything he can do for himself. Solomon’s labor was vanity and chasing wind because he did it for himself. “I gat me, I builded me….” If he dedicates his life to nourishing his wife, children, and church, his work won’t be vain at all.
So then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mk. 10:8)
Her husband must make this possible. Giving herself to a man humbles a woman (De. 21:14, 22:29, Ez. 22:10). It calms her, takes away her independence, and makes her more sensitive to how he feels about her. If he’s angry or unhappy with her, she won’t want to feel that more strongly and will try to evade him. If, on the other hand, he works as hard as the husband in the Song to convince her that he rejoices in her to the point that he doesn’t see others as women, only as people, she’ll rejoice in his joy as she gives herself to him.
This affects the way she walks, the way she talks, and her facial expressions. Anyone can see it. Has he made her comfortable enough in resting in him that she can rejoice in giving herself that often?
Does he know that God designed women to multiply whatever her husband gives her and reflect it back to him? Think about making babies. He gives her one tiny cell. She nourishes what he gave her within her body and gives him a baby with billions of cells. Every cell of her baby carries his mark (Gen. 5:3[369]). If he gives her a boy cell, she makes a boy, if he gives her a girl cell, she makes a girl. We reap what we sow:
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:7
He needs to know that God gave your daughter sensitive emotions so that she wants her husband to be pleased with her and so that she can tell whether he’s pleased or not. Her emotions make her into a mirror; she’s not a light, see page 8.
Whatever he feels about her determines how she fills his house. Sow love; reap a house full of love. The secret of happiness in marriage is to be happy with his wife so she can multiply his happiness and reflect it back to him. What do his actions during courtship suggest that he’ll sow?
Can he look your daughter in the eye now, before marriage, and tell her, “For God so loved man that he gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you?” If he can say that, and mean it, and act on it, she’ll be happy in belonging to him.
There is no joy for a man this side of Heaven like having a woman delight in belonging to him, but he must give her a lot to rejoice about (Ecc. 9:9[370]) so that she rejoices with him. She can’t make him any happier than he makes her. How happy does he want to be?
Chapter 9 – Having Sex Changes Your Brain
Taxpayer-funded research is in crisis because many “scientific” studies can’t be repeated. Confirming earlier results is a vital part of the scientific method; such failures undermine confidence in the scientific process. Basing medical treatment on false studies can kill people.
It’s hard to separate good science from bad. When science touches subjects found in the Word of God, we can see if science lines up with Scripture. This book agrees with Scripture.
Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development https://a.co/d/23NZaPL explains how hormones produced by sex change our brains to bind us to our sexual partner. As God put it,
O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! Deuteronomy 5:29
Hooked explains God’s command that men and women marry before having sex to build families and make children. Those commands take 5 or 10 verses in the Bible. Hooked has 173 pages. If God explained the reason for each of His commands, the Bible would be far too big for hand-copying. God seldom explains the reasons for His commands, He expects us to obey by faith.
The preface explains that Hooked contradicts popular narratives about human sexuality:
“There are a lot of people who won’t like this book because it explains why sex should occur in appropriate settings, what those settings are, and how scientific evidence today confirms these findings. . . . It provides a needed science and medical perspective to a solution often discounted as a moral, religious, or political issue. Indeed, sex preserved for the context of marriage is still the optimal decision for physical mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health.” [emphasis added]
[Holy Matrimony where spouses choose to praise each other and serve each other] greatly increases the chance for a child to be raised in a nurturing two-parent home, which studies have shown provides a child the most advantageous environment for growing into his or her potential.[371] [emphasis added]
Hooked shows that any interaction between a man and a woman can trigger neurochemicals which change their brains to bind them together. These drives are essential for human reproduction. In a marriage, sex can “addict” husband and wife to be content to live together all their days.
“Those who abstain from sex until marriage significantly add to their chance for avoiding problems and finding happiness.”[372]
“Drugs such as cocaine and amphetamine target dopamine neurons.[373]
In other words, love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[374] [emphasis added]
“The most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are ‘designed’ to be sexually monogamous with one mate for life. This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter”[375] [emphasis added]
“But the beneficial effect of dopamine [a pleasure-giving hormone that is released during sex] for the married couple is that sex may play a role in ‘addicting’ them to each other and thus reinforcing their desire to remain together year after year.”[376] [emphasis added]
Don’t Touch until after Marriage
Some tell women not to kiss because kissing may give a man ideas. That’s wrong. Men don’t get ideas, men have ideas. Kissing can give her ideas. When both parties have the same idea, it’s hard to stop.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:1-2
From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner.[377] [emphasis added]
“It was the hardest thing we ever did, but we’re so glad we waited. We had to talk through our disagreements. We couldn’t just feel close by having sex; we had to really work things out.”[378]
“. . . we know that people who have had sex before they entered into marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who had not had prior sex.”[379]
Sexual interaction can bind women into harmful relationships:
Much like dopamine, it [oxytocin] is an involuntary process that cannot distinguish between a one-night stand and a lifelong soul mate. Oxytocin can cause a woman to begin to bond to a man even during what was expected to be a short-term sexual relationship. She may know he is not the man she would want to marry but intimate sexual involvement may cause her to be so attached to him she can’t make herself separate. This can lead to a woman being taken off-guard by a desire to stay with a man she would otherwise find undesirable and staying with him even if he is possessive or abusive.[380] [emphasis added]
God made women for men (I Cor. 11:8-9[381]). Giving herself to a man binds her to him. Sex binds a man to her but not as strongly. Breaking up can make it hard for either of them to form strong marriage bonds later.
“I was so naïve he said we wouldn’t go all the way but he kept pushing and we finally did it. Now I care about him but am angry at him all at the same time. I don’t know if I can ever trust him fully again.”[382]
How can a woman follow a man or belong to a man whom she doesn’t trust? If he took her without marriage, how can she trust him not to take other women? If she gave himself without marriage, how can he trust her not to do it again with someone else? Distrust is not a good foundation for a marriage.
If he can have her without marriage, what would marriage give him that he doesn’t have?
“The hardest breakup I ever had was with the first person I had sex with. Fifteen years later, I still don’t think I’m over him. I still dream about him and think about him and compare every guy since then to him. I’m married now and I feel like it’s a threesome in my heart. He is still there. It is like he is a part of me and I still can’t get over him.”[383]
“One significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval. Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .”[384] [emphasis added]
The pill lets people treat sex as nothing more than play. This harms women. A woman wants to be valued for far more than sex and can become depressed when she finds that a boy saw her as just a sex toy, see “Unprotected” page 19. Being repeatedly discarded can make it hard for a woman to trust any future husband enough to give herself to him as freely and as joyfully as God and her husband expect.
Although parents are the most significant influence in their children’s lives, few parents are willing to discuss Hooked to help their kids avoid the emotional dangers. This note on page 109 suggests an approach to the subject no matter what the parents may have done.
Although a mother is best to teach her daughter about men, the note on page 77 suggests ways fathers can help prepare their daughters to be God’s good and perfect gifts to their husbands.
Page 87 helps a father get ready to discuss marriage with a man who’s pursuing his daughter. She can make her husband no happier than he makes her. How happy does a father want his son-in-law to be?
Making love binds a husband to his wife and to their children and strengthens the marriage:
“Drugs such as cocaine and amphetamine target dopamine neurons.[385]
In other words, love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[386] [emphasis added]
God generally arranges that men die before their wives because it is not good for a man to be alone and women are better able to comfort a widow than men can comfort a widower. The “measurable physical benefits” of sex help a husband live longer which shortens his wife’s time of widowhood.
David and Bathsheba
“The individual who goes from sex partner to sex partner is causing his brain to mold and gel so that it eventually begins accepting that sexual pattern as normal. . . . The pattern of hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again can eventually override the natural bonding that occurs between two intimately involved individuals. Although oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine continue to be released with sexual intimacy, the physical rut that is formed between the synapses [brain cell connections] subconsciously influences the continuation of the promiscuous behavior. The conflict between the natural behavior and the learned behavior can result, in some cases, in a boredom with sex itself.”[387] [emphasis added]
Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. Ecclesiastes 7:27-28
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
Ecc. 2 lists many things that gave Solomon no joy, but Ecc. 9:9 promises joy in loving “the wife” whom you love. Why couldn’t Solomon find joy with any of his 1,000 women? Why did David commit adultery with Bathsheba when he had so many wives? “Hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again” damaged their ability to bond to anyone and led them to seek new adventures, Solomon in idolatry, David in adultery:
“When connectedness and bonding form again and then are quickly broken and replaced with another sexual relationship, it seems to cause damage to the brain’s natural connecting or bonding mechanism.”[388]
Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold. Deuteronomy 17:17
God criticized David for wanting more than God had given him:
And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things. 9Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon. 10Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.
II Samuel 12:8-10
Men Must Possess Their Wives in Honor, Not in Lust
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: I Thessalonians 4:4-5
“. . . the finding that the brain centers that produce feelings of romance and love are different and separate from the brain centers responsible for lust is a huge warning to adolescents and young adults. A selfish and manipulative person may have an intense desire to have sex with another person. To accomplish that goal, they may lie about being in love. It is important to know that the desire someone has for sex can exist without any feelings of caring, love or romance.”[389] [emphasis added]
“. . . they[women] say that they ‘give’ sex for security”[390]
A woman must know the difference between a man wanting her and a man valuing her.
Few Treat Others As People As Opposed To Treating Them As Men And Women
The Bible tells us how unmarried people should interact:
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:2
I kept my first talk with my wife person to person. From a transcript, you wouldn’t know whether it was a girl missionary kid talking to an American boy or a boy missionary kid talking to an American girl. Once I knew that she was saved and that she was smart enough to be worth my time, I flipped to man-woman and told her I was going to date her. I didn’t know how just being close to a man can trigger her emotions.
If a young woman becomes physically close to and hugs a man, it will trigger the bonding process, creating a greater desire to be near him. . . . if he wants to escalate the physical nature of the relationship, it will become harder and harder for her to say no.[391] [emphasis added]
“When two people touch each other in a warm, meaningful, and intimate way, oxytocin is released into the woman’s brain. The oxytocin in the brain does two things: increases a woman’s desire for more touches and can begin producing bonding of the woman to the man she has been spending time in physical contact with, as her brain begins to be molded to connect her to the man.”[392] [emphasis added]
“From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner”[393] [emphasis added]
There is no God-honoring reason for man-woman talk between people who are neither married to each other nor considering marriage. Men and women can converse as people by avoiding man-woman thoughts or emotions. Your spouse is the only person in the world whose sex should matter to you.
Man-woman talk is dangerous at work. You must please your boss to keep a job. It’s common for a woman to please a man boss or a man to please a woman boss just a little too much. This can lead to adultery or divorce, but it starts with woman-man talk that doesn’t meet God’s standards of purity.
Other Reports Which Show How God Did What He Did
These reports explain the neurological mechanisms behind the binding effects described in Hooked.
Seminal Fluid Absorbed into a Woman’s Bloodstream Improves Her Mood
Many mothers suffer from post-partum depression after giving birth. This can severely limit a woman’s ability to function as an effective wife and mother. God gave a way to reduce this and commanded women to use it. The article Vaginal exposure to semen elevates women’s mood explains:
- One study found that women whose vaginas were exposed to semen (i.e., ones who reported “never” using condoms) showed significantly better mood.
- The positive effects of semen on mood include fewer bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts.
- The effect of semen on mood could be advantageous for sexually active women over age 50 who are experiencing menopausal blues.
...sperm comprise only about 3 percent of semen. The rest is
seminal fluid: mostly water, plus about 50 compounds: sugar (to nourish sperm),
immunosuppressants (to keep women’s immune systems from destroying sperm), and
oddly, two female sex hormones, and many mood-elevating compounds:
endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotrpin-releasing hormone, and
serotonin.
Vaginal tissue is very absorptive. It’s richly endowed with blood and
lymph vessels. [emphasis added]
9 Surprising Things To Know About Semen
“Another way a partner can be allergic to their partner’s semen is if she has an allergy to a particular food or antibiotic, for example, and the male partner has eaten the food or is taking the antibiotic to which she is allergic,” Dr. Reitano added. “The allergen accumulates in the male’s semen, and when it is placed in the vagina, the allergen is absorbed into the bloodstream. The female partner may develop widespread hives or worse.” https://www.health.com/sex/semen-facts [emphasis added]
Britannica Confirms That Semen Contains Hormones
Semen biochemistry, also known as seminal fluid is found here https://www.britannica.com/science/semen
Fluids contributed by the seminal vesicles are approximately 60 percent of the total semen volume; these fluids contain fructose, amino acids, citric acid, phosphorus, potassium, and hormones known as prostaglandins. The article is at this link:
Prostaglandin https://www.britannica.com/science/prostaglandin
Chapter 10 - Confessing Your Faults to Your Children
In spite of many sources of influence, “research has found that parental relationships had the greatest influence on teen sexual behavior.”[394] Parents must teach and explain clear standards for sexual behavior.
“Young people intuitively know that ‘boundaries’ mandated by those who love them are actually a sign of being loved and valued. Teenagers may push and even rebel against boundaries, but if they know they are loved and cared for by parents with whom they have a good relationship, they will usually not go behind their parents’ backs and cross those boundaries.”[395]
Many teens know the dangers of STDs and unplanned pregnancy, but few know about the psychological and emotional risks of having sex outside a committed marriage.
“Such information has not been available in the past. Knowing this, parents must realize that-despite their own past choices-encouraging their children to wait for sex until they are committed to one person for their lifetime, is the healthiest choice.”[396] [emphasis added]
Parents who didn’t follow God’s path when they were young may feel hypocritical or embarrassed about telling their children that God’s commands about reserving sex for marriage really are for their benefit.
“I’m afraid my kids will find out about some of the things I did. They’ll see that I turned out okay and think that they will too.”[397]
Few teenagers expect their parents to be perfect, but they do expect them to be honest. Given how little we knew about the effect of sex on the human brain, it’s OK to say, “We didn’t know.” This might work:
What to Say
I want you to grow up to serve God, your family, and your church. I want you to avoid mistakes I made, but I don’t need to tell about mistakes in areas you won’t go. Suppose I’d tried skateboarding as a teen. A hotdogger had some fancy moves down a railing on a park stairway. My parents said it was dangerous and told me not to try it. He made it look so easy that I tried it one afternoon. I fell and shattered a bone in my leg. I was in a painful cast for weeks, but I healed over time.
If you didn’t do skateboarding, there’d be no need for me to tell you this, right? But if you started doing it, I should tell you how I disobeyed my parents and had a lot of pain, even if it’s embarrassing, shouldn’t I?
You may or may not skateboard, but we restrict you to keep you save as you learn to drive. You’ll also have sex. We now know that there are dangers in sex beyond pregnancy and diseases. We want to keep you safe from the emotional harm we now know about.
The Bible doesn’t generally say why God gives the commands He gives:
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:1-2
Some tell girls not to kiss because it may give him ideas. That’s wrong. Men don’t get ideas, men have ideas. Kissing can give her ideas. When he and she have the same idea, it’s hard to stop.
From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner[398] [emphasis added]
Just sitting close to a man or inhaling the smell of his body can trigger a woman’s desire for more.
If a young woman becomes physically close to and hugs a man, it will trigger the bonding process, creating a greater desire to be near him. . . . if he wants to escalate the physical nature of the relationship, it will become harder and harder for her to say no.[399] [emphasis added]
Showing how physical contact between men and women works on your brain and how it builds desire to go “all the way” fills many pages; 1 Cor. 7:1 puts it in one verse. We know that sex can hurt badly:
“One significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval. Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .”[400] [emphasis added]
“The most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are “designed” to be sexually monogamous with one mate for life. This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter.”[401]
“The hardest breakup I ever had was with the first person I had sex with. Fifteen years later, I still don’t think I’m over him. I still dream about him and think about him and compare every guy since then to him. I’m married now and I feel like it’s a threesome in my heart. He is still there. It is like he is a part of me and I still can’t get over him.”[402]
Sex binds you to that person. Even if you eventually marry that one, having sex outside God’s marriage covenant brings damage:
“. . . we know that people who have had sex before they entered into marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who had not had prior sex.”[403]
Learning to drive can kill you. Breaking up after being sexually bound isn’t likely to kill you, but it can make you wish you were dead and make it very hard for you to have the fulfilling marriage God wants for you.
Early sex isn’t guaranteed to wreck your future marriage any more than smoking is guaranteed to give you cancer, but it causes a lot of pain and shifts the odds against you. That’s why God tells you:
O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! Deuteronomy 5:29
You can’t separate God’s love from His holiness. His love makes Him want to bless you, but His Holiness means He can’t unless you keep His commandments! You can choose to follow Him or go your own way:
And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul. Psalm 106:15
God put very strong desires into men and women so that we’d pair up to give Him children. God’s plan of marriage brings joy to both. There’s no reason to fear failure if you choose to do marriage God’s way!
Chapter 11 - Developing Church Leaders
The Word of God explains what qualifies a man to be a church leader:
This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 2A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 3Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 4One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) I Timothy 3:1-5
Church leaders must have good character, but bad people can pretend to have good character. “Ruleth well his own house” is hard to fake – we can watch his children. God wrote, “rule his own house” twice but then He wrote “take care of the church of God.” Church leaders rule their houses but take care of the church.
If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. 7For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre; 8But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate; 9Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers. Titus 1:6-9
Faithful children and unruly children are easy to see. These requirements aren’t just for church leaders:
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; II Timothy 2:24-25
All of us must be gentle, teaching meekly and patiently, why? So God can draw people to the truth. That’s how we win the lost – gentle, meek teaching and persuading. This requires a lot of Bible knowledge.
Ask an Olympic gymnast, or a champion skier, or a high-end musician, they’ll say they started by age 4 or 5. It’s hard to be world-class if you start late. How soon should we start teaching our children the Word of God? Before they learn to talk, we need to sing Biblical songs to them. When you read the Bible, have the child say all the words the child can read and teach more words over time. Talk about God. What do we say?
And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 6:5-7
Teach your children to love God by encouraging them to praise God for everything He’s given. Talk about a beautiful sunset God has given us. Praise Him for the rain that feeds our flowers, our food, and our thirst.
Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. 19And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 11:18-19
The command to bathe your children in the Word of God is given twice. You must know the Bible well to do that. That starts before they walk or talk. Now, let’s look at God’s teachings how to lead.
Servant Leadership is Godly Leadership
When His disciples argued over which was the greatest, Jesus told them and showed them how to lead:
But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42-45
If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all and servant of all. Mark 9:35
That’s the secret – a Godly leader serves his followers. A man serves his wife and family, a mother serves her children, a military leader takes care of his men, a boss takes care of his people, and a church leader cares for everyone in the house of God. Those who lead the most should serve the most, it’s that simple.
Leaders must have a goal and a plan, if you don’t know where you’re going, you can’t lead anybody there.
As you bring up your children to walk God’s path, teach them to lead. Pr. 31:1 introduces the wisdom King Lemuel’s mother gave him. She taught him how to lead a kingdom, a business, a church, or a family:
· Don’t mess with women (Pr. 31:3[404]), particularly someone else’s woman.
· Don’t abuse mind-altering substances (Pr. 31:4-5[405]), neither alcohol nor drugs.
· Take care of your people when they’re hurt (Pr. 31:6-7[406]) either physically or emotionally.
· Treat your people fairly (Pr. 31:8-9[407]) by hearing every word, both facts and feelings (Mt. 18:15-17[408])!
We can’t fulfill the last two without building open, loving relationships. How else can we tell between the needy and the lazy, the good and the glib? Mrs. Lemuel’s leadership wisdom helps in any path we walk.
Rescue the Perishing – Lift Up the Fallen
God shows a simple way to take care of your people when they’re hurting. I Kings 18 tells how Elijah challenged the people on Mt. Carmel to choose between God and Baal. They put a sacrifice on the altar without a fire. The priests of Baal prayed, but Baal did nothing. Then Elijah poured water over the sacrifice and called on God. God sent fire and burned up the water, the stones, and the sacrifice. The people decided to follow God; they killed all 450 prophets of Baal. What a revival! Then what happened?
Jezebel said she’d kill Elijah. I Kings 19:1-4[409] tells how he ran for his life and went two days journey into the wilderness. Right after Elijah’s greatest victory for God, he ran. He was so discouraged that he asked God to kill him, he was suicidal. Who says God’s people don’t get discouraged? Do church people feel down? What did God do? Did God criticize Elijah for running? No, God didn’t criticize Elijah, God sent an angel to feed him, “Arise and eat, the journey is too great for thee (1 Ki. 19:5-7[410]).” Step one is feed the suffering.
And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God. 9And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? 10And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. I Kings 19:8-10
The food helped but Elijah was still discouraged – he thought he was the only one left on God’s side.
That’s outstanding leadership. Elijah lost heart, he ran, he stopped serving God, and does God blast him? No, God feeds him and asks, “How’s it going, Elijah.” Elijah tells God how Elijah sees it and God listens to his thoughts and emotions with compassion. LISTEN TO YOUR PEOPLE!! They may not see things your way.
The next verses show God building Elijah back up into being a good follower again. God tells him to anoint Hazael and Jehu and to call Elisha to be a prophet after him. He has something simple to do and giving him an assistant to learn the job means he won’t feel so alone.
God gives His people rest, simple tasks, and pep talks when they wipe out. A discouraged person with nothing to do sits, soaks, and sours; God kept Elijah too busy to sour. He can’t face Jezebel, but he can anoint. God told Elijah that he was not alone and that he was on the winning side:
Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him. I Kings 19:18
Elijah didn’t know the whole story; God gave him encouraging facts. Encouragement and a task he could do got Elijah back on the job. That’s how you rescue the perishing, it’s all in the Book.
Men don’t always have the whole picture, that’s why God gives a man a wife to help him see what he can’t see and why God gave us prayer so the Holy Spirit can show us more.
Leading Women
Half the congregation will be women. The Bible commands husbands:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
Women differ from each other a lot more than men do. The only way a husband can dwell with his wife according to knowledge of her is to spend hours and hours opening his heart to her in talk. A leader should never talk that way to any woman who’s not his wife. A church leader must talk to his own wife enough to know her well enough to explain his plans and goals to her in detail. She can explain the details to the women and carry their concerns and questions back to her husband. That keeps him from temptation.
Women should ask their husbands at home (1 Cor. 14:35[411]) or ask the pastor in public or as a couple.
A husband must give honor to his wife, partly because she’s a weaker vessel and can be easily hurt if he’s careless about honoring her. God tells leaders how to honor all the women in the church.
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:2
Honoring all women with all purity must be taught from an early age. In the flesh, a man doesn’t see much wrong with sex without marriage even if she isn’t willing. How does a father teach his sons to honor all women as God commands? Mrs. Lemuel explained that to her son:
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:28-29, 31
King Lemuel’s mother taught him how to nourish and cherish his wife. She told him to teach his children to bless their mother and that he should tell their children that she’s the best wife and mother in the world. Children are born selfish. Their father must show them how to appreciate their mother by doing it himself and commanding them to honor her by punishing them when they don’t. The Song of Solomon shows a man praising his wife in every detail. Nowhere in the Bible does a man criticize his wife, see page 8. A son who’s been taught all his days to honor his mother, his sisters, and all women can honor women he leads. A daughter who’s been shown how her father and brothers honor her mother knows what to expect of any man.
Teach young men to honor women and teach girls to insist on being nourished, honored, cherished, appreciated, and cared for.
Be Careful What You Ask For
Leaders must be careful what they ask; their followers might do it. We all lead from time to time. How we lead makes all the difference in how successful we are. Let’s see an example from the Bible:
And David longed, and said, Oh that one would give me drink of the water of the well of Bethlehem, which is by the gate! 16And the three mighty men brake through the host of the Philistines, and drew water out of the well of Bethlehem, that was by the gate, and took it, and brought it to David: nevertheless he would not drink thereof, but poured it out unto the LORD. 17And he said, Be it far from me, O LORD, that I should do this: is not this the blood of the men that went in jeopardy of their lives? therefore he would not drink it. These things did these three mighty men. II Samuel 23:15-17
David was careless. David “longed” for a drink of Bethlehem water. He didn’t demand, he didn’t ask, but his “mighty men” risked their lives to give him his wish because they wanted to please him. They carried out David’s wish because they loved him, not just because he was above them in the army. When you lead, watch what you say, you may get more obedience than is right before God.
The Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands and tells children to obey their parents, but the Bible also puts limits on leaders. Ephesians 6:4 tells fathers not to “provoke your children to wrath,” that is, don’t abuse your authority as David abused his.
You can command obedience, but commanding isn’t enough, unwilling followers stop following when you aren’t watching. Earning loyalty through honor and convincing saves you a lot of work in the long run. If followers agree with you, if they’re convinced that what you want is right, they do right when you’re not there. Paul was the greatest church planter ever, how did he lead?
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; II Corinthians 5:10-11a
So to lead, love them, persuade them, and serve them. If serving is beneath you, leading is beyond you.
Honor your people (1 Pe. 2:17[412]), take care of your people when they’re hurt, explain the plan, be apt to teach, be patient, and show how to apply Scripture to their daily lives. The answers really are in God’s Word!
Chapter 12 - Handling Anger at Home, at Church, and at Work
God expects His church to gather in fellowship without offense or anger:
That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. I Corinthians 12:25
God also told us how to resolve any disagreement, trespass, or offense. God’s plan for finding peace requires that we have a humble, practical willingness to deal with whatever robs the soul and spirit of peace and joy. Healing disagreement is important in any group, family, or church because we need each other:
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; I Corinthians 12:26a
We can’t accomplish God’s purpose in our local church if the Body of Believers is divided or in anger.
Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth. Luke 11:17b
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:4
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Ephesians 4:26
We must heal hurts fast because memories fade. These are God’s commands for restoring peace:
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matthew 18:15-17
The Scofield Reference Bible put the heading “CHURCH DISCIPLINE” before Mt. 18:15. This suggests that God’s process is only for matters that could throw someone out of church. That’s wrong - God’s plan works for anything that upsets you enough that you can’t ignore it.
- Trespass means to sin, intrude, infringe, or encroach. This includes offenses.
- Offense includes insult, attack, or anything that bothers or offends you.
What if You Don’t Heal Hurts as They Happen?
Anger and frustration build when hurts aren’t healed. We remember that we’re offended but may forget why we’re angry if we don’t settle offenses as fast as God requires. This is deadly in marriage, in churches, and at work. When anger spreads to an entire group, we must heal many people at once. Paul set the goal:
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14
The goal is to put the anger behind and get the entire group working together to press toward the mark.
Settling a Group Offense God’s Way
I was a new hire, and for some reason, the boss left me in charge of the office when he was away for a week. On Monday morning, my new colleagues came to me about longstanding anger. I had no knowledge of the problem and couldn’t get a straight story. That happened in Ephesus:
Some therefore cried one thing, and some another: for the assembly was confused: and the more part knew not wherefore they were come together. Acts 19:32 see also Acts 21:34[413]
The fact that I wasn’t yet part of the group made it easier for them to let me lead the search for an answer.
“I don’t care about facts.” I said. “It’s been building for years and nobody remembers why. We won’t bring up what happened; we’ll deal with feelings. We’ll say how we feel, one at a time. There are 4 rules.
1) Everybody has to be in this together, is there anyone else who should be here?
2) Only one thought, hurt, feeling, or idea per turn.
3) Don’t blame anyone. Everybody was involved. Don’t give names. If you say, ‘I was upset when he said…,’ that’s out of bounds. Say, ‘I was upset when I heard...’ or ‘when this happened.’
4) Only the person holding this Bible may speak; wait until it gets passed to you.
Everybody got that?” They nodded.
As we went around the group, someone interrupted, “That’s not what I meant. I was trying to...”
“Wait your turn,” I said. “We need apologies. We need forgiveness. Without forgiveness, we can’t work together. When it’s your turn, if you’re sorry, we will forgive you, won’t we?” They said they would.
After another round or two with apologies, I heard, “It’s OK now, we get it. We can work together.”
I went around the group, one at a time. “Is it over? Really over?” All but two said “Yes.” I asked, “Are you two upset with each other?” When they said “Yes,” that made it a simple 1 on 1 trespass.
Matthew 18 tells how to fix that. “Go get some coffee and work it out,” I told them. “Come back when you’ve made up. If you can’t, I’ll be happy to help. If the three of us can’t fix it, we’ll bring everybody in and fix it together. If we all together can’t fix it, one of you will have to leave. Got that?” They said they got it.
They came back in a half-hour, full of teary smiles. It really was all over. God told us about this:
Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. Proverbs 26:20
Nobody would say how it happened – they were embarrassed – but it seemed that the two holdouts had gotten upset at each other years earlier and had been knifing each other to their colleagues.
This group-oriented process of healing problems is taught in the Bible. Paul’s letters speak of the Corinthian church sinning through carnal “strife and division (1 Cor. 3:3[414]).” He urged the Corinthians to be unified, and explained that he would establish “every word” of what he had heard when he came:
This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established. II Corinthians 13:1 He planned to establish every word, not every truth.
Giving Offense Offends God
Eight verses before giving us His reconciliation process, Jesus said that giving offense is a serious sin:
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! Matthew 18:6-7
Christians should be spiritual enough not to take offense when no offence is meant, and sometimes even when it is. People can become annoyed even if you don’t intend offense. Your intent doesn’t matter:
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Matthew 7:15-16
Your actions can bring destructive fruit even if you didn’t want to be a ravening wolf. There are no excuses. Your intent doesn’t matter. Haven’t you ever told a child, “You didn’t break the window on purpose, but we want you to on purpose not break things.”
If someone is offended by what you did, God expects you to humble yourself and apologize even if you can’t see why they’re offended. Nobody expects you to be perfect; they expect you to be honest. I’ve never lost points by apologizing, not even to my children. It’s a good way to deal with offenses as God commands.
If you can’t see why you offended, you’re likely to do it again. If someone won’t accept your apology, that’s on them, not on you.
Conflict at work costs businesses so much money that it’s been studied a lot. One way to keep discussions calm is to pause 10 seconds before answering when things are getting hot. Your goal isn’t to “win” the discussion; it’s to build the relationship, to edify. You can't do that when you're angry or if the other person is too upset to hear what you say. Pausing to think for 10 seconds helps improve your relationships.
We Cannot Live without Law
All groups need a way to settle disputes. Drug dealers and street gangs throw bullets at each other because it’s cheaper and faster than going to court. American Indian tribes passed the “whisper pipe” around the circle. Only the person holding the pipe could talk, and pass it on.
My colleagues weren’t saved but they saw the need for apologies and forgiveness. We’re commanded:
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. 4And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. Luke 17:3-4
God is serious about commanding us to forgive without limit; we’re forgiven only as we forgive others:
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Matthew 6:12
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
The Problem of Human Carnality
In 1 Cor. 3:1-7, Paul showed the difference between spiritual Christians and carnal Christians. Being carnal is another way to describe walking in the flesh. We all have our flesh-driven moments, even Paul (Ro. 7:14[415]):
For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. Romans 8:6-7
Japanese are about 1.5% Christian. Few Japanese have the Holy Spirit, but healing offenses was a matter of life and death. Annoying a sword-bearing samurai could get your head chopped off. If you offended too many people, you might be forced to commit suicide. They needed ways to restore harmony.
A few days after my brother entered 1st grade, a refined, elegant gentleman knocked on the door. His card said “Head of the Block.” He told Mom that her son was not brushing his teeth after lunch because he had no toothbrush. The teacher sent a note home. Had she seen it? Mom found the note; it had a cartoon of a child brushing teeth. “I'm sorry,” she explained, “I thought I had to make sure he brushed his teeth before he went to school.” Huge smile. “We thought it was something like that,” he said, and bowed himself out.
This man was known as wise elder who solved quarrels. My brother’s teacher asked the PTA to find peace with a foreigner. The PTA elevated the problem to the Head of the Block. The apostle Paul desired that there be no quarrels or schisms in Christ’s church; the Head of the Block desired that there be no quarrels or shcisms in his community.
Japanese know that gossip can be deadly, but they also know that approaching someone who’d angered you could cause even more offense. Talking to the Head of the Block was OK by definition. He or his wife could often explain enough to stop it there. If not, they’d work tactfully behind the scenes to bring harmony.
The Japanese agree with Pr. 20:29b, “the beauty of old men is the grey head.” Serving the community by bringing peace was honored. They didn’t have our psychology vocabulary, but they understood people.
Confirmation bias: People value information that supports their beliefs and tend to ignore information that conflicts with their beliefs. Atheists aren’t interested when I show them how scientific discoveries support the Bible. The more a wise man learns, the better he understands his ignorance.
Stereotypes: People tend to judge others by first impressions. It’s difficult and time-consuming to learn enough about another person to judge righteous judgment; it’s a lot easier to put them in a compartment based on a few obvious characteristics and move on.
Pride: Most people hate to admit that they’re wrong. As Elon Musk put it, “It’s a lot easier to fool people than to convince them that they’ve been fooled.” Apologizing can be very humbling.
Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way. Romans 14:13
American law states that government can’t override your “strongly-held convictions” without a very good reason. Baptists call this “individual soul liberty” in saying that each person has the right to their own convictions. It can be difficult to get along with Christians with different convictions.
Going ‘round the table hearing all the feelings, hurts, and anger cuts through bias, stereotypes, and misunderstanding. It can be humbling, but shows the power of love and relationships.
Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! James 3:5
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9
Peacemakers risk getting shot at by both sides.
How to Moderate
It’s important to agree on the rules when settling a longstanding problem. This is a good start:
I don’t care about facts. Anger has been building for years. We won’t bring up what happened; we’ll deal with feelings. We’ll say how we feel, one at a time. There are 4 rules.
1) Everybody has to be in this together, is there anyone else who should be here? If not, go get them.
2) Only one thought, hurt, feeling, or idea per turn.
3) Don’t blame anyone. For it to get this bad, everybody was involved. Don’t give names. If you say, ‘I was upset when he said…,’ that’s against the rules. Say, ‘I was upset when I heard...’ or when this happened.
4) Only the person who has the floor may speak. Never interrupt; wait for your turn.
Everybody got that? Let’s begin.
[1] Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. Romans 7:4
[2]Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Philippians 2:6-8
[3] And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. Genesis 3:15
[4] My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? Psalm 22:1
[5] And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Matthew 27:46
[6] And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Mark 15:34
[7] And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin. Genesis 35:18
[8] And about the time of her death the women that stood by her said unto her, Fear not; for thou hast born a son. But she answered not, neither did she regard it. I Samuel 4:20
[9] And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die. Genesis 30:1
[10] Thus hath the Lord dealt with me in the days wherein he looked on me, to take away my reproach among men. Luke 1:25
[11] Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. Revelation 4:11
[12] But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
[13] This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; 2Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. Genesis 5:1-2
[14] There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. Romans 3:11
[15] Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace. Galatians 5:4
[16] And now, saith the LORD that formed me from the womb to be his servant, to bring Jacob again to him, Though Israel be not gathered, yet shall I be glorious in the eyes of the LORD, and my God shall be my strength. Isaiah 49:5
[17] Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. John 3:7
[18] And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: Acts 17:30
[19] Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. Acts 20:21
[20] O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! Matthew 23:37
[21] O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not! Luke 13:34
[22] And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell: for if the mighty works, which have been done in thee, had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day. Matthew 11:23
[23] And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted to heaven, shalt be thrust down to hell. Luke 10:15
[24] He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3-4
[25] So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. John 21:15
[26] For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: II Corinthians 5:14
[27] I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. I Corinthians 3:6
[28] Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Philippians 1:6
[29] Unwin, J. D. (1927). "Monogamy as a Condition of Social Energy,” The Hibbert Journal, Vol. XXV, p. 662
[30] Sexual Relations and Cultural Behavior, by J. D. Unwin (Frank M. Darrow 1969)
[31] The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
[32] For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
[33] There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
[34] And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; Judges 16:16
[35] For in very deed, as the LORD God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall. I Samuel 25:34
[36] And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 20And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18, 20
[37] Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. I Thessalonians 5:11
[38] And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Hebrews 10:24
[39] Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account. Philippians 4:17
[40] Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. Romans 7:4
[41] All these men of war, that could keep rank, came with a perfect heart to Hebron, to make David king over all Israel: and all the rest also of Israel were of one heart to make David king. I Chronicles 12:38
[42] Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savour. Ephesians 5:1-2
[43] But the Jews which believed not, moved with envy, took unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city on an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring them out to the people. 6And when they found them not, they drew Jason and certain brethren unto the rulers of the city, crying, These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also; Acts 17:5-6
[44] Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song 1:2
[45] Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10
[46] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[47] And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife Genesis 25:20a
[48] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:29
[49] If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35b
[50] But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. Mark 10:42-44
[51] And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
[52] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33
[53] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[54] And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul. Psalm 106:15
[55] That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, Titus 2:4
[56] His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song of Solomon 8:3
[57] Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. II Corinthians 9:7
[58] I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. I Timothy 5:14
[59] And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. II Corinthians 1:6
[60] Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4
[61]And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:5-6
[62] Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Cor. 11:9
[63] Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? Proverbs 6:28
[64] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[65] Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10
[66] let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:31b
[67] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[68] Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
[69] Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. II Corinthians 1:4
[70] And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. 16And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: 17But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. 18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help[70] meet for him. Genesis 2:15-18
[71] But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. Genesis 3:3
[72] And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. I Timothy 2:14
[73] For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. Romans 5:19
[74] And the LORD said unto Moses, Go unto the people, and sanctify them to day and to morrow, and let them wash their clothes, 11And be ready against the third day: for the third day the LORD will come down in the sight of all the people upon mount Sinai. 15And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives. Exodus 19:10-11, 15
[75] And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. 13And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. Gen. 3:12-13
[76] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/wedding-wisdom-simplicity-of-marriage.html#fallFault
[77] There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
[78] And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. Malachi 2:15
[79] But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground. Genesis 2:6
[80] And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Gen. 2:25
[81] And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: Genesis 3:2
[82] There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
[83] Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song 1:2
[84] I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song 8:2-3
[85] I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. Song 7:10
[86] And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23
[87] And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Genesis 3:20
[88] And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. Genesis 3:6
[89] I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song 8:2-3
[90] Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
[91] Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16
[92] And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. Genesis 2:15
[93] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 40 quoting Young, Gobrogge, Liu, and Wang, The Neurobiology of Pair Bonding, pp 53-69
[94] And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace. Luke 7:50
[95] Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Song of Solomon 4:7
[96] He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. Mark 7:6
[97] Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men: Isaiah 29:13
[98] That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: I Thessalonians 4:4-5
[99] Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. II Timothy 3:7
[100] For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Proverbs 23:7a
[101] And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
[102] Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
[103] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
[104] For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Romans 3:23
[105] Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned: Romans 5:12
[106] For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23
[107] As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12
[108] And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. I Corinthians 6:11
[109] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:25-27
[110] There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1
[111] Let your heart therefore be perfect with the LORD our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day. I Kings 8:61
[112] But the high places were not removed: nevertheless Asa's heart was perfect with the LORD all his days. I Kings 15:14
[113] I beseech thee, O LORD, remember now how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore. II Kings 20:3
[114] Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing. Psalm 100:2
[115] Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated unto the gospel of God, Romans 1:1
[116] Paul, a servant of God, and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God's elect, and the acknowledging of the truth which is after godliness; Titus 1:1
[117] My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. John 10:29
[118] What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? I Corinthians 6:19
[119] For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: 15And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again. II Corinthians 5:14-15
[120] For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
[121] Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Romans 12:10
[122] For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Ephesians 4:12
[123] Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Ephesians 5:21
[124] Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. I Peter 5:5
[125] And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35
[126] But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42-45
[127] Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32
[128] He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 11For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. 12As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:10-12
[129] I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. Isaiah 43:25
[130] And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. Hebrews 10:17
[131] How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? Hebrews 9:14
[132] Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; 21And having an high priest over the house of God; 22Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. Hebrews 10:19-22
[133] There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1
[134] Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13
[135] God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. Psalm 68:6
[136] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
[137] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:29
[138] Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Song of Solomon 4:7
[139] My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her. Song of Solomon 6:9
[140] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:22, 33
[141] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18
[142] I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid? Job 31:1
[143] The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9
[144] Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
[145] Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11
[146] But godliness with contentment is great gain. I Timothy 6:6
[147] Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5
[148] But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul. Deuteronomy 4:29
[149] work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Philippians 2:12b
[150] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9
[151] Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16
[152] Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. I Thessalonians 5:11
[153] And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Hebrews 10:24
[154] https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/new-science-motherhood-180977456/
[155] https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-politicization-of-motherhood-1509144044
[156] https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/new-science-motherhood-180977456/
[157] https://towardsdatascience.com/can-we-let-algorithm-take-decisions-we-cannot-explain-a4e8e51e2060
[158] This research is explained in “You Just Don’t Understand” by Deborah Tannen, she also wrote “That’s Not What I Meant”
[159] https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/04/190411154728.htm
[160] https://www.healthline.com/health-news/mental-mens-and-womens-brains-wired-differently-120713
[161] https://www.medicaldaily.com/brain-facts-know-and-share-men-have-lower-percentage-gray-matter-women-292530
[162] https://goflightmedicine.com/on-combat/
[163] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6422548/
[164] https://www.medicaldaily.com/menstruation-and-female-brain-how-fluctuating-hormone-levels-impact-cognitive-341788
[165] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4285578/
[166] If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5
[167] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[168] Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
[169] Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
[170] Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:9
[171] And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
[172] Pray without ceasing. 18In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus I Thessalonians 5:17-18a
[173] Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. Psalm 127:1
[174] If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5
[175] And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
[176] Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Psalm 128:3
[177] Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 19:18
[178] Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Proverbs 23:13
[179] Now I say, That the heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all; 2But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father. Galatians 4:1-2
[180] And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
[181] If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? Hebrews 12:7
[182] Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2
[183] I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song 8:2-3
[184] And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? Judges 16:15a
[185] The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12
[186] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. I Corinthians 7:3
[187] Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
[188] Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
[189] Now I say, That the heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all; 2But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father. Galatians 4:1-2
[190] And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
[191] When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him. Matthew 27:19
[192] There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
[193] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[194] a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:14b
[195] My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. Song 6:9a
[196] Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
[197] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
[198] There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
[199] One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. Romans 14:5
[200] And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin. Romans 14:23
[201] Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; II Corinthians 5:11a
[202] And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more Philippians 1:9
[203] But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:3, 9
[204] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6
[205] And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
[206] So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1:27
[207] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Matthew 19:4-5
[208] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. Mark 10:6
[209] The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, Deuteronomy 28:56a
[210] The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
[211] Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. II Timothy 2:15
[212] Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10
[213] A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. Proverbs 11:13
[214] He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. Proverbs 20:19
[215] Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Song of Solomon 4:7
[216] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
[217] I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. Song of Solomon 7:10
[218] Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2
[219] I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song 8:2-3
[220] Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
[221] My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 2:16
[222] I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 6:3
[223] And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. Genesis 29:21
[224] The region of the air; the sky or heavens; the great arch or expanse over our heads, in which are placed the atmosphere and the clouds
[225] But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: I Peter 3:15
[226] For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: II Corinthians 5:14
[227] For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
[228] Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4
[229] Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. I Peter 5:
[230] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. John 3:16-17
[231] And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
[232]And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:5-6
[233] And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. Mark 10:8
[234] Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. II Corinthians 5:20
[235] What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? I Corinthians 6:19
[236] They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. Luke 17:27
[237] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25
[238] Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4
[239] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33
[240] But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen. II Peter 3:18
[241] Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Philippians 1:6
[242] For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: II Corinthians 5:14
[243] And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. I Corinthians 6:11
[244] Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. Ephesians 5:1-2
[245] Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16
[246] Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16
[247] The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
[248] But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42-45
[249] And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35
[250] And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. John 10:28
[251] Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? 2For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Romans 7:1-3
[252] And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35
[253] I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. Romans 12:1
[254] This is the purpose that is purposed upon the whole earth: and
this is the hand that is stretched out upon all the nations. 27For
the LORD of hosts hath purposed, and who shall disannul it? and his hand
is stretched out, and who shall turn it back?
Isaiah 14:26-27
[255] The LORD of hosts hath purposed it, to stain the pride of all glory, and to bring into contempt all the honourable of the earth. Isaiah 23:9
[256] Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure: 11Calling a ravenous bird from the east, the man that executeth my counsel from a far country: yea, I have spoken it, I will also bring it to pass; I have purposed it, I will also do it. Isaiah 46:10-11
[257] For this shall the earth mourn, and the heavens above be black; because I have spoken it, I have purposed it, and will not repent, neither will I turn back from it. Jeremiah 4:28
[258] And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
[259] The business of a farmer, comprehending agriculture or tillage of the ground, the raising, managing and fattening of cattle and other domestic animals, the management of the dairy and whatever the land produces.
[260] Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Matthew 18:15
[261] Chiang, M. Tides from the West, New Haven, 1947 p 4
[262] Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith. Habbakuk 2:4
[263] For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. Romans 1:17
[264] But that no man is justified by the law in the sight of God, it is evident: for, The just shall live by faith. Galatians 3:11
[265] Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) 24And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Hebrews 10:23-24
[266] Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. Hebrews 10:38
[267] But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6
[268] And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
[269] Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
[270] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[271] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[272] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37 quoting I. Schneiderman, O. Zagoory-Sharon, J. F. Leckman, and R. Feldman, “Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 37 no 8 (Aug 2012): 1277-85
[273] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2018/12/what-drove-jesus-11-nobodies-to-turn.html#sureHeGivesHerRest
[274] For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. Romans 15:4
[275] If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days. Deuteronomy 22:28-29
[276] And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot? Genesis 34:31
[277] And they took Lot, Abram's brother's son, who dwelt in Sodom, and his goods, and departed. Genesis 14:12
[278] And they said, Hath the LORD indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us? And the LORD heard it. Numbers 12:2
[279] And the cloud departed from off the tabernacle; and, behold, Miriam became leprous, white as snow: and Aaron looked upon Miriam, and, behold, she was leprous. Numbers 12:10
[280] Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Ecclesiastes 5:5
[281] And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem. Genesis 35:19
[282] There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife; there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife; and there I buried Leah. Genesis 49:31
[283] And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on, 21So that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the LORD be my God: 22And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God's house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee. Genesis 28:20-22
[284] And said unto him, Behold, thou art old, and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a king to judge us like all the nations. I Samuel 8:5
[285] And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. I Samuel 18:25
[286] And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired. I Samuel 18:26
[287] And Michal Saul's daughter loved David: and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. I Samuel 18:20
[288] But Saul had given Michal his daughter, David's wife, to Phalti the son of Laish, which was of Gallim. I Samuel 25:44
[289] And her husband went with her along weeping behind her to Bahurim. Then said Abner unto him, Go, return. And he returned. II Samuel 3:16
[290] And he said, Well; I will make a league with thee: but one thing I require of thee, that is, Thou shalt not see my face, except thou first bring Michal Saul's daughter, when thou comest to see my face. II Samuel 3:13
[291]But the king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bare unto Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth; and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she brought up for Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite: II Samuel 21:8
[292] And it came to pass, as the ark of the covenant of the LORD came to the city of David, that Michal, the daughter of Saul looking out at a window saw king David dancing and playing: and she despised him in her heart. I Chronicles 15:29
[293] Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death. II Samuel 6:23
[294] And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not. I Kings 1:4
[295] And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be bakers. I Samuel 8:13
[296] If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. Deuteronomy 25:5
[297] Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb. I Samuel 25:3
[298] And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? Judges 16:15a
[299] And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. 13And Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife. Judges 1:12-13
[300] And Pharaoh called Joseph's name Zaphnathpaaneah; and he gave him to wife Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On. And Joseph went out over all the land of Egypt. Genesis 41:45
[301] And the men of Israel said, Have ye seen this man that is come up? surely to defy Israel is he come up: and it shall be, that the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father's house free in Israel. I Samuel 17:25
[302] And Hadad found great favour in the sight of Pharaoh, so that he gave him to wife the sister of his own wife, the sister of Tahpenes the queen. I Kings 11:19
[303] And Solomon brought up the daughter of Pharaoh out of the city of David unto the house that he had built for her: for he said, My wife shall not dwell in the house of David king of Israel, because the places are holy, whereunto the ark of the LORD hath come. II Chronicles 8:11
[304] And when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, even Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother. Judges 3:9
[305] And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. Genesis 29:21
[306] And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23
[307] For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I Corinthians 7:7
[308] Who answered, Give me a blessing; for thou hast given me a south land; give me also springs of water. And he gave her the upper springs, and the nether springs. Joshua 15:19
[309] And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: Luke 20:34
[310] They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. Luke 17:27
[311] As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12
[312] And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. I Corinthians 6:11
[313] My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her. Song of Solomon 6:9
[314] God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: Psalm 68:6a
[315] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
[316] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:29
[317] Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Song of Solomon 4:7
[318] My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her. Song of Solomon 6:9
[319] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:22, 33
[320] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18
[321] Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
[322] Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
[323] Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
[324] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[325] And they came in, and possessed it; but they obeyed not thy voice, neither walked in thy law; they have done nothing of all that thou commandedst them to do: therefore thou hast caused all this evil to come upon them: Jeremiah 32:23
[326] To fulfil the word of the LORD by the mouth of Jeremiah, until the land had enjoyed her sabbaths: for as long as she lay desolate she kept sabbath, to fulfil threescore and ten years. II Chronicles 36:21
[327] If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11
[328] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
[329] For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
[330] Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings. Proverbs 31:3
[331] It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: 5Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. Proverbs 31:4-5
[332] Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. 7Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. Proverbs 31:6-7
[333] Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. 9Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9
[334] She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12
[335] The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11
[336]A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
[337] She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
[338] There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18
[339] Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Proverbs 31:28
[340] Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:29
[341] Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:31
[342] And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35
[343] But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42-45
[344] And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; II Timothy 2:24-25
[345] (Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.) Numbers 12:3
[346] Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Proverbs 22:24
[347] He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
[348] An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. Proverbs 29:22
[349] Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3
[350] Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Proverbs 22:24
[351] Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:29-30
[352] The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
[353] There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
[354] There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18
[355] A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1
[356] He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
[357] Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4 especially his wife’s!
[358] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
[359] And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:40
[360] Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. Matthew 25:45
[361] Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14
[362] Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. 11Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. I Corinthians 10:10-11
[363] She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. Proverbs 31:18
[364] When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him. Matthew 27:19
[365] Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18
[366] His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song of Solomon 8:3
[367] And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. Genesis 29:21
[368] Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Proverbs 6:27
[369] And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth: Genesis 5:3
[370] Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
[371] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 35, citing W. B. Wilcox, J. R. Anderson, W. Doherty et al., “Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences” (New York, Institute for American values National Marriage Project, 2011).
[372] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 132
[373] Fisher, Anatomy of Love, p 21-23
[374] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[375] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 139
[376] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 33
[377] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[378] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 92
[379] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 67
[380] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 36
[381] For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
[382] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 108
[383] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 113
[384] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 58
[385] Fisher, Anatomy of Love, p 21-23
[386] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[387] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 41
[388] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 40 quoting Fisher, Anatomy of Love, PP 151-152
[389] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 65 quoting L. M. Diamond and J. A. Nickerson, “The Neuroimaging of Love and Desire: Review and Future Directions,” Clinical Neuropsychiatry 9, no. 1 (2012): pp 36-46
[390] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 62 quoting Regnerus and Uecker, premarital Sex in America, p 106
[391] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37 quoting I. Schneiderman, O. Zagoory-Sharon, J. F. Leckman, and R. Feldman, “Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 37 no 8 (Aug 2012): 1277-85
[392] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 pp 34-35
[393] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[394] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 19
[395] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 128 citing D. H. Hoskins, “Consequences of Parenting on Adolescent Outcomes,” Societies 4 No. 3 (2014) : 506-31
[396] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 121
[397] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 120
[398] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[399] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37 quoting I. Schneiderman, O. Zagoory-Sharon, J. F. Leckman, and R. Feldman, “Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 37 no 8 (Aug 2012): 1277-85
[400] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 58
[401] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 139
[402] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 113
[403] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 67
[404] Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings. Proverbs 31:3
[405] It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: 5Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. Proverbs 31:4-5
[406] Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. 7Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. Proverbs 31:6-7
[407] Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. 9Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9
[408] Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matthew 18:15-17
[409] And Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and withal how he had slain all the prophets with the sword. 2Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by to morrow about this time. 3And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beersheba, which belongeth to Judah, and left his servant there. 4But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. I Kings 19:1-4
[410] And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. 6And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. 7And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. I Kings 19:5-7
[411] And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church. I Corinthians 14:35
[412] Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king. I Peter 2:17
[413] And some cried one thing, some another, among the multitude: and when he could not know the certainty for the tumult, he commanded him to be carried into the castle. Acts 21:34
[414] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? I Corinthians 3:3
[415] For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. Romans 7:14
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