How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage
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How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage
Women want badly to hang around with men, but our man-woman thing isn’t working well. Social media are full of complaints about relationship problems. If a man doesn’t meet your needs, there’s no way the relationship can work, but you probably don’t have the words to explain your needs to a man. Even if he wants you to be happy, he can’t fix it if you can’t tell him the problem. This paper has the words you need.
Women drive marriage and civilization. Pres. Reagan said, “If it weren’t for women, men would be swinging clubs and sleeping in trees.” A responsible man works hard caring for his car, boat, or whatever matters to him. Without a wife, a man would sleep in a cave or in his truck. If his wife chooses to belong to him, he spends great effort caring for her. His need to keep his wife happy and comfortable drives civilization.
Society once supported marriage – it was illegal for a couple to live together without being married, and divorce was difficult. With no-fault divorce, it‘s easier to end a marriage than to stop paying for a refrigerator. You must study marriage much more strongly than in the past.
Don’t Deny the Science
Two books have explored how these relationships work in enough detail to help you avoid disaster.
Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development https://a.co/d/23NZaPL explains how hormones produced during sex change your brain to bind sexual partners together. This powerful binding makes breaking up hard, particularly on you.
“One significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval. Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .”[1] [Because women are made for men; men aren’t made for women.]
“The most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are “designed” to be sexually monogamous with one mate for life. This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter.”[2] [emphasis added]
God made you for a man (I Cor. 11:8-9[3]). Giving yourself to a man binds you to him. Sex binds a man to you but not as strongly. Breaking up can make it hard for either of you to form a strong marriage later.
“Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman https://a.co/d/fIG4k9d confirms that casual sex is very damaging. Having treated more than 2,000 university students for depression and other emotional problems, she wrote that a woman can become very depressed when she finds that her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex. Most women associate sex with commitment; men not as much.
The story of the sports hero and the cheerleader happens over and over again in colleges and high schools. As they approach the championship, cheerleaders compete to see who can encourage him the most. One of them catches his eye, he says he loves her, and they end up in bed. That seldom works out well for her.
Older Women
Rule #1 in getting a joyful marriage is no sex until after marriage.
Older women are commanded to teach younger women about men. Lesson #1 is that when a man says he loves her, he wants to bed her. Jacob worked for Rachel’s father for seven years. He saw her regularly; they ate together, talked, and did things together. Why wasn’t this enough? Why did he want to marry her?
And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. Genesis 29:21
Jacob wanted to marry so he could have sex with Rachel; God and custom required marriage before sex.
God gave us the Book of Ruth as a romance novel: a poverty stricken widow goes to a strange land to find God, works hard, shows virtue, marries a rich guy, and becomes an ancestor of Jesus. Naomi told Ruth to crash the harvest party and ask Boaz to marry her. When Ruth got back and told Naomi, she got the best advice on getting married you’ll ever hear:
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18 The best advice on getting married there is.
Boaz wasn’t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth suggested it, he ran out the next morning and married her. Why? Because he wanted her. If you give a man rest outside marriage, your value falls (Pr. 31:10[4]). What would marriage give him that he doesn’t have? Why take responsibility to care for you?
If he takes you without marrying you, how can you trust him not to take other women? If you give yourself to him without marriage, how can he trust you? A man will marry if he wants you badly enough and marriage is the only way you’ll let him have you.
If you’re on the pill, a man knows you expect to have sex, so why not with him? If you aren’t on the pill, you can say “No, I’ll get pregnant. Not unless we’re married, and I won’t marry you unless you get a job to support me.” That’s taught in Gen. 24:67[5]. If a man’s offer to you doesn’t include food, clothing, and shelter, it’s not Biblical. If he can’t pay for you, all he can do is play with you and discard you. God hates that!
“Those who abstain from sex until marriage significantly add to their chance for avoiding problems and finding happiness.”[6]
“. . . we know that people who have had sex before they entered into marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who had not had prior sex.”[7]
“. . . the inability to bond after multiple liaisons is rooted in the fact that our behaviors actually physically change our brains. The pattern of hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again can eventually override the natural bonding that occurs between two intimately involved individuals.”[8]
“. . . love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[9]
Don’t Get Physical Before Marriage
Some tell women not to kiss because kissing may give a man ideas. That’s wrong. Men don’t get ideas, men have ideas. Kissing can give you ideas. When both parties have the same idea, it’s hard to stop.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:1-2
From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner.[10] [emphasis added]
Men are easily aroused by touching you. Your desire can also be triggered, particularly if you happen to be fertile. You can’t understand how urgently your boyfriend wants to touch you because you aren’t a man; he can’t understand childbirth or nursing because he’s not a woman. Protect yourself by avoiding situations where he could touch you even if you have a hard time believing that you should be careful at all times.
It’s easy for you to fall into fornication through ‘date rape.’ A man has an opportunity, yields to temptation, ignores any protests, and takes you. Men feel that if you’re aroused to the point that you want sex, it’s not rape - you wanted it. A man may admit that sex outside marriage is wrong, but believes that sex isn’t rape if you wanted it at the time; he can’t understand how much you’ll regret it later.
“The hardest breakup I ever had was with the first person I had sex with. Fifteen years later, I still don’t think I’m over him. I still dream about him and think about him and compare every guy since then to him. I’m married now and I feel like it’s a threesome in my heart. He is still there. It is like he is a part of me and I still can’t get over him.”[11]
“It was the hardest thing we ever did, but we’re so glad we waited. We had to talk through our disagreements. We couldn’t just feel close by having sex; we had to really work things out.”[12]
Why He Wants You
Men pursue you because they know how much joy you can give. You must explain that God created you to be His treasured gift for one man, not a sex toy who wanders from man to man seeking love.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
What do babies do when anything goes wrong? Scream for mommy. Toddlers run and find mommy. A child knows that daddy’s wife is a Good Thing; your husband should know this and proclaim it to everyone.
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12
There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
Getting attention from men without setting boundaries leads to trouble:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16
God multiplied sorrow to women by making them sensitive to how men treat them, and He strengthened your desire to be with a man as a punishment. You must be careful about getting involved with men:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
Don’t let yourself get emotionally tangled with a man until after he marries you.
Jesus told us that men marry, women are given in marriage. A wife is a gift to her husband:
They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, Luke 17:27a
In a church wedding, some old guy comes in with the bride. What’s he doing? He says that he and her mother are giving her to her husband. That’s OK, but a wife is also a gift from whom? From God:
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
You will be a good and perfect gift from God to your husband. He must honor you for your emotions!
1 Peter 3:7 commands giving honour unto the wife. Being honored by her husband gives her rest.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
When you involve yourself with a man, you take on the yoke of pleasing him. Will he make his yoke easy and his burden light by helping you learn of him? You can’t please him without knowing his wants in detail.
You must explain that you are God’s good and perfect gift to your husband, and insist on marriage.
Putting Marriage on the Table
90% of how a relationship works depends on how the man treats you, but 90% of that depends on how you set your value in his eyes. What you do speaks so loudly that no man can hear what you say.
You set your price by what you do. If a man can have you for the price of a few dinners, you aren’t worth much. If he can have you without marriage, what would marrying give him that he doesn’t already have?
If a man expresses interest and there’s a possibility that you and he might make beautiful music together, you have to establish your price before the first date. When I offered to buy my wife lunch, she said “Yes,” but before we left church for the restaurant, she set her terms and conditions:
“Before you spend any money on me, you should know that I’m looking for a husband. I’m not just looking for fun; I want to get married. I’m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether you and I should marry. God made me to be a treasure for some man. If you aren’t that man, fine, we can part friends, but I’m not a toy. I don’t want a man to play with me; I want a man to stay with me.”
Putting marriage on the table was part of guarding her heart. If you let yourself fall in love with a man who isn’t willing to marry anyone, you’re crusin’ for a brusin’; you’re in for a world of hurt.
When she spoke of my spending money on her, she signaled that she expected me to pay her way. In the past, a woman wouldn’t give herself to a man without marriage and she wouldn’t marry unless he’d grown up enough to support her. Even back in 1971, many women lived with men without marriage, paid “their share” of the rent, and became “friends with benefits.” She was letting me know she wasn’t going to do that.
When God told Adam he’d eat by the sweat of his face, God made no provision for Eve to eat. Women aren’t strong enough to hunt or farm without machinery. For generations, a woman starved if she didn’t please a man enough for him to choose to feed her. The Bible sums up marriage in one verse:
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
She made the same points before dating me. She expected me to pay, she expected marriage, she expected me to treat her as a treasure, and she planned to be a treasure. Rebekah knew Isaac loved her so she was able to comfort him. You can’t comfort your husband unless you feel loved. You can’t create much love, but you multiply all the love your husband gives you and fill your house and church with love and light.
She re-emphasized marriage by telling me she wasn’t a toy. She’d seen her friends get involved with men who didn’t see anything wrong with sex outside marriage even if the woman wasn’t willing.
Every man knows that a woman can give him the joys of Heaven, that’s why men want women. I was attracted to her, I liked talking to her, and she tells me she plans to be God’s treasure for her husband! I knew exactly what it would be like to have her be God’s treasure for me. If she decided she wanted to be my treasure, I’d be a fool not to marry her. I said, “Sure,” and we went to lunch.
Before dating, ask him to agree that the purpose of being together is to determine whether he and you will marry, his life for your life. “A wise woman buildeth her house,” starting before marriage. You won’t do exactly as Ruth did because cultures are different, but God’s principles don’t change. Few young people are taught how to get married; you can save yourself a lot of grief by knowing how marriage works.
After Marriage
The Song of Solomon explains how to maintain a happy marriage.
1) It starts with the wife praising her husband for getting physical with her (Song 1:2[13]). Feeling appreciated by his wife makes a man more inclined to take care of her and to appreciate her by praising her in return. How will a husband respond to being praised for kissing her? Getting physical exalts a man:
Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race. Psalm 19:5
2) There is no criticism at all in the Song, only praise in mind-numbing detail. Husband and wife are constantly looking for little things about each other to praise and appreciate. Their words sound odd, but you can re-word it to make sense to your spouse. Married people need constant help, praise, support, appreciation, and affirmation from each other. Thank God for marriage and for your spouse!
3) The husband is totally involved with his wife. He tells everyone that she's uniquely perfect:
Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Song of Solomon 4:7
My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her. Song 6:9
He's so focused on her that he doesn't see other women as women, only as people.
4) The wife has the security of knowing that her husband belongs to her:
My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Song 2:16
I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. Song 6:3
What should a man do to convince his wife that he belongs to her?
5) The wife recognizes and encourages her husband's desire for her:
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. Song 7:10
She asks her mother for advice:
I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song of Solomon 8:2-3
Her mother tells her to welcome her husband into her body whenever he wants her. Complaints about men cheating are common - Psychology Today found that men are more likely to cheat than women.[14] Encouraging your husband to have you several times per day is the best way to focus his desire on you.
Giving yourself when you’d rather do something else is what submission is. You can do it more often than he; you can drain off all of his sexual energy. You can say you could do it more often if he was in better shape; exercising helps him live longer. Gladly encouraging his possessiveness makes it very hard for other women to get his attention, but if you send him off to work loaded, he'll be tempted by other women (Pr. 6:28[15]).
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:22, 33
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18
His Open Heart
God led my wife to teach that a husband’s goal is 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed. God seldom gives him that much strength, but that’s his plan. 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.
Deu. 21:14, 22:9 and Eze. 22:10-11 say that a man “has humbled” a woman by having her. A girl understands that 5 times will wipe out her independence and make her belong to him. She’ll be upset until my wife reminds her that she wants her husband to open his heart to her in open talk at least that often. Girls know that having a man open his heart makes him belong to her. Giving his life for her life makes it OK.
Opening your body makes you belong to your husband. Opening his heart makes him belong to you. Opening his heart is as frightening for a man as opening your body can be for you so God says it’s OK:
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12
That verse teaches that it is safe for a man to open his heart to you if you’ve kept your virtue and always talk kindly. The Bible also tells us how a woman feels if a man doesn’t open his heart when taking her:
And she [Delilah] said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? Judges 16:15a
Delilah was upset that Samson wouldn’t open his heart to her. He said he loved her, she gave herself to him, but he wasn’t hers. What good was he to her? Why not get some cash by selling him to the Philistines? She knew that what’s in a man’s heart defines him. It’s the sports hero and the cheerleader all over again.
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee. Proverbs 23:7
A man can give a woman food, clothing, and shelter but not give her his heart. It’s far easier to love God or another person with your mind than with your heart, but love as a mental exercise doesn’t do much good. That’s why God always put “heart” first. If we first love Him and our spouses with our hearts, our minds, strength, might, and everything else follow. We must guard our hearts so that we do not become emotionally involved with anything that can become more important to us than God or more important than our spouse:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
God expects our minds to be diligent, that is, very careful, to rule our emotions:
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Make Him Feel Safe Around You
Naomi gave the foundation of marriage when she hoped her daughters would find rest with new husbands:
The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
On our very next date after my wife agreed to marry me, she asked that I never criticize her. “Your opinion of me will be very important to me. I want to love you very much,” she said. “The more I love you, the more your disapproval will hurt me. I won’t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.”
Nowhere in the Bible does a husband criticize his wife. I don’t want to make it hard for her to love me. I watch what I say so she can feel safe and find rest in loving me and being mine. Scripture tells how:
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Pro. 12:18
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:19
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
People who love each other can be hurt badly by unkind words. We try to be sure our tongues are health.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 1Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. Ephesians 4:31-5:2
Our sins have been washed away. When God looks on my wife or me, He sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 6:11[16]). To be a follower of God, we must see each other and think of each other and speak of each other as having the same perfection that God sees in us by His grace.
Her healthful words make it safe for me to rest in loving her. Men don’t want to admit their feelings. Men are reluctant to open their hearts because they know that women can slice men to ribbons:
And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; Judges 16:16
Emotions scare men. He may declare his love, but may not admit his love to himself. God says it’s OK:
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, Proverbs 31:11a
Wives, how can you expect him to open his heart to you as you need if you hurt him? Men, how can you expect your wife to open herself to you if you hurt her? Kindness is fundamental to marriage!
Rewards of Obedience
Remember the saying – “The time my father got me, his mind was not on me.” What was he thinking? Was he thinking at all? The only way you can give her child a father is by belonging to him thoroughly before getting pregnant. If you require that he commit himself by marrying you before giving yourself and convince him that you belong to him by encouraging him to have you whenever he can, your children belong to him.
“Vasopressin [the neurochemical that affects a man’s brain as oxytocin affects a woman’s brain] seems to have two primary functions related to relationships: initiation of bonding of the man to his mate and attachment to his offspring. . . . it plays an important role in initiating sexual bonding and bonding between fathers and children.”[17] [emphasis added]
If you belong to him, your happiness also belongs to him. It took me about a month to learn that making my wife happy by spending money on our house made me far happier than anything I could buy for myself. Eph. 5:25-30 tells husbands to give their lives for their wives. I earn so much per hour. When she spends that much, I’ve given one hour of my life for her, but her happiness rewards me.
It may be hard to find meaningful birthday or Christmas gifts for your husband. God made men so they want pretty much just one thing. If you’re truly and gladly his, that’s all he wants and you can spend the money on the house. If you aren’t, he’ll buy toys trying to make himself happy. Ecclesiastes chapter 2 tells us that Solomon’s work was vanity and chasing after wind because he did it for himself. Your husband’s work isn’t vain because he does it for you, your children, and your church. Appreciate him!
Nothing straightens a man like having a woman lean on him. Caring for you gives meaning to his labor.
Having you be happy in belonging to him helps him be willing to communicate with you.
Women communicate heart to heart; men communicate belly to belly. It’s a sacrifice for a man to talk as much as you need. It’s a sacrifice for you to meet your husband’s needs. You think he wants to do the same old thing over and over. He thinks that you want to talk about the same old thing over and over. God expects a man to open his heart to his wife often enough and thoroughly enough to learn each other’s needs:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
If a man won’t honor you by listening to you enough to know how to nourish and cherish you, his prayers are blocked. This takes a lot of talk. Just before our wedding, my fiancé told me she was really looking forward to being married. I was too. I thought we were on the same page, but she went on. “I like talking to you. Once we’re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.”
That’s more talk than a man can imagine, she was expecting hours per day! We’d talked a lot while dating because we couldn’t yet do what I wanted to do. I thought once we were married, we wouldn’t have to talk about it any more. The Holy Spirit led her to tell me that talking to her a lot more than I could imagine was an important part of our marriage covenant. Men and women have very different views of what marriage is!
Unprotected shows that a woman can become depressed if she finds out that her boyfriend saw her only in terms of sex. Your husband must talk to you enough to learn about your other characteristics, skills, gifts, interests, and knowledge so that he can appreciate you as an entire person.
The Bible Gives Balance
The more a man takes you, the more you want to talk. The more a man talks, the more he wants to have you. You must both “be subject one to another (1 Pe. 5:5[18])” to make this work. The Bible tells how:
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. I Corinthians 7:4-5
He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 10:39
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it. Mark 8:35
You not having power means you must open herself to your husband to keep him from temptation. Your man not having power of his body means he must open his heart to protect you from temptation. If he doesn’t meet your emotional needs, you’ll be tempted to talk emotionally to other men. This often leads to physical infidelity. God warns that its fraud against your marriage vows not to meet your spouse’s needs.
God rewards you for giving yourself to your husband by arranging that his hormones bind him to you and to your children if you give yourself often. God gives a similar reward to a man who opens his heart:
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
- Isaac supplied the tent. A man’s proposal to a woman must include food, clothing, and shelter. If a man can’t pay for her, all he can do is play with her. That never ends well for either of them.
- She became his wife, not his girlfriend – they had both made public marriage vows before he took her.
- Isaac loved Rebekah and then he was comforted. God gave every wife the ability to comfort her husband, but comforting him is emotionally exhausting. Being reminded that he loves her renews her emotional energy so she can keep comforting him. This requires a lot of daily detailed praise and appreciation by both husband and wife as taught in the Song of Solomon (Song 1:214 ).
There is no joy for a man this side of Heaven that compares with having you like belonging to him and enjoy comforting him. Marriage is worth the burden and responsibilities of marriage:
Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. Pro. 5:18
Blessing your husband’s fountain whenever he’s ravished with your love is part of your marriage burden. Opening his heart to you whenever you need to talk is part of his. Protect each other from temptation.
Some wedding vows say “to have and to hold.” A man marries to have you; you marry so he’ll hold you. A man must fulfill his God-given duty to nourish and cherish you (Eph. 5:29[19]) by serving you (Mk. 9:35[20], 10:42-44[21]) as long as you both shall live. God expects you to serve him by being his help meet (Gen. 2:18[22]) reverencing him (Ep. 5:33[23]), belonging to him (Song 2:16[24], 6:3[25]), and guiding his house (1 Tim. 5:14[26]).
To Sum Up
God made sex powerful to hold marriages together. Safe within the fireplace of marriage, sex warms you all your days. Outside the fireplace, it can burn your life to the ground. Doing it often binds a couple together.
“. . . love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[27]
A man must convince you he loves you so you can comfort him. Sex hormones calm you[28], take away your independence, and make you more sensitive to how he feels about you. If he’s unhappy with you, you won’t want to feel that and will try to evade him. If he works as hard as the husband in the Song to convince you that he rejoices in you, you’ll rejoice in his joy in having you as you give yourself to him.
This affects the way you walk, the way you talk, and your facial expressions. Anyone can see if he has made you comfortable enough to rest in belonging to him that you can rejoice in giving yourself that often.
We need to teach Christians that scientific research supports God’s old paths:
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein. Jeremiah 6:16
Christians aren’t raising enough faithful children to keep the church from dying out. We must convince young people that science has demonstrated that God’s old paths are indeed the best.
[1] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 58
[2] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 139
[3] For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
[4] Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10
[5] And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 24:67
[6] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 132
[7] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 67
[8] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 41
[9] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[10] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[11] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 113
[12] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 92
[13] Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2
[14] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/loves-evolver/202401/the-truth-about-infidelity-insights-from-94943-individuals
[15] Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? Proverbs 6:28
[16] And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. I Corinthians 6:11
[17] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 40 quoting Young, Gobrogge, Liu, and Wang, The Neurobiology of Pair Bonding, pp 53-69
[18] Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. I Peter 5:5
[19] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:29
[20] If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35b
[21] But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. Mark 10:42-44
[22] And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
[23] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33
[24] My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Song 2:16
[25] I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. Song 6:3
[26] I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. I Timothy 5:14
[27] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[28] Seminal Fluid Absorbed into a Woman’s Bloodstream Improves Her Mood. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/all-about-sex/201101/attention-ladies-semen-is-antidepressant
posted by Bill Taylor at 7:57 PM
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