Brain Research Proves that Casual Sex Can Cause Great Emotional Damage, Especially to Women
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Table of Contents
Neuroscience has discovered politically-incorrect facts about how sex affects the human brain. 1
Older women must instruct younger women about men. 3
Emotional upheaval hurts women more than men. 5
Few Men Appreciate These Verses: 5
Men Don’t Always Respect or Honor Women. 7
Men must dwell according to knowledge of their wives and possess them in honor, not lust 8
Eve was ok with Adam claiming her and naming her. 9
God increased a woman’s desire for a man as a punishment 9
My wife-to-be liked being wanted. Desire for male attention is deep within women. 10
Women tolerate AMAZING abuse from men once they get emotionally involved. 10
An Important Biblical Warning: 11
Few Americans treat others as people as opposed to treating them as men and women. 11
Other science reports which show how God did what He did. 12
Seminal Fluid Absorbed into a Woman’s Bloodstream Improves Her Mood. 12
9 Surprising Things To Know About Semen. 12
The Britannica confirms that semen contains hormones. 12
Printed September 7, 2024
Neuroscience has discovered politically-incorrect facts about how sex affects the human brain
Taxpayer-funded research is in a “replicability crisis” because many scientific studies can’t be repeated. Reproducibility to confirm results is a vital part of the scientific method; such failures undermine confidence in the scientific process. What’s worse, basing medical treatment on false results can lead to death.
It’s hard to separate good science from bad. When science touches subjects found in the Word of God, we can see if science lines up with Scripture. For example, this article[1] discusses a study on anger management that has a section on call centers. Nobody calls when they’re happy; every call is from an unhappy customer.
The authors said “a soft answer turneth away wrath (Pr. 15:1)” and listed soft answers for different types of wrathful customers. This gave credibility to what the authors said. Hooked also agrees with Scripture.
Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development https://a.co/d/23NZaPL explains how hormones produced by sex change our brains to bind us to our sexual partner. As God put it,
O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! Deuteronomy 5:29
Hooked explains God’s commands for men and women to marry before coming together to build families and make children. Those commands take 5 or 10 verses in the Bible. Hooked has 173 pages. If God explained why He gave His commands, the Bible would be far too big for hand-copying. God seldom explains why He gave a command, He expects us to obey through faith.
The preface explains that Hooked contradicts popular narratives about human sexuality:
“There are a lot of people who won’t like this book because it explains why sex should occur in appropriate settings, what those settings are, and how scientific evidence today confirms these findings. . . . It provides a needed science and medical perspective to a solution often discounted as a moral, religious, or political issue. Indeed, sex preserved for the context of marriage is still the optimal decision for physical mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health.” [emphasis added]
[Holy Matrimony where spouses choose to appreciate each other and serve each other] greatly increases the chance for a child to be raised in a nurturing two-parent home, which studies have shown provides a child the most advantageous environment for growing into his or her potential.[2] [emphasis added]
Hooked shows that any physical interaction between a woman and a man can trigger neurochemicals which change their brains to bind them together. These drives are essential for human reproduction. In a marriage, sex can “addict” husband and wife to be content to live together all their days as God expects.
“Those who abstain from sex until marriage significantly add to their chance for avoiding problems and finding happiness.”[3]
“Drugs such as cocaine and amphetamine target dopamine neurons.[4]
In other words, love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[5] [emphasis added]
“The most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are ‘designed’ to be sexually monogamous with one mate for life. This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter”[6] [emphasis added]
Some tell women not to kiss because it may give a man ideas. That’s wrong. Men don’t get ideas, men have ideas. Kissing can give her ideas. When both parties have the same idea, it’s hard to stop.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:1-2
“From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner.”[7] [emphasis added]
“It was the hardest thing we ever did, but we’re so glad we waited. We had to talk through our disagreements. We couldn’t just feel close by having sex; we had to really work things out.”[8]
“. . . we know that people who have had sex before they entered into marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who had not had prior sex”[9]
Sexual interaction can bind women into harmful relationships:
Much like dopamine, it [oxytocin] is an involuntary process that cannot distinguish between a one-night stand and a lifelong soul mate. Oxytocin can cause a woman to begin to bond to a man even during what was expected to be a short-term sexual relationship. She may know he is not the man she would want to marry but intimate sexual involvement may cause her to be so attached to him she can’t make herself separate. This can lead to a woman being taken off-guard by a desire to stay with a man she would otherwise find undesirable and staying with him even if he is possessive or abusive. [emphasis added][10]
God made women for men (I Cor. 11:8-9[11]). Giving herself to a man binds her to him. Sex binds a man to her but not as strongly. Breaking up can make it very hard for either of them to form strong marriage bonds later.
“I was so naïve he said we wouldn’t go all the way but he kept pushing and we finally did it. Now I care about him but am angry at him all at the same time. I don’t know if I can ever trust him fully again.”[12]
How can a woman follow a man whom she doesn’t trust? If he took her without marriage, how can she trust him not to take other women? If she gave himself without marriage, how can he trust her not to do it again with someone else? Distrust is not a good foundation for a marriage.
If he can have her without marriage, what would marriage give him that he doesn’t have?
“The hardest breakup I ever had was with the first person I had sex with. Fifteen years later, I still don’t think I’m over him. I still dream about him and think about him and compare every guy since then to him. I’m married now and I feel like it’s a threesome in my heart. He is still there. It is like he is a part of me and I still can’t get over him.”[13]
“One significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval. Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .”[14] [emphasis added]
Treating sex as recreation harms women. A woman want to be valued for far more than sex and can become depressed when she finds that a boyfriend treated her as an interchangeable sex toy. Being repeatedly discarded can make it hard for a woman to trust any future husband enough to give herself to him as freely and as joyfully as God and her husband expect.
The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman https://a.co/d/fIG4k9d confirms that casual sex is very damaging. Having treated more than 2,000 students for depression and other emotional problems at a university, she wrote that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex. Most women associate sex with permanent commitment; men not as much.
The authors found that although parents are the most significant influence in their children’s lives, very few parents are willing to discuss material in Hooked to help their kids avoid the emotional dangers. This note suggests a way parents can approach the matter regardless of what parents may have done:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#confessing
Although a mother is best positioned to teach her daughter about men, fathers can also teach their daughters important information to prepare them to be God’s good and perfect gifts to their husbands.
A father should be prepared to discuss marriage with a man who’s pursuing his daughter:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#pursuing
She can make him no happier than he makes her. How happy does he want his son-in-law to be?
Older women must instruct younger women about men
It used to be that older women only had to teach younger women about men, children, and homes. Younger women now also need to know what to say when a man approaches. You can skip the introductory material; scroll down to Her Terms and Conditions.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#approaches
This is what the Bible teaches about instructing younger women:
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
Scripture has two examples of older women instructing younger women. Naomi told Ruth and Orpha the major benefit a woman should receive from marriage:
The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
She told Ruth to ask Boaz to marry her and then instructed Ruth how to behave in order to get married:
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18
There are many verses teaching wives how to behave after marriage:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. I Peter 3:1-6
The wife’s mother in the Song instructs her daughter how to stay married:
I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. Song of Solomon 8:2-3
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. I Corinthians 7:4-5
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4
Women dislike having it pointed out that it’s fraud for a woman not to open herself to her husband just as much as men dislike hearing that it’s fraud for a man not to open his heart to his wife.
“But the beneficial effect of dopamine [a pleasure-giving hormone that is released during sex] for the married couple is that sex may play a role in ‘addicting’ them to each other and thus reinforcing their desire to remain together year after year.”[15] [emphasis added]
“Vasopressin [the neurochemical that affects a man’s brain as oxytocin affects a woman’s brain] seems to have two primary functions related to relationships: initiation of bonding of the man to his mate and attachment to his offspring. . . . Often referred to as the ‘monogamy molecule,’ vasopressin seems to be a primary cause of men attaching to a woman with whom they have close and intimate physical contact. . . . it plays an important role in in initiating sexual bonding and bonding between fathers and children.”[16]
The wife’s mother knows that her daughter has more capacity than her husband and can accept all the sexual energy he can produce. This makes it hard for other women to get his attention. If she sends him to work loaded, on the other hand, he may be tempted by women at work and they could get burned.
Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Proverbs 6:27
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? Proverbs 5:20
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Proverbs 5:15
Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? Proverbs 6:28
The Song starts with the wife praising her husband for getting physical with her. Where does that go?
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2
She rejoices in their belonging to each other and in his desire for her:
My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 2:16
I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 6:3
I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. Song of Solomon 7:10
Sex binds a husband to his wife and to their children. This strengthens the marriage:
“Vasopressin [the neurochemical that affects a man’s brain as oxytocin affects a woman’s brain] seems to have two primary functions related to relationships: initiation of bonding of the man to his mate and attachment to his offspring. . . . Often referred to as the ‘monogamy molecule,’ vasopressin seems to be a primary cause of men attaching to a woman with whom they have close and intimate physical contact. . . . it plays an important role in in initiating sexual bonding and bonding between fathers and children.”[17] [emphasis added]
“Drugs such as cocaine and amphetamine target dopamine neurons.[18]
In other words, love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.”[19] [emphasis added]
God generally arranges that men die before their wives because it is not good for a man to be alone and women are better able to comfort a widow than men can comfort a widower. The “measurable physical benefits” of sex help a husband live longer which shortens his wife’s time of widowhood.
Emotional upheaval hurts women more than men
God made women for men (I Cor. 11:8-9[20]). Giving herself to a man binds her to him. Sex binds a man to her but not as strongly. Breaking up can make it very hard for either of them to form a strong marriage later.
“One significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval. Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more. . .”[21] [emphasis added]
“The most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are ‘designed’ to be sexually monogamous with one mate for life. This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter”[22] [emphasis added]
Few Men Appreciate These Verses:
Like Adam, most men blame their wives for marriage issues. A man must lead his wife by serving her:
But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. Matthew 23:11
If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all and servant of all. Mark 9:35
But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42-45
And he said unto them, The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors. 26But ye shall not be so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. Luke 22:25-26
God expects a man to know enough about his wife to serve her effectively to nourish her and cherish her:
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:29
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
King Lemuel’s mother taught honor and appreciation:
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
A man must know how to set his wife apart from all other women. He must marry her before having sex with her. He honors her by focusing his all his male-female attention on her and on her alone:
For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: I Thessalonians 4:3-5
Love and lust come from different parts of the brain:
“. . . the finding that the brain centers that produce feelings of romance and love are different and separate from the brain centers responsible for lust is a huge warning to adolescents and young adults. A selfish and manipulate person may have an intense desire to have sex with another person. To accomplish that goal, they may lie about being in love. It is important to know that the desire someone has for sex can exist without any feelings of caring, love or romance.”[23] [emphasis added]
“. . . they [women] say that they ‘give’ sex for security”[24]
Sanctification by setting her apart as “but one” for him is also taught in the Song:
My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her. Song of Solomon 6:9
They must humbly “be subject one to another (1 Pe. 5:5[25])” to make this work. The Bible tells how:
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. I Corinthians 7:4-5
A pastor resented the idea that he made his wife’s submission hard by defrauding her in not meeting her need for enough talk to build her emotional connection to him. From the pulpit, he said:
“What’s her problem? All she has to do is lie there.”
“Men, never try to explain anything to women, they won’t understand. Just command ‘em.”
He omitted the fact that a woman can’t obey what she doesn’t understand and can’t follow if she doesn’t know where he’s going. Such explanations take a lot of time. Men push back strongly when we point this out.
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:19
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4
As usual, God rewards obedience:
There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I Corinthians 7:34
For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
Opening his heart to his wife long enough and often enough to learn everything God expects him to know about her teaches her a lot about him. The better she knows him, the better she can please him.
David and Bathsheba
“The individual who goes from sex partner to sex partner is causing his brain to mold and gel so that it eventually begins accepting that sexual pattern as normal. . . . The pattern of hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again can eventually override the natural bonding that occurs between two intimately involved individuals. Although oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine continue to be released with sexual intimacy, the physical rut that is formed between the synapses [brain cell connections] subconsciously influences the continuation of the promiscuous behavior. The conflict between the natural behavior and the learned behavior can result, in some cases, in a boredom with sex itself.”[26] [emphasis added]
Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. Ecclesiastes 7:27-28
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
Ecc. 2 lists many things that gave Solomon no joy, but Ecc. 9:9 promises joy in loving “the wife” whom you love. Why couldn’t Solomon find joy with any of his 1,000 women? Why did David commit adultery with Bathsheba when he had so many wives? “Hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again” damaged their ability to bond to anyone and led them to seek new adventures, Solomon in idolatry, David in adultery:
“When connectedness and bonding form again and then are quickly broken and replaced with another sexual relationship, it seems to cause damage to the brain’s natural connecting or bonding mechanism.”[27]
Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold. Deuteronomy 17:17
God criticized David for not being content with what God had given him:
And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things. 9Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon. 10Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. II Samuel 12:8-10
Men Don’t Always Respect or Honor Women
Shechem defiled Dinah by lying with her without marriage (Gen. 34:2). Amon raped Tamar (II Samuel 13).
Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: I Thessalonians 4:5
God holds men accountable for such sins. God blamed David, not Bathsheba.
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Abraham traveled to Egypt during a famine (Gen. 12:10-20) and told Sarah to say she was his sister:
The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house. Genesis 12:15
Pharaoh didn’t ask if Sarah wanted to come to his house. Adam didn’t ask Eve whether she wanted to be called “woman (Gen. 2:23)” or “Eve (Gen. 3:20).” Nobody asked Esther whether she wanted to belong to King Ahasuerus (Est. 2:8[28]). David didn’t ask Bathsheba if she wanted to date him (2 Sam. 11:4[29]).
The king of Gerar wasn’t happy when Isaac said that Rebekah was his sister:
And Abimelech said, What is this thou hast done unto us? one of the people might lightly have lien with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us. Genesis 26:10
Raping an unmarried woman was but a light moment of pleasure because she had no right to her own body. Rebekah was married, so her rapist would have been guilty of a property crime against her husband. The “natural man” sees nothing wrong with raping a woman if opportunity comes.
The Bible isn’t alone in describing a man’s natural attitude of taking rape lightly. “The Sexual Assault Case That Shook Ancient Rome“[30] explains:
A prominent politician was accused of raping a 12-year-old actress—in 54 B.C. The way his legendary lawyer dismissed it speaks volumes about how we prosecute these crimes now. . . .
It was more than 2,000 years before the #MeToo movement, but a scene similar to the ones we’ve witnessed so often lately was already playing out. A prominent politician was on trial for corruption and bribery, charges bolstered by dirt his enemies had dug up from his past: the violent sexual assault of a young girl.
Those charges of corruption and bribery were a serious matter, but to the men in the court, the rape charge was nothing. It was harmless boys-will-be-boys misbehavior — something half the men there were guilty of themselves. [emphasis added]
Men haven’t changed much so women must be taught to be careful. Women complain about “rape culture” but put themselves in dangerous situations such as getting drunk at parties. If a woman leaves her purse in a convertible with the top down, should she be surprised if someone steals it? People shouldn’t steal and men shouldn’t rape, but shouldn’t women exercise “due care?”
Men must dwell according to knowledge of their wives and possess them in honor, not lust
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. I Peter 3:7
That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: I Thessalonians 4:4-5
“. . . the finding that the brain centers that produce feelings of romance and love are different and separate from the brain centers responsible for lust is a huge warning to adolescents and young adults. A selfish and manipulate person may have an intense desire to have sex with another person. To accomplish that goal, they may lie about being in love. It is important to know that the desire someone has for sex can exist without any feelings of caring, love or romance.”[31] [emphasis added]
“. . . they[women] say that they ‘give’ sex for security”[32]
Eve was ok with Adam claiming her and naming her
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23
And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Genesis 3:20
By this time, Gen. 3:16[33] had expanded Adam’s job description to “keep” the garden (Gen. 2:15[34]) to explicitly establish Adam’s rule over Eve. Nebuchadnezzar established ownership of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego by naming them. My wife accepted the post-marital name I gave.
My wife and I talked an hour the day we met; I told her I was going to date her. I didn’t ask her, I told her
Adam was attracted to Eve strongly enough to name her (Gen. 3:20[35]) even after she’d helped him lose his comfortable job tending the garden. I was strongly attracted, but I needed to know if she’d take direction.
Women’s lib had proclaimed that women should get jobs instead of depending on husbands and that there was no reason for women to obey husbands. “Liberated” women at work were Bad News even before #MeToo – they tended to disobey male managers simply because the direction came from men. As one libbie told me, “I do what my husband would have told me to do if he had fully understood the situation.”
Having verified her salvation and intelligence, I needed to know whether she’d been infected with that. I knew from what my classmates said about girlfriends that having her object to whatever I said would be unworkable. A man can’t protect a woman without either her cooperation or her incarceration. Juliet disobeyed her father and sneaked out to be with Romeo. It didn’t end well. Would she obey me?
I also knew that God expected me to lead her by serving her even while dating. Servant leadership works only on those who are willing to be led. I had to settle that right from the start.
She knew that I was taking command. The wheels turned behind her eyes 15-20 seconds, she gulped, and said “OK.” She could have said “No” and left, her car was right there, but she did want to date me.
Being wanted badly enough to be claimed was OK with her. Our choosing to serve each other by meeting the other’s needs has turned out well, just as the Bible predicts.
God increased a woman’s desire for a man as a punishment
Gen 3:1633 said that Eve would desire a husband and that her husband would rule her. Having refused to follow God’s perfect leadership, she was now subject to her husband’s imperfect leadership. Not having been content with God’s provision, she now depended on her husband for food, clothing, and shelter. The Bible explains this in one verse[36].
Adam had been put in the garden “to dress it and to keep it, (Gen 2:15)” “Keep” means “protect.” He didn’t protect the garden from the serpent. His mandate included duty to protect Eve as a man must protect not only his own wife but just about any woman from harm. This used to be called “Chivalry.”
Adam failed[37] to stop Even from fulfilling her desire to eat the fruit. He didn’t protect the garden from the serpent. His failure affected Eve’s life after the fall:[38]
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. I Timothy 2:12-14
For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. Romans 5:19
Eve wasn’t formed until after Adam named the animals. Adam realized his loneliness because, having considered every animal, there was not found an help meet for him (Gen. 2:20). Then God formed Eve and brought her to Adam. Did God say, “Hi, Adam, I’m sorry you didn’t like My animals. Here’s someone I whipped up, why not talk to her, you might like her.” Did God have to say that? No.
Having created Adam, God knew exactly what Adam wanted, He knew what Adam needed, and He had His own agenda. He thought about all this when forming Eve. It worked – Adam knew that Eve was what he wanted. He named her “woman,” named her “Eve,” and claimed her as I recognized that my wife was what I wanted. I claimed her after verifying her salvation and intelligence. I named her before we married.
My wife-to-be liked being wanted. Desire for male attention is deep within women
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
God put a desire to be with Adam into Eve when creating Eve to help Adam, but He increased women’s desire to be affiliated to a man as a punishment: “thy desire shall be to thy husband (Gen. 3:16).”
“. . . they [women] say that they ‘give’ sex for security”[39]
And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach. Isaiah 4:1
Something like that happened in Britain after WWI. So many men had been killed that many women were unable to find husbands. Polygamy was not permitted so this solution could not be practiced. In any case, women must be taught that their desire to be with a man can lead them into serious trouble.
Women tolerate AMAZING abuse from men once they get emotionally involved
Abusing women is never OK. I am amazed that women tolerate as much abuse as news media say they do.
One could argue that Nabal abused his wife, but examples from contemporary news give more details. In 1987, a woman found her husband’s gun and shot him as he slept. He’d beaten her and threatened to kill her if she left him. The hospital ER reported that her ribs had been broken, she had kidney and stomach problems, and he could’ve killed her at any time. She got 15 years for murder.
Someone asked her governor for a pardon, saying she couldn’t leave him, killing was the only way to get away, she wasn’t dangerous to anyone else, and they should let her go. The record said she got a gun and killed a sleeping man with forethought, that’s murder one without any room for doubt.
I thought she could have called the cops and gotten a ride to a shelter given that he was asleep.
I asked a friend if a woman really could be trapped in a terrifying, harmful, life-threatening situation and not be able to leave. To my surprise, my friend said her parents divorced when she was about 4, and for 3 or 4 years, she and her mother lived with a drunk who beat her mother. “Every Friday,” she told me, “I’d call the cops, and they’d try to calm him down.” She had to wait until the boyfriend started actually beating her mother, if she called too early, the cops got upset with her.
Her mother had college and a good job, why did it take years for her to get away from this drunk? According to Time Magazine of January 18, 1993, the men in their lives injure more American women, rich and poor alike, than car accidents, muggings, and rape combined. This can be driven by hormones:
Much like dopamine, it [oxytocin] is an involuntary process that cannot distinguish between a one-night stand and a lifelong soul mate. Oxytocin can cause a woman to begin to bond to a man even during what was expected to be a short-term sexual relationship. She may know he is not the man she would want to marry but intimate sexual involvement may cause her to be so attached to him she can’t make herself separate. This can lead to a woman being taken off-guard by a desire to stay with a man she would otherwise find undesirable and staying with him even if he is possessive or abusive.[40] [emphasis added]
That’s why women must be careful about letting their emotions trap them in bad relationships.
An Important Biblical Warning:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
Once you love someone, once you get emotionally involved with someone, your happiness depends a lot on that person’s happiness with you and you become more vulnerable to being hurt. I believe that’s why Peter didn’t want to admit to himself that he loved Jesus (Jn. 21:15-17). Loving Jesus would mean he had to love the lost, which meant he would sorrow when those whom he loved refused the gospel and went to Hell.
When a woman becomes emotionally involved with a man, his opinion of her and the way he speaks to her become very important to her. That’s why it’s prudent for a woman to avoid letting herself love a man until after he commits himself to her by marrying her. She shouldn’t marry him unless he treats her with honor and respect beforehand but she won’t know to expect respect or require honor without having been taught.
A man who loves a woman can be hurt as badly as a woman who loves a man. It’s prudent for a man not to let himself become involved with a woman unless he can be sure he can make her happy. What the HS told Roberta to tell me made it clear that I could do that so it was safe for me to marry her and to love her.[41]
The Bible warns 4 times that an unhappy woman is a hardship:
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. Proverbs 25:24
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Proverbs 27:15
This is a warning to men. Having made women smaller and weaker than men and having made women depend on men for food and raiment, God gave men a reason to expend effort making women happy.
Few Americans treat others as people as opposed to treating them as men and women
The Bible tells us how people who aren’t married to each other should interact:
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:2
I kept our first talk person to person. From a transcript, you wouldn’t know whether it was a girl mish kid talking to an American boy or a boy mish kid talking to an American girl. Once I decided she was worth pursuing, I flipped it to man-woman and told her I was going to date her.
“When two people touch each other in a warm, meaningful, and intimate way, oxytocin is released into the woman’s brain. The oxytocin in the brain does two things: increases a woman’s desire for more touches and can begin producing bonding of the woman to the man she has been spending time in physical contact with, as her brain begins to be molded to connect her to the man.”[42] [emphasis added]
“From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner”[43] [emphasis added]
There is no God-honoring reason for man-woman talk between people who are neither married to each other nor considering marriage. Men and women can converse as people by avoiding man-woman thoughts or emotions. Your spouse is the only person in the world whose gender should matter to you.
Man-woman talk is dangerous at work. You must please your boss to keep a job. It’s common for a woman to please a man boss or a man to please a woman boss just a little too much. This can lead to adultery or divorce, but it starts with woman-man talk that doesn’t meet God’s standards of purity.
Other science reports which show how God did what He did
These reports explain the neurological mechanisms behind the binding effects described in Hooked.
Seminal Fluid Absorbed into a Woman’s Bloodstream Improves Her Mood
Many mothers suffer from post-partum depression after giving birth. This can severely limit a woman’s ability to function as an effective wife and mother. God gave a way to reduce this. The article Vaginal exposure to semen elevates women’s mood explains:
- One study found that women whose vaginas were exposed to semen (i.e., ones who reported “never” using condoms) showed significantly better mood.
- The positive effects of semen on mood include fewer bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts.
- The effect of semen on mood could be advantageous for sexually active women over age 50 who are experiencing menopausal blues.
...sperm comprise only about 3 percent of semen. The rest is
seminal fluid: mostly water, plus about 50 compounds: sugar (to nourish sperm),
immunosuppressants (to keep women’s immune systems from destroying sperm), and
oddly, two female sex hormones, and many mood-elevating compounds:
endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotrpin-releasing hormone, and
serotonin.
Vaginal tissue is very absorptive. It’s richly endowed with blood and
lymph vessels. [emphasis added]
9 Surprising Things To Know About Semen
“Another way a partner can be allergic to their partner’s semen is if she has an allergy to a particular food or antibiotic, for example, and the male partner has eaten the food or is taking the antibiotic to which she is allergic,” Dr. Reitano added. “The allergen accumulates in the male’s semen, and when it is placed in the vagina, the allergen is absorbed into the bloodstream. The female partner may develop widespread hives or worse.” [emphasis added] https://www.health.com/sex/semen-facts
The Britannica confirms that semen contains hormones
Semen biochemistry, also known as seminal fluid https://www.britannica.com/science/semen
Fluids contributed by the seminal vesicles are approximately 60 percent of the total semen volume; these fluids contain fructose, amino acids, citric acid, phosphorus, potassium, and hormones known as prostaglandins.
Prostaglandin https://www.britannica.com/science/prostaglandin
[1] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2018/12/what-drove-jesus-11-nobodies-to-turn.html#ConflictInMarriage
[2] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 35, citing W. B. Wilcox, J. R. Anderson, W. Doherty et al., “Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences” (New York, Institute for American values National Marriage Project, 2011).
[3] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 132
[4] Fisher, Anatomy of Love, p 21-23
[5] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[6] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 139
[7] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
[8] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 92
[9] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 67
[10] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 36
[11] For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
[12] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 108
[13] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 113
[14] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 58
[15] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 33
[16] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 40 quoting Young, Gobrogge, Liu, and Wang, The Neurobiology of Pair Bonding, pp 53-69
[17] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 40 quoting Young, Gobrogge, Liu, and Wang, The Neurobiology of Pair Bonding, pp 53-69
[18] Fisher, Anatomy of Love, p 21-23
[19] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60
[20] For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
[21] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 58
[22] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 139
[23] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 65 quoting L. M. Diamond and J. A. Nickerson, “The Neuroimaging of Love and Desire: Review and Future Directions,” Clinical Neuropsychiatry 9, no. 1 (2012): pp 36-46
[24] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 62 quoting Regnerus and Uecker, premarital Sex in America, p 106
[25] Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. I Peter 5:5
[26] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 41
[27] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 40 quoting Fisher, Anatomy of Love, PP 151-152
[28] So it came to pass, when the king’s commandment and his decree was heard, and when many maidens were gathered together unto Shushan the palace, to the custody of Hegai, that Esther was brought also unto the king’s house, to the custody of Hegai, keeper of the women. Esther 2:8
[29] And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house. II Samuel 11:4
[30] https://www.narratively.com/p/when-metoo-came-to-ancient-rome
[31] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 65 quoting L. M. Diamond and J. A. Nickerson, “The Neuroimaging of Love and Desire: Review and Future Directions,” Clinical Neuropsychiatry 9, no. 1 (2012): pp 36-46
[32] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 62 quoting Regnerus and Uecker, premarital Sex in America, p 106
[33] Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16
[34] And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. Genesis 2:15
[35] And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Genesis 3:20
[36] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#oneVerse
[37] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#AdamFail
[38] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#inTheGarden
[39] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 62 quoting Regnerus and Uecker, premarital Sex in America, p 106
[40] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 36
[41] https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2023/02/hear-voice-of-bridegroom-concerning.html#feelSafe
[42] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 pp 34-35
[43] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked The Brain Science on how Casual Sex Affects Human Development, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 37
posted by Bill Taylor at 3:55 PM
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