Are You Worshiping a False God?

There are two false gods worshipped in our land: the bully god and the buddy god. The bully god wrote a bunch of rules in the Bible to keep people from having fun and watches all the time so he can whack you if you get out of line. A man who thinks god’s a bully tends to bully his wife no matter how she tries to please him, a woman who believes in the bully god thinks her husband’s bullying her no matter how he tries to nourish and cherish her through Godly leadership.

The buddy god, in contrast, is so loving that he’d never send anyone to hell or let anyone suffer trials. People who believe in the buddy god don’t honor God’s holiness or take His principles seriously. They have trouble submitting their will and their pride to God’s plan for marriage or for anything else. This pleases Satan and causes God a great deal of pain:

O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! Deuteronomy 5:29

The Children of Israel were griping about leaving Egypt. God wanted to bless them but they wouldn’t follow. The true God loves us and wants to bless us. His rules help us find happiness but His justice demands that we walk with Him out of love. Obeying God to earn His favor is idolatry; God wants us to choose to follow Him out of love as He wants husband and wife to serve each other out of love. Works-based salvation where people try to earn God’s favor is idolatry, works-based marriage where people try to earn love is whoredom. If you want to worship the One True God, you must learn about Him so you can worship Him in truth.

There are two ways to learn about God. One way to study God is to read the Bible, that is, study God’s word. John 1:1 says,

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1

God is His word. Studying the Bible helps you know God, but there’s another way to know God, and that’s to study His works.

But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. Job 12:7-8

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; Romans 1:20

We can learn the invisible things of God by studying the things He made, we can learn about God just by looking around. Jesus spoke of weather, and animals, He talked about many of the things He had made to help Him teach people about God.

In Jesus’ parable of the sower, seeds that fell on good ground grew into 50 or 100 times as much as the original seed, but that doesn’t happen very often unless you’re farming. Think of the thousands of seeds a tree drops every year. In most places, a new tree can’t grow until an old tree dies and makes room for it. Only one seed from each tree, on the average, can grow into another tree, the other seeds die. Most seeds don’t grow at all even though they’re made so that they could grow into new trees.

God creates many, many seeds which could live, but most don’t. The Word of God teaches the same lesson. Jesus said,

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Matthew 7:13-14

Few of the cells that could become people are born, and of all the people who’re born, few find God’s way of salvation. God makes lots of spare seeds so that He always has enough trees, He makes enough people that He always has a few saved ones.

Seeds look alike, but no two trees are the same. Look closely, you’ll find that no two leaves are the same. Scientists say that no two snowflakes are alike, of all of the billions and trillions of snowflakes that fall every year, each and every one is different from all the rest. God doesn’t do mass production, everything He makes is one of a kind, including you and me.

Every person is different. The lines of our hands, our fingerprints, we’re unique. There’s nobody like you in all the world, you’re unique. God has maybe 6 billion people running around, but God knows all about you, and He cares about taking care of you:

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I Peter 5:7

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30

It’s getting easier for God to number all my hairs because there aren’t as many as there were, but He knows how many there are and He knows what happened to each one. He knows all about me, He knows all about you. You and I are precious to Him, He sent His son to die for us, we’re that precious. God numbers the hairs of your head, God’s Word teaches that God knows your uniqueness, but you have to study the works of God to understand just how different you are. Nobody else has the same fingerprints. The way your hair grows is like no one else. Given that you aren’t like anybody else, why should you imitate anybody else? God knows how you’re made, only God can tell you what to do. People shouldn’t compare themselves to others:

For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. II Corinthians 10:12

Each person should be himself or herself as God made him or her, but most people follow what’s "in" and dress alike. Why? Romans 12:2 says we shouldn’t be conformed to this world and Romans 8:29 says we’re to be conformed to the image of Christ, why should we follow the image of anyone else? Following another person instead of following God can lead to idolatry.

Why does God make all these seeds if so few live? Why does He make so many people if so few accept salvation? The Works of God can tell us what God did, but we have to go back to the Word of God to find out why. For example, Genesis 2:18 tells us that God made woman because it was not good for man to be alone. The Bible says:

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:25

Why should Adam or Eve be ashamed to be naked? Husband and wife are one flesh, there’s no shame in being naked before your spouse and there’s no shame being naked around animals. Why might they have been ashamed? Who was there to see? God was there, God walked in the garden with them but they weren’t ashamed to be naked before Him. After they sinned, however,

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. Genesis 3:7-10

Adam knew God was holy. Adam knew that Adam had sinned. He was afraid to come to God. And what did God want? God wanted to be with Adam and Eve; God wanted to hang out with the people He’d made, but they were afraid. God says:

Be ye holy for I am holy. I Peter 1:16

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. James 4:10

God is all holiness, of course, but He’s also all love, He sent His son to lend us holiness so we could be His friends if we choose to be. God wanted to be Adam’s friend, but Adam knew Adam’s sin and wouldn’t humble himself so that God could lift him up and be friends. Adam wouldn’t ask for God’s forgiveness so he couldn’t be God’s friend after he’d sinned.

This happened when God sent Moses to lead His people out of Egypt. God rolled back the sea, they crossed, God let the sea come back and drown the Egyptians. God gave them water to drink and manna to eat, and spoke to them out of the fire. What happened then? Moses went up Mt. Sinai to get the 10 commandments that were "written with the finger of God."

And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us, for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. Exodus 32:1

Did they give God the glory? No, they said, "this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt." Moses was away, but was God gone? No, God’s everywhere, God was with them, but they couldn’t see God’s man, so they thought God was gone. Were they worshipping Moses? They asked Aaron to make an idol, Aaron did, and they worshipped the golden calf.

God’s people later decided not to talk to God. Sometime later, Moses reviewed what had happened:

And ye said, Behold, the LORD our God hath shewed us his glory and his greatness, and we have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire: we have seen this day that God doth talk with man, and he liveth. Now therefore why should we die? for this great fire will consume us: if we hear the voice of the Lord our God any more, then we shall die. For who is there of all flesh, that hath heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as we have, and lived? Go thou near, and hear all that the Lord our God shalt say: and speak thou unto us all that the LORD our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it and do it. Deuteronomy 5:24-27

They asked "who has heard the voice of God and lived?" What a silly question, they heard the voice of God and lived, but they’d sinned. Like Adam, they could’ve asked God’s forgiveness for worshiping the golden calf. They wouldn’t humble themselves, God couldn’t lift them up, so they were afraid to talk to God. They told Moses to talk to God and tell them what God said.

They were afraid to accept God’s love. I John 4:18 says, "Perfect love casteth out fear, he who feareth is not made perfect in love." God offered them love and friendship, God wanted to speak to them directly and they wouldn’t. Are Christians different today? Do we speak to God ourselves, or would we rather someone else spoke to God for us? How often do we hear, "Oh pastor, could you pray about my problem?" Does God hear a pastor’s prayers any better than He hears other’s prayers? Can’t we pray about our own problems? Are we afraid of God, or are we just lazy? Real prayer is hard work, are we saying that the problem is serious enough for someone else to pray about it but not serious enough for us to work at it?

It may not be laziness, people may not know that we should all approach God for ourselves:

And when Simon saw that through laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Ghost was given, he offered them money, Saying, Give me also this power, that on whomsoever I lay hands, he may receive the Holy Ghost. But Peter said unto him, Thy money perish with thee, because thou hast thought that the gift of God may be purchased with money. Thou hast neither part nor lot in this matter: for thy heart is not right in the sight of God. Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee. For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity. Then answered Simon, and said, Pray ye to the LORD for me, that none of these things which ye have spoken come upon me. Acts 8:18-24

Simon didn’t want to pray for himself, he wanted the apostles to pray for him. Am I any different?

The Children of Israel didn’t want to talk to God, they told Aaron "Up, make us gods," and he did. Aaron knew better, he’d seen God work and he’d heard God speak, but he caved when the people asked him for a new god. This wasn’t really a surprise. When God called Moses to lead His people out of Egypt, Moses didn’t want to do it.

And Moses said unto the LORD, O my LORD, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say. Exodus 4:10-12

God told Moses, "I made your mouth, I know what you can do, just shut up and do it," but Moses didn’t shut up:

And he said, O my LORD, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send. [In other words, God, anybody but me.] And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart. And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do. And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God. Exodus 4:13-16

God gave Moses a helper, but what a price Moses paid! He, Moses, was instead of God to Aaron. What an awful burden! Moses took God’s place in Aaron’s mind so Moses had to be perfect. Let Moses make the least mistake and Aaron’s faith would break. Moses had been to Aaron instead of God, so Aaron made a calf when the people wanted a new god. If Aaron had had his own relationship to God, if Aaron had been God’s friend as Moses was God’s friend, he’d have laughed when they asked for a new god. Instead, he was "blown about by every wind of doctrine" and made the golden calf.

The people didn’t want to relate to God, so they made an image to take the place of Moses who’d taken the place of God.

Adam, the very first man, hid from God after he sinned. Adam gave up his friendship with God instead of asking for forgiveness. Adam knew better, Adam knew God, they’d named the animals together:

And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. Genesis 2:19

Adam and God hung out long enough to name a lot of animals and God gave Adam a wonderful gift called a "woman." Adam appreciated God giving him Eve, you’d think he’d know God loved him, but after he sinned, Adam didn’t say, "I’m sorry," he blamed Eve. Adam wouldn’t ask God for forgiveness and gave up God’s friendship.

God usually has at least some friends, Enoch and Abraham were God’s friends. After God took His people out of Egypt, they wouldn’t talk to God, they insisted that God talk only to Moses. Did God give up? Does God ever give up?

God put three amazing revelations in the Bible which show that He never gives up trying to be friends with His people:

1. God takes the side of the poor and needy. The idea that God cared about worthless slaves blew Pharaoh’s mind (Exodus 5). God’s prophets were angry when His people rejected Him, but God was nearly as angry when leaders abused the poor.
2. Because people wouldn’t talk to God, Old Testament believers could approach God only through priests; the temple veil kept people out of the Holy Place where God was. Mark 15:38 says that the temple veil was rent when Christ died; Christians should approach God directly, we need no priest, no pastor, no husband, God receives us whenever we wish. This was revolutionary, nobody imagined ordinary people approaching God without permission.
3. Having rent the veil so that anyone can approach, God invites women to come to Him. Letting women approach God without a man’s permission was probably more upsetting to the men than letting mere peasants come to God without permission.

The Bible makes it clear that all are welcome, all people are urged to approach Him:

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our LORD. Romans 8:38-39

Only I can separate myself from God, nothing else can get between God and me. God wants fellowship with me, He wants all of us to be His friends, but He says "if," He lets me say "no" if I choose not to be friends with Him, I can separate myself from Him:

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20

Draw nigh to God, and He will draw high to you. James 4:8

We make the first move, we draw nigh to God. Christ wants to sup with us, and Christ speaks for us when we come to God:

For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; I Timothy 2:5

God urges us to approach. He gave Jesus as mediator so that nobody stands between God and us and He says we’re His friends:

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. John 15:13-15

Being God’s friend is part of what’s called "Individual Soul Liberty," but you’d be amazed how some leaders resist the idea of individual Christians having any liberty at all. One pastor said, "Jesus was talking to the apostles, church leaders may be God’s friends, but the people aren’t." It’s true that Jesus was talking to His inner circle in John 15, but what about Luke 12:4?

And I say unto you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body... Luke 12:4

Jesus said this to a "multitude," He offers friendship to all who hear him. God also invites women to approach Him:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

Women approach Christ exactly the same way as men. God’s most astonishing act in the New Testament may have been wiping out differences between men and women. "There is neither male nor female" went against custom, then and now.

Husbands and churches often try to take Christ’s liberty away from women. If women are free to use their God-given emotions and show God’s love, it’s hard for leaders to micro-manage. Leaders aren’t supposed to control the flock, they should to lead through persuasion and good examples:

Let every man [and woman] be fully persuaded in his own mind. Romans 14:5

Letting people be persuaded is part of "Individual Soul Liberty," but abusive leaders urge women to "bite and devour" the wives of anyone who doesn’t follow the party line. Love and liberty are of God; biting and devouring is of the flesh and of Satan:

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. Galatians 5:14-15

Leaders who encourage biting and devouring are not of God. I Peter 5:5 says that we’re to submit ourselves one to another, but submission to husband or pastor should not take away liberty in Christ. God warns that "false brethren" will try to take away our liberty and bring us into bondage:

And that because of false brethren unawares brought in, who came in privily to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus, that they might bring us into bondage: to whom we gave place by subjection, no, not for an hour; that the truth of the gospel might continue with you. Galatians 2:4-5

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1

God tries over and over to get people to approach Him to be His friends. He sets us free to speak to Him directly if we wish. Do people want to talk to God? Do people want God’s friendship?

How many of you know Dr. Thompson’s chain reference Bible? He and his wife spent more than thirty years making the Bible easier to study; they wanted to help people relate to God. The 1908 edition was published 300 years after the King James Bible made it possible for church members to read the Bible. They wrote, "Many Christians are satisfied to receive all their truth filtered through the mind of some teacher, minister, or commentator, seldom or never going to the Book of Books for independent study. They inevitably become mere echoes of the opinions of others. They are not ‘grounded in the truth’ hence, they are liable to be ‘carried about with every wind of doctrine.’ It is a great day for a little child when he learns to feed himself; so it becomes a new era in a believer’s life when he forms the habit of going daily to the original sources of spiritual truth for his own personal nourishment." The Bible had been available for 300 years, and many Christians would still rather get truth from others.

The Thompsons tried hard to make it easier for Christians to know God. Did they succeed? Not really, many Christians still expect the pastor to speak to God and then tell them what God said; they’d rather get truth through someone else.

There’s a problem with living on second-hand truth. I can tell you about God, you can know about God by listening to me, but you can’t know God unless you read His words yourself. Suppose you’re dating. Your friend’s parents or friends can tell you about him or her, but you can’t know the person unless you talk directly. God wants us to know Him, He wants us to read His word and talk to Him in prayer. Pastors can help learn about God, but God wants us all to want to know Him for ourselves.

People often end up worshiping the pastor instead of worshiping God, which is idolatry. Why do so many pastors rule as popes? The people won’t relate to God, they don’t want to study the Bible, they’d rather worship a man, they’d rather have the pastor or some other leader be to them instead of God as Moses was instead of God to Aaron (Exodus 4:16). Jesus said this would happen:

I am come in my Father's name, and ye receive me not: if another shall come in his own name, him ye will receive. John 5:43

When church members worship the leader instead of worshipping God, the leader can’t lead in God’s name, he leads in his own name, and the members receive the leader instead of receiving Christ, just as He said. Letting someone else talk to God for me limits my Christian growth. My salvation, which keeps me out of hell, is between God and me. I can’t stay out of hell on anybody else’s salvation, I can’t go to heaven on anyone else’s salvation, God says I need my own:

Work out your own salvation in fear and trembling. Philippians 2:12

Working out my own salvation means learning about God and deepening my own relationship with Him. People seem to be afraid to open their hearts to God, maybe they’re afraid that God will know their faults. This can be frightening, which may be why people don’t want to approach God. If we relate to Christ, if we’re friends with Christ, we belong to Him forever:

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. John 10:27-28

Looking at the seeds God made to help us understand His Word. Throughout the Bible, God compares the bond between Him and His people to the bond between husband and wife. Looking at the marriages God made helps us understand God’s word.

Some people are afraid to relate to God. The same fear keeps people from developing marriage relationships. A man may be afraid to open his heart to his wife because she might not respect him if she knows him. That’s silly, God made most women so that they understand a man pretty well, there’s little a wife doesn’t know about her husband. Women have the same fears. God made women so that they become emotionally dependent on their husbands, but belonging to a man frightens most women.

My wife was frightened on our wedding night, she hadn’t expected to feel so dependent on me, but she knew that she belonged to God. She realized that God had given her to me by putting those feelings in her. She accepted belonging to me as she belonged to God. As for me, we’d been married a few weeks when I happened to hear her telling a friend about me; I was afraid that she knew me so well that she’d hurt me. But I realized that God already knew all about me and that God had given me a wife who loved me even though she understood me, I realized it was comforting for my wife to know me as it was comforting for God to know me.

Our relationships with God made our marriage relationship possible. God knew me first, so I could accept God’s wanting her to know me. She was God’s first, so she could accept God’s giving her to me. There’s fear in a man letting his wife know him. There’s fear in a woman belonging to her husband and letting him take her. There’s fear in getting to know other church members, we’re afraid that people won’t respect us if they know us. Fear keeps us from loving God; fear keeps us from loving each other.

The sad part about people closing themselves in marriage is that it won’t work. God gave women the gift of intuition, the only way a man can keep his wife from knowing him is to leave. If he lives with her, she’ll know him. Why, then, does he have to talk to her? I’ve seldom told my wife anything she didn’t already know, but my telling her makes her happy because she likes knowing that I want her to know. Similarly, God made women for men, the only way a wife can avoid belonging to her husband is to avoid him. My wife decided to be mine, she tells me she likes being mine; I like knowing that she likes being mine.

God knows all about us, there’s nothing we can do about that, but if we open ourselves to Him in prayer, He likes knowing that we want Him to know. The Bible says that we belong to God, but God likes hearing that we like belonging to him. As a wife wants her husband to want her to know him, God wants us to want Him to know us. God wants us to want to be His friends.

Jesus commands us to love one another. That sounds so simple, but it’s not easy, which is why it’s commanded so often:

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Mark 12:30-31

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:34-35

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. John 15:12

These things I command you, that ye love one another. John 15:17

For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. I John 3:11

And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. I John 3:23

And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also. I John 4:21

God commands us to love others! People know we love God when they see us love others, but we can’t love each other unless we love God first. The love God wants is a supportive, sacrificial, foot-washing, serving love. And I’ll tell you a secret–nobody deserves or earns your love. I’m not worth my wife’s love, she loves me by grace because she loved God first.

Some Christians act like they believe that they aren’t good enough to approach God but the Bible says it’s OK:

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: John 1:12

God loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us and to cleanse us, believing on Him gives us power to become sons of God!

What happens in churches where the people won’t relate to God? Mostly, they worship a man instead of worshipping God. It may start with people depending on him, he may not want worship at first, but it’s a leader’s duty to rend his clothes and say, "See thou do it not," (Revelation 19:10, 22:9) when people start worshipping him.

What happens when a church follows a man instead of following the Holy Spirit? Such churches have checklists – skirts must be that long, men wear this kind of tie, check all the boxes, you’re a good Christian. "Checklist Christianity" is not what God wants. He made us all different, we have different convictions, we live different Christian lives, we’re snowflakes, not checklists. God gives each church body the members it needs to do the job He wants that church to do:

But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. I Corinthians 12:18

We must welcome, and love, and accept, and uphold, and use anybody God sends through the church door. God wants us unified:

That there should be no schism [division, disagreement] in the body; I Corinthians 12:25

God wants us to agree on church matters. God doesn’t ask the impossible, He wouldn’t tell us to agree if we couldn’t, He knows we can agree, but most churches won’t take the time, they won’t work to understand each other well enough to agree.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

A checklist church has no need for longsuffering, if someone doesn’t conform, just kick ‘em out! Once he’s up on that pedestal, the leader thinks he has to be perfect or people will lose confidence in him, so he can’t ever admit a mistake. He talks to God so he can’t hear suggestions from us peasants, he decides how to use the gifts which God was pleased to set into the body. When the leader gives out a plan and someone makes a suggestion or asks a question, the leader thinks they’re rebelling, not helping.

We’re laborers together with God, we’re led by the Holy Spirit. No one person has all the gifts needed to guide the church, but leaders who’re up on a pedestal can’t labor together, they always have to be boss, "It’s my way or the highway."

These guys often develop a warped view of love. I’ve heard, "You don’t love me. If you loved me, you’d do what I tell you." Satan likes this bent picture of love. I have a friend whose father insisted that his family obey him in every detail. He gave his daughter permission to marry, then commanded her to leave her husband. He threw his son out of his home, his wife agreed with the son and moved out. Having worked out their own salvation, his family couldn’t obey him, and he felt that no one loved him. He recently committed suicide. Jesus said we’d keep His commandments if we love Him, but that doesn’t apply to human leaders:

But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: and whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42

Jesus commands Christians not to exercise authority over each other but to serve each other.

So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. John 13:12-15

"But," some say, "how do I get people to do right without commanding?" Acts 17 and 18 teach that Paul "persuaded."

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. Knowing therefore the terror of the LORD, we persuade men... II Corinthians 5:10-11

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; II Timothy 2:24-25

Even with heaven and hell in the balance, leaders persuade and instruct meekly, they never command. Why? What’s wrong with commanding? It’s sin to obey men without believing that it’s what Jesus wants. "Whatever is not of faith is sin" (Romans 14:23), if a leader commands without persuading, his people are in sin even if they do right. It’s good to give money to support God’s work, for example, but if someone gives because he’s been bashed, it’s sin. Doing the right thing without faith is sin. And since I can’t see into your hearts, I can’t know whether you’re acting in faith or not. I can’t judge, but if I’m bothered, I can ask you "why." Criticizing would be biting and devouring, so I either ask you "why" or I shut up, that’s all the choices I have.

You’ll also hear, "If you’re offended by what I say, you’re not right with God," but preaching should bring conviction, not offense

Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! Matthew 18:7

And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; that ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-10

Paul prayed that the Philippians wouldn’t give offence. We’re to be honest, but Ephesians 4:15 says to speak the truth in love!

A checklist church has unwritten rules, you get funny looks and don’t know why, and people won’t greet you until the leaders signal that you’re OK. And what happens when you ask advice? Does the leader tell you what to do and expect you to follow his convictions, or does he lead you into the Bible and help you find your own convictions in the Word of God? A checklist church wants you to do as you’re told, they don’t want you living by your convictions which might take you out of their checklist.

Worst of all, you have no value as a person, only as a customer. We’re not talking "self esteem," you shouldn’t think highly of yourself, but a church should value you as Christ valued you, how can a church treat you as a mere customer? But many do.

Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. I Corinthians 7:23

When your children’s friends visit, are they interested in fellowship, or are they only interested in playing with your toys? Are the other members interested in fellowship, do they value you only for the work you do, or do they care about you at all? We go to church to serve God, not to yield ourselves to men (Romans 6:16). I can treat you as a toy to be used and discarded or I can treat you as a treasure for whom Christ died. Which does God expect? If a church doesn’t value you, should you be there?

Jesus said, "for my yoke is easy and my burden light." The Pharisees had 360 rules in their checklist; Jesus gave one:

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. John 15:12

Only one command, everything else, fruit of the spirit, marriage, the work of the ministry, it all comes from loving one another.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:43-44

Loving one another, and loving our enemies too. We can’t do that without loving God, and we can’t love God without loving all these people. But if we do that, and God promises us the power to be His sons and to love one another if we ask for it, we can choose to be the friends of God! That’s what God wants, He wants us to want to be His friends. Is that what we want?