Toy or Treasure

Your parents are as concerned with your getting rid of false knowledge as we are about teaching you true knowledge. If you build a bridge based on false ideas about concrete, your bridge will fall down. If you build your life on false ideas, your life will fall down. Getting rid of false ideas is as important as learning true ideas.

One false idea you should get rid of is thinking that life ought to be fun. Young people often spend too much time looking for fun, I’d like to help you find something better than fun.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking "There he goes, not wanting us to have any fun, we’re supposed to live narrow, miserable, limited lives!"

That’s not true! I want you to have something better than fun, I want you to have joy! There’s nothing wrong with fun itself, it’s only wrong if what you do is against the Bible or if it distracts you from the joy God would rather give you. The Bible says:

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalm 16:11

I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy should be full. John 15:11

and now come I to thee, and these things I speak to the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. John 17:13

Does that sound as if Jesus wants His people to live narrow, grim, unhappy lives? No, Christ wants you to have abundant joy, if you follow the path that He shows you, if you’re in His presence, you’ll find "pleasures forevermore."

The Bible teaches how to have an abundant, joyful life. There’s nothing wrong with certain forms of fun, but I want you to have something far, far better than fun. The Bible doesn’t mention "fun" at all, not even once, but, it has dozens of references to "joy." God offers us joy, which is sensationally better than fun. The dictionary defines "fun."

fun--Sport, merriment, playful action, implies a lack of serious purpose.

Solomon warns you about seeking fun:

I said in mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure: and behold, this also is vanity. Ecc 2:1

The dictionary says that pleasure is the same as fun--sport, diversion, frivolous or dissipating enjoyment, sensual gratification.

Fun is immediate but accomplishes nothing; Solomon had the money for big-time fun. He worked very hard at having fun, but it all came to nothing. You may spend hours playing computer games, but after you’ve had your fun, what do you have? Fun is vanity--it doesn’t give you any lasting benefit.

You can have fun quickly, joy takes much more work. Boys and girls can have quick, easy fun with one another; building a joyful married life takes work.

Fun and Marriage

Young ladies, what did God say about wives?

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

Young ladies, do you think God made you to be toys for your husband? Something for your husband to play with and toss aside when he’s tired of you? No, God made you to be treasures and crowns, your price is far above rubies if you order your life as God says.

There is an old song, the chorus goes, "You don’t own me, I’m not just one of your many toys." It’s sung by a woman who’s tired of being treated like a toy.

It is a bad idea to get in the habit of attracting men by offering fun through makeup and flirting. God prefers a meek and quiet spirit to adornments. Making yourself up gets you in the habit of thinking too much of your looks and tempts men to judge you by appearance, like a painted toy clown. The Bible tells you not to do that:

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. I Peter 3:3-4

Let your moderation be known unto all men. Philippians 4:5

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broidered hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

Adornment, makeup, and flirting are not serious and boys know it. Making yourself up may be fun and attracting boys to your looks may be fun, but if you get in the habit of treating men as fun, they treat you as fun. You may be known as a "fun date" but that makes you a toy, not a wife. Boys play with toys, men stay with treasures after marrying them.

The Bible says a woman should be a crown to her husband; each of you should be a treasure to your husband. Do you want a man to play with you or stay with you? Do you want amusement or marriage? Do you want to be a treasure or a toy? Do you want your husband to marry your makeup, or would rather that he marry you? You can’t have both.

One thing about life that you may think is unfair is that the woman sets the tone of the relationship between herself and a man. If you let a man treat you as a toy, he will, because playing with a toy is cheaper and easier than taking care of a treasure. I’ve been trying to teach you that joy is better than fun. If you’re a toy, you’ll be fun for a man, but you can’t give him joy and you can’t have joy in him unless you’re his treasure. It’s the nature of men that you can’t be a treasure to him unless you insist that he treat you as a treasure and teach him to work to care for you as a treasure so he can have joy in you. You choose whether you’re a toy or a treasure.

Before our first date, my wife told me, "I’m not a toy." She declared that she was interested only in marriage, that she had no intention of playing boy-girl games, she wanted to be a wife. She asked me if I was seeing someone else, and told me to dump her, she wouldn’t share any man with anyone else. If I wouldn’t be hers alone, I could take a hike.

Young ladies, isn’t that what you want from a man? Devotion to you and to you alone? Don’t you want his desire to be in your direction as it says in the Song of Solomon? If that’s what you want, how are you going to get it if you don’t ask for it? Ye have not because ye ask not, the Bible says (James 4:2).

Wives are Serious Business

Young men, I know you think you’d rather play with a woman than take full responsibility for her because taking care of a treasure is a lot of work, but the joy of having a treasure is better than the fun of playing with a toy.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? Proverbs 5:18-20

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

God gives you wives as a sign of His favor and for you to have joy, not for fun.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12

Isn’t finding a woman who will do you good and not evil all your days and not be a rottenness in your bones a serious matter? Solomon had that when he was young as you can see from what he said in Proverbs and in the Song of Solomon but when he got older, he confessed in Ecclesiastes that he’d lost it:

Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all these have I not found. Ecclesiastes 7:28

Men, it takes hours of talking every day to make a wife feel like a treasure. Solomon had so many women that he couldn’t give any of them enough time to have joy, he could only play with them and turn his wives into toys. His wives were treated as toys, they acted as toys, and he found no joy in them. You must take good, loving, full-time care of your wife if you expect to have joy in her. God wanted you to have joy in your wife, He made her to be your crown and your treasure. Believe me, young men, if you don’t keep your wife happy, she’ll make you more miserable than you can imagine. You’re incomplete without a wife and if your other half is unhappy, you are of all men most miserable.

A woman is a mirror, she’s not a light. Wives don’t make love or anger on their own, they take whatever their husbands give them and reflect it back. If a man gives his wife love and appreciation, she multiplies love and appreciation back to him. If a man gives a woman anger or criticism, she multiplies his anger and criticism right back to him, a man reaps what he sows. The woman sets the tone for the relationship before marriage by her conduct, the man sets the tone for the relationship after marriage by his conduct.

So, men, the first step in having a happy marriage is to marry a treasure, then dedicate your life to keeping her happy. How can you tell if you’ve found a treasure? Same way I did, make sure she demands gently but firmly that you treat her as a treasure. I don’t mean demand angrily or noisily, a woman can be gentle about insisting that you treat her as a treasure so long as she’s steadfast and unmovable about it. But if a woman lets you treat her as a toy, she is a toy for play, not a treasure for marriage.

Pregnancy

Do you think having babies is fun? I’ve talked with a lot of mothers. They say pregnancy is no fun at all, but it’s a time of great joy.

A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. John 16:21

joy -- 1) Emotion excited by the expectation of good; gladness, delight. 2) State of happiness or bliss

A pregnant woman has joy expecting the child that she will soon bring into the world. Ask your parents--you bring them far more joy than fun. To your parents, you aren’t toys, you’re joys.

Marriage is serious, you don’t do it "for fun." You can have fun after you’re married, but earning a living, raising children, and building a Godly household which is a testimony to others is a serious matter which brings more joy than fun. That is why you don’t want to get in the habit of looking for fun--the Bible teaches that you should pursue peace and joy instead, they’re much better.

Being a Treasure

The Bible says a wise woman builds her house, the foolish woman tears it down with her hands. It’s up to the woman to build the house, a man can’t do it. When my wife was in the hospital, my sons said, "Dad, you’re a lousy mother." A man isn’t equipped to build a house, that’s the woman’s job.

My wife wanted to be a wife and mother from as early as she can remember. She didn’t ask for beauty, she prayed that God would give her a meek and quiet spirit. When we met, her face was covered with giant zits. She had many deep acne scars, but I never saw them. As I looked into her eyes and saw her meek and quiet spirit shine forth in her joy in being with me, nothing else mattered.

She’s been a treasure to me in all the ways of Proverbs 31. She’s happy because I rejoice in being married to her, that’s what God meant when he told Eve, "Your desire shall be to your husband." You ladies will be happy only if your husbands are happy with you. If your husband treats you as a treasure, you’ll be happy, otherwise not. That may sound unfair, but that’s the way God made you.

Here are three ways my wife made herself a treasure to me:

* She prepared it. I told you how she prayed for a meek and quiet spirit. She also prayed that God would work in her to make her into a good wife. She studied how to manage a home, bought towels and sheets so I wouldn’t be shocked by what she needed to operate a house, she bought a car, she had considerable savings when we married. She was a good catch.
* She declared it. She stated, clearly and unmistakably, gently and firmly, that she was a good catch, and if I wanted her, I’d better be ready to belong to her as I expected her to belong to me.
* Once we married, she earned her status as my treasure. She wove her life into mine, helping me with my business. We’ve earned far more money by her helping me than she could have earned from a separate job. She’s worked long and hard building our house. She’s earned my respect over and over and over. I treat her as a treasure because she is a treasure, just as God said.

My wife is a treasure because she prepared it, she declared it, and she earned it. I’m blessed to have her, I’ve found favor of the Lord.

Summary

Be careful of having fun. Fun has no serious purpose by definition. Life is serious, you don’t want to get in the habit of looking for fun so that you miss the joy. The Bible promises joy and peace, not fun. Young ladies should not get in the habit of urging boys to treat them as toys; boys should get in the habit of judging righteous judgment instead of judging girls by appearance.

You are treasures, not toys. You are created to be joys to your parents, to your spouses, and to God.

Fun is fleeting, joy is forever. Fun takes no effort, joy is a lot of work. Joy is better than fun.

Paul said:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. I Corinthians 13:11

Fun is childish. As you grow up, you must learn to put away childish fun, and go for joy.

Marriage works when the husband treats his wife as God’s gift to him and she acts as God’s gift to him, nothing else works very well.