Marriage Should Bless Both Parties

One reason there’s so much talk about gay marriage is that many people believe that traditional marriage has failed. The Christian divorce rate is outrageous even though Christians know that God intended that one man and one woman should marry for life. People see that we can’t handle this life, why should they care what we say about the next life? Divorce wrecks our testimony and dishonors Christ, so it’s important for you to know how to help people fix their marriages.

When someone's lost in the despair of sin, we present "God's Simple Plan of Salvation" which can turn a life around immediately if people believe it. Similarly, "God's Simple Plan of Marriage" can turn a marriage around immediately if people believe and apply it.

At the time my wife and I were married in 1971, most of our friends and colleagues were already divorced. We had a good marriage but we didn't know why ours worked when so many others didn't. We started reading the Bible and talking to people to figure out how God had intended marriages to succeed. We started from three assumptions:

1) God created men and women so that we could be very happy in marriage. Nobody gets married with the intention of being miserable. Since God, the bride, and the groom all want the marriage to succeed, when a marriage goes bad, SOMETHING WENT WRONG.

2) God gave us the Bible to help us understand how to relate to Him and to each other, studying the Bible would help us understand God's plan for marriage.

3) Applying God's plan for marriage would fix whatever had gone wrong and turn a bad marriage around.

It took us more than 30 years, but we've finally figured out that God has a simple plan to make marriage work. This blog gives our understanding of God's plan and explores various topics which feed into successful marriage.

God's Simple Plan of Marriage
describes how we believe God intended marriage to work. Marriage is a lot simpler than it's made out to be.

Are You God's Friend?
It's difficult to relate properly to your spouse without having a proper relationship to God. A man who sees God as a bully is likely to bully his wife, a woman who sees God as a bully is likely to resent her husband no matter how he tries to nourish and cherish her. This paper explores the way God desires that His people relate to Him.

The Holiness of Marriage
This paper explains why marriage should be considered to be a holy act ordained by God. Modern society treats marriage far too causually.

How Ruth Found Rest in the Home of Her Husband
explains how Ruth used Naomi's advice to find a good marriage and shows how today's young ladies can learn from her example. It's a rare young lady who knows what having a man in her life costs. Many women get involved with men who aren't worth the cost and end up walking out. Assuming he doesn't beat her, the main difference between a good husband and a bad husband is that a good husband treats his wife well enough that she doesn't mind what he costs her. This paper helps a woman understand the cost so she can wait for a man who's worth her life.

The Perils of Premature Perception and Proclamation of Pairing
Pairing off too early places young people at risk.

Toy or Treasure?
American society teaches girls to act like toys. When Janet Jackson performed at the 2003 Super Bowl, she let a man chase her, nuzzle her, and rip her clothes off. President Clinton and Kobe Bryant treat a woman like kleenex - honk in her and throw her away. Boys throw toys away when they get tired of them.

A woman who'd rather a man stay with her than play with her has to take the initiative and explain that she doesn't want to be a toy. If all he wants is toys, he can find lots of other women, but if he won't treat her as a treasure, she should walk away. This paper explains the issue in more detail and suggests how girls can insist on being treated as treasures.

What Do Women Want?
explains what women desire from marriage. A woman who doesn't know what she wants isn't likely to get it and she surely can't explain her needs to her husband. If she explains before they get married, he can decide whether he'll be able meet her needs and part friends if he can't. If he won't listen, of course, she should have nothing to do with him.

Discussion Points for Couples
Few young people have any idea what the other gender expects from marriage. This paper is a collection of one-liners which are intended to encourage discussion. The more discussion of inter-gender issues before marriage, the better it works out.

What Evolution and History Teach About Marriage
One of the first comments about this blog was a request to analyze marriage from an evolutionary and historical point of view. Leaving out the Bible gives the same answer; both history and evolution show that long-term survival is most likely when marriages have long-term stability.

Biblical Leadership
gives examples of leadership from the Bible. The better our leadership skills, the more we can accomplish.

God Tells You How To Prosper
discusses what the Bible says about making money. There are two reasons this topic is relevant to succeeding in marriage:

1) Many marriage problems can be traced to a lack of money. While this is usually caused by selfishness in that both parties want to spend the money on their own needs instead of on family needs, making more money can help.

2) Bible teaching about making yourself more valuable to a boss helps you be more valuable to your friends and to your spouse. Being a better, more cooperative person helps your marriage.