Planning for a 2-Week Marriage Seminar
My parents were missionaries to Japan at a time when few Japanese spoke English. Visitors spoke English. Once the translator said, "The missionary has told a joke which I do not understand and could not translate even if I did understand. Everyone will please laugh" and they all did.
Since you’ll have to translate anyway, you should adapt these messages to your language, culture, and to the needs of your people as the Holy Spirit leads. If you create a document in Microsoft Word, I can help you publish it for free or generate an .html file you can share. .html resizes to smartphone screens and the browser lets people search in your document. You can create a blog which might reach many people.
The seminar is drawn from articles at https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com . The first page has a list of titles you can click to jump to a description which includes a link to the article.
I’ve posted audio files of some talks in a public Google
Drive folder and plan to post more:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1JQV9oEZwRL_H7Whck66UuRGruJQ2nfyk?usp=sharing
It also holds .doc files for the messages. If you have an English-teaching
ministry, students can listen to the talks while reading them.
You can also use this free spelling tutor: https://www.spellingtraining.com/index.html?&tddeqtdc&tjdyvlbq&tjfzylc&thbmbazgy&thhtqyjl
The sample spelling lesson has a few words. The web site has many word lists or you can create your own with up to 30 words. Students can practice spelling while hearing good pronunciation.
When I preached in the US, we found that more than one message a week was too much. That’s another reason for audio files – you can present them one at a time.
The Key to Marriage in 60 Seconds
Nobody deserves salvation; every person is a sinner who deserves to go to Hell (Rom. 3:23, 5:12, 6:23).
If you accept salvation, God gives you the gift of eternal life (Rom. 6:23b).
God doesn’t see your sins, He sees the righteousness and purity of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Ps. 103:12, I Cor. 6:11).
Accepting God’s offer of grace means that He and His Son see you as perfect (Eph. 5:25-27, Rom. 8:1, 1 Ki. 8:61, 11:4, 15:3, 15:14, 2 Ki. 20:3, 2 Chr. 15:17).
Salvation makes us servants of Jesus Christ (Ps. 100:2, Rom. 1:1, Tit. 1:1). We belong to God (Jn. 10:29, 1 Cor. 6:19), serve Him out of love (2 Cor. 5:14), and strive to walk in good works as Jesus taught (Eph. 2:10).
God expects us to serve Him by serving spouses, families, and churches (Rom. 12:10, Eph. 4:12, 5:21, 1 Pet. 5:5). Focus on God through Christ. What God does is perfect; serving Him by serving your spouse and seeing your spouse as perfect is your perfect calling (Mk. 9:35, 10:44). Keep your eyes on your perfect God, not on fallible people (Phil. 2:1-8).
That’s God’s Simple Plan of Marriage in a Half- Minute. If they’re still listening, you can go on:
Eph. 4:31-32 tells us to forgive each other as God forgives. God forgives completely; He forgets our sins (Ps. 103:10-12, Is. 43:25, Heb. 10:17, Eph. 5:25-27). When God washes away our sins (Heb. 9:14, 10:19-22), what’s left is perfect and without condemnation (Rom. 8:1, 15:13). Eph. 5:1 commands, “Be ye therefore followers of God.” God sees us as perfect, so we must follow God and see our spouses as perfect.
That’s the key to marriage. Treat your spouse as perfect, praise your spouse as perfect, say your spouse is perfect for you, and thank God for putting you in a perfect marriage (Ps. 68:6). Marriage prospers if the husband treats his wife as God’s perfect gift to him and she acts as God’s perfect gift to him (Jas. 1:17). He’s to love, nourish, cherish, honor, and sanctify her (Eph. 5:29, Song 4:7, 6:9) as perfect, she’s to obey him and submit to him in reverence (Eph. 5:22, 33, Col. 3:18) even though neither of them deserves the other!
Love God by loving your spouse; serve God by serving your spouse is simple to say, but “simple” doesn’t mean “easy.” It’s simple to walk from Maine to California – put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there – but it’s far from easy. Marriage is a lifetime journey of growth, grace, and learning, not a short stroll across a continent. Work to follow Paul who could honestly say:
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: II Timothy 4:7
How Marriage Works
Marriage is as simple as Salvation. In Salvation, we die to our former lives and repent of our sins to be reborn into a relationship with Christ which the Bible describes as “marriage.” Our love for Him constrains us to serve Him and to bring forth fruit to Him (II Cor. 5:14a):
Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. Romans 7:4
God made the same plan work for marriage. To be “no more twain, but one flesh (Mt. 19:6, Mk. 10:8)” as Jesus commands, the groom and the bride must die to their individual selves and repent of their former goals and ambitions to serve the new family God creates when they enter into Holy Matrimony. Their love for each other constrains them to serve each other and their family. Couples should bring forth children as fruit unto Him (Ps. 127:3, Mal. 2:15).
God also teaches us how to relate to Him. The command “love the Lord thy God” appears 9 times in the Bible, 6 times in the Book of Deuteronomy and once each in Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
God and Abraham were friends (2 Chron. 20:7, Is. 41:8) and God and Moses were friends (Ex. 33:11). Luke 12:4 and John 15:15 show that God offers friendship to all His people including you, me, and our spouses.
If husband and wife belong to God, it should be OK with them for God to expect them to belong to each other. If husband and wife are both friends of God, they will find it easier to relate to each other ass God expects of them.
God gave us one plan for both salvation and for marriage. He gave us one way to relate to Him and to each other. It really is that simple.
God loves both men and women, so He designed marriage to bless both parties. Every marriage operates on what the husband and wife believe about God. We must understand the mind of God well enough to follow His Simple Plan for Marriage in order to get all the blessings He intended to give us. The Bible tells us what God wants us to believe and what God wants us to do. As Solomon put it:
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. 14For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil. Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Salvation and Marriage use the Same Plan – 20 minutes
Our God ordained both salvation and marriage. If you try to get to Heaven your own way, you go to Hell when you die. If you do marriage your own way, you can make life Hell on earth, but if you do it God’s way, husband and wife can give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.
God knew we would have so much trouble with His Plan of Salvation that we couldn’t handle two plans, one for salvation and another for marriage. He made one plan work for both! To be saved, we die to our former lives, are born again as new creatures (2 Cor. 5:17) into a new life belonging to God, and serve Him gladly because we love Jesus (Ro. 7:4).
To marry, we die to our former individual selves (Mt. 19:5-6, Mk. 10:8, 1 Cor. 6:16, Eph. 5:31) and start a new family (Ps. 68:6). Husband and wife belong to each other (Song 2:16, 6:3) and serve God gladly by serving each other gladly because we love God and we love each other (Phil. 2:4). The change isn’t as great as the change of salvation, but marriage brings a major reordering of our lives.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/salvation-and-marriage-use-same-plan.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gaZvQ2DrbDpX1OaVdTTEPjEj9R3Xj8CM/view?usp=sharing 200MB
This is a longer paper comparing marriage and salvation in more detail.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2014/02/marriage-and-salvation-use-same-plan.html
God knows our limits
Having created us, God knows what will be hard for us. It is hard to understand how a Holy, perfect God can love wretched sinners like you and me (Ps. 8:4, Heb. 2:6). God knew that, so He not only told us in His Word that He loves us, He gave us mothers to show every one of us how His unconditional love works.
These two messages are in GodDemonstratesLoveAndHoliness.doc in the shared folder.
God Demonstrates His unconditional love – 15 minutes.
God expects us to love Him in the same way He loves us. Christians should love each other as God loves, particularly our spouses. “Love one another” appears 12 times in the New Testament. This message shows how God demonstrates His love to anyone who looks honestly and gives you a way to explain it to others:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/04/god-demonstrates-his-love-in-way.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xj7uTVXRZgKpHWXEZnjuWdKdosehoKoH/view?usp=sharing 154MB
God shows us how His holiness works with His love – 13 minutes
God expects us to be Holy as He is Holy (Lev. 20:7, 1 Pe. 1:15-16). This message shows how He demonstrates His holiness and weaves His holiness and His love together in caring for us.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/04/god-demonstrates-his-holiness-in-way.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rCjoZYa-7qdb690q1SLjKGCM6zP8kiJ9/view?usp=sharing 134 MB
10-Word Marriage Theology – 62 minutes, 37 and 25
We all do what we do because of what we believe about God. Atheists try to convince themselves that God doesn’t exist so they don’t have to worry about what God thinks of what they do (Ps. 14:1, 53:1). Christians who believe God is good read the Bible looking for keys to happiness; Christians who think God wrote rules to keep them from having fun read the Bible looking for ways to get around His rules.
Husband and wife can’t understand each other well enough to relate properly to each other unless they understand God well enough to relate properly to Him (Jn. 4:23-24). This 10-word theology for marriage and practical living shows how knowing God improves marriages:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2017/10/10-word-theology-for-marriage-and.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Cn8Y-WV0b8-9FXYH367vSOL44ArWKwDp/view?usp=sharing 527 MB
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1t5yVH52WmE6IZSZhAXa8ZEvbOHp3M8Si/view?usp=sharing 435 MB
One-Minute Marriage – Explaining God’s Simple Plan of Marriage in 60 Seconds – 17 minutes
This message tells you how to explain both marriage and salvation in 60 seconds. It then discusses two other ways to describe marriage and lists many Biblical principles that relate to marriage.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/one-minute-marriage-explaining-gods.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AVyfK6F_PzT3JOKMZY37l0BYF9CNE2Rv/view?usp=sharing 171 MB
How to be God’s Friend – 50 minutes
God knew we could handle only one plan so He made one plan work for both salvation and marriage. He also knew we would have so much trouble relating to Him that He made one pattern work for relating to Him and for relating between spouses and other church members.
Moses and Abraham were friends of God. God was glad they chose to be His friends. God wants each of us to choose to be His friend. If husband and wife are each friends of God and relate to Him as He desires, it is a lot easier for them to belong to each other as God expects. We become a friend of God by being a friend to each other; we serve God by serving each other. This talk explains how to be God’s friend.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/how-to-be-gods-friend-ii-chronicles-207.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/13w5PsrO8pq-9jDKcjW8qQg5zxdOQ2SA7/view?usp=sharing 464 MB
Relating to God by Loving God – 38 minutes
Loving God is the only way to relate to Him. The command “love the Lord thy God” appears 9 times in the Bible, 6 times in the Book of Deuteronomy and once each in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It lists “with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.” We’re to love God with everything we have: Heart, soul, mind, and strength.
The Bible teaches that God loves the world (Jn. 3:16). Christians accept God’s love, love Him back, belong to Him, and work to spread His message out of love for Him and for people who do not know Him.
Christianity is a thinking faith, that’s why “mind” is on the list of ways we’re commanded to love God. Paul spoke of “persuading” men to accept salvation (2 Cor. 5:11). Once we accept God’s offer of salvation on a mixture of conviction and faith, we turn our hearts over to Him and the rest follows.
We express love for God through prayer, valuing His Word, and letting the Holy Spirit lead us to do the good works that God expects of us (Titus 2:14, 3:8). If we don’t open ourselves to Him, if we don’t desire that He know us, if we don’t seek to know Him, we may be rejected:
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matthew 7:21-23
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/relating-to-god-by-loving-god.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BMJ5Jlg66KD2CLQzHdLKymgePiygUh9w/view?usp=sharing 379 MB
The way God expects us to relate to Him also works for relationships in marriage and in the church.
The Sacrifice of Salvation and the Sacrifice of Marriage – 90 minutes – split in two
God created us so that very few can live apart from other people. There is a saying “No man is an island.” There are occasional self-isolating hermits, but they make the news because living alone is so rare.
We must sacrifice whenever we deal with anyone else. If we share an apartment, we have to give up some of our wants so that the other person can share the space. When we drive cars, we have to give up some of the road or we’ll hit others.
We must sacrifice by giving up not only our former sins when we accept salvation; we totally give up control of our lives to God as we are tempered together with Him (1 Cor. 12:24, Eph. 5:30). We must align our ambitions and drives with what He wants as the Apostle Paul promoted the cause of Christ as fervently as he had tried to destroy the church before Jesus convinced him that His path was better than Moses’ law.
Salvation sacrifices our independent lives and independent spirit. We must align our ambitions with what God wants and with what our family needs. We give up significant control over our lives in marriage just as we gave up control of our lives to God when we accept salvation.
We each work out our own salvation in fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12) as we are tempered together with Christ (1 Cor. 12:24, Eph. 5:30) and with each other. We work out our marriages as we and our children are tempered together with each other and with Christ. The best things in life require sacrifice which means denying yourself and taking up His cross to follow Him (Mt. 16:24, Mk. 8:34, 10:21, Lk. 9:23).
Neither salvation nor marriage can work as God ordained unless we die to our earlier lives. Jesus spoke of being born again, Romans 7 4 speaks of dying to our former lives in order to be “married” to Christ. Jesus said that husband and wife were “no more twain, but one (Mt. 19:6, Mk. 10:8).” In order to become one as Jesus commanded, each party must die to their former lives in favor of the marriage.
This message explains the costs of marriage so people won’t be as surprised. The audio is in 2 parts.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/the-sacrifice-of-salvation-sacrifice-of.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/18RmsrO2EAyZTBlGvkK2qZo3fW5iNe_od/view?usp=sharing 340 MB
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ONNOSscuXXZQKEgu6t-M3_a6BY9h2WP_/view?usp=sharing 372 MB
What My Wife Told Me before We Were Married – 40 minutes
80-90% of how a marriage works out lies in how the husband acts toward his wife, but a lot of how he treats her is based on how she behaves before they marry. As a girl becomes a woman, the way she chooses to relate to a man or men has great influence on her happiness. It's important to get it right.
When a girl gets together with a boy, she can be his Toy, Treasure, Trophy, or Trash. God created women to be treasures but our society teaches girls to be toys. They dress in marketing mode. They undulate around sending the message "Come play with me." Boys are happy to play with the toys and throw them away.
Ever watch a boy play with a toy truck? He pushes it this way and that until he's tired of it. Then he throws it away and grabs another toy. Being dumped is hard on women. Any boy can play with her but it takes a man to stay with her. Toy or Treasure, play or stay is the issue for a woman. It doesn't take too many times being discarded before her heart is so scarred that she's little more than trash in the world's eyes or in her own heart.
Being a trophy isn't much better. When he tires of showing her off, he'll find a newer, flashier model. Any man a woman is able to steal from his wife can be stolen from her unless Christ changes both their hearts. Any such change starts with humility and seeing a need for change.
A man knows that a woman can give him a taste of the joys of Heaven but few understand that she can make him no happier than he makes her – she’s a mirror reflecting back his attitude toward her. Men often try to hold back their emotions so they won't be hurt. Few women have the words to explain their needs to men. If a woman wants to be treated better than a toy, she has to say so up front and assure him that making her happy will make him happy.
I was blessed because my wife asked God to choose her husband. God had to teach me how to care for her before He could give her to me. The Holy Spirit led her to tell me important facts that made me very much want to marry her. What the Holy Spirit said became the foundation of our joyful marriage. Other women found it helpful so we wrote it down:
http://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/10/what-my-wife-told-me-before-we-were.html
Comparative Religion - Comparing Christianity with Other Religions – 40 minutes and 41 minutes
“Religion” is defined as a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
Faith is not unique to religion; we do everything based on faith. We drive cars in faith that bridges won’t fall. Faith can be misplaced and people die when a bridge falls. Thus, “religion” means having faith in one God or in many gods as the superhuman agency of creation. Secularism is the opposite of religion and holds that the entire universe and all its wonders came about through chance.
Religions can be compared by asking 5 questions: TC or ID? IF or CG? B or Q? C or L? and GBI? The critical religious question is: Are we free to do as we like or should we take God’s views into account?
What we believe about God determines what we do. Do we follow our plan or do we base our lives on doing our best to follow His plan?
This message discusses these questions to show how Christianity differs from other religions and shows how Christian principles should direct us in managing our marriages.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/comparing-christianity-with-other.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dBnc5hLuxVmMmUZtZXFsStoRurg5zaPb/view?usp=sharing 405 MB
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UvzzKci_NPTxVjiOCepFQPBA_PRM62fQ/view?usp=sharing 422 MB
Handling Conflict in Marriage – 120 minutes
Disagreements happen when people do anything together. They’re common in marriage because men and women think so differently. Disagreement should never turn into fights where angry words are thrown back and forth.
We teach young children to control their tempers and to avoid anger by age 2 or 3 and certainly by age 4 (Pr. 25:28). Adults should never let themselves become angry enough to hurl hurtful words (Pr. 12:18).
Conflict between workers costs businesses so much that conflict has been studied a lot. This message describes a simple research-based way to avoid conflict both in relationships and at work. As expected, successful research confirms Biblical principles.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2015/06/handling-conflict-in-marriage.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Cn8Y-WV0b8-9FXYH367vSOL44ArWKwDp/view?usp=sharing 527 MB
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ONNOSscuXXZQKEgu6t-M3_a6BY9h2WP_/view?usp=sharing 435 MB
Why Marriages Fail - 90 minutes
In America and Europe, the Christian divorce rate is so high that lost people don’t believe Christians know any more about this life than they do. Why should they care what we say about the life to come? Divorce wrecks our testimony and dishonors Christ. This causes God a great deal of pain (De. 5:29) and glorifies Satan.
Young people aren’t being taught how to build successful marriages. We wouldn’t expect anyone to drive a car without being taught, why do we expect them to know how to be married without being taught? This message fills in some important blanks.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/why-marriages-fail.html
American Dating Culture Destroys God’s Simple Plan of Marriage – 60 minutes
More than 20 years ago, I warned our church teens about the dangers of the American dating culture. I was familiar with the custom of arranged marriages in Asia and knew that marriages are more likely to succeed when young people involved parents in choosing marriage partners as in the Book of Ruth.
As American culture spreads worldwide, Japanese young people are deciding that relationships are too much trouble and aren’t marrying. The American dating scene has led to college kids having casual sex which causes great emotional damage and makes it hard for them to enter into God-honoring marriages.
This paper warns Christians of the dangers of the American dating culture. The burden of fighting this is mostly on parents, but parents need to know the dangers their children face.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/american-dating-culture-destroys-gods.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aQmR3Z8lUWsauluY0qvJnk-kpFXS_AMT/view?usp=sharing 395 MB
A Man’s Unbelief That Harms Marriage
Many highway bridges follow a pattern. There’s a steel beam across the road. The beam rests on concrete pillars. The deck is a cement slab reinforced by steel rods running through it.
Steel and cement are not equal. Steel is strong if you pull on it, but if you push a steel beam, it bends and buckles. Concrete comes apart if you pull on it, but holds a lot when you push.
A bridge built on wrong ideas about steel and concrete will fall. Like steel and concrete, women and men have different strengths and weaknesses. As steel and concrete become one in a reinforced slab which has the best characteristics of both materials, the forces which God created to hold couples together were meant to build a one-flesh unit that stands strong against the pressures of life.
When men and women use these forces improperly, their union is weakened. A marriage based on wrong ideas about men and women will fall.
God put strong mating urges into men and women to hold marriages together against the storms of life. Young people must be taught how to honor God as they conduct their marriages (Heb. 13:4). A father must teach his children to honor, respect, and obey their mother so that they can learn from her. She must teach her sons to honor, nourish, and cherish their future wives (Pr. 31:1) and teach her daughters to demand respect from any man, starting before the first date.
This message discusses common non-Biblical idea held by many men which make it impossible for them to teach their children to honor marriage:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/a-mans-unbelief-that-harms-marriages.html
Woman’s Sin That Can Destroy a Nation – 40 minutes
Many of these articles discuss men’s failures to follow the Word of God in leading their marriages. We emphasize men because Jesus commanded that men lead their families by serving their wives and children (Mt. 20:25-28, Mk. 9:35, 10:42-45). Women suffer when men refuse to do that, and the entire family benefits greatly when a man decides to do marriage God’s way.
Women also bear responsibility for marriage failure. When the Women’s Liberation movement started in the 1960s, women were right to say that women suffer when men abuse their leadership positions. Instead of working to reform or convince men, women went to war with men. This has destroyed many families.
Anti-men teachings have led modern women into a sin that was condemned by the prophet Ezekiel. This sin is accelerating the destruction of families in Europe and America. Churches should take warning and teach everyone to guard against it.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/womans-sin-can-destroy-great-nation.html
How Ruth Found Rest in the Home of her Husband – 150 minutes – split into 2 or 3
A woman's conduct before marriage determines how her husband will value her. This is so important that God gave us the Book of Ruth as a romance novel - poverty stricken widow goes to a strange land to find God, works hard, marries a rich guy, and becomes the great-grandmother of King David.
It didn't occur to Boaz to marry Ruth, but when she suggested it, he thought it was such a good idea he rushed out the next morning and married her for the same reason Jacob wanted to marry (Ge. 29:21). A woman who seeks marriage should find out how Ruth’s conduct made Boaz eager to marry her. A man who might want to marry should know how Boaz treated Ruth so that she wanted to marry him.
This paper lists six rules Ruth followed which a) showed Ruth that Boaz was a worthy husband and b) made Boaz eager to marry her. They still work.
http://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2004/12/how-ruth-found-rest-in-home-of-her.html
What the Bible Teaches about Leadership – 40 minutes
The Bible teaches husbands to lead wives, but how? Jesus told His people to lead by serving others:
If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all and servant of all Mark 9:35
But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: and whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42
That’s the secret of leadership – a Godly leader cares about his people, serves His people, and tells them the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). A man serves his wife, a mother serves her children, children serve the family in any way they can, a military leader takes care of his men, and a boss takes care of his people. Those who want to lead the most should serve the most.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2004/12/what-bible-teaches-about-leadership.html
shows detailed examples of how God leads His people.
Discussion Points for Couples – 40 minutes
Reading and discussing the Bible together draws a man and woman closer to God and to each other. The Holy Spirit speaks differently to each person; husband and wife may find different lessons in the same passage.
My wife saw the story of David and Goliath as a story in family dealings while I saw it as the weaker warrior triumphing through faith in God and by using superior strategy.
When I asked her where she saw family interaction, she pointed to:
And Jesse said unto David his son, Take now for thy brethren an ephah of this parched corn, and these ten loaves, and run to the camp of thy brethren; And carry these ten cheeses unto the captain of their thousand, and look how thy brethren fare, and take their pledge. I Samuel 17:17-18
Three of his sons are in the army. Jesse knows army chow isn’t great, so he wants David to take them some home food. How many parents send kids food when they’re off at school? He wants David to help his brothers schmooze their boss with the ten cheeses. Smart man, Jesse! They’ve had a king only a few years, and Jesse already knows how the army bureaucracy works. He’s trying to help his sons get in good.
We had very different views of the same Bible story.
The Bible lists many needs a woman expects her husband to supply. Men and women may interpret these verses differently. Exploring them together enriches your understanding of the Word of God and of each other. It helps a man understand his wife’s view of his role in her life and helps her understand him. This is a short list of Bible-based discussion topics:
http://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2004/12/discussion-points-for-couples.html ?
The Bible Explains Marriage in One Verse – 20 minutes
God loves us and designed men and women so that we can give each other great joy if we do marriage His way. This short paper analyzes the one verse which tells us a simple way to build a marriage that gives both parties a taste of the joys of heaven, right here on earth.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2018/12/what-drove-jesus-11-nobodies-to-turn.html#oneVerse
A Young Man is pursuing your Daughter – what do you say? 30 minutes
The Bible teaches that women are made for men; men are not made for women (I Cor. 11:9, Pr. 18:22). Jesus taught that a wife is a gift from God and the bride’s parents to the groom (Lk. 17:27, 20:34). The story of the talents (Mt. 25:14-30) teaches that God expects a man to use every gift He gives including gifts God gives his wife. A husband is as accountable to God for developing and using his wife’s gifts to glorify God as he is accountable for developing and using his own.
Pr. 31:1 shows that King Lemuel’s mother taught him how to nourish and cherish his future wife. Working mothers don’t have time to teach their sons so few Christian men know how to bless your daughter. This talk gives Biblical principles for helping a young man make your daughter happy enough to receive all the joy God intended for both parties when He instituted marriage.
After all, a wife can make her husband no happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9). The happier your son-in-law makes your daughter, the happier he will be. This talk also reminds your daughter what’s expected of her.
http://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2020/12/a-young-man-is-pursuing-your-daughter.html
Toy or Treasure
There are only two possible modes when a girl interacts with a guy: 1) she can be his toy or 2) she can be his treasure. You've seen a little boy play with a truck. He pushes it this way and that, then, when he gets tired of it, he throws it away and grabs another toy.
It’s hard on girls when boys get tired of them and throw them away. It is very wrong for a man to toy with a woman, but a lot of women permit this, so boys keep doing it. Being discarded is hard on women; the book "Unprotected" by Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why this is so.
The only type of relationship that makes sense for a woman is a long-term commitment. This will help you avoid coming across as a toy.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2004/12/toy-or-treasure.html
Jesus Gently Encouraged the Apostle Peter’s Spiritual Growth
Jesus encouraged the Apostle Peter over and over in spite of Peter’s many failings. Peter’s spiritual growth and Jesus’ encouragement tell us how gently Jesus treats us and shows us how we should treat others as they work out their own salvation.
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Philippians 2:12
Nobody can get to heaven on your or my convictions, each person needs their own. None of us can get to heaven on Peter’s convictions, but thinking about Jesus’ gentle encouragement to Peter teaches us to be patient as others grow in Christ.
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; II Timothy 2:24-25
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/05/jesus-gently-encouraged-apostle-peters.html
Forgiveness is Not an Option for Christians – 45 minutes
God planned marriage to be an illustration of His forgiveness and His grace. Forgiveness benefits you at least as much as the person you forgive – you become bitter if you don’t forgive, particularly if you don’t forgive your spouse. This article describes two women who forgave monstrous crimes:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/11/forgiveness-is-not-option.html
If they could channel God’s forgiveness of sin to the evildoers who sinned against them, so can you. As lost people see married Christians passing God’s love, grace, and forgiveness back and forth to each other, they’ll want it for themselves. That’s how we spread the Gospel.
How Does God Judge leaders? – 60 minutes
What does God expect of leaders? What does God expect of followers? How does He judge leaders and followers? This message shows how God judged His leaders in the past which shows what He expects today.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/how-does-god-judge-leaders.html
God Tells You How to Prosper – 150 minutes – split into 3
Accepting salvation doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get rich in material things, but the Bible explains how to behave to maximize the prosperity that God will be able to give you based on His plans for your life.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2004/12/god-tells-you-how-to-prosper.html
Is What I Want To Do The Will Of God?
Coca-Cola introduced New Coke after giving samples to many people, spending a lot of money on studies, and the product failed utterly. All their facts didn't help them see that Coke fans didn’t want change no matter what people thought of the new flavor. When they asked if people liked the new flavor, they forgot to ask would it be OK to replace Old Coke with New Coke. The answer to that question was “No!”
They had lots of facts, but it wasn’t a fact-based issue; customers had an emotional attachment to Old Coke.
Many decisions don’t tie to facts. Whom should we marry? How should we raise children? Would it be okay for this child to visit that friend? Which TV programs should we watch, if any? Which books should be in our home? Should our kids have Facebook or email? Does this child need discipline, an explanation, or both? We can share experiences with other parents and church members, but these high-value decisions are made without facts because we can’t know how such decisions will turn out. We need what the Bible calls “wisdom.”
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Proverbs 4:7
This message lists questions which will help you determine the will of God for an upcoming decision:
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/is-what-i-want-to-do-will-of-god.html
What About Divorce? – 190 minutes – split into 4 sections
Mark Twain, an American writer, said, “It isn’t the obscure parts of the Bible that bother me, it’s the parts I understand.” Bible doctrines are simple and unmistakable. “Love your enemies (Mt. 5:44, Lk. 6:35)” is three words. You don’t need Greek, Hebrew, or much else to understand what God wants from us. “Love one another (12 times in the New Testament)” isn’t quite as hard as loving your enemies but it isn’t easy.
Having participated in the pain of divorce of near kinfolk whom we loved, I didn't want to talk about divorce at all. This message is needed because "What about Divorce?" kept coming up as we discussed marriage. Divorce is as simple a topic as marriage, salvation, and sexual morality. Salvation is two words, “Only believe.” Sexual morality is three words, “Only within marriage.” The duration of marriage is two words, “Until death.”
What’s worse, the Bible uses the same words to describe His relationship with His people and the relationship between husband and wife. There are many examples in the Old Testament (Is. 1:21, Jer. 2:2, 3:6–12, Ez. 16, 23, Hos. 2) and these are perhaps the most vivid in the New Testament:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25
And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God. Revelation 19:9
When Christians divorce, we damage and destroy the picture of God’s permanent relationship with His people. If Christians, whom God has appointed ambassadors to the nations (2 Cor. 5:20), can’t keep the most solemn vows anyone can ever utter, how can they trust God to keep His promises to His people?
Solomon explained that our problems with the Word of God lie in human nature:
Lo, this only have I found, that God hath made man upright; but they have sought out many inventions. Ecclesiastes 7:29
Like most of God’s principles, His commands about marriage are very simple to understand and very hard to do. Christians who want to excuse their disobedience to Jesus’ clear and unmistakable commands about marriage have invented many excuses for divorce, just as Solomon said.
The Bible is clear that Christian marriage is permanent in the eyes of God. Jesus told His disciples that everyone would be judged according to how they follow His word:
Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. Mark 8:38 see also Luke 9:26
He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day. John 12:48
Many American Christians seem to be ashamed of Jesus’ commands about the permanence of marriage – the Christian divorce rate is nearly the same as among non-Christians. When lost people see that we can’t handle this life any better than they can, they have no reason to care what we say about the life to come.
This message is rather long because it must knock down the many excuses people use to “justify” ending a marriage and getting together with someone else.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/what-about-divorce.html
Teaching Aids
The marriage site https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/ also has material to help teach Christian ideas to new believers or children. We have published some of them as books which are shown on our author page:
https://www.amazon.com/Bill-and-Roberta-Taylor/e/B09DTMSHT8/
The .doc files are in the shared folder. Amazon may sell them to you for less than your printing cost.
Winning the Lost
God chose to give us, His people, responsibility for telling lost people how to be saved:
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28:19-20
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. 16He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. Mark 16:15-16
This message gives some common objections lost people use to try to justify not listening when you give God’s message. These hints may help you get further when you find someone whom God has drawn.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/winning-lost.html
Teaching the Bible Through 150 Questions
Discussing the 150 time-tested questions in this book will help you help people answer these 4 questions every Christian should be able to answer:
Who is Jesus to you? Jesus most vital question was, “But whom say ye that I am? (Mt. 16:15, Mk. 8:29, Lk. 9:20)” The Apostle Peter answered, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the Living God (Mt. 16:16, Mk. 8:29).” That is the most important question for everyone, Christian or not.
Where do you find truth? Many stopped following Jesus (Jn. 6:66). He asked, “Will ye also go away (Jn. 6:67)?” Peter replied, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life (Jn. 6:68).” Christians know that only Jesus spoke truth about eternal life and that we must cling to Him and to His Words (Mk. 8:38, Lk. 9:26). We must persuade people that the Bible is worthy of honor, respect, study, and obedience because it’s from God (2 Cor. 5:11).
Why did they want to kill Jesus? Jesus did not sin, He healed, He fed people, and He taught truth. Knowing why the religious authorities killed Him explains most of government (Jn. 11:48). There are only two sides: Jesus’ and Satan’s (Mt. 12:30, Lk. 11:23). If someone doesn’t show the good fruit of being on Jesus’ side, we judge that they’re on Satan’s side (Mt. 7:15-20) from their bad fruit. Many governments try to destroy churches and Christians – Satan hates Jesus and His people, so Satan’s people hate us (Jn. 15:18, 25).
Do you have an Attitude of Gratitude? Moses warned that the Jews would lose everything unless they loved God with grateful hearts with thanks for everything He gave them (De. 28:47-48). Are you grateful?
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/teaching-bible-through-150-questions.html
150QuestionsTeachBible.doc is available from the same folder as all the other marriage material. It’s also available from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09CGHS285/
We set the price as low as Amazon would permit; Amazon may sell it to you for less than your cost to print.
All Things are Possible
These short devotionals were written in 1977 and 1980 by my wife’s pastor who gave us marriage counseling in June and July of 1971. His observations and predictions have come true!
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/all-things-are-possible.html
Old Testament Survey – What God Gave “For Our Learning”
The Old Testament explains how men and women managed their families and how priests, kings, and other leaders handled government affairs. This outline focuses on what God wanted us to know about decisions people made and how their decisions worked out for them, for their children, and their followers. This can save you from wrong choices:
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. Romans 15:4
Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: 12To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; Proverbs 2:11-12
There is no honor in recycling old mistakes, but we see Christians make the same bad choices God’s people made years ago and keep making, generation after generation.
We should always study directly from the Word of God. God’s Words are quick and powerful (Heb. 4:12), not the words of men. We’re told to hide God’s Word in our hearts (Ps. 119:11) to avoid sin and so that we can learn from others’ experiences:
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7
If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; 5Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:4-5
Some people can learn by reading about what happened to other people, some by talking to others about their experiences, and some people simply must grab the electric fence for themselves. You should strive to learn the Fear of the Lord and the mind of God from the Word of God as He intended without having to repeat every mistake for yourself.
Every detail of what people chose to do and how their choices worked out was given by God to help us succeed in our walk with Him by glorifying Him. Learn from Him! Don’t grab the electric fence of life!
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/old-testament-survey-what-god-gave-for.html
OldTestamentSurvey.doc is available from the same folder as all the other marriage material and from Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09FS2VY9L
Wedding Wisdom
God’s people have been marrying and being given in marriage for many generations. God loves men and women equally (Gal. 3:28). He loved us enough to send His son to die to take the punishment for our sins.
It’s silly to think that a God who loved us that much would create men and women so that marriage couldn’t work. He’d create us so that marriage should bless both parties but, like salvation, we have to conduct marriage according to His rules.
Trying to get to Heaven in our own way sends us to hell when we die. Trying to do marriage our own way can make life Hell on earth.
Having sent His Son to make it possible for us to have the Fruit of the Spirit to bring us joy in this life, God also inspired men to write instructions for marriage in His Word. This document summarizes Wedding Wisdom. It’s meant to be given to engaged couples or to a couple who’s thinking of getting engaged to help them avoid age-old mistakes.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/wedding-wisdom-simplicity-of-marriage.html
WeddingWisdom.doc is available from the same folder as all the other marriage material.
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1JQV9oEZwRL_H7Whck66UuRGruJQ2nfyk?usp=sharing
It’s also available from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DF5F6PX
We set the price as low as Amazon would permit; Amazon may sell it to you for less than the cost to print.
What God Said About Marriage
This 323 page book is available through Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B099TVLLHS?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860
We set the price as low as Amazon would permit; Amazon may sell it to you for less than it would cost you to print it. WhatGodsaidAboutMarriage.pdf is available from the same folder as all the other marriage material.
God’s Concern for the Fatherless
We must remind orphans that God wrote special provision for them in His Word. The fatherless are mentioned 43 times in the Bible - that's a lot! His command to “Love one another” appears only 12 times even though having His people love each other is extremely important to God. His command, “Love the LORD thy God” appears only 9 times. Is God is more concerned that His people treat the fatherless properly than whether they love each other or Him?
The Word of God mentions “orphan” only once. Being fatherless is nearly as bad as having no parents at all! God also understands that widows have a hard time:
We are orphans and fatherless, our mothers are as widows. Lamentations 5:3
English is the international money language. If you’re running an orphanage, you can use Google Translate to translate these verses into your language one at a time and use them to teach English while giving orphans confidence that God is concerned them about them even when very few people seem to care.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2021/06/gods-concern-for-fatherless.html
posted by Bill Taylor at 7:09 PM
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this is so great
this is so great
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